Embrace the life God offers
Dr. Frank forwarded this column, published in Canada’s Western Catholic Reporter, June 20. There is no Internet version available:
Embrace the life God offers
By Mark Pickup
Sitting closer to the end of my life than its beginning, I find myself wishing I’d had more children. Deep into the sorrow and pain of progressive multiple sclerosis, it is only Christ and my family that give me any joy and consolation. Christ and my family are all that gives context to my life and suffering now. I wish I’d been more open to the prospect of new life when I was a young husband….
Run, run, run
As a young man with a career ahead of me, I did not have time for a large family. There were places to go and people to see. I can’t remember the places or the people anymore – but they were so very important – I was convinced of it at the time. I needed more money and more status. I can’t remember why, or what I needed to buy, and the professional accolades have long since faded away. But my career was calling me to bigger and better things.
The idea of modest homes filled with children was passe: Anybody who was anybody used birth control and limited their families to two kids. They warehoused them in daycare because both parents “had to work” to pay their large mortgages on new big houses in well-tailored cul-de-sacs, in just the right neighborhoods. There were, after all, appearances of success to maintain.
That was my dream too, before disease came to strip away those absurdly extraneous things that seemed so important way back when.
If I could go back and do it again, I think I would have more children-lots of them. Indeed! I would fill the rooms of my little house with the joie de vivre of children’s perpetual laughter, and then I’d revel in the offence it caused the population control fanatics! I’d attach a tire-swing to the maple trees in the backyard and have a fire-pit to roast marshmallows on warm summer nights. We would have hours of fun doing nothing in particular.
I wouldn’t sandwich “quality time” between board meetings and ‘doing lunch’ with clients at trendy bistros. Life itself can be quality time and I would let it happen even if I couldn’t afford the latest self-help book telling me how to do it.
One sustaining love
But what ifs and wishful thinking aside, God’s love shines brightly on my family. For more than thirty years I have been the beneficiary of devoted spousal love: One love for one lifetime. My two adult children live near and visit often. My grandchildren are a constant source of joy.
As the sun was setting last weekend I was surrounded by my family as we had a barbeque in the backyard. My grandchildren were taking turns being pushed in the tree-swing by their dad. “High inna sky!” squealed my wee grand-daughter, her little pigtails blowing in the wind as her daddy pushed her too high for my liking. Wood crackled in the fire-pit. My grandson Carson and I roasted marshmallows.
“How did your trees grow so big, Grandpa?”
“They were here before Grandma and I built our house. They’re right where God put them so we didn’t cut them down. They’ve had a long time to grow.”
“They’re supposed to be here?”
“That’s right, Carson, just like you’re supposed to be here. You’re right where God put you.”
“I’m glad God put me here.”
“Me too, Carson. Me too.”
I sat in my wheelchair with Carson on my lap. We both gazed at the fire as our marshmallows burst into flames (an excellent dietary source of carbon and ash). It didn’t matter; it was Carson’s turn on the swing.
God put us all here. We are asked to always be open to the prospect of new life, and nurture all humanity that is here. From conception to natural death, and every state and stage along the life spectrum, we are one human family.
Christ spoke of interdependent humanity that reflects his Lordship and love.
“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commandments, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commandments and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that you joy may be complete. My commandment is this: Love each other as I have loved you.” (John 15.9-12)
Can you think of anybody who is outside the love of Christ? That is our example. The entire 15th Chapter of John is an exhortation to love and obedience to God. We are called to love and cherish every human life. Period. And our love begins with wholehearted committed love for God (see Matthew 22.37-40).
Swings and trees, warm fires and conversations encourage relationships. Love for Christ encourages love for people.
Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
If you truly believe the love of Christ encourages the love for people then you surely must love those of us who are on the Pro Choice side as well. Just as Jesus loves you, He loves us. We are all God’s children and He loves us equally.
And certainly that love from Jesus also teaches us to have compassion, tolerance and understanding of your fellow man. Hes taught us do unto others as you have done to you. Love thy neighbor as you love yourself. Forgive as I forgive you. Certainly you know all of that.
The Pro Choice side is not about treating life as an accident. Most of us have children. I will never understand the Prolife movement when it truly is a violation of our civil liberties as Americans. We understand the horrors surrounding abortion. We just dont understand why the Prolife movement feels its ok to take away our freedom to choose what is right and what is not for our own lives. I dont understand how an abortion affects your life personally. The only one affected by MY choice (thank you God for having it available and please forgive me for what I felt I had to do) was me. It was a horrifying experience. But I went thru it alone.
My husband could never understand what it was like.
I was so young, I wasnt ready to be a Mom, we werent ready to be parents, there were medical reasons as well for deciding. Just because one is ready to have sex, does not make them ready to be a parent. Taking away a womans right to choose is like punishing her for being ready to give herself to the one she loves – its like saying “you did the deed, live with the consequences”. Condemning her for a life change she may not at all be ready for or because of a sex crime/forcible sex, that she was “thrown” into. Do you really think there are girls (some as young as 11!!!!) and women out there who had sex against their will (rape or “forced” sex), that are really happy to hear that on top of being violated that shes pregnant as well???
Condoms break, birth control fails, girls get raped (by their dates or by the use of rape drugs), minors get molested and assaulted (by strangers and their own family), forcible sex that isnt considered rape, it happens and is happening at a staggering rate! By taking this choice away, its saying to these victims that no one is there to help and are looked at as the cause of the problem rather than the victim of the problem
Taking away MY right away to decide whether or not Im ready for a child is taking violating the Very fundementals of freedom of America that you claim to believe in.
I so understand the Prolife movement, its a beautiful thing that you do. I understand your basis is basically the value of life. What about the value of life of the woman? Having a child is a life altering event. In quite a few cases, if not most, alot of these moms are teen agers, kids who should never have the burden of a child on top of the struggles of their own life. When will the value of life for those already here matter?
Focus needs to be on the kids that are here. We need to be battling against child abuse, molestation, neglect, protect the ones already here.
I just dont understand why its ok for someone to tell another that they have no right to choose what is best for their own life. Choices that have no affect on anyone else but themselves. It angers me that we are looked at as the evil ones when we are trying to protect the same values you are.
Its hard to understand how this isnt looked at as a violation of civil liberties like wire tapping is. i have no problem with your fight except that you forcing your oppinion on the rest of us and making our decision for us. I have to ask you, why do you have the right to choose whats best for our lives and we arent given that same right of choice. How is that fair?
Pro choice isnt about anti life any more than the Marriage amendment is anti gay. How can you even quote the word of Jesus, saying that He encourages love for others?
“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged and the measure you give will be the measure you get. Why do you see the speck that is in your eyes but not notice the log in your own eye”….”You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brothers eye “Matthew 7 (1-3,5)
Jesus himself said of the whore, “Let those without sin cast the first stone”.
In the end, whether you win your fight or we come to a compromise, we will have God to answer to.
“Live not your life for man, but for God”
I would rather come to a compromise than to continue this battle that only will result in anger, resentment and hate – all values that God despises.
Bless you and please try to understand what Im fighting for.