I received this email today from Amanda:
I have decided it’s time for me to face what I have done in the past. It isn’t religion that has driven me here, but my own life and the life of my surviving child each day, mine under the shadow that follows me, my past….
When I was 14 I became pregnant, and my mother made me have an abortion. I know people can’t “make” you do it, but at 14 I didn’t know or feel I had any choice. Nor was I aware of just what abortion really meant. I remember seeing the baby in the ultrasound that day.
I could see a little person and the image has never left me. Now I know there were other options for this child. And I carry that with me every day.
As if that isn’t terrible enough, I had a second abortion early 2005. At this point I had a child so I should have known just what I was doing. Honestly, I can’t tell you what it was that made me do it. Well, I had looked into adoption and the agencies and attorneys I had spoken with said that because of the situation with the father I probably wouldn’t be able to put it up for adoption. I was hardly able to care for my child I had. I know it is NO justification for TAKING A LIFE. I know.
Something has deeply changed inside me. I have read about babies suffering through abortions. I guess we (people who would have or have had abortions) have dehumanized these little people. I really didn’t see it that way before. I guess I wish my mother had not led me to believe that it was the best choice. Again, I have no excuse.
After the second one (and I cried as I was coaxed by the clinic staff) I swore to myself I had made a mistake. More than a mistake. Much more. To add to these feelings I had a son who died of SIDS at a later date. The preciousness of LIFE really hit me then. How could I have been so blind?
I am not a religious person, yet I pray for aborted babies. I pray people will search for the better alternative. And I hope people will pray for the children I destroyed. I am so sorry. I can’t be sorry enough.
I am now expecting my final child. A planned pregnancy. I apologize to this one daily for not cherishing his or her siblings as I should have. Babies have only us to trust and depend on. How can we betray that? And worse, treat them like they are trash? I cherish my children. I am deeply sorry for what I have done. I do what I can to make up for it. I try and do good things in this world and raise my children to love and cherish life and people.
And I can’t wait to cherish what I’ve been so lucky to receive, a baby that is protected carefully. Others died to make me really aware of just how precious he/she is. And I hope every aborted child somehow serves in this way, so their tiny lives and deaths are not entirely in vain.
I’m not a bad person. Please know that. I wrote this to finally make my feelings public and apologize to this world for what I’ve done. Thank you for being compassionate and championing a cause that needs you.
I responded with encouraging thoughts to Amanda and told her I would post her note per her request. If you have any thoughts to add, Amanda will be reading this. Moderators are requested to delete any inappropriate comments on this post. Save those for a different post. This is not the time.
[Photo courtesy of SaveOne, a wonderful post-abortive organization]