I received the following email this week requesting my advice and received permission to pose the dilemma to my readers for theirs:

I am a 66yo grandmother raising my 17yo granddaughter for 7 months. She was in horrible living and abusive conditions with her father and addict girlfriend.

My conditions were that she bring her grades from D’s and F’s to passing levels so she could attend college at 19, keep her room neat, and sometimes lend a hand with housework.

In return I would give her a home to bring her friends, make sure she had spending money, clothes, transport, and most of all lots of hugs and smiles. I couldn’t take away the last 4 years of what she had been through, but I could try and make her future better.

I stressed that with me, she was always going to be considered innocent until proven otherwise and since there would be no fear factors, then no reasons to lie about anything. I would not question or police her unless she broke her curfew (she never has and her grades are all A’s) and keeps me advised of where she is and who she is with when she visits friends or the mall even thought I drop her off 95% of the time.

2 days ago she went to stay overnight at a relative’s and yesterday morning she had an abortion. She was 3 months pregnant after consensual sex with her 19yo boyfriend of 4 months….

My granddaughter has yet to contact me and won’t answer her cell. I finally texted her to catch the train and to bring her boyfriend with her because we have to talk.

I cannot put into words the strong conflicting emotions I am feeling, and at this point I do not know how and what to say so I won’t be sorry later. I need some help please. I love this child but I need to be a parent and need the words to make sure they both are aware that this is not to be taken lightly like getting caught stealing a cookie. Please can you help me?

What is your advice?

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