Noted liberal challenges Planned Parenthood’s “birth-control myth”
UPDATE 3/9, 12:55p: Dr. Michael New has posted an excellent piece at National Review Online indicating “Powers’s argument was stronger than she probably realizes.”
UPDATE 3/8, 11:40a: Kirsten Powers has written a retraction of her piece:
I made a serious error in reporting this column that undermines the conclusion I drew. I compared statistics on contraceptive use from a January 2011 Guttmacher Institute fact sheet to a year 2000 study on the same issue. However, I did not realize that the 2011 fact sheet derived its statistics from the year 2000 numbers, so my argument was not supported by the data. I am deeply sorry for the error, which invalidates my piece.
Kirsten’s retraction was too sweeping. Her remaining conclusions, based on separate statistical data, remain sound. The facts remain that: 1) according to Guttmacher, 54% of aborting mothers are using contraception at the time they became pregnant; 2) according to Guttmacher, women do not list “lack of access” as a reason for not using contraceptives; 3) statistics from Spain show that abortions more than doubled after contraceptive use went up; and 4) Planned Parenthood’s stated mission in population control.
3/7, 5:09a: Three weeks ago I noticed liberal commentator Kirsten Powers make what appeared to be pro-life statements on Twitter and wondered aloud whether she was straying off the reservation. She responded:
This was welcome news. I didn’t probe the nuances of Powers’ beliefs, figuring if she was brave enough to call herself one of us in her world, I would simply support her.
One area where I gathered by other comments Kirsten made that we disagreed was on the the topic of contraception. Kirsten thinks/thought contraceptive use deters abortion. I believe contraceptive use provides a false sense of security and actually increases the rate of abortions. And, of course, hormonal contraceptives and IUDs can actually cause early abortions.
But on March 4 Kirsten wrote an important column challenging the “myth” that taxpayer funding of Planned Parenthood to provide contraceptives via Title X actually lowers abortions. Kirsten’s piece is a must read. She concludes (linking to one of my posts in the process)…
To preserve its federal subsidy, Planned Parenthood continues to claim that without its contraception services the abortion rate will go up. This deception smacks of a fleecing of taxpayers in an effort to promote an ideological agenda, rather than a sincere effort to help women plan families….
So it is, in reality, a population-control organization. Funny, this was never mentioned in the gauzy $200,000 advertising campaign launched last week….
To hear PP and their supporters, they exist only to provide Pap smears or breast exams or prenatal services. In fact, President Cecile Richards has gone so far as to erroneously imply that they provide mammograms. (A spokesperson for the group confirmed to me that this is untrue.)
PP officials are allowed to believe whatever they want and to pursue whatever goals they choose. But their dishonesty in how they present their organization to the public, along with ignoring basic statistics about their area of expertise, makes you wonder what else they are hiding. It’s also hard to deny that they are at core a blindly ideological organization, not a run-of-the-mill charitable nonprofit.
Whatever you think of abortion rights, this is not the kind of organization that taxpayers should be funding.
No surprise, Kirsten is now taking heat from the Left. So my applauding Kirsten’s authenticity and bravery will likely hurt, not help. I feel bad about that but am compelled to at any rate.
Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
IIRC – recently Kirsten got taken to task on national TV for making erroneous statements another guest conclusively declared false. There were two aspects to that experience – she found she wasn’t adequately/factually prepared to speak on that issue and, from her responses, discovered the facts contradicted her understanding. Maybe that undermined respect for her journalistic abilities, but I think it reinforced her need to really establish a solid factual foundation for her arguments. We’re all human – we all make mistakes.
Kirsten has been brave enough in the past to have done a stint with Michelle Malkin in a kind of conservative alternative to the View, so she’s used to being attacked by the hard left for being open to sound, reasonable, debate.
The big picture for sexual immorality/abortion takes a long time to discern. I’m praying those on both sides who see her efforts as genuine will take the time to check out the facts she presents and seriously consider her opinion.
Mad Mike – the biologist who doesn’t believe in God, nor in Kirsten’s claim that PP is being deceptive, does believe in irrational data, such as this clip from Guttmacher Institute he emphasizes:
Yet, publicly supported family planning centers are the dominant source of services–helping women avoid 1.48 million unintended pregnancies.
Mike – a pregnancy can be empirically proven, but you have absolutely no means of determining when pregnancy doesn’t happen. In fact, this little propagandistic drivel from Planned Parenthood even goes on to talk about intentions, which are about as fleeting as the wind. That kind of information is all built on the integrity of their respondents, which I don’t find credible. Pregnancy can be used to intentionally force a relationship between a couple. How many abortions came out of that situation, when the guy demands she abort? Would she admit her attempt? It gets very shifty.
For someone who is claiming a scientific approach to life, you sure play fast and loose with your reasoning. And if you buy PPA’s assertion 13-14% as substantial, you have bigger problems than just Power’s article.
Oh, Kirsten.
Just come out of the conservative closet already.
Planned Parenthood? People who plan parenthood do not just get pregnant unintentionally! …and if they did somehow they would live with the consequences and the baby. It is time the taxpayers in America get “sick and tired” of funding other “taxpayers” irresponsible excesses!
The idea that contraception doesn’t prevent pregnancy and abortion is typical anti-sex drivel. I’ve been sexually active for over 6 years and been pregnant three times (one abortion, one very early miscarriage, and one now). Every time I used contraception, I didn’t get pregnant. As soon as I stopped, I got pregnant. Funny how that works.
People oppose contraception because they believe that if a woman doesn’t want to be pregnant, she shouldn’t have sex at all. They believe sex for women should be procreative only, because the idea of female sexuality is disgusting to them.
As for “abortion rates” from birth control, NFP probably has the highest. You’re not creating a barrier or suppressing ovulation–both of which prevent sperm and egg from meeting. If you’re not doing that, you’re much more likely to create fertilized eggs that don’t implant. (It’s estimated about half never do, although it’s impossible to know.)
Also, the purpose of the Pill is not preventing implantation, it’s suppressing ovulation. An egg might slip through 1 in 100 times or so, but it’s highly unlikely. The anti-contraception people lie about this nonstop.
And the “preventing implantation” aspect of the Pill is pretty weak. Even if you try to make the uterine lining hostile, it’s still liking an embryo will implant there anyway.
Ashley, not true. I was on Yaz when I conceived my son so birth control DOES fail. The problem is that people think birth control will NEVER fail and when it does abortion becomes the next solution. And I am very pro-sex, trust me, just pro-sex within the protection of marriage. Sex is so powerful, physically creating new life, emotionally tying you to your partner… it is a gift. Sex can also be destructive which is why I advocate God’s way which is within marriage.
But I definitely don’t think my sexuality is disgusting. I enjoy my sexuality and I ENJOY SEX! Trust me! So the fact that I agree with God (who created sex) that we should use His gift the way HE intended does not mean I disdain my own sexuality in any way. Its quite the opposite. I respect my sexuality so much and want to protect it from all the jerks out there who would be happy to give me my jollies and get theirs and then hit the road when I get pregnant or worse, get a disease. Saving myself for my husband and enjoying sex only in the marriage bed (figure of speech, not literal, lol) has protected us from a lot of harm.
Ashley: The sheer number of sweeping statements and accusations in your small post is breathtaking. Do you make that many assumptions about everything in your life? Do you really believe that everyone opposed to contraception — and that would have included almost everyone in the world up until a few decades ago — finds the idea of women having sex disgusting? Wow, your opinion of your fellow man is pretty darn low. Perhaps you might want to entertain the idea that everyone in the world does not agree with you, and that those who don’t might have reasons that — while you might not find them valid — do not necessitate their being insane.
People oppose contraception because they believe that if a woman doesn’t want to be pregnant, she shouldn’t have sex at all. They believe sex for women should be procreative only, because the idea of female sexuality is disgusting to them.
Guess what, Ashley? Women can choose to not have sex. How about that? There is an actual choice involved. The word “no” can be pretty empowering. But the idea that we find female sexuality disgusting—that’s a bunch of nonsense foisted on naïve college students by a bunch of twisted ideologues who never let the facts get in the way of their anger. You’re not the first person to discover sex feels good—heck, we all know that!
As for your argument that the highest abortion rates follow from NFP—where do you get your data from? Did it occur to you that the people who practice NFP might be 100% against abortion, or did you just assume that pregnancy leads to abortions regardless of method? I presume you’re an adult now; it’s time to reason like an adult, not like a child.
The portrait painted of all of us as anti-sex is completely false. Sweeping statements are like cartoon characters. They don’t exist in the real world. No where do you find evidence that the pro-life movement is an anti-sex movement.
Why is it that “responsibility” is such a dirty word? If I think a teenage girl should think twice before she hooks up with a guy, does that make me anti-sex? Maybe it makes me anti-get-your-heart-broken-on-a-regular-basis and pro-get-to-know-him-another-week-or-two-before-you-get-naked.
All birth control methods have a failure rate, which obviously increases if it’s misused or skipped. The very phrase “birth control” tells all. We weren’t sold the non-contraception Pill. We were sold the birth control pill. It’s not the life movement that’s anti-sex: it’s the abortion advocates who are anti-baby and anti-relationship. Two ordinary people can practice Natural Family Planning. It’s free, free of hormones, and free of side-effects like bloating, moodiness, and blot clotting.
Ashley, the pill does work primarily by suppressing ovulation but when ovulation does occur the lining of the uterus thinned to prohibit implantation. When I look at my little boy and think that the poison I was ingesting might have killed him… I shudder to think of him not in my life.
Life begins at conception. How then can I be okay with one child here and there not being able to implant and draw nourishment from me? How can I be okay with gambling with the life of my children? I can’t. Not to mention the pill is a carcinogen. Its POISON! So as a woman I would not ingest it nor recommend it to other women to ingest.
Now NFP teaches you when you are fertile. You are only fertile one day out of the month. Sperm can only live for several days inside a woman. NFP teaches you to know your body. To read the signs that you are fertile… such a your body temp and your cervical mucus. instead of popping a pill that works against your body’s NATURAL functions NFP teaches you to know and respect your body. I know many many couples who have used NFP and not one has ever had an unplanned pregnancy, unlike me who popped a pill and still got pregnant.
I even know couples who were having trouble conceiving who used NFP to conceive their children. I am not even Catholic but NFP is natural, does no harm to your body and can help you achieve or postpone pregnancy. If you read up on it you will see that. You can have all the sex you want but if you’re not fertile at that time you will not get pregnant.
I don’t use hormonal contraception either (at least, not anymore) because of the health risks. But as someone with an unplanned pregnancy right now with very strained financial resources, do I want another baby immediately after this one? Say, conceiving 6 months after? NO. Maybe in 2-3 years, but not right away. I imagine that would be a disaster, not only financially, but as far as stress goes. There seems to be a contigent of the pro-life movement (Quiverfull, etc) that thinks you should just have one baby after another, even if it’s bad for families. If you can do it, great. But most people can’t. I plan to use some form of birth control after I have this one, and not just NFP. (I’m “irregular,” so I don’t think it would work for me.)
And please, don’t give me the “if you don’t want a baby, don’t have sex” line. That is a statement of disapproval for non-procreative sex.
Ashley, I used the Pill for the first 2 years of my marriage. I got off of it because I discovered what it was doing to my body (not to mention that it’s a class 1 carcinogen according to the World Health Organization), and it affected me emotionally as well as physically. The Pill, according to its own labeling, works by two mechanisms: suppression of ovulation and working to create a hostile uterine environment so as to prevent implantation. Personally, I do not believe that the 2nd mechanism necessarily comes into play a whole lot, and if/when the 1st mechanism fails… well, let’s just say I know a LOT of people who have gotten pregnant and had babies while on the Pill.
But you’re painting people against hormonal birth control with a rather broad and unfair brush when you claim we are “anti-sex.” Part of female sexuality is accepting the fact that you are a fertile woman and can become pregnant. Stifling one’s sexual reproductive capabilities by popping a pill everyday doesn’t seem to scream, “I love my female sexuality” to me.
Oh, and btw, your crap about NFP is just that: crap. http://www.americanpregnancy.org/preventingpregnancy/birthcontrolfailure.html
Do you actually *know* anyone correctly using NFP, Ashley? Do you understand what goes into this method of fertility awareness?
Bottom line, most of us here happen to be very PRO-sex (in the context of a secure and loving marriage) and PRO-children.
“Every time I used contraception, I didn’t get pregnant. As soon as I stopped, I got pregnant. Funny how that works.”
It doesn’t work for everyone. But something that does guarantee you won’t get pregnant? Abstinence. Funny how women just keep repeating the same life patterns while expecting different results, isn’t it?
Thank you all who posted so beautifully regarding NFP – we enjoy sexual intimacy and want others to enjoy one of God’s greatest gifts!
used correctly – it has the efficacy of the pill with none of the side effects. It also gets you in tune with YOUR body – so that if something is amiss, you may be able to detect it early (as was the case with me and pre-cancerous cells on my cervix).
It brings couple closer together – since they bring spiritual-centeredness to their lovemaking. Trust me – there is nothing like thanking God for your spouse and praying together and for each other. We are to want the greatest good for our spouses and our selves. And the union, blessed by God, is a beautiful and powerful thing, for sure!
And families and couples stay together when they practice NFP – the divorce statistics are EXTREMELY LOW for NFP practicing couples – less than 5% and some studies go as low as 1-2%. a truly startling statistic considering today’s divorce culture.
All-natural, couple-helping, fostering good behavior & deeper regard for couples, health-helping and inexpensive, effective and life-affirming. Changed us totally as a couple.
And yes – we were also one of the couples who used the method to conceive one of our children!
And please, don’t give me the “if you don’t want a baby, don’t have sex” line. That is a statement of disapproval for non-procreative sex.
Nope. Think about it, please, before you say it. I can safely say almost EVERYONE has had MORE “non-procreative sex” in their lifetimes than actual pro-creative sex. Otherwise, we, as women, would be perpetually pregnant. The fact remains that women are fertile about 3-5 days out of any given month. That’s it. So, most of the sex we have is non-procreative. The disapproval comes in when people who are clearly NOT in life situations that are ready to accept a child should that child be created by sexual union are still having sex because “they want to” without thought to the possible consequence.
You need to get off this “everyone who’s against birth control is anti-sex” line. It makes no sense.
Ashley – we are rooting for you in every sense. If you accept the help here for your child and your marriage, maybe you can entertain the notion that other important aspects can help you also.
The couple who taught us had very irregular periods – varying in start dates from every 28 days thru 104 days. The NFP method is accurate for every woman’s body and cycle and is able to deal with every season of life for a woman.
When my husband came home with the idea of NFP – I knew that he was struggling with something sexual – he would become sullen and withdrawn after love-making which was exactly the opposite for him… and I knew that something was very different with him for a year. One day he sat me down to say he had something important to discuss. I was unsure of what he would say (affair? Divorce? etc.). After saying a quick prayer for strength – he told me about the deep hurt and regret about our using contraception, and his spiritual struggle with that. he had a spiritual awakening. The Holy Spirit was knocking at the door of our marriage.
Not truly understanding what NFP was, I told him that we would go and learn and we would do what we needed to because I loved him and wanted to support him in every single way (that is good, that is).
so basically – he had a spiritual awakening, listened to what the Holy Spirit was saying to him, and we acted on that as a couple. It totally changed our life – made us work together as a couple regarding fertility. Even after the birth of our child, I could tell that my first couple of cycles were non-ovulatory, and it has been a very fruitful (literally and figuratively) spiritual awakening. We are truly blessed to know about this. It carries many, incalculable spiritual graces…
You’re getting a little too defensive about this. Methinks thou doth protest too much. Since I have an irregular cycle, NFP won’t work for me. So the anti-contraception solution is:
1. Stop having sex with your husband, ever, until you want to conceive in 3 years. Then stop again.
2. Get pregnant again when you just had a baby and can’t afford it. (Of course, I’m sure a lot of conservatives would also oppose me going on public assistance if this happened. So I guess we should move into a homeless shelter.)
That’s it.
Do you have any other suggestions?
Not all women are blessed with regular menstrual cycles. So I guess the anti-contraception stance is “no sex for you.”
But that’s the beauty of NFP, Ashley. It does not at all require a woman to have regular cycles. It is based on THE woman and HER cycles, whether they be regular or irregular. Thus, there is no such thing as woman for whom NFP cannot work.
(Of course, I’m sure a lot of conservatives would also oppose me going on public assistance if this happened. So I guess we should move into a homeless shelter.)
That’s what the public assistance is for. Is conservative approval so important to you that you won’t accept public assistance?
“People oppose contraception because they believe that if a woman doesn’t want to be pregnant, she shouldn’t have sex at all. They believe sex for women should be procreative only, because the idea of female sexuality is disgusting to them.”
Who is “they” Ashley? The Catholic Church, perhaps? That’s the usual phony accusation levelled against the Church because the Church has the audacity to hold both men and women equally responsible for procreation. Contraception is hardly the great liberator of women. When contraception fails, it is still women who are pregnant. It does nothing to ensure that women are treated with respect by men or that men are accountable for their actions and the children they create.
Why is female sexuality only not “disgusting” if it’s contracepted? The Church teaches rightly that sexuality is beautiful, holy, fulfilling, pleasurable, and above all, to be held sacred between husband and wife precisely because the Church values women and their role as co-creators of new life with God. The Church wants to make sure women and children are cared for appropriately and not used, abused, abandoned, and destroyed. The tired, pathetic insult that the Church hates female sexuality is just patently false. No one cares more for women and the beauty of their sexuality than the Church.
That’s why NFP is so awesome. It brings men and women together with equal responsibility and equal sacrifice. It teaches men and women to regard each other as more than an outlet for physical gratification, and it reminds us of the sanctity of all human life. Contraception does none of those things. It reinforces the idea that women can be used and if the contraception “fails” she’s the one bearing the “burden” of an “unplanned” pregnancy. What nonsense. If two supposed-adults don’t realize that every act of sex can create new life then they’re dumb as rocks.
Oh, I didn’t know irregular women could use it. Problem solved then. I don’t believe in ingesting steroids into my body, and I’ll use condoms if I have to, but they frankly gross me out. (Not to be really gross or anything, but a slimy rubber bag between you and your partner is a huge mood-killer.)
I’m off to my ultrasound in a bit, so I have to sign off…
Ashley,
It sounds as if YOU are the one who’s getting a little too defensive about this.
Bobby and joyfromillinois are correct, Ashely. NFP does not require regular menstrual cycles. Learn about it from the Couple to Couple Leauge or an actual NFP instructor, not from the inaccurate information you can find online or who knows where. You will be astounded at what you will learn about your own body and your own cycles. It is a great gift of education and understanding, totally natural, and empowering.
Why do I need conservative approval? I don’t. But I do know they’re constantly trying to cut programs in Ohio that actually do some good, including WIC. The typical conservative anti-contraception response is “if you can’t afford them, keep your legs shut,” which turns sex into a luxury poor people don’t get to have, including married poor people.
And yes, I’ve heard that exact line from conservatives many times.
I would be one of those not-so-blessed women with a HIGHLY irregular cycle. I have 3 children. I have had more non-procreative sex than procreative sex.
Bobby’s right. I don’t think you actually know anything about NFP, Ashley. Maybe you should look into it. It’s pretty amazing.
Ashley, NFP tracks the time of the month (you know, that small 3-5 day window of time) in which you are fertile. Seriously – go here: http://www.woomb.org/ Read.
I think contraception can be a helpful thing if people realize that it sometimes doesn’t work and are willing to give birth to a child if that happens. Personally, I wouldn’t want to use it because I’m on enough medication already, I have a sneaking feeling that we might find out about more unforseen health consequences of oral contraceptives in another decade or so, and all the barrier methods strike me as decidedly unsexy. I’m doing NFP when I get married and trying not to have any kids for at least two years after the wedding. My boyfriend and I have waited a LONG time to get married and I want to just focus on being married for a while without having any kids. If I end up getting pregnant right away, okay – it’s like the very-welcome guests who show up before you’ve had a chance to clean the house. But do I ideally want to get pregnant right away? Nope.
Maybe it’s just me, but I think sometimes people put too much emphasis on vaginal intercourse as the end-all be-all of sexual intimacy.
Why do I need conservative approval? I don’t. But I do know they’re constantly trying to cut programs in Ohio that actually do some good, including WIC.
That was kind of my point. Because we Catholics are against abortion and contraception, it doesn’t automatically follow that we’re all 100% behind every plank in the Republican social platform. But there are other assistance programs besides those provided by the gov’t, many of which are run by Catholic organizations.
It isn’t enough just to be against abortion and contraception. We as a society have to get better about supporting women who do face situations like yours, to strengthen families and improve the conditions of the poor. One of my pet peeves is that abortion and contraception were sold to us as panaceas for poverty, as a method of getting social justice “on the cheap”. It doesn’t work; it hasn’t worked in the last 38 years; it won’t work if we give it another 38 years. Poverty and single parenthood require real economic solutions, not just death and pills.
@ Marauder: I don’t know about “too much emphasis”. I do know that a recent study connected higher rates of oral and throat cancer with oral sex, and there are other health issues connected with anal sex. We’re oriented towards vaginal sex not just psychologically but physically as well.
Havae fun at the ulstrasound, Ashley!
Will you find out what gender it is today?
Ashley, I get your point, and I’m not going to preach NFP at you when it’s not going to work for you.
But I think you’ve gotten stuck in an ideological hole that assumes promoting abstinence is anti-sex. It’s not anti-sex, it’s anti-irresponsible sex. When you choose to have sex, you should do it with knowledge and acceptance of all the consequences that could arise from it. If a person is unwilling or unprepared to deal with that (whether by having it unprotected or the possibility of contraceptive failure), that person would do better to avoid having sex until their situation improves.
I’m not saying you must commit yourself to abstinence – I don’t know much about you and your situation, so that’s something to talk to your doctor (and spiritual advisor if you have one) about. I just think you should understand that preaching abstinence is not about “SEX BAD!”, but about preserving its unitive and procreative purpose.
Ashley, as has been mentioned before, women with irregular cycles can use NFP. I do, and I’m not regular at all! And I’m agnostic, unmarried, and childless, so it’s not exactly like I’m doing this as some sort of religious/patriarchal thing. I see it as part and parcel of my generally (quietly, boringly) radical attitude towards consumption and unnatural intervention in normal life processes. I don’t drink bottled water, rarely consume high-fructose corn syrup, don’t use paper towels, use public transportation, shop local when possible…and use NFP. I view it as one of many ways in which I understand and respect my body and the world it inhabits – nothing more.
I don’t support criminalizing hormonal contraception or anything like that, but I do wish more women thought very seriously before concluding that it’s the best option for them.
I think that is a very clear, thoughtful analysis of the situation, Alexandra.
Hey Ashley, love you girl. you know I do. I am excited about your precious new little one and can’t wait to see the ultrasound!!!!
NFP, as others have said will work for you even if you have irregular cycles. Your body lets you know if and when you are ovulating. I actually use NFP by tracking my temps and CM even though my Catholic husband insists on using condoms. Let me tell you using condoms has really hurt our marriage.
Before I was married I had many boyfriends. So many times we would be in situations where we were alone and clothes started coming off and my body said “YES!” but my heart always said NO. I knew they weren’t committed to forever and whatever with me. With my husband I always felt so safe to be open sexually with him, to have fun, make love, experiment… yes, sex is FUN! I knew we had given each other the precious gift of our virginity.
Because I refuse to use hormonal contraceptives he insists on using condoms. It hurts every time we are in the embrace of passion and he slips one on. I feel like a prostitute. I hate it. It makes me ANGRY. I also really want more children but thats a whole other issue in our marriage. Condoms make me inflamed. They smell like chemicals (sexy!) But I can’t stand here and tell others not to use them when I am. I guess the whole idea of a man “protecting” himself from your fertility and sexuality is what repulses me. I don’t want to “protect” myself from my husband’s fertility. NFP is something I think should be embraced by every married couple. It truly makes you ONE FLESH.
Anyhow, stepping off the soap box. Send me the ultrasound pic on facebook when you get home today! Praying for you!
I think Planned Parenthood’s employees can give pointers on how to have sex without having vaginal intercourse: waist up! Lol!
Oh Ninek! LOL. Oh no you didn’t!
Ashley, First you stated, “Every time I used contraception, I didn’t get pregnant. As soon as I stopped, I got pregnant.”
Later you say, “But as someone with an unplanned pregnancy right now”
If you know this to be true for you every time, I feel compelled to point out to you that your pregnancy can not be said to be completely unplanned — at least on your part.
Good luck with the sonogram! You will be able to see the baby move – and it’s totally beautiful. We are with you! Be prepared for some sadness too – at the loss of your other baby. But know – we can all change, as you are now and can choose better things.
When we did not know much – we acted on what we thought we knew. Now that we know better – we can act better. You can be a strong mom! You can do it! you have much to offer and keep walking down the wonderful path you are on now.
Grow, love, do. And you are doing well! Let us know what is happening! ;)
Someone would have to have some type of previously-existing medical issue for their partner to end up with cancer from having oral sex. You can get all sorts of STDs and health problems from vaginal intercourse, but that doesn’t mean there’s something inherently wrong with vaginal intercourse. Being promiscuous in any way, shape or form has the risk of health problems, period.
If people are physically and psychologically oriented towards vaginal intercourse, why do they – and “they” includes happily married couples - keep having and enjoying other types of sex?
Ashley,
Looking forward to hearing about the ultrasound and you seeing your baby!!
I got it! I left a little disappointed, though.
I turned out to be earlier than I thought, which means I must have conceived a few days after the, ahem, act. (I told you I was irregular.) It’s between 3 and 4 weeks. The pregnancy is in the uterus (I was so scared of tubal pregnancy), but all she could find was a sac. No detectable heartbeat. She said there was a yolk sac, though (ewwww, that’s such a gross term), which is apparently a good sign.
I’m going to go back in 2 weeks for another one and hopefully, they can find the heart. Fingers crossed.
It was cool to see that the baby really is in there, though. You could plainly see the sac on the screen. I never got an ultrasound when I had an abortion–the quack doctor turned the screen toward him and said to the nurse, “well, there’s not much to see.” I was 9 weeks and 1 day. I always wonder if he said that because the baby had stopped developing at some earlier point, which is a miscarriage. It would make me feel better if it was already dead. But they still went ahead and charged for an abortion, even though a miscarriage could have been managed somewhere else.
By the way, the new estimated due date is my birthday. For the abortion, they told me I was “9 weeks and 1 day,” which means I conceived on my birthday. (Again, a few days after the actual sex.) Maybe it’s a sign.
Also, getting an ultrasound is traumatic after the abortion. Having an instrument stuck in there reminds me of having the suction thing put in and the horrendous physical pain. It only lasted a few minutes, but still. I can see where some women say abortion feels like rape.
And thanx everyone for all the love and support :)
As a last thought on the ultrasound, I’ve found that at least with the CPCs I’ve dealt with, the hysterical stories about them locking women in closets and screaming religious shibboleths at them is total crap. I’m sure there are CPCs like that, but I haven’t found one yet. The only time religion came up was when they referred me to a church that offers parenting classes. Otherwise they were just normal volunteers, people like my aunts or my mom (except nice).
All the hatred and negativity has come from people pushing abortion. My mom even told my sister there was no way I could have a writing career now, because I “ruined” it. It’s the pro-abortion people who think pregnancy ruins your life and mothers are incompetent and need to get back in the kitchen.
Ashley! My due date with my son was your birthday too! I conceived my son on Feb 12th (my dad’s birthday) according to docs though my husband and I chuckle because we remember the before work quickie on the 11th. TMI? Sorry. We still laugh about it every Feb 11th that we are so glad we got a little passionate before work and now we have our beautiful blue-eyed bundle of crazed energy boy! I had my first ultrasound March 22 I think it was. You probably really are too early to see much if your due date is 11/4. You will see much more in 2 weeks. That beating heart was so emotional for me.
The vaginal ultrasound wand is NOT FUN. I remember it well. Sorry it brings such bad memories for you.
How were you 9 weeks and 1 day if your due date was June? (first pregnancy?) That doesn’t make sense to me! The math doesn’t add up. Were they lying to you?
Oh no, my due date was July 27th. I graduated from college June 14th, 2009. Tim had convinced me I wouldn’t finish if I had a baby. I had six months left of school! Apparently, another thing pregnant ladies can’t do is walk to class (OMG, anything but walking) and study. The little lady-brains get overwhelmed by things like books when you’re pregnant, I guess. I remember going to my graduation–not pregnant–and thinking “I could have been here, even at 8 months.”
I still get depressed every summer because of that.
Oh you told me your due date was June thats why I was confused. You can still be a writer and you can still be a GREAT writer! Motherhood shows you how strong you can be!
Very exciting Ashley! i can’t wait till your next ultrasound!
So what are you going to name her/him?
Can’t wait!
Boys, I don’t know. I really want to name it Kirsten if it’s a girl. It’s the Scandinavian version of Christine. Incidentally, it means “Christian woman.” And it was my favorite doll when I was little. American Girl retired it (jerks), but I am going on eBay and buying a Kirsten American Girl doll if it’s a girl.
Also, I’m also certain this kid will have blonde hair, since I’m really blonde (I was white when I was little), and the dad is blonde-ish. The doll works:
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41ogShC0%2BLL.jpg
lol, I forgot this article was about another Kirsten, Kirsten Powers.
Sorry you were a bit disappointed Ashley, but you have a lot to look forward to next time! I think ultrasounds must be very clear and detailed nowadays for you to be able to see as much as you did though. I saw a picture of my sister before she was born on ultrasound (3-4 months?), but it was very grainy and you could see hardly anything. But that was some years ago and tecnology has improved a lot since then.
Your mother’s words hardly make any sense. Writing is the one job that’s very easy to do from home, though for a mother scheduling time for writing can be difficult. Of course Mary Higgins Clark became a very successful novelist as a widow raising several children. I’m a writer and translator (though not a mother) who works at home and enjoys it. If you are going to be an always-on-the-go journalist and a mother, that might be more difficult, but not impossible.
Yes, the pro-choice people have no idea how demeaning of women they sound when they talk about how they can’t make it professionally and how “burdened” they would be with children. I know many women who manage this. And college campuses tend to be very hostile or at least indifferent toward pregnant and mothering students. This really needs to change. If there were more services for pregnant and mothering students, there would be a lot fewer abortions among college students. It might have been different for you if there were. Maybe that’s an area of pro-life work you could investigate. Feminists for Life has started a program to help pregnant students.
http://www.feministsforlife.org
Ultrasounds are exciting and just keep getting better as the baby develops! Thank you Ashley for sharing your life and the life of your baby with us!!
We care.
Did your mom ever have an abortion? I often wonder if my mom did.
Anyway, you will see for yourself who is going to encourage you in what you want to do and who is not. It has become quite clear that those around you only believe in one choice for you.
Ashley, I love Kirsten! I always named my barbie “Kirsten” when I get to the end of my barbie playing days. You have so many fun things to look forward to! New life is always somehow re-affirming of your own life.
Many congrats, Ashley, and I pray the wee little baby is growing healthy and strong. Take good care of the two of you. God bless you and your new miracle.
Sydney, after reading your message about condoms, my heart breaks for you. Does your husband understand how it makes you feel? I hope you can talk it over and throw the latex away permanently. It’s not right that you should be so hurt by your marital relations. It’s definitely not supposed to be that way. God bless you.
Patti Smith has given birth to 3 children that she’s written about. Her book “Just Kids” is a best seller (I just read it). It’s mostly about her life in New York and her relationship with Robert Mapplethorpe but she writes about her first child, whom she concieved as a teenager that was adopted by a family. Wouldn’t it be a cool coincidence if that child was also a writer?
Erma Bombeck may be a little out of your generation’s knowledge but she made quite a good living writing about her kids and all their antics.
I could probably compile a very long list of published authors who were also mothers. Not to mention all kinds of other professions. Estee Lauder was a mom who started her cosmetics line in her own kitchen and kept the moisterizer in her fridge. Kate Beckinsale is a beautiful actress who’s daughter played her younger self in a film a few years ago. Ah, we could go on and on!
Thanks, Bobby! I should add that I also find clear and immense emotional benefits to NFP, in addition to the pragmatic/financial/health/lifestyle benefits; but IMO those are more dependent on the sort of relationship and frame of mind one is in, so I didn’t want to lead with them. I prefer not being “protected” from my partner – I like the idea that we protect each other, not that we are protected FROM each other. I also do believe that if a baby is an ABSOLUTE DEAL-BREAKER then it’s best not to have sex, with that person or at that time or whatever. But I think the same of contracepting relations, because the “failure rate” (ugh gross term) is at best the same, so I usually don’t bring that whole can of worms into these discussions because it tends to give the impression that NFP is more geared towards “failure rates” than other forms of contraception. My thoughts on that subject are my own and when the “end goal” of the action is roughly the same (ie, avoiding unplanned pregnancy) I find the issue of whether someone on birth control SHOULD be open to life somewhat tangential to the actual discussion. I’m happy to have the conversation if someone asks, but no one ever does – and honestly, I think that on some level NFP, even if used in place of the typical contracepting relationship with no other changes in mindset, grounds people in that there is a constant reminder that sex and new life go hand-in-hand. Even if you’re, like, “sweet, we’re good to go,” you KNOW why it’s this night and not some other. As opposed to literally removing any thought that sex and babies go together. Linking cause and effect is almost always a good thing, in my opinion, even if subtly.
I don’t know why I felt the need to say any of this – I guess I didn’t want to end up sounding totally boring and bottom-line about these sorts of things. NFP is a vital and enriching part of my relationship but when I discuss it with my friends – who are almost without exception on some form of hormonal contraception, sometimes in conjunction with condoms – I tend to start with the health/financial angle, because I really am a very private person and the rest gets into an area of my life I am happiest keeping between two people and two people only! And also because there’s nothing more annoying or erroneous than someone saying, “Well you’d be HAPPIER this way, too!” (like, how do YOU know? it’s so smug-sounding) I only ever bring the issue up when they bring up contraception first, always with the assumption that I’m on something or using something. I mention that I’m not, but that I’m happy to listen; and usually they ask about the more pragmatic aspects of NFP but not the emotional ones, and I’m okay with that. ;)
This is all probably TMI but oh well, it seems to be that sort of discussion.
Sorry Sydney, if I said my due date was in June, I must have misspoke, or been talking about the time of year I get depressed. The estimated conception date was November 4th (my birthday, and the day Obama got elected, but a few days after The Sex), the due date was July 27th, and I ended that on January 7th. I don’t know if the conception and due dates are 100% accurate, but they all make sense to me.
I want this pregnancy to work out soo bad. I was crushed after the abortion and started drinking about 8-12 drinks a day. Sometimes, on the weekends, it was almost 20. The miscarriage made me feel even worse. I never had an ultrasound with that one, but I saw the test, so I know she was there. The pro-abortion folks make fun of me for “naming fetuses,” but it makes me feel better. The first was Timothy, or Tim (my abortion). The second is Bridget.
I’m working on a novel in my spare time right now–mostly late at night and early in the morning. It’s something I wanted to do my whole life starting in 4th grade. And the two siblings are named Tim and Bridget.
:)
Tim, Bridget, and ???
Stay tuned…
Ashley
Hope everything goes well for you with this pregnancy. Have you been screened for depresssion? I have clinical depression and am ADD. I take Welbutrin and it really helps. Without preaching (!) now is a good time to practice all the things you know are good for you. If you really drank a lot and think it might have effected your liver speak to your doctor about the safety of milk thistle. It’s natural and detoxifies the liver and of course you know not to drink. Try not to be to disappointed with the world there is still a whole lot of good in the world. Sending you happy thoughts and hope your pregnancy is a happy one!
hello….sex feels good so that we feel good about creating life….that’s the way God wanted it to be!
I tried to post a comment in here last night…but it didn’t show up…
I like the name Kirsten for a girl.
My nephews are named Sam, Gabe and Kolbe (after a saint). So I’m not much help in the boys names.
Tim, Bridget….
Maybe Christopher?
And I bet you can be a successful writer. Maybe even write a children’s book.
…I must say, the only thing that bothered me about the CPC was the adoption literature. It was from Bethany Christian Services, an adoption ring well-known for coercing birth mothers into giving up their babies. (They were featured in the article “Shotgun Adoption.”) Some women even describe them as kidnappers. Their literature claims you can have an open adoption, which doesn’t tell the whole truth. Open adoptions are only legally enforceable in 4 states. In the others, the adoptive parents can end the relationship at any time, without the birth mother’s consent. It’s estimated that 80% of “open adoptions” close within 2 years.
AMERICAN GIRL RETIRED KIRSTEN?!?!?!?!
EXPLETIVE EXPLETIVE EXPLETIVE!
Moving on from that – Ashley, I guess your mom has never heard of J. K. Rowling or something…
OMG Marauder they retired Samantha too – I think she was actually the first casualty. I had to fight back a FIERCE desire to run out and buy all the Samantha accessories I had never gotten around to collecting. Woe.
I pass by the AG store with some frequency and I just, like, I don’t mean to sound like an old-timer or anything, but it’s so not the same anymore. The big draw now is dolls with cool, hip stories and cool, cute clothes that YOU TOO CAN BUY! and so on. There’s even a doll hair salon in the store where you can get your doll all styled up by a pro. ”Like gymnastics? THIS DOLL likes gymnastics! Play the violin? THIS OUTFIT is a violin-concert outfit! YOU YOU YOU!” It’s all about creating a little reflection of yourself, instead of expanding yourself and your horizons a bit to include little (historical and educational) aspects of other girls. I think the current doll of the year is a Hawaiian surfer?
The quality of the accessories has also gone down, as far as I can tell – I got my friend’s child the Kit Kittredge…egg-box cart thing, and it was just a big hunk of plastic. I do appreciate that at least the dolls offer some variation on the “sexy-shaped Barbie/Bratz/etc” doll genre, but I really wish they still had the historical education/imaginative play as a primary focus.
I am SO GLAD my mom obsessively saved all of our quality childhood toys – I still have all my Samantha (and Felicity) stuff packed away somewhere. Whew. Technically I think I have two Samanthas, because my older sister cut the hair off of one, and my mom thought I’d done it because I never squealed, so for years I had to make do with a choppy-banged Samantha. But when the truth eventually came out my parents got me a new Samantha for Christmas that year, even though it had never really occurred to me that such a thing were possible, much less occurred to me to ask for one. I think my mind was kind of blown by the new Samantha, actually.
Ashley – congratulations! I hope you’ll be able to see your baby’s heartbeat at your next ultrasound.
I really encourage you to check out “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” by Toni Weschler. It’s essentially secular NFP (she calls it the Fertility Awareness Method, or FAM).
I have extremely irregular cycles and have used NFP since 2003. My husband and I used hormonal contraception the first two years of our marriage and I would never go back to it. NFP is so much better.
1) according to Guttmacher, 54% of aborting mothers are using contraception at the time they became pregnant
Jill, stop promoting this falsehood. I tried to correct it yesterday and you censored it. 54% of women getting abortions claim they “used contraception in the month they got pregnant.” So if you used a condom once out of 10 sexual encounters in a month, you’re in this category, although I wouldn’t call that “using contraception.” Also, not every woman knows what month she got pregnant–so using a condom here and there over the course of several months could also lead a woman to make this claim. And by the way, these are self-reports. There are bound to be women who lie and claim they were totally using birth control, rather than admitting they were reckless. If you asked “did you use contraception correctly every time you had sex during the month you got pregnant?”–and no one lied–the number would plummet.
It amazes me that anti-contraception people don’t mind flat-out lying to make their case. I’m going to a CPC on a regular basis. Almost all the employees have been great, but others have agendas to push. Back when she assumed I was considering abortion (I wasn’t), one started lecturing me about abstinence. (I’m 25. Give me a break.) Then she launched into propaganda about how condoms only work half the time (LIE, I used condoms for 18 months and never got pregnant), and the birth control pill causes abortions, so how was I going to “avoid this situation” if I didn’t abstain? Beats me, how will I avoid getting pregnant AFTER I’m married and can’t have another kid right away? Certainly not abstinence. I’m already pregnant and do not need to deal with birth control for 8 months at the very least, longer if you count breastfeeding as a natural form of BC. Why do I need to hear her anti-sex, anti-birth control propaganda right now?
One other thing you might all find interesting: My boyfriend’s mom, when she was pushing the abortion, called me and said she had an abortion and she was “sad at first,” but it was “the best decision she ever made” because she wouldn’t have my boyfriend and his brother otherwise. This was my exact reasoning a few years ago: Now I can have kids I want! I used to ask women who claimed to regret their abortions (I didn’t believe them) if they wished they had their aborted baby instead of the kids you have now. It’s a false question, like asking someone if they’re glad their first husband died because they love the person they remarried.
I didn’t appreciate her pushing me towards the same choice she made.
Ashley, I’ll leave Jill to answer the contraception question but we see what happens when women find themselves in a second unplanned pregnancy right after the first. I am thinking of Markai on MTV. She had her daughter then got pregnant again right away and that baby was not allowed to be born.
I hope you’ll consider abstinence. I am not trying to force it on you. You are an adult but sex outside of marriage can cause so many emotional issues and other problems. That being said NFP as we’ve discussed is wonderful and woman-affirming.
my husband and I use condoms. I don’t think there is anything immoral about them per se. I hate how they make me feel though (don’t know if you feel the same way or not).
A lot of women who push push push for abortion have had them themselves. I just went through that with an old high school friend. She was so in my face pro-choice and I just asked her “When did you have your abortion?” and was met with sputtering and disbelief. She wanted to know how I knew that.
Thank you for sharing that, Ashley. You’re absolutely right about the false dichotomy of the question. This kind of “thinking” can be used to show “gratitude” for all sorts of evils. For example, my parents’ first child had either trisomy 18 or trisomy 13 (can’t remember). With this came a whole host of problems such as spina bifida and microcephaly. It was very clear he would die shortly after birth and he did die a month after being born. Had he not died, though, my parents would not have had me 16 months later. Yet I have heard my mother say that she wishes that she could have carried my brother in her womb for ever, safe and sound, protecting him from teh death that he would ultimately receive because of he was no longer being taken care of in my mother’s body. So then, this same argument you critiqued above could be used to argue to my mother that “gee, aren’t you glad your first son died because then you wouldn’t have your current sons?” Sick. She’s grateful to have me, and at the same time, wishes she could have her first son too. Honestly, what kind of choice is that?
Bobby, I’m sorry about your brother.
Alexandra- I hear what you’re saying about the 54%, but the points that were made still make sense.
PP claims that we “need” their tax-payer funded services because they distribute contraception to women who otherwise “would not have access” (even though their own survey shows that women are not complaining about a lack of access.) PP also brags about how helpful they are because they educate people about the importance of contraception, and how to use it correctly.
However, if 54% of PP’s clients used some form of contraception in the month that they fell pregnant, even if they only used it once, that proves that
a) the clients realised that they needed to use contraception if they did not want to conceive and
b) the clients were able to access contraception.
This makes PP’s services look pretty pathetic. Either they’re doing a really crappy job teaching about contraception, or women are choosing to ignore PP’s educational programs, or the contraception being supplied is not as reliable as had been advertised (or a combination of all three.)
If PP’s programs were working, they should be able to provide statistics showing that women who receive their services have a much lower unintended conception rate and less STIs than the rest of the population. Their abortion numbers should be going down, year after year, as more people enter their programs, get contraception and education. Instead, they admit that over half of their clients have failed at their own programs, just based on the pregnancy numbers, which don’t take into consideration how many unintended pregnancies of their clients resulted in a miscarriage or a live birth.
Then we have a repeat abortion rate of around 40%. These women have been to the abortion provider, presumably the experts in contraception, and you’d figure if there was one time they would get the whole book about contraception thrown at them, that would be it, and yet, here they are pregnant again! (and again….and again….)
Something much more sinister is going on here.
Could it be that PP sees each unintended pregnancy, not as a failure of their contraception education and distribution programs, but as a cash cow?
Thanks Michelle for your post. I was trying to post last night the points you made and lost my post when I hit the wrong key and had to go.
Ashley how are you doing? I am praying you will have a healthy, strong baby.
Ashley,there is NO WAY PP’s own research arm Alan Guttmacher Institute would give out the 54% number for failed contraception if it was not at least close to being true (the number may be off a little bit but not by much). They would have much to gain $$$-wise and PR-wise if they could tout percentages like only a 25% unplanned pregnancy rate using BC but they can’t. Although you may have had success with contraception there are many women who do not. I worked in OB/GYN healthcare for years saw plenty if women even OBs and other healthcare professionals who had unplanned pregnancies, some were even using 2 forms of contraception when they got pregnant. It happens more than most BC pushers want to admit and it keeps the abortion justification going. “I got pregnant anyway and I was using BC,”. Then the next stop is PP or another abortuary. “It’s not my fault, I got pregnant.”
I had to laugh at your thinking pro-life conservative Christians are anti-sex and are ashamed of sex that was created by God as the most beautiful, awesome expression of love between a husband and wife. LOL, that so funny and so misguided. Did you know that research shows that married couples have the best sex, more fulfilling sex, enjoy sex more and have MORE SEX than any other type couple, (i.e. singles, divorced, separated or even cohabiters). Read Why Marriage Matters by Glen T. Stanton.
Bobby,
I’m sorry about your brother. He must be very proud of your pro-life efforts and waiting eagerly for the day you meet in heaven! In the meantime, you have a special guardian angel. I have one too. A younger brother who died at one day old. Can’t wait to meet him!
Michelle – I don’t think you meant to address that comment to me.
Sorry, Alexandra, I did mean Ashley- and I just realised my mistake, right before I saw your comment! :o)