Stanek weekend question: What do you think of Time’s “Are you Mom enough?” cover photo?
The current issue of Time magazine features model Jamie Grumet nursing her 3-year-old son. The photo has obviously caused a stir. The range of reactions were boiled down in this Associated Press article:
On Twitter, the cover inspired X-rated jokes along with concerns that the child might be teased when he’s older. But on many message boards, there was debate about whether it’s OK to breastfeed beyond babyhood.
Bobbi Miller, a mother of six who lives in Arkansas, expressed disapproval in a tweet and said in a phone interview, “Even a cow knows when to wean their child.” Of the cover, she said: “Why would this even be out there? It’s ludicrous. It’s almost on the verge of voyeurism.”
But Bettina Forbes, co-founder of an organization called Best for Babes that promotes breastfeeding and supports women who want to nurse their children beyond babyhood, said she hopes the cover “will make mainstream America less squeamish” about women breastfeeding children of any age. “It’s high time we talk about these things,” she said.
Reaction to the cover underscored a cultural rift between traditional childrearing and what some have deemed “extreme parenting.” The attachment philosophy encourages mothers to respond to their babies’ every cry and form close bonds with near-constant physical contact through “co-sleeping” (letting them sleep in the bed with parents rather than in cribs) and “baby-wearing” (carrying them on slings instead of pushing them in strollers).
Dr. Keith Ablow, a psychiatrist who is featured on Fox News, thought the photo portrayed a “bizarre, contemptible caricature” of Grumet because, he wrote, her son is actually helping feed her ego. He worried the boy “may never be better-known for anything than for being a breastfeeding 3-year-old on the cover of a national magazine. Ever.”
What are your thoughts?
Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
That child looks much older than three. And the photo shows breast-feeding gone awry. There is a point at which the breasts-feeding is filling some need for the mother that should be met in another way. I also think it worrisome breast-feeding would somehow be transmuted over into sexual attraction. This photo seems to indicate that.
Suppose the child doesn’t want to be weaned for a very long time. Would anyone breast feed their high school kid?
Personally I think this child is much too old to be nursing. What would be the reaction to this child being given a pacifier, bottle, spoonfed, put in a highchair, or still sleeping in a crib? That’s my reaction to this.
Come on already lady, your son has to start growing up sometime.
Oh how low TIME magazine (rag) has fallen!!
I think the photo is gratuitous and stupid, but my problems lie with the photo itself, not with the breastfeeding of a 3-year old. Even the woman who is on the cover said that the photo does not accurately represent what her actual breastfeeding relationship to her child is.
I don’t really find the picture itself offensive, in that I am not offended by the age of the kid or the mother’s breast; it’s more that I think it’s obnoxious that even when attempting to instigate a discussion about attachment parenting, all we can aim for is shock value, obscuring 99% of the actual discussion that would otherwise be taking place. I think that blacking out the photo is about as ridiculous as publishing it in the first place, because it’s not the actual imagery that is offensive, but rather the magazine’s pushing of breastfeeding into visual shock-value territory.
Jamie Lynn Grumet is a 26 year old stay at home homeschool mom of two who lives in Los Angeles and contributes to a blog about parenting.
http://momsla.com/2012/05/time-magazine-cover-jamie-lynne-grumet-momsla-bloggers-react/
“Bobbi Miller, a mother of six who lives in Arkansas, expressed disapproval in a tweet and said in a phone interview, “Even a cow knows when to wean their child.” ”
Exactly.
The ‘mother’ determines when her child is too old to still be ‘wet behind the ears’ and she uses her own unique criteria to come to that conclusion.
Maybe it’s when the child is ’wet under the chin’ or like in the Korean commercial has an Oreo cookie in her/his hand.
http://www.drmomma.org/2012/04/milk-and-cookies-breastfeeding-and.html
pp has been sucking at the public teat for decades
http://www.google.com/imgres?q=statue+of+liberty+breastfeeding&hl=en&biw=1440&bih=732&gbv=2&tbm=isch&tbnid=7jYk9r0WcTYH4M:&imgrefurl=http://dailyrushbo.com/rush-replaces-time-mag-mom-with-statue-of-liberty-obamas-child-rearing-technique/&docid=fg6xI-204IzDFM&imgurl=http://dailyrushbo.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/TImeCoversObamaChildRearing.jpg&w=585&h=300&ei=83GuT-OrLeKS2QWh-NDpCA&zoom=1
Only in this country do we find almost any form of breast feeding offensive. Yes, this child probably is too old, unless he just wants a little comfort from mommy… That should be done in private…. Breast feeding is the most nutritious & best way to feed your baby (mom has to be eating healthy). Formula has additives, chemicals, nothing healthy, plus it’s expensive.
Breast feeding also bonds you with your child..
I don’t care about the extended breast feeding. I did with my son until he was three. What bothers me about this pic is that it doesn’t accurately depict how most of us have nursed our Kids. The kid looks like he’s just hanging off her breast, no other touching between the two of them.
I cant believe you felt you had to block this picture out. In this country we subjugate women into sexual objects. WE are the ones with a problem not people who breastfeed. There is all kinds of scientific evidence in favor of long term breastfeeding but because we have sexualized everything our children suffer. American women are ashamed of BF especially long term because we are trained to think of breasts as sexual props for men. It is shameful that a site that is in support of the best for babies would not understand that this is best for baby.
Tried to fix my post to say that there is no other touching aside from mom’s hand on her son’s back. The whole position looks unnatural.
I didn’t blink twice and neither did my husband. Nah, I don’t think it’s appropriate to be whipping out a boob for photos. Yeah, on the extremely rare occasions I have to nurse in public, I cover up to the point of probably looking like I have a bhurka on. But to me and him it was just another woman breastfeeding. I personally am nursing my 15 month old and we’re playing the weaning thing by ear. So, you may not like it and maybe it makes your little tummy all squeamish to think of a human child drinking *gasp* HUMAN MILK. Apparently you are smarter than the World Health Organization and the American Academy of Pediatrics, who recommend a 12 month MINIMUM and ideally 24 months or more of breastfeeding? Kudos, must be nice to know it all. :P
(And, since I know it will come up, I am not knocking the women who choose not to or can’t breastfeed. Whatever. Formula is food too and as long as you are feeding your baby, I seriously. Don’t. Care. So don’t even read into my comment that way. I just appreciate people not critiscizing ME for MY choice. Keep your nose out of my business, I’ll keep mine out of yours.)
And, for the second part, I had more issue with the ‘Are you MOM enough?’ than I did the picture they selected. All moms, if they are doing their job no matter HOW they are doing it, are mom enough. But I didn’t dwell on it any longer than just to think that – I mean, come on, how obviously drama bait is that statement? We have enough ‘mommy wars’ without media trying to egg us on to fight like dogs in the street.
And no, I will not be following up to argue with the people who would like to pick my words apart – it is mother’s day weekend and as a mother, I have far better things to do than wring my hands over what a stranger thought of my two cents. :)
There are two extremes in this country. Theres the camp where breastfeeding is seen as gross or embarrassing and then theres the camp I call the “nursing nazis” who try to shame every mom who uses formula.
My first son refused to nurse. He was formula fed and even at 5 years old has never been on an antibiotic. He is exceptionally healthy and talkative. He uses words like “facetious” and he’s 5!! Formula didn’t prevent his brain development.
Ironically I’m nursing my newest son and he has colic and spits up etc…
When I couldn’t nurse my first son I felt shamed by other moms who relished lecturing me about how I should have nursed. This time I feel shamed by family that blushes when I say I’m nursing or acts mortified when I nurse even though I’m covered with a blanket. Or gag when they see bottles of my milk in the fridge.
Anyhow, the cover doesn’t bother me. Maybe because her breasts are so little. A bigger breasted woman might shock me more. I didn’t think it was gratuitous. I wouldn’t nurse at three but I wouldn’t presume to tell another mom what she should do.
Also everyone keeps saying the boy is too big ti be 3. Not so. My 5 year old is as big as an 8 year old. Her boy might just be a big guy too.
Sydney,
Which camp does this mother fall into? She did this cover for herself.
Anyone want to talk about the boy and how this will affect him??
I haven’t read this story yet but interestingly a few weeks ago I read a blog post by another mother who was asked by Time magazine to take part in this piece and the impression she was vi en was far from what has turned up on the front of TIme, She was unable to do it but yesterday she wrote a dismayed post.
I might be making a sweeping statement here but my impression from the attachment parenters I know is that they are far from extreme parents, in fact I think a lot of them are cutting a furrow which is going to cause them some extreme PROBLEMS down the line. It’s not extreme to give into a child’s every whim and to allow them to call the shots, in fact what is much more difficult is to act like the guide to the child in theface of protest. A lot of the parents I know who follow this method of childrearing make no moral demands, expect no particular behaviour and almost to a family I see the children being very disrespectful to the parents with no consequence. I don’t know about anybody else’s experience but those I know seem to me to put more importance on breastfeeding and bed sharing than in the formation of their child’s moral character. I know of course there are lots of exceptions to what I see, but this is my experience from my own close circle that I see in a very regular basis.
Also everyone keeps saying the boy is too big ti be 3. Not so. My 5 year old is as big as an 8 year old. Her boy might just be a big guy too.
Thanks for pointing that part out too, Sydney. My mom once told me that she felt that all three of her daughters were lucky because we were always very small for our age, so we far exceeded the developmental and intellectual milestones that people always ‘expected’ of us. People would be so impressed at such a “young” baby walking, or talking, or whatever – but really we were doing totally age-appropriate things; we just looked like we were doing them at very young ages. As a result people found us adorable, well-behaved, etc. My mom told me that she always felt that it would be hard to be a “big” baby and get the other side of the coin – have people express exasperation, frustration, or discomfort, with totally age-appropriate behavior because they assumed that you were older.
This photo is set up to make the toddler look as old as possible – taking advantage of, and exploiting, social expectations that probably already somewhat complicate the way people treat this little boy and his mother. THAT kind of stuff is the part I have a problem with.
This reminds me of something amusing–when one of my kids was born, the doctor asked how long I planned on breastfeeding. I answered that I hoped to do so as long as possible. The wry doctor, tongue in cheek, shot back, “Well, that does present a problem when you have to go with your son to kindergarten to feed him.”.
I take absolutely no offense at breastfeeding. But how many moms pose in skin tight jeans and braless tanks tops, or even dress like this in their every day lives?
I find this a little unsettling too.
I have no issue with diapers, high chairs, cribs, pacifiers, and bottles either, but there is a point where children have to start growing up. Again, what would be the reaction to this woman keeping her son in diapers, spoonfeeding him, putting him in a high chair, or pushing him in a stroller?
Is she satisfying her needs or the child’s? This is the kind of nonsense we get when we listen to “experts”. Listen to grandma instead. As the late Dr.Robert Mendelsohn once said: “when it comes to the care of children, one grandmother is worth two pediatricians”.
How old is too old for breastfeeding? Just curious.
Hi Sydney M 10:55am
My doctor used to say my son was “off the charts, but then he was never on them”.
Hi Carla 11:11am
I guess we could also ask how old is too old for diapers, pacifiers, and bottles?
That child is 3y/o if he’s a minute and in my opinion, for what its worth, his nursing is no different than still taking a bottle or pacifier, and he’s too old for that. I respect that others may disagree. I nursed my oldest until she was one.
As another poster well stated, even animals know when to call it quits. Also, in more “primitive” cultures or earlier times, mom would become pregnant again so there was no other option than to wean. A child the size in the picture above would have been put to work, mom wouldn’t have the luxury of breastfeeding a child until he/she was as big as she was.
I like how this article puts it:
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/story/2012-05-11/breastfeeding-rates/54909940/1
What bothers me most is that this is designed to be ammunition in the propaganda attack against AP. We can’t have babies being attached to their parents, now, because they’ve got to go to daycare and drink from bottles and get attached to pacifiers and sleep alone in a crib in a room down the hall because don’t you know, THAT’s what makes for an independent child.
We’re so obsessed with independence we can’t even handle the appropriate, necessary, and very healthy dependence of babies on their mothers. Women have to be “free” from all that, so baby better learn real quick how to do without mom. Our culture puts nothing but distance between mothers and babies from the moment of birth. It’s sad and it’s wrong.
AP is not some freaky band of “extreme” parents doing “extreme” things. Instead, it’s moms and dads who are simply parenting naturally, listening to the babies and responding to their genuine needs. Babies don’t have wants. They only have needs. Babies were not designed to be put down and left alone.
I think this mother, though, used some very poor judgement in allowing this photo to be taken. It seems a bit exploitative and thoughtless. It was obviously done for shock value, not information value. I nursed three kids, each past the age of two, and I nursed in every possible public setting without ever having a problem. But this photo is just gratuitous and indelicate. The subject could have been handled so much better, and we could have actually had a conversation about AP and nursing, rather than a brouhaha over a stupid picture. TIME got exactly what they wanted.
I didn’t know anybody was censoring this picture – has anybody on this site – anybody at all NOT seen the picture (uncensored)?
Carla, I don’t know. She’s probably a nursing nazi. I’ve found the ones who nurse that long generally are. But I really don’t see what the big deal is about this cover. I guess TIME did their job since everybody is talking about it.
Yes indeed. Time created the buzz they were looking for.
I have a problem with moms being completely covered while breastfeeding in public and being asked TO LEAVE. THAT bothers me a great deal. Which I guess is why I heart the Nurse In movement. :)
I have had friends who allow their 5 year old to walk over, lift their shirt and have some milk. Took all of 5 seconds and happened several times during our play date. Why? What nutritional value does it bring? If it is attachment the child is looking for how about a hug? A kiss? A cuddle?
I am just asking.
Totally agree Mary.
I am very sorry Sydney that you were shamed for NOT nursing. That is wrong and should not happen to women that are doing the best they can!!
Jen,
How about a healthy balance? A gradual independence is good yes?
Clearly babies are still dependent and have to have their needs met. If they don’t, they die.
But no kindergartner I know brings a bottle, pacifier and blankie to school while wearing diapers.
While Time provided a good cover and debate, I think it is the wrong debate.
Study after study after study shows breastfeeding for 6 months to a year is great for a kid.
Who cares about these occasional 3 year olds? The debate needs to be, how do we foster an environment were more women breastfeed their babies? The numbers aren’t good for the ages of kids who should be breastfeeding.
So sure Time, good job selling magazines – but I think they are missing the point.
The problem is not that this mother chooses to breastfeed her three- (four?) year-old child. It’s not terribly uncommon, or even very noteworthy. Children at this age generally nurse once or twice a day, often at bedtime or upon waking. It’s a special, nuturing, non-nutritive, relationship that generally ends sometime before the child goes to school. What IS offensive–in fact, sickening–is that this mother and her child are portrayed in a provocative, sexualized way. This photo is meant to be titillating. And furthermore, it is also meant (as is the case with ubiquitous gay characters in media) to desensitize us. It is, essential, a “soft” child pornography. This child, in being photographed in this intimate, private act with his mother, has been violated. He has been exploited. And he has been presented as part of a “sexual” act [Note: I don’t in any way think breastfeeding a child is sexual. But face it: the men of our nation look at this picture and are jealous of this small boy.] The mother in the photo has done a tragic thing in allowing herself and her child to be photographed in this way. A wonderful, beautiful relationship has been prostituted. Extended breastfeeding has been done a public disservice. And her child (and own body) have been objectified. Breastfeeding (and by the way, extended breastfeeding–as well as co-sleeping, and other “attachment” parenting practices–is common in other cultures) is an irreplaceable relationship that ends all too soon. Even photos of moms breastfeeding “immodestly” do not detract from what is, in all respects, a good thing. This photo is in an entirely different category.
Hi Crystal,
I know you won’t be reading this cause of Mother’s Day and all but I usually find it hilarious that some come here to give us all of their background. Their thoughts, experiences and opinions and then tell us to mind our own business! :)
Have a great day!
Ex GOP–To reiterate what you said: http://lacrossetribune.com/news/local/time-cover-masks-real-issue-few-kids-breast-fed/article_d1b5b44e-9bdd-11e1-bfbe-0019bb2963f4.html
Anyone who thinks a mother breastfeeds a toddler for her own enjoyment has never nursed a toddler! We belong to the human species, learn how your species functions, why would you compare a humans nursing relationship to a cow if your gonna compare to another mammal, how bout a gorilla we share 99% of the same DNA with them and they nurse many years!
I suggest putting aborted babies’ photos on the cover; maybe that “will make mainstream America less squeamish” about abortion. Oh, wait – that could be portrayed as “pro-life”. Can’t do that ….
I think that if the picture were a mother in a natural nursing position with her 3 year old son, there wouldn’t be as much uproar over this photo. But as it has been positioned, it looks very unnatural. Very non-intimate, which is not an accurate picture of nursing one’s child.
Mothers in other parts of the world nurse their children for much, much longer than we do here in the U.S., where we seem to think women’s breasts were made primarily for men’s enjoyment (hint: they weren’t!). I have friends who actually are disgusted at the thought of breastfeeding their own children and never even considered it. Never even considered!! In my opinion, there is something seriously wrong with our culture when the idea of breastfeeding makes us cringe. (We pop birth control pills and we don’t breastfeed. Hello, could we BE any more unnatural in this country??)
The problem I personally see is that this cover is positioned in such a way that if you didn’t know this was a mother and son, it almost gives off a schoolroom teacher/student vibe because of the kid’s wooden chair. Which makes it a tad creepy, imo.
Michelle,
Well then let’s compare. Mama gorillas don’t keep house, run to the store, do laundry, cook, work outside the “home”. They’re not required to maintain a household, whether “primitive” or moden. They don’t work hours on end just to survive as some humans must. They don’t have to gather wood, grow food, haul water, hunt, fish, or send their youngsters to work outside the “home”.
Its no wonder mama gorillas can nurse their young for years!
I do think the boy is a little long in the tooth to still be breast-fed (yikes!).
I just heard mothers’ milk is rich in stem cells. Was that new?
As for public breast-feeding - after that one thread, I’m not going to comment. Not gonna do it. Wouldn’t be prudent. ;)
“pp has been sucking at the public teat for decades”
Will Swiss cows become happier, more productive, cows now that Michele “Swissy Missy” Bachmann can run for president in Switzerland?
H.L. Hunt, by the way, was breastfed until he was at least 10 years old. He was, at one point, the wealthiest man in America and one of the most conservative. In fact, HL’s views make Jill Stanek sound like a communist in comparison. So, I guess all that breastfeeding was pretty damaging.
Sorry, this whole thing is just hilarious, but no more hilarious than the fact that Michele can now run for president in Switzerland.
Hi Kel 12:40PM
I completely agree. Mom looks like she’s on her way to work out and stopped to give the kid a quick fix. I’m sure all of us mothers who nursed can remember feeling like we were toting a couple of cannon balls so braless tank tops were not part of our functional wardrobe. Its right up there with Mrs. Trump’s “new mother photo” in her evening gown, spikes, jewels, ample cleavage, and perfectly styled hair. Just like the way we looked, right ladies?! :)
I usually had on a robe or blouse, nursing bra, and had another kid or two climbing on me or throwing a tantrum at the same time. Not particularly glamorous but I think far more realistic.
mp,
You need to keep up with the news. Michele Bachmann is cancelling her Swiss citizenship. That would make running for president of Switzerland difficult, especially since they don’t have a president but instead a council of seven ministers.
Yikes- somebody should tell Eveline Widmer-Schlumpf then – she’s going to have to take “President of Switzerland” off of her business cards.
“You need to keep up with the news. Michele Bachmann is cancelling her Swiss citizenship. That would make running for president of Switzerland difficult, especially since they don’t have a president but instead a council of seven ministers.”
Did the Swiss discover she was actually born in Kenya?
Meanwhile, meet Micheline Calmy-Rey, the outgoing President of Switzerland.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Micheline_Calmy-Rey
mp,
You should read your own article,
She was a member of the Federal Council and was elected to the “presidency” in 2006 by 147 votes. Switzerland certainly has a tiny population. She won the ”presidency” again for 2011 with 106 votes. By Swiss tradition it was a forgone conclusion she would be elected president of the confederation.
“As President of the Confederation she presided over meetings of the Federal Council and carried out certain representative functions that would normally be handled by a head of state in other democracies(though in Switerzerland the Federal Council as a whole is regarded as head of state).
So you see mp, according to your own source Switzerland does not as a whole elect a president and is governed by the Federal Council which chooses a president.
So you can see where Michele would have some difficulty running for president in Switzerland, since people, Swiss or not, don’t exactly “run” for the office.
So you can see where Michele would have some difficulty running for president in Switzerland, since people, Swiss or not, don’t exactly “run” for the office.
Mary, the Swiss presidency is an elected position. Granted, the Swiss president is not elected in the same way as a US president, but elected nonetheless.
Personally, I think she was born in Kenya.
mp – I’m not positive she was born in Kenya – but she’s definitely a muslim. No doubt.
The Boobsey Twins, ladies and gentlemen. Appropriate to the thread, after all!
My rule of thumb for weaning is when my child is old enough to discuss it with his friends, it is time to wean. Really breastfeeding is okay for a really long time, but Time is deliberately making this as divisive as possible. Some countries don’t have safe drinking water, so breastfeeding can literally save the lives of young children. So, I wouldn’t universally condemn it. In our society, these folks are outliers, but normal is a wider range than we often wish to believe. People don’t have to closely conform to average or typical behaviors to still be normal and healthy.
Still, this is another non-issue that sensationalist journalists blow out of proportion to goad a reaction and create division and paint certain people as weirdos. I would say that the journalists and editors at Time are the unhealthy minds in this case.
“In our society, these folks are outliers, but normal is a wider range than we often wish to believe. People don’t have to closely conform to average or typical behaviors to still be normal and healthy.”
You’d better be careful revealing those sorts of views. Someone might label you a communist or, worse yet, a liberal. I mean, after all, even a cow knows when to wean. I learned that here.
What is it about staying on the subject that people seem to have trouble with?
Adult ADD or what?
Adult ADD or what?
Cognitive dissonance.
And I hope you have a good day as well.
Haven’t read Time Magazine’s article, but I did see this woman interviewed on the Today Show and her son’s behavior, when compared with other children I know in that age range, seemed a bit infantile. Of course every kid is different, but that was my perception.
Jennifer Starr, I agree. At her son’s age I would expect most kids to be able to wait a minute or two for attention, while the parent finishes a brief conversation. Maybe not on “bad days” or in “bad moods,” as obviously all kids go through tantrums, but in general.
Mary, as for the tank top, most younger mothers I know (particularly those who nurse long-term) wear nursing tank tops at least some of the time, which can give the appearance of being bra-less because the bra is built in. Like this: http://www.target.com/p/Gilligan-OMalley-Womens-Full-Sling-Nursing-Tank-With-Lace-Plum/-/A-12250965 I think that my generation is lucky to have lots of comfy and flattering maternity-wear options that previous generations didn’t! :)
” I think that blacking out the photo is about as ridiculous as publishing it in the first place, because it’s not the actual imagery that is offensive, but rather the magazine’s pushing of breastfeeding into visual shock-value territory.”
Just to be clear, the black bar was added by Jill (or whatever secondary source she took the pic from) and is not present in the original.
Apparently an unsheathed boob simply fails to meet the standards of decency of a site that regularly runs gory shock images.
mp, 1:36PM
Sure mp, whatever. May I suggest you read your source next time before posting it.
I will give you this though, Michele running for president of Switzerland would definitely be “difficult”, if not downright ‘hilarious”
EGV,
As the President of The Confederation she is the Presiding member of the seven member Swiss Federal Council, which ia Switerland’s executive.
She chairs meetings and undertakes special representative duties. She has no power above the other members of the council and retains her leadership over her own department. Traditionally this position is rotated among the members, with the previous year’s VP being named president.
She is NOT considered Swiss head of state, i.e. president of Switzerland. The entire Federal council is considered a collective head of state.
The Swiss Federal Constitution knows neither a Head of State nor a Head of Government.
“Sure mp, whatever. May I suggest you read your source next time before posting it.”
Mary, I’ll remind you of what you wrote:
“That would make running for president of Switzerland difficult, especially since they don’t have a president but instead a council of seven ministers”
This is not Calvinball, which seems to be a favorite game among conservatives. The rules do not change as the game is played, so no sticksave for you.
And I also hope that you have a good day as well.
I agree with Robin. How degrading to this little boy. The title is so degrading as well.
I know a woman who breastfed her son until he was over three. He would come up to her and throw a temper-tantrum until he got “bub”. I didn’t see it as a bonding experience nor for nutrition and he spent more time playing with “bub” than he did actually nursing. It was uncomfortable for those of us around her not because we opposed nursing (I nursed until they were about a year) but because it was clear she was giving in to a demanding, spoiled child.
The kid is an adult now and still living with and off of his mom.
Robin got it right on every single score!!!! No thank you, Time and this mom for making breastfeeding into an immodest, perverted, sexualized relationship. Many women in third world countries nurse children until they are say 6 years old, and no one thinks anything of it. These same women, however, are not doing a soft-core porn exploitation photo shoot for pure shock value. This photo is designed to elicit a certain sexual reaction, and consequently to depict breastfeeding as a sensual thing. I think what TIME is implying is that all moms who breastfeed a child at this age are doing it in a sensual, sexual way, and that perhaps (again in TIME’s mind) that it should be prosecuted for sexual abuse. TIME’s approach: look at how this woman is “feeding” this “baby” – don’t you think this is utterly scandalous and ought to be stopped? Why would this woman, believing in this, allow such thoughts to be brought up on a world-wide level – does she realize that this is the kind of thing that probably can and will create legislation to investigate breastfeeding beyond a certain age as sexual abuse against a child? Already, the government snoops and investigates in our lives…. do we want more of that? Do we want the government to set a limit on the breastfeeding age and set up all kinds of laws to regulate it, or can we be decent, modest, cover up in public, and not flaunt and sexualize breastfeeding? If we want to continue breastfeeding in a non-regulated sort of way, then we moms need to band together and condemn this sort of exploitation of this child. Even if the mom breastfeeds a 3 year old, it needs to be done privately. A photo shoot like this is immoral.
Robin says:
May 12, 2012 at 11:55 am
The problem is not that this mother chooses to breastfeed her three- (four?) year-old child. It’s not terribly uncommon, or even very noteworthy. Children at this age generally nurse once or twice a day, often at bedtime or upon waking. It’s a special, nuturing, non-nutritive, relationship that generally ends sometime before the child goes to school. What IS offensive–in fact, sickening–is that this mother and her child are portrayed in a provocative, sexualized way. This photo is meant to be titillating. And furthermore, it is also meant (as is the case with ubiquitous gay characters in media) to desensitize us. It is, essential, a “soft” child pornography. This child, in being photographed in this intimate, private act with his mother, has been violated. He has been exploited. And he has been presented as part of a “sexual” act [Note: I don’t in any way think breastfeeding a child is sexual. But face it: the men of our nation look at this picture and are jealous of this small boy.] The mother in the photo has done a tragic thing in allowing herself and her child to be photographed in this way. A wonderful, beautiful relationship has been prostituted. Extended breastfeeding has been done a public disservice. And her child (and own body) have been objectified. Breastfeeding (and by the way, extended breastfeeding–as well as co-sleeping, and other “attachment” parenting practices–is common in other cultures) is an irreplaceable relationship that ends all too soon. Even photos of moms breastfeeding “immodestly” do not detract from what is, in all respects, a good thing. This photo is in an entirely different category.
mp,
Please read my 3:01PM post to EGV. It makes it all very simple to understand.
No problem with breastfeeding here – done it with three kids well past their first birthdays – but it shouldn’t be done on for the cover of a magazine, for money. Wrong.
Shame on Time magazine for using shock value to sell issues! Though I believe that three years is too old to be breast feeding a child, I leave it to the parents to decide. Breast feeding is a very personal and private matter. What I don’t agree with is that Time magazine is exploiting this innocent child. If they were going to photograph the boy breast feeding, you would think they would wan tto use a natural breast feeding position. But then that wouldn’t be provocative enough. That wouldn’t be sexual enough. That mother should know better. The child has no idea that he was used by Time and that his mother did nothing to protect him.
No one thinks its weird that he might remember being breastfed when he is an adult? I would find that a horribly uncomfortable memory, personally.
The way she is posed is kinda creepy, too.
Mary 3:23PM
This is a different Mary than me! Though I definitely think she makes very valid points.
I am a mom that feeds my 3 year old son still. He sleeps with me. But both these things do not mean that he is still in a high chair or fully dependent on me.
In fact, the relationship we have has helped him be confident in his own skills. He feeds himself, gets the milk from the fridge and drinks from a cup, even helps me with my house chores. He is a perfect little gentleman, helping me carry the groceries to inside the house.
I don’t intend to feed him for the rest of his life. I just want him to wean himself when he’s ready (hopefully before he goes to school). Just as he is weaning himself from the bottle.
I am conscious of the fact that when he feeds outside, there might be people who will not be happy. So I try to wean him from feeding outside the house.
What I am not happy about is when people give breastfeeding sexual connotation. I believe that the breast was created for that purpose and not for sexual pleasure. The latter is more of a benefit rather than the principal use.
I would protest to the picture of the mom breastfeeding her child, but I believe that the picture is reflective of the story behind it.
I don’t have a problem with her breastfeeding her 3-year-old. I do have a problem with the photograph itself. It is unnatural. I have never seen or heard of anyone nursing a child like that. It was taken that way specifically to be controversial. The woman looks like a model, has the tiniest nursing boobs ever and they are both looking at the camera like “Hey, look at me.” I think it’s a sexualized photo and disrespects the majority of nursing moms and how they choose to care for their children.
I have not read the article, but that being said, this article shows what’s wrong with our society today and it’s not that she’s breastfeeding a preschooler. There is SO much competition and judgement among moms these days and it is breaking a community of women into cliques instead of all of us joining together in support and learning. The title elicits a challenge that is unecessary and is the very question most moms ask themselves every day only to feel inadequate when we compare ourselves with other mo s who are perceived as doing it better by the world’s daily changing standards. No, i don’t like this article. For it’s implication with the title and what it was probably intended to do, bring out judgment and separation among women. We need to join together, let moms be moms and love each other to being better, not tear each other down so we feel better.
I am a supporter of “extended” breast-feeding, though I hate that term. It implies that nursing your child “as long as mutually desired” (AAP, LLL, WHO, etc.) is somehow artificially “extending” a natural relationship beyond where it would normally end. Children in the majority of the world, including third-world countries where mom does CONSTANT PHYSICAL LABOR for 14-16hrs a day just to survive, (thanks alot to the condescending “anyone able to do this has waaaaay too much time on their hands or is privileged to do it… GET A JOB” comment) breast-feed into the range of 5yr to 7yrs which is actually the NORMAL and NATURAL weaning age for human children and NOT 1-2yrs. Ya know, when the MILK TEETH begin to fall out??? Hello??? Long after the “nutritive” aspect of BF is no longer the child’s only source of nutrients (it continues to provide supplemental nutrients, enzymes, stem cells, and other nutrition not found in any other food anywhere, etc.) BM continues to provide immunological, emotional, developmental, and other healthy benefits the same way it does from day one. We do not BF solely to nourish the baby but for bonding and many many other reasons that don’t magically vanish at 12mo! A child’s immune system is not fully developed until 3yr so BM provides that immunity until the child can develop it on his own for example. And yes the benefits extend beyond 3. DO SOME RESEARCH! There is no magical shut-off switch that suddenly removes all the good benefits of BM at a certain date or birthday.
Pro-aborts accuse us of demeaning women… and how many times have we referred to women as “cow”s here? And demeaned these mother’s intelligence with “even a cow knows”??? SHAMEFUL.
There is so much ignorance about our bodies on a blog that touts such an educated attitude of fetal/human development and how our bodies are disrupted and destroyed by artificial hormones/abortion. I am deeply disappointed. It gives credence to the pro-aborts tunnel-vision accusations :(
My good friend lost this past Thanksgiving and Christmas with her daughter to this kind of perverted ignorance when her daughter was taken from her by the state because while she BF’ed her daughter, her boyfriend (daughter’s father) gave her a kiss before leaving. Her daughter happened to mention breastfeeding in pre-school and they questioned her until they got this juicy little tid-bit out of her. Oh gasp, molestation! They turned her healthy, natural, intimate relationship with her mother into some sick twisted perverted fantasy in their own minds and punished this child and her mother for it! She had to sign a paper from the state that she would no longer BF her daughter and go on probation for 3mo before they would return her daughter. Her daughter now has separation anxiety (which she never suffered before) and night terrors. You think “what would happen if the state decided…”??? Well it already has and does! This is a sick perverted culture, and we better take a good hard look at our own twisted sex soaked minds and arrest our own perverted thoughts instead of accusing, sneering at, and interfering with a perfectly healthy natural mother-child relationship. >:( Ya’ll who are freaked out by this are sick.
World Health Organization has a recomendation to breastfeed a child to four years old. This is the normal behavior in many countries in the world. It is extreemly sad that breastfeeding at three should bring these kinds of thoughts or optinions. This is a statement of how much our culture is selfcentered rather than needs of others centered. Thanks TIME magazine for allowing us the chance to see how far our mother’s have come in pursiut of their personal happiness.
What upsets me the most is that so few are going on the data. When people say “I think he’s too old”, or “what if he doesn’t want to be weaned until HS”, or “the boy will be teased later in life”, etc… they are displaying a disdain for data.
There is a lot of data available that provides ample evidence of the historic, geographic, cultural, and physiological preeminence of breastfeeding past 12 months.
?”I carried you nine months in my womb, and nursed you for three years, and have reared you and brought you up to this point in your life, and have taken care of you” (2 Macabees 7:27)
Should healthy breastfeeding be between mother and child or between mother, child, and everyone else in America who has internet access? Classy, Time.
I have no problem with her breastfeeding her 3 year old.
It is in bad taste to publicize it.
ChristianHippie, I don’t think those of us who are a bit creeped out by this photo are “sick”. They deliberately posed her like that to elicit uncomfortable reactions. I do think that three is a bit old, that’s my oldest child’s age and I cant imagine him still being breastfed lol. I do think that breastfeeding is a good choice, my wife only did it until my son was like one and a half, and she wasn’t able to with my daughter. I’ve never seen a child this old being fed that way, so yeah its uncomfortable. Possibly educating people on your views would be helpful, rather than insulting them and calling them “sick”.
I still think it would be really weird to remember being breastfed.
The cover photograph works to distort the whole subject. Questions about breast-feeding, how important it is, the benefits to the baby, how long children should be breast-fed, are all quite legitimate. They are interesting. The are important to mothers, to children, and to anyone who cares about children — which should be everyone.
However, the mother in the photo is gazing at the camera with the kind of defiant, arrogant look that is common in fashion models. Her posture and expression do not convey maternal warmth and caring.
The breast-feeding pose is unnatural with the kid up on the stool. The picture just does not look right for the subject.
Time did everyone a disservice by illustrating the subject with this pic.
“You’d better be careful revealing those sorts of views. Someone might label you a communist or, worse yet, a liberal.”
mp
Are you new here? I am a liberal.
Whatever they want to do is cool with me. As long as they’re not hurting anyone, it’s all good.
I nursed my first to 6 months. Then she and I were cool bringing that stage of our lives to a close so I could go back to school. My son, however, DEMANDED that I nurse him until a little past a year. I wanted to wean him SO BAD, but he just wouldn’t accept anything else. He had to have the boob. That was when I decided that I didn’t really give a flying flip what people in public thought about me nursing my kids.
The fact this pic is censored is silly.
What is Macabees?
1 & 2 Maccabees are considered part of scripture in non-Protestant denominations.
And it would have made a good movie if not for Mel Gibson having the worst mid-life crisis evah!
What is disturbing about the photo is that mom does not look like a mommy; she looks like a hottie. I agree with Dr. Ablow that the kid is helping feed her ego.
I am a proud attachement parent. I BF my, now, 6 y/o daughter until 2.5. I am currently nursing my 26 m/o son. When I saw this pic; I was a bit shocked. I wasn’t sure how to feel but I wanted to support it.
I agree with the criticism that says the picture does NOT depict a natural, healhty BF relationship–it is simply shock value. There is something wrong with the tone or energy of the pic.
Dr. Sears didn’t invent AP; he simply gave mom’s permission to intuitively parent their children against the mainstreamed norm of “things” and “stuff” and “independence” and self-soothing”.
Re: the WHO stat on BFing–
the WHO represents industrialized nations as well as 3rd world nations. In Subsahara Africa where tribal folks (Kung Tribe) are still eating roots and a generally harsh diet; it is not feasable for a small child to be nourished that way. So it makes sense that the BF until 6. Here in the US there is NO need for a child to nurse that long–our food supply is much more tolerable to a small child. Yes, the nurturing aspect is still a necessity but it doesn’t need to be fulfilled via BFing. There is healthy touch, snuggling, quality time, eye contact etc. I HATE when stats are used to tell a partial truth. WHO recommends BFing so long because many nations still need it for nourishment. We don’t.
Carla;
Kindergarten just ain’t what it used to be! LOL It used to be eating paste, coloring and basic number and letters. My DD just took SAT’s YES, SAT’s in K-5. I was UPSET! I kept her home until she was 5–so I could raise her and not the State. They have also learned basics about Science, Geography and Religion (Thank God, it is a Christian School). I think kids should just be allowed to BE friggen kids and stop trying to “Ivy League” them. But I know… sheepish…THAT is a whole ‘nother discussion!
Luana, what does a mommy look like? I know lots of mommies who wear fitted jeans and tank tops.
I think people are getting the “hottie” think from the way she was posed. It doesn’t seem that maternal,poor kid looks like he’s gonna fall off. I think that Time would have done better with this issue if they posed them cuddling like breastfeeding mothers usually do.
And my wife is both mommy and hottie, as anyone who has seen a picture of her can attest, lol. It’s not like they are mutually exclusive.
Hi JackBorsch,
I agree, the pose is tacky. Like I posted earlier she looks like she’s giving the kid a quick fix on her way to the gym. All us mothers who have nursed know better and a more realistic picture would have been more acceptable to me.
I agree, a woman can be both mommy and hottie. I’ve seen some hottie dads as well!
I nursed all three of my kids and they all self-weaned at around a year and, quite frankly, I was glad when they were done. No matter how thrilled I was to have them, the super clingy stage was always a challenge for me. At any rate, I feel sorry for this little guy, that his mother is more intent on serving her needs than HIS right to privacy. She may choose to give up her privacy and that’s her right, but it is wrong to do so for him. I don’t care how long anyone wants to breastfeed. Just remember that you are the protector of your child’s dignity.
I know a young woman in grad school. Her mother follows her from class to class, even texting her inside the room as she waits outside the door. She has no friends which her mother tells her is fine because she is better than her fellow students anyway.
Bet her mom finds nothing wrong with this photo.
“How old is too old for breastfeeding?”
When the ‘milk mustache’ is whitewashing a five o’clock shadow.
“How old is too old for breastfeeding?”
Or when the cat can no longer lick the mustache off.
“How old is too old for breastfeeding?”
Mine where too old when they had to be told the second time to not bite.
TheChristianHippie says:
May 12, 2012 at 7:35 pm
BRAVO! Excellent post! I have nothing to add except that the picture on TIMES doesn’t really reflect what and how breastfeeding takes place/looks like. But all the points you made about “extended breastfeeding” are spot on!
Carla says: May 12, 2012 at 9:30 pm “What is Macabees?”
Part of Jewish history.
Suggested reading:
My Glorious Brothers is a historical novel by the Jewish American novelist Howard Fast, depicting the 167 BC Maccabeean revolt against the Greek–Seleucid Empire occupation of Judea.
Easy read, 280 pages, geared more toward guys, but gals might enjoy it as well.
Praxedes, I have always been under the impression that biting is a pretty common problem, and just a phase that can be worked through, in breastfeeding?
Alexandra, from my experience, there is biting and there is BITING. Intent is what matters and age of the child. A new teether would not understand that they might be hurting mom but an older toddler would.
I think most moms know the difference unless they are in some sort of denial. When the child is old enough to realize that s/he has hurt mom and then does it again later and giggles, it might be time to stop nursing. I believe this is at a different age for each child and each child has a different temperament and readiness to quit nursing.
Just like earlier when I stated a child was playing with “Bub”. I saw it as more of ‘I can control mom issue’ than one of nurture and nutrition. I think each situation is different but after a year or so I believe mom should always be the one in positive control, not the child.
I think the mom in the photo above is in control as well but in a very negative way. Like Jess said, the Mom, “should be the protector of her child’s dignity” and she has failed him immensely. It makes me sad for the little guy and angry at the mom and at TIME.
OK, Praxedes, that explanation falls way more in line with what my friends have experienced than just “biting = no more breastfeeding.” Thanks.
Mary no gorillas don’t have to do laundry or financially support a household I made the reference to gorillas because someone had wrote even cows know when to ween as far as I know cows don’t have those responsibilities either, and really those things can still get done, I’m a single mother with no financial assistance, I do it all on my own and I breastfeed my 2 year old it’s actually less time consuming to nurse a toddler because they don’t nurse as often. Also the reference to gorillas was meant to be a comparison to biological functions and had nothing to do with convienance… As for people who say they’ve never seen a child nurse like this I remember some of my siblings pulling up a chair and nursing while my mom did dishes, and they have memories of nursing and no it’s not disturbing at all it’s only disturbing when your ignorant about the species you belong to, I’m far from liberal but I’m starting to see what libs are talking about when they say we only care about people untill they’re born!
Hi Michelle,
I fully understood your point and only meant to add a little humor. Obvously humans cannot nurse for years like gorillas and mama gorillas have life a little easier :) Human mothers are a pretty busy bunch.
I never said I took any offense at the picture, I only find it very unrealistic, much like Mrs. Trump’s “new mother photo” in her evening gown and spikes.
I nursed my oldest for over a year. Obviously I have no problem with breastfeeding as I breastfed all my children and don’t understand why you think I am bothered by it or think your siblings should have disturbing memories of being breastfed.I personally think a child that age(above) is a bit old to be nursing but that’s me. I also think he’s too old for a high chair and crib. If a woman chooses to nurse this long, go for it.
As a former La Leche League leader and a mom of four, I pretty much agree with what Robin wrote.
My first three children were weaned when the next baby came along which was around 2 years or so. The last child was weaned at 3 years only because our family suffered through a breakup and this seemed to help her through this tough time. Having said that when I say nursing at three I am talking about once or twice per day – either waking up from a nap or going to sleep at night.
I feel more than anything that this entire article is a flank attack on attachment parenting which probably doesn’t sit well with liberal type women/men who feel that the true vocation of women is in the workforce rather than “wasting” their time at home raising and god help us all “nursing” their babies/toddlers who should be in daycare.
Having said that when I say nursing at three I am talking about once or twice per day – either waking up from a nap or going to sleep at night.
I agree, angel.
If he’s old enough to pull up a chair to the sink by himself, he’s old enough to help mom (or sibs or dad) dry the dishes!
And I say this because I care about children both before and after they are born. Raising responsible children is caring about them.
Praxedes: (supporting your statements)
You last paragraph reminds me of this–which I know to be so very true:
“When you think of a piece of fruit as spoiled, you think of it as bruised, left on the shelf to rot, handled roughly, neglected. But meeting needs, giving lots of loving care, handling gently, is not spoiling. I could carry this one step further and say that a piece of fruit is at its best when left to ripen on the tree, its source of nourishment-and a baby is at his best when held close to his source of physical and emotional nourishment-his mother.”
-Marion BlackshearMother, Grandmother and La Leche League Leader
And this one, too:
“Babies do not get spoiled by being held. Babies ‘spoil’ when they are not held.”
-Dr. William Sears
Am I mom enough?
I guess not. :)
Mary sorry I was responding to 2 things in one comment everything I wrote wasn’t for you just the gorilla stuff:)
Hi Michelle,
No problem. Again, I only meant to add a little humor, not to belittle your opinion :)
Carla – personally I like this response from the Huffington Post, called “No. I Am Not Mom Enough.” http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-belkin/no-i-am-not-mom-enough_b_1507550.html
So, is the biggest issue the photo or the article? If the photo, people need to get a life.
Hi Carla, 10:18am
I have no doubt that you are an outstanding mother.
I have been told quite a few times lately to GET A LIFE.
Mary,
How sweet of you to say!! I have my moments in the trenches. Mothering is the most amazing journey I have ever embarked on! Hugs to you!
Hi Carla 9:41PM
Indeed it is, and its filled with a lot of potholes. I know you will do well.
The best reward is when, despite all the bad, difficulty, sadness, and terrible teen years, your children turn into outstanding adults. I have been very blessed that way.
Hugs to you as well.
Mary,
A light at the end of the tunnel!! You mean to tell me these precious little people will grow into adults? Whoodathunk? :)
A divine privilege to be called mommy. Indeed.
Just curious, has anyone actually read the article?
I mean, yes, the picture is tacky. But it was obviously used for shock value, which is marketing. I don’t agree with it, but what is actually in the article? (I haven’t read it)