Claim: Rise in STDs caused by… homophobia?
by Carder
With most of these populations, having a sexually transmitted disease from having sex with another man is highly stigmatized. They’d rather not get tested for HIV, syphilis, or whatever.
They don’t want it to show up on their records.
~ Professor George W. Rutherford, claiming that homophobia in the South may contribute to the rise of sexually transmitted diseases, Bloomberg, January 8
Note: Ryan Bomberger of The Radiance Foundation responds:
And where is Planned Parenthood in this mix with its half a billion in annual Title X funding from the American taxpayer? Is the CDC suggesting that that “investment” is failing? Why aren’t the over 800 Planned Parenthood alleged “health centers” treating these men? Planned Parenthood is the number one source of reproductive health propaganda. There’s no stigma there. They aggressively promote unhealthy sexual behaviors among every demographic, and they boast of their increased testing and STD treatments.
[HT: Kelli; photo credit: Think Positive]
Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
Testing
I believe it to be true. Ive spoken of a homosexual friend with HIV. His partner was a nurse so thats how we met. He never went to the doctor until he became so ill he had to go to the hospital. Even that day he sat in the ER and said “Could you write me a script because Id like to go home.” They informed him that that would be a really bad idea as the doctor had just ordered to ICU or he would die. After about a total 2 week stay…1 in ICU and another on a step down floor is when they had determined he indeed had HIV.
I have no doubt some people may be embarrassed enough to chicken out of getting the health care they need. And the problem probably isn’t limited to LGBT people. (Nobody likes for the world to know that they have an STD!)
You can’t really blame Planned Parenthood for people who simply refuse to get tested. You can, however, blame Planned Parenthood for telling people who show up for testing to donate blood instead (really): http://liveaction.org/blog/planned-parenthood-advises-man-who-might-have-stds-to-donate-blood/
I agree with Kelsey. “Nobody likes for the world to know that they have an STD.”
“Homophobia” is a word used to make us all feel that sexual license should be publicly upheld as a good, and that if we don’t feel that way, there is something wrong with us.
Homosexuality was listed in the DSM not long ago as a mental disorder. Now they want to classify modesty/chastity/piety as mental disorder.
I guess the rise in STDs couldn’t possibly be attributed to risky or indiscriminate sexual behavior??
Lisa: You hit the nail on the head. Our disordered society wants to brand promiscuity as a good, and then blame virtue as a mental disorder.
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Is there any way to contract an STD and not feel ashamed about it?
Even an innocent wife who is infected by her adulterous husband would not want to blithely mention this around the water cooler.
“Is there any way to contract an STD and not feel ashamed about it?”
Yes. People who get STDs through infidelity, rape, or childhood sexual abuse, etc have nothing to be ashamed about. They might feel ashamed, but they didn’t do anything wrong.
I think it’s “stigma”, not “homophobia”. I’m pretty sure there are plenty of straight people who delay/refuse testing due to embarrassment. I don’t think people with STDs should be treated badly.
I do think that promiscuity probably has a lot to do with it too, but there are a lot of reasons for that.
I was thinking and I think that the same issue exists with heterosexuals in the “hook up” culture, it’s just that men having sex with men is an inherently riskier proposition. Smaller community means STDs get passed around quicker (it’s the same thing with African-Americans, higher STD rate because of the much smaller dating pool), and particular sex acts carry much, much higher transmission rates (not exclusive to homosexual sex, but along with the higher rates in the LGBT community it’s more dangerous), along with the very human tendency to be embarrassed over stigmatized things like STDs and not get tested. It really needs to be taken care of and worked on, HIV and such is nothing to be cavalier about.
And some gay communities tend to be very, very promiscuous. I always thought that some gay men act like some straight guys would if women would let them.
DLPL: “Yes. People who get STDs through infidelity, rape, or childhood sexual abuse, etc have nothing to be ashamed about. They might feel ashamed, but they didn’t do anything wrong.”
Rape yes, childhood sexual abuse yes BUT infidelity? How do you reason that?
The victim of the infidelity (the spouse that got cheated on). It’s not their fault that their spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend brought something home.
Aha, thanks for the clarification. Agreed.
Yes, agreed. I coaxed my mid-60s, married-40-years mother into going for STI testing, including HIV, once we discovered the extent of my father’s infidelity in the last five years of the marriage. She was ashamed and she kept stalling. I kept telling her there is nothing to be ashamed about, but the reality is, there IS a stigma. She didn’t want to go to her normal doctor at first but in the end I told her I thought that would be most comfortable for her, that there was nothing at all to be ashamed of and no reason to hide in an anonymous clinic some several towns over, or whatever; and she agreed. Her doctor was wonderful – very professional aside from a brief “I am sorry for what you’re going through” comment. It was hard, though.
I’m sorry for what your mother went through/is going through, Alexandra.
Aw, thanks Jack. She’s a pretty tough lady. The STI testing was already almost two years ago, and it’s been a year and a half since I spoke to my father (not due to the infidelity or the divorce, but rather due to aggressive actions he’s taken against my sisters and I – like participating in the creation and distribution – to my co-workers even – of a 200+ page document about how we were such awful, spoiled, horrible children that we totally ruined his life. I’m not lying, they even overnight FedEx’d this thing to my older sister and her husband, I guess just to be like extra sure that everyone saw it ASAP, idk. It’s a load of crap but it’s still mortifying to think of people even seeing my name in association with it. At one point it blames me for “getting” braces as a kid and not turning out to be “pretty enough to have been worth the money.” At another it says my younger sister should have been aborted. Later on it makes fun of me for being “held back” in kindergarten and muses that I was too stupid even for first grade (I was the youngest in the class so I was put in an intermediary class rather than going directly to first grade; I attribute most of my academic success to this action). It was written by his girlfriend but he read it as she was writing it over three months and said nothing, before or after she sent it out to the whole world. To this day he maintains that it’s “just words” and that we are “being too sensitive.” So…I don’t communicate with him in any way. It would be easy to say he was a terrible father, but he was a wonderful father. He was the best dad ever. Until what I can only assume is early-onset dementia set in. Now he just does creepy stalker things, his latest is donating money to organizations in my name so that I get notifications about it – finally, a “gift” I cannot just return to sender like I have with everything else he’s tried to send to me, or did before I moved and kept my address relatively private. Anyway.)
In the intervening two years my mom has done a lot – gotten the divorce finalized after ages and after belligerent stalling on my dad’s part, sold the old house and bought a charming little cottage near me (so that I can maintain it for her lol) which was not easy to do, apparently no one wants to approve a mortgage for a person nearing retirement age, even at 80% down; completely re-worked her finances in a pretty masterful way, thrown herself wholeheartedly into her job, traveled to visit both my sisters quite frequently, etc. There is still a lot of trauma but she’s a tough cookie, with this tough cookie on her side, and she’ll be okay. :)
Now they want to classify modesty/chastity/piety as mental disorder. – do they? I haven’t read of or heard about that in any psychological journals or papers. Where did you come across this?
Why aren’t the over 800 Planned Parenthood alleged “health centers” treating these men? – because of the throngs of the self-righteous outside them? The people ‘these men’ may have to interact with in restaurants, their workplace, their childrens schools or even their church?
Kudos to your mother Alexandra :-)
Wow at your dad Alexandra. He was a wonderful father when you were a child but this has happened over the last few years? Do you know if drugs/drinking were involved? Sorry if that’s too personal of a question, I just am flabbergasted at the change in personality that is so dramatic. I’m sorry for the things that he said to you and how he embarrassed you. Awesome that your mother is so strong and putting her life back together though!
Thanks, Reality :)
Yeah, Jack, he was a great dad – he had his problems but he was really a wonderful father. He changed about five years ago. It was very subtle at first (though obviously not later on). Drugs/drinking actually weren’t directly involved, but they are part of his general history – just alcohol, not drugs. Basically my dad was always sort of unfulfilled/unhappy on some level, there was always a different target for why but his whole life he felt like he was missing something. In a way I suspect it was a crucial part of his success – he was a leader in his industry and basically completely changed it because he was always pushing for more, better, etc. It probably would have eventually changed with or without him, but he was the one who changed it, regardless. But I think that those same tendencies left him feeling vaguely empty in his home life, even though he was very fortunate – he made a lot of money, we had a lovely house, we were pretty good kids who all excelled in school and in our activities (ballet for my older sister and I, horseback riding for my younger sister; piano for all of us; violin/cello/viola for each of us, respectively, that sort of thing), we had fun family vacations, etc. We were fortunate but we also lived modestly, in hand-me-downs and with weekly trips to the library, etc. But he always felt unfulfilled, personally and professionally. For most of his life, it was because of his parents, who were not the best. Then they died and he realized they weren’t the problem, that he was just generally depressed, so he went on antidepressants for a while (this was mid-90s by this point). Then after a few years he decided that the antidepressants were the problem so he went off them and self-medicated to some extent with alcohol; he ended up getting gently pushed out of the very successful small business he’d started by his partner, because he was just too unreliable by then – but he was still “my dad,” he was still the same person, just struggling. He wasn’t changed yet, I don’t know how else to describe it. He was himself, even in that failure. Then after a while he decided the alcohol was the problem so he went completely sober. He rallied for a while. Shortly after that he decided my mom was the problem.
The other part of the story is that the woman he’s currently living with is basically completely insane, enough so that she has a literally 30+-year vendetta against my mom. She’s the one who wrote the big document about how awful we all are and she kept talking about stuff that happened before I was even born, little daily irritations that led her to hate my mother, I mean he-said-she-said stuff from the late 70s. (The woman works in my father’s industry, as my mother did once upon a time, so they all knew each other for most of their adult lives.) She basically told a 30-year story of how she worked very hard to undermine my parents’ marriage and “help my father see” how awful his wife truly was (alongside, of course, how truly horrible she’d made his children become). And when he was casting about for his next target for his unhappiness that last time, she was there waiting.
So basically my dad was, I think, increasingly unstable and mentally unwell – this is where I think that the early-onset dementia might be a factor – and this woman meanwhile was 25 years into some weird vendetta thing she had going on, so she was right there to point him in the direction of his next “fixation on the problem” and “next solution.” Even then it was gradual – that’s when he really started changing, when he started hanging out with this woman a lot and eventually seeing her – but it was maybe a year before he began having an affair, and two or three years before my mom finally confronted him and he refused to stop seeing the other woman.
It’s sad in a way. I used to try very hard to be nice to this woman, back in the day, because I knew she was a friend of my dad’s and because I thought she seemed bitter and lonely. I would invite her to shows I’d worked on, and cat-sit for her, etc. One time I was looking for some paperwork of hers on her request, and by accident I found an e-mail she’d sent to my dad talking about how she made a pact with herself that if she was still single and alone at 50 she would kill herself, no outs. She was over 50 by the time she wrote this thing and she hadn’t killed herself and she wrote of the self-loathing she had for herself, for not going through with it. (Then, of course, on the flipside she wrote – in that document she later sent out about us – how she thought it was incredibly selfish of my mother to have three children and contribute to overpopulation, etc etc etc. She also described her own two abortions in great detail. Like, thanks, THAT’S what everyone wants to know. The weird part was she also said terrible things about my dad – how he was so disgustingly weak for letting us all walk all over him all those years, how he is still disgustingly weak, how sometimes she wonders how long she’ll bother putting up with his weakness before she just gets tired and kicks him out of her life etc. It is obviously a really unhealthy, insane dynamic they have going on and I used to try to stay in my dad’s life to be a positive, mentally healthy influence but once she/he started really aggressively interfering in my life I had to cut off all contact.)
So basically I told my dad that I will never tell him what to do. That he should do what he thinks is best and most appropriate, but that I in turn have the right to do the same. And that given his current actions, what is appropriate in my eyes is having no contact whatsoever with him. If he ever thinks that he might want to change his behavior, my reaction to it might change, but until then don’t contact me. He still contacts me but I don’t respond. Now he is sending the creepy donations in my name, eyeroll. Oh well.
Your dad’s girlfriend (or whatever she is) sounds like a typical emotional abuser and probably has some severe mental health issues going on. :( I’m sorry, I feel a little bad for your dad. It seems he was vulnerable to this stuff going back years and it’s just reached a tipping point, and now he is destroying his relationships with his daughters and ruined his relationship with his wife. I hope he comes to his senses and tries to make things positive about his life before it’s too late. I probably would be more judging of him if he hadn’t been a good dad to you as a child, maybe he still has that good dad in him somewhere, his mental health issues are just ruining that. I hope it works out in a good way for you all at some point. I do agree it sounds like he’s suffering from some form of dementia or other mental health issue, I hope it’s something that can be treated, but people have to make the decision to do that for themselves unless they get to the point where it’s impossible for them to care for themselves.
I hope you’re taking care of yourself and your own mental health even after dealing with all that, and I’m glad you made the decision to protect yourself and not let the negativity into your life. :)
Why aren’t the over 800 Planned Parenthood alleged “health centers” treating these men?
– because of the throngs of the self-righteous outside them? The people ‘these men’ may have to interact with in restaurants, their workplace, their childrens schools or even their church?
It is more likely that the 750 Planned Parenthood centers throughout the US are treating men with STDs, but that not all men in the US with STDs live near one of the 750 Planned Parenthood centers.
Pro-lifers insist that CPCs provide better medical care than Planned Parenthood and that there are many more of them than there are PP centers. How many STD cases have CPCs treated in the past year?
“It is more likely that the 750 Planned Parenthood centers throughout the US are treating men with STDs, but that not all men in the US with STDs live near one of the 750 Planned Parenthood centers.”
Sometimes STDs can be asymptomatic especially in men, so they end up passed on to many people before the carrier realizes something is wrong. Many men don’t realize they have STDs for a long time, I think that probably helps contribute to the higher rates in the gay community as well. So PP can’t really treat an STD that a guy doesn’t even realize he has. And men are less likely to see the doctor for any issue than women are, especially something embarrassing like an STD, so that’s probably a factor as well.
“Pro-lifers insist that CPCs provide better medical care than Planned Parenthood and that there are many more of them than there are PP centers. How many STD cases have CPCs treated in the past year? ”
Uh, I don’t even know if many CPCs even offer STD testing/treatment. And I doubt gay dudes would be going to a Crisis Pregnancy Center. And some pro-lifers may think that CPCs provide better medical care than PP, but some of us just think that an organization that provides abortions should not exist in that capacity. I would not have much issue with PP if they stopped providing abortions, and I do think that it’s important to have low cost clinics focusing on sexual health (though I pretty strongly disagree with some of what PP supports besides abortions, especially regarding minors and their sex lives).
I’ve been trying to think of ways for the stigma to be lessened against those with STDs, without encouraging unhealthy sexual practices, and I really don’t have any good ideas. :/ I would say that those with permanent STDs, especially those who contracted them through no fault of their own, should be public and open about it just like any illness, you wouldn’t be ashamed to say you had diabetes or whatever. But I really can’t imagine many people would be willing to put their reputations on the line like that.
I really think people should start separating the disease from the person (STDs are particularly unpleasant, but the person isn’t “bad” or “dirty” for having one even if they were promiscuous or got involved in dangerous behaviors), and stop assuming they know how someone got one. You never know how someone contracted something.
Id had sex with a man who I later found out was bisexual. He lived in Nevada so as soon as I flew home and found out about the men and women he was with…a friend called to tell me not only was he married but he advertised on a gay website. I told the doctor to run everything! I was a little embarasssed but the sex was unprotected. Thank God everything came back clean. Not everyone is so lucky.
And to add a correction about my gay friend..
after being admitted to ICU…his boyfriend was a nurse there…he DID tell tthem he was gay. So the doc did ask to run HIV testing on him. He told them “run everything.” So I have to take that back. His lover is negative.
Actually now that I think about it, diabetes is a good analogy. There’s Type 1, and Type 2. They are not 100% sure what causes Type 1, but they believe it’s a genetic or possibly environmental issue in some cases and probably not due to lifestyle choices. This would be an analogous to those who contract STDs from childhood abuse, or rape, or being cheated on or other situations where an STD is contracted through no fault of the person. There’s nothing shameful about having an illness that isn’t your fault at all, there should be no shame in saying you got [insert STD] from being raped as a child or cheated on. And no one should shame or judge someone for that. There’s a lot of shame from being victimized anyway, it’s a crime that people feel even more shame because of their STD status when it couldn’t have even been prevented.
Type 2 can often be caused or influenced by your lifestyle, becoming overweight and poor lifestyle choices can cause you to become diabetic. This could be analogous to those who contract STDs through their own choices. That doesn’t mean people who have Type 2 should be scorned or ashamed for their condition, even if they contributed to their own condition. No matter their contribution to their illness, there shouldn’t be shame or judgment for them. Same for those who contract STDs through their own choices. They still deserve to be treated with dignity and, I believe, shouldn’t have to feel ashamed or judged for having such a condition. It shouldn’t be embarrassing to admit, no more than admitting you have any other illness that was influenced through your own behavior. And reducing this shame would increase testing I believe. And I don’t believe reducing this stigma would increase promiscuity, maybe if people talked about these issues more openly and kindly people would be more careful with their health.
I think it’s just because it involves sex that people are so much more ashamed about their STD status, even if it’s not their fault. We don’t treat other lifestyle influenced illnesses (except maybe issues related to drug use) the way we treat those with STDs. I don’t think that’s right and I don’t believe it’s helping matters, probably making it worse.
DLPL…agreed. A few of my friends did catch STDs….one female nurse friend of mine has herpes but most have HPV. MY deceased husband contracted an STD from his ex girlfriend…I cant remember what it was now. Idk what I think because I would think most people..gay or straight…would want to know the good bad and the ugly. Sometimes people just put off going to the doctor because they procrastinate. This is how my father died from cancer. He just didnt go to the doctor until it was too late. No shame in cancer.
And by all means dont be afraid to tell a doctor. They hear it all. Im sure Im not alone in my thinking but as a younger woman I was petrified of male OBGYNs. I figured that a pelvic would arouse them. Today at 44 I lol at that because now I actually prefer a man! The one who delivered my second daughter was beyond excellent. In fact his wife was also a doctor expecting their first baby. Id hug him sometimes when Id leave and he was so excited about becoming a dad. I was sad to hear that hed moved to Seattle when I became pregnant with my son. Nobody is ever comfortable during a pelvic but at 44 my aprehension has eased.
People should not be afraid to be tested for STIs. HIPPA is very strict about confidentiality of medical information. A breach of confidentiality is grounds for a lawsuit.
Alexandra I am sorry about your family problems. This woman seems like she has some kind of personality disorder. I am having family problems of my own. I had to have my son arrested for breaking into my home and he admitted that he is a heroin addict, a junkie. He is in jail now and I hope they are going to give him some sort of treatment. Lousy way to start the New Year, huh? And he has two children, a two year old and an 1
8 month daughter who looks just like him. So please keep him in your prayers.
Oh philymiss I am so sorry to hear that. I lost my husband to that last year…cant recall if you were reading. That drug is killing so many people here and everywhere. I will be praying for you.
I am so sorry, phillymiss :( These kinds of things are so hard but sometimes you cannot help someone unless they are at least a tiny bit willing to help themselves.
Jack, I do want to stress that he was a good man and a good dad. Like, back when my mom had cancer even, and I gave up my scholarship to come home and take care of her, he did his part too. We sold the house to pay for the expenses that insurance didn’t cover (significant) and part of why I had to come home from college was that it allowed him to take a very lucrative but professionally demeaning job working on the road for 8 months. (This was after he had been pushed out of his company by that point – so it was basically like the CEO of a corporation going to work at McDonald’s, in terms of prestige and overall impression – but he did it because he was able to negotiate a really high rate, and it’s the only reason my family was financially okay – this was after two decades of conscientious saving and relatively modest living, etc, it just wiped out all the savings and he still managed to keep everything afloat, even though it nearly broke his back, he was too old for that kind of work, and made him a laughingstock among certain people he worked with).
He traveled a lot for work when I was a young kid, and his schedule loosened up a bit when I was in high school (ie when he started faltering professionally a little bit). He started walking me to the bus in my freshman year of high school. Oh god it was mortifying but I knew it was important to him so I never said a word. It was like he realized that in a year or two I’d be driving myself and this was his last chance to do the morning school-bus walk that he’d never bothered with before. He would make a steaming mug of coffee EVERY MORNING and trek down our driveway with me (1/4 mile driveway, we lived on a mountain road at the time) and stand with me at this little nearby cul-de-sac, sipping his coffee, and we’d just chat. About anything. I would try very hard not to see all the older kids driving by in their cars, staring at the freshman (or eventually sophomore) whose dad still walked her to the bus stop. And if I could just forget about all those nasty older kids, we’d have a great talk, and a great morning. And he’d wish me a good day as I climbed up the school bus stairs, like a freaking kindergartner, and I would want to die but also want to burst with happiness. Those mornings are some of my best memories of him, now.
I had a lot of sympathy for him at first, in all of this. It’s waned a little bit. I thought that once it became clear what he was losing, he would find it in himself to show even an ounce of his old self and do or say something. But he can’t. And I can’t let him in my life. The hardest part for me is that I really, truly believe he feels abandeoned by us all. I think he’s delusional and not all there and I think that he honestly will live out his life feeling like everyone left him – when in reality he left everyone else. But, I mean, when he is doing such aggressively harmful things to me and the people I love, I can’t have him in my life. It is just very powerless and upsetting. In some ways I consider my father already dead – I’m just not really sure when he died, but I know it was a while ago, and we never figured it out until recently.
Uh, I don’t even know if many CPCs even offer STD testing/treatment. And I doubt gay dudes would be going to a Crisis Pregnancy Center.
Of course CPCs don’t offer STD testing/treatment. They don’t even offer contraception. And yet, states are taking money away from clinics (PP and otherwise) that do offer medical treatment, and giving it to CPCs, which do not. In Texas, CPCs bill the state for such services as they do offer at a higher rate than PP did.
And some pro-lifers may think that CPCs provide better medical care than PP, but some of us just think that an organization that provides abortions should not exist in that capacity.
But the problem is that the pro-lifers who are driving the legislative agenda are the ones who are giving CPCs money that ought to be going to providing actual medical care.
I think that one of the harder things is explaining it to the kids. They know about death, because my partner’s father died quite some years ago, and death is scary. But eventually they got around to wondering if my dad was dead too; and if not, are we ever going to hang out with him like we do with my mom? No. Why not? It’s tough. And terrifying, to explain to a kid. They want to hear that he was always a bad man, that he never loved us, but it isn’t the truth and it would be disingenuous to say such a thing just to make them feel better now, when it will only be something they re-learn later on. But how do you explain to a kid that people, even parents, can go from good to bad. That love is not always forever. Obviously I don’t say these things, but then what do I say? It’s horrifying to even contemplate. The insecurity that such a notion instills. What they really want to know is that it won’t ever happen to them: young people very rarely die, and good fathers stay good fathers. I struggle with knowing how much to indulge that desire and how important it is not to lie just to make very painful situations “make sense.”
I have a hard time knowing how to talk about him in a healthy and constructive way, with them.
phillymiss and Alexandra - Will keep you, yours and everyone on this site in my prayers.
About the STDs and the CDC: Why doesn’t the CDC and the whole medical/Sex Ed. community tell people to, at least, wash their hands when they touch their own or other people genital regions? Someone’s fingers are exposed to sores putting on and/or taking off condoms.
You see those ‘Employees must wash their hands’ signs in restaurant bathrooms. People understand the reason for that. Almost no one puts that together with sexual practices even though the CDC now lists drug-resistant gonorrhea as a classified urgent threat with the potential to become widespread.
Emphasis added by me in the following.
According to http://www.ashastd.org/std-sti/gonorrhea.html
”
Gonorrhea is passed during vaginal sex, oral sex (performing or receiving), or anal sex. It can be passed when the mucous membrane, the soft skin covering all the openings of the body, comes into contact with the mucous membrane secretions or semen of an infected person. …
Even a woman who has not had anal sex can get gonorrhea in the anus or rectum if bacteria are spread from the vaginal area, such as when wiping with toilet paper.
Eye infections in adults may result when discharge caries the disease into the eye during sex or hand-to-eye contact.”
The CDC Report on HPV back in April, 2007 said, “Other types of genital contact in the absence of penetration (oral-genital, manual-genital, and genital-genital contact) can lead to HPV infection”. See also the CDC’s STD Curriculum for Clinical Educators. Look how much infected area is not covered by a condom. The virus just needs an opening in the skin, a cut, etc.
http://www2a.cdc.gov/stdtraining/ready-to-use/Manuals/HPV/hpv-notes-2013.pdf
“[Slide 24]
Genital Warts—Location
• Genital warts appear most commonly in areas of coital friction.
o Men—penis, scrotum, urethral meatus, and perianal area
o Women—introitus, vulva, perineum, and perianal area
• Less common genital warts sites—
o Cervix and vaginal walls in women
o Pubic area, upper thighs, or crural folds in men and women
• Perianal warts do not necessarily imply anal intercourse, but may be secondary to autoinoculation, sexual activity other than intercourse, or spread from a nearby genital wart site. …
• HPV types causing genital warts can occasionally cause lesions on oral, upper respiratory, upper GI, and ocular locations.”
That is NOT safe. Hospitals, which can be sued, are big on the staff washing their hands in order to stop the spread on infection. Why not apply this to sex?
Oh, silly me. Stopping promiscuity stops the money train. Spreading disease, death and abortion keeps the population down. Also makes the devil happy.
Phillymiss I’m so sorry about your son, and for his children and you. Heroin is quite a monkey to have on your back, I know that very well. You are welcome to get my email from Carla and message me if you need an ear, I know dealing with an addicted family member can be hell, and people don’t tend to understand addiction very well and are unsympathetic to the family members of addicts (and the addicts themselves). Do you know if your state allows rehabilitation and such services in place of jail time? He shouldn’t “get away” with committing crimes, especially towards his own mother, but jail isn’t a place that helps your addiction very well. When I was eighteen I got my possession sentence commuted because my FIL offered to pay for rehab, as long as I stayed clean for a year they didn’t give me jail time, and other addicts I know have gone to rehab and drug and alcohol classes in lieu of jail time. Hopefully your son can get something like that. Sobriety is possible, even with heroin.
“Of course CPCs don’t offer STD testing/treatment. They don’t even offer contraception. And yet, states are taking money away from clinics (PP and otherwise) that do offer medical treatment, and giving it to CPCs, which do not. In Texas, CPCs bill the state for such services as they do offer at a higher rate than PP did.”
Lisa, there are some CPCs that offer STD testing, if not treatment (but at least the person knows they need to seek treatment). They also offer ultrasounds and other such things. I don’t believe the point of CPCs is to be like an ob/gyn or a sexual health clinic, they are mostly to provide support and assistance for a woman/family dealing with an unplanned pregnancy. Some of this support is minor medical services, and some of it is practical support like clothes, food, etc, or helping the woman apply for assistance. And like I said, many pro-lifers are okay with money funding sexual health clinics that do not provide abortions. I do think that both CPCs and sexual health clinics are important and need to be properly funded, but I don’t want PP receiving funds as long as they provide abortions. I do hear your concerns that places like Texas are underfunding sexual health clinics, I don’t think that’s right because CPCs and sexual health clinics have different roles and provide for different needs. You have a valid concern there, I just think places that provide abortions should not be funded, contraception and STD testing and female exams and the like should be provided at low cost though.
“But the problem is that the pro-lifers who are driving the legislative agenda are the ones who are giving CPCs money that ought to be going to providing actual medical care.”
Like I said, I do believe CPCs should be funded because they provide valuable services. The one near my old home really helped me and my ex out with our second kid, we were really broke and she was ill after her c-section, I don’t think we could have made it without help. They serve a valuable function. I do understand and agree with your concern that sexual health clinics need to be properly funded as well, though. Just not places that provide abortion.
Alexandra I have a lot of sympathy for your feelings about your dad. I think it’s easier for me because my parents were never good to me, so I didn’t have anything to lose. I don’t grieve something I never had. Does that make sense? You on the other hand had a father who you have wonderful memories of and had a good relationship with, and suddenly that was taken away. That’s really sad, I can understand why you view it like a death.
I really relate to you on how to explain it to the kids. My kids, my son in particular because he’s old enough to understand this kind of stuff, are always really curious on why their mother has parents but they haven’t ever met mine (well, they couldn’t meet my dad now anyway if I would ever allow that, he’s dead). And I have a lot of scars from beatings and such on my back that I try to keep hidden, but they’ve seen it if they walk in while I’m changing or whatever (kids are rude lol). They wondered where my parents were at and why they didn’t get to meet them, and why I have “owies”. I explained that sometimes mommies and daddies that have problems, and sometimes those problems mean their kids cannot be around them. That didn’t really satisfy them because like my son said “sometimes you make me mad, Daddy, but I still want to be around you!”. I didn’t want to get into what abuse was, I don’t want to explain what my childhood was actually like until they are old enough to understand and not be frightened or confused, but I did try to explain that some parents are just not healthy to be around. I tried to compare it to having a bad cold that won’t go away, except instead of making your body sick some illnesses make your brain sick. And I told them that sometimes when people’s brains are very sick, like my parents’ are/were, that means that they sometimes hurt or make their children feel bad and the children have to stay away from them. I think they understood. They were shocked that parents would ever hurt their kids though, because as many problems there were between their mother and I, with her being violent, my kids have always understood that no one would ever hurt them.
I could have just lied, I guess, until they are older, but I’m not into the lying to kids thing. I think most things can be explained in an age appropriate way without lying. I don’t even do the Santa Claus thing, lol, I just think honesty is the best policy. I want my kids to feel like they can always trust that I will tell them the truth, they don’t have to feel like I have secrets from them or that they have to believe lies or keep secrets themselves. That was what my family was like, just lies and secrets all over the place, and I don’t want them to grow up like that.
I don’t really know, do you think I explained it well enough for a 3 yo and 5 yo? I never really know how to approach that kind of stuff, it seems like a lot of parents just choose to lie and blow their kids off for uncomfortable subjects. I don’t want to lie and I want my kids to feel like curiosity and questions are okay and valid things.
But yeah, I’m sure your stepsons want reassurance that their Dad will never stop being a good dad. That’s okay to reassure while being honest that some dads stop being good dads, like your dad did, imo. I reassured my kids, because they were kinda sad that my parents weren’t nice, that it doesn’t mean that their mother and I would ever stop loving them or get “sick in the head” like my parents did. Reassurance is necessary, I just don’t want to lie to them.
Oh and it amazes me how much empathy little kids can have towards things like that. My son was very worried that I was sad that I didn’t have a good mom and dad, he kept asking me if someone read me bedtime stories and gave me hugs and who took care of me when I was little if my parents were sick. That I didn’t know how to answer, because the honest answer is “no one, except my oldest sister and she left when I was five”, but I told him that sometimes I’m sad I don’t have parents that love me, but I like that I get to be a good dad to him and his sister and that makes me feel better about not having a good mom and dad. So I think maybe you can reassure the boys in that way if they are worried about you or about if something bad will happen in your family. Explain that yes, it is sad and not okay that your dad is behaving like he is, but it makes you happy that you and their father get to love on your stepsons and you and him and their mother won’t be like your dad. :)
Lisa, PP gets millions in tax dollars and millions more in private donations. They are not about to run out of cash anytime soon.
Deluded…I agree ..prison is no cure for addiction. My ex husband went twice and he would use as soon as he would get out. You already know my story. Hes dead. I have a girlfriend struggling with heroin addiction. Shes only been out of jail for a week and shes already gotten high. She did 6 months in jail and told me she was down with murderers. Her next step is prison.
Hi Jack. It sounds like you are doing a good job trying to explain to your children a very difficult dysfunctional family situation. I think you are on the right track. Children don’t need to be told painful things unnecessarily causing them to worry and be fearful. Your job is to protect them, love them, teach them, set boundaries, lovingly discipline them and to be the best father you can be. I continue to pray for you and your family. You are right to protect your children from family members who are child abusers, never give anyone the opportunity to hurt your children if you can help it.
When they get older some children try to manipulate or “blackmail” their parents unto letting them be with people or go to places that are not good for them (1) check things out by asking lots of questions, (2) follow godly principles and (3) follow your paternal instincts regarding making decisions about your children. Sometimes my husband and I would even pray for wisdom if we were not sure and God would lead us in the right direction. There is a scripture that says “If any man lacks wisdom let him ask of God who gives liberally”.
Regarding the Santa Claus thing we could not really lie and did not really tell them about him but the kids heard about Santa from others and wanted to believe in him so when they were little we did not push the issue and let them believe. We focused on the real meaning of Christmas the birth of Christ and they seemed very happy. They are all grown up and are wonderful young adults so we didn’t ruin them for life (LOL).
LisaC sez:
“Pro-lifers insist that CPCs provide better medical care than Planned Parenthood and that there are many more of them than there are PP centers.”
“In Texas, CPCs bill the state for such services as they do offer at a higher rate than PP did.”
LisaC – Can you provide evidence that some CPCs have declared that they provide better medical care than a PP? That sounds ridiculous, since each has a different mission, and so cannot really be compared in that way.
Also, can you provide some evidence regarding this claim about CPCs billing more than PP for the same services?
–And, at the same time, could you provide some PP apologetics for their multiple troubles committing Medicaid fraud? In Texas this includes PP Gulf Coast. It might have also included PP El Paso, which happened to abruptly close its doors right about when the investigation was heating up.
If homophobia causes STD’s in homosexuals, then homophilia should prevent STD’s in homosexuals.
But homosexuality necessarily involves homophilia. Therefore the balance in the cosmos should remain stable.
There should be no noticeable disruption in the force.
Have you been astral travelling or something kentheburper?
Ah! You live in one of the places which has recently legalized pot, don’t you. Is that what it is?
I guess the rise in STDs couldn’t possibly be attributed to risky or indiscriminate sexual behavior??
Kel Kel Kel
We can’t possibly expect others to take personal responsibility for their sexual choices and behavior. The blame MUST be placed on ANYONE else so what we have are victims of hate or homophobia and then the high risk indiscriminate sexual behavior can continue.
Silly girl.
Carla Carla Carla
I love your wit and wonderful sense of humor LOL!!! You are a stitch. Thank you I needed a good laugh on such a serious topic.
Kel thank for your post.
BTW all the crap about “safe sex”. The most common STDs are transmitted by skin-to-skin transmission where the areas not covered by a condom can be infected. If you ever see medical slides of herpes blisters, genital warts and syphilis chancres right above the area where the condom stops, it will give you a light bulb moment. Showed them to my kids when they were teens when the teachers in sex ed started talking about “safe sex”. I told them you it’s your choice, you can do what you want, I can’t be with you every minute but there is no such thing as “safe sex”. If you insist on being sexually active you take the risk, condoms may reduce your risk but you are still at risk no matter what. It is your decision but your choices have consequences. I talked to them more about the emotional, mental, social, economic and spiritual consequences which can be even more devastating. I’ve pretty much seen and heard it all over the years working with teens and young adults. (BTW, I’ve known nurses, doctors, NPs, who had unplanned pregnancies using every kind of BC there is). You can play Russian roulette with all the condoms, pills, patches, shots, IUDs, Plan B, etc. you want but they don’t protect your heart.
Thank you Prolifer L. :)
I love to look absurdity in the face.
Well there’s not talking about the issue (pretending that promiscuity and risky sexual practices have nothing to do with how diseases spread), and there’s shaming. I don’t think “homophobia” plays much of a role, but I definitely think stigmatizing those with STDs, especially permanent ones, plays a role in preventing this stuff.
Amen Prolifer to protecting ones heart at a young age.
Sex is treated as “no big deal” when in fact it is.
Jack,
You are very sensitive to shaming. Yes.
I don’t see anyone stigmatizing or shaming.
The BEHAVIOR of men having sex with other men indiscriminately is HIGH RISK.
That is a fact.
But to call others (who are stating that fact)HATEFUL or HOMOPHOBIC is absurd.
BLAMING the consequences of high risk sexual behavior on others? Absurd.
Yeah. Blame me that someone infected with STD’s(after choosing the high risk behavior that causes STD’s) is ashamed of having an STD and is hesitant to receive treatment.
And that is my fault because………??
I didn’t say anyone was being hateful or homophobic or blame anyone.
I just think if it was treated like any other life-style caused illness then people might seek treatment more, might be more likely to be open with their own STD status, etc. I think it might slow down rates of transmission if STDs weren’t treated as this disgusting, shameful thing.
Excellent post at 8:40am on 1-14-13 Carla.
Jack you may not have stated people were “being hateful or homophobic or blaming” but it seems to be strongly implied. I may be misreading you if so I am sorry but I think Carla is spot on here.
BTW she and I are not “being hateful or homophobic or blaming” we care about people especially teens and young people being told the truth. Choices have consequences. Take care Jack.
I have a question for you Jack. In talking to some youth and young adult groups, I have heard young men share that as pre-teens and teens adult women lured them into sexual activity. Some said their first sexual experience (at ages as young as 10 or 11 years old) were with 30 and 40 year old women (some were minority, inner city guys). Of course they didn’t tell or report it to anyone. Some said their peers told them it was a “macho” or ”becoming a man thing” to happen to them but they seemed hurt and confused. Do you think this is unusual or a more common experience with the young men that you have dealt with. I am very concerned. Do you think we can help educate parents/guardians and protect guys?
When did I direct my comments to anyone that posts here? Except for Del, but I don’t think he was intentionally shaming anyway. I was talking in general in the world at large. In general, people are mean about others having STDs. Even if you had no choice in getting it. Stigma needs to lessen else people are going to continue hiding it and not receiving treatment. I think it should be treated like any other lifestyle caused illness, and people should stop assuming they know how people got STDs too.
And I quite literally said that I didn’t think it was homophobia, so how could I imply that?
“ In talking to some youth and young adult groups, I have heard young men share that as pre-teens and teens adult women lured them into sexual activity. Some said their first sexual experience (at ages as young as 10 or 11 years old) were with 30 and 40 year old women (some were minority, inner city guys). ”
It’s fairly common in drug culture around where I was raised. My first “consensual” sexual experience with a woman was when I was nearly fifteen and she was twenty or twenty-one (which is illegal), and there were many others who were much older than that, they would buy me alcohol and cigarettes for sex. My friends my age had similar experiences. They more seemed afraid of adult men than anything, teen boys are easier to control, but didn’t make it right. I think they probably did us some damage. And of course there were the adult guys who went after the teens of either gender, they were much more prevalent than the ladies, some of them would even coerce/manipulate straight boys into sex.
I don’t know how common that would be outside of inner city/drug culture/impoverished areas though. You do hear about the female teachers sleeping with their male students a lot. :/
Prolifer L, you’ll also see a lot of male rappers or rock stars talk about how they “lost their virginity” when they were a preteen to an adult woman. It’s really obviously rape, but I think men are pretty well conditioned to see all sex with women as “wanted” even if there was a tremendous power balance. Men tend to suppress issues they have due to sexual abuse, especially if the perpetrator was a woman. You have Anthony Kiedis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers who’s father had him have sex with an adult woman when he was twelve, and Chris Brown (yes of beating Rhianna fame) was like eight to a fifteen or sixteen year old. The creepy thing is neither of those men see their situations as sexually coercive, even though objectively they were far too young to make such decisions. They both blame themselves, saying that they “wanted it” and such. Makes me rather sick to my stomach. Kids that age aren’t able to consent, even if they were sexually excited.
“Some said their peers told them it was a “macho” or ”becoming a man thing” to happen to them but they seemed hurt and confused. ”
I forgot about this Prolifer L I meant to touch on it. Yeah, there is certainly a tendency in those groups of boys to encourage each other to partake in such activities and even shame each other if they don’t want to (like “what are you gay, why don’t you want her?”). I’ve said it before, teen boys are just as vulnerable to peer and social pressure as teen girls are when it comes to sexual activity. And of course you have the hormones too. The thing with adult women preying on teen boys is complicated, because to be honest most teen boys do “enjoy” it on some level, sex with women is sex with women and is enjoyable for most males. But the hurt and confusion comes in pretty quickly, because she doesn’t actually like you, she’s just using you and half the time she’s on to your friends the next weekend. And you can’t even express how bad it made you feel because a “real” man would be happy about getting some casual sex from an attractive older woman. It’s a total mess, and adult men play into it to, with the high-fiving and the “lol I wish I would have met someone like her when I was that age!”. Um no, boys aren’t meant to be used for sex by adults any more than girls are, and even if he “enjoys” himself it doesn’t mean that it was okay and didn’t cause damage. A lot of these boys grew up to be very promiscuous, because their introduction into sex was that it was a casual thing and it’s okay for people to take what they want without regards to appropriateness or other people. It really is a mess. And to make matters worse the majority of boys that I was around in this group were abused as small children as well, which of course means that we were even more vulnerable to adults like this and the inappropriate sexual experiences were even more damaging.
Hi Jack. I am sorry if I misread your earlier comments.
Thank you so much for your input on the sexual abuse of young boys and teens by adult women. Your comments are very illuminating and enlightening. I wondered if my concerns were valid about this and I think what you have said is so important. No one really talks very much about this due to the many reasons you have stated and this is sick stuff. One young man in his 20s now said he was about 9 when a 30-something woman seduced him (a really cute kid) raised by a single mom, he was teary-eyed and just kept shaking his head saying “it wasn’t right, it wasn’t right”. Jack I want to protect kids, all kids, but I am especially worried about these boys because how can they grow up to be good men when they have been abused this way. I’ve got to go right now working on some more youth projects. I would appreciate your input. I will check back later. Thanks so much.
“No one really talks very much about this due to the many reasons you have stated and this is sick stuff. One young man in his 20s now said he was about 9 when a 30-something woman seduced him (a really cute kid) raised by a single mom, he was teary-eyed and just kept shaking his head saying “it wasn’t right, it wasn’t right”. Jack I want to protect kids, all kids, but I am especially worried about these boys because how can they grow up to be good men when they have been abused this way.”
Your concerns are definitely valid. Abuse of boys/men by women is something that isn’t talked about and is invalidated a lot, and it does cause damage that even the victims have trouble identifying sometimes because men are supposed to always enjoy sex with women, and are not supposed to be vulnerable to women. You see it with domestic violence as well, people don’t take male victims seriously because they are generally physically larger than the abuser (but what difference does that make, you can’t hit her back) and people don’t take violence that women commit seriously at all.
I do think boys abused in this way can grow up to be good men, it’s just a hard thing to fight because, like I said, many people don’t even see it as abuse (people chuckle and congratulate teens abused in this way) and they shame men who do say that it wasn’t right. I do notice a lot of the “man whores” typically have this type of abuse in their backgrounds. I don’t really know how to combat this type of stuff, it’s really hard to go against social conditioning and men certainly aren’t doing each other favors by pretending this stuff is positive. But that’s the problem with male victims of any type of abuse, is that men are pretty well conditioned not to admit vulnerability, so stuff gets underreported and ignored. :/
Thanks Jack for your input I am going to pray and mull this over. I wonder if there was some type of PR awareness campaign teaching that this is criminal sexual abuse and giving messages like:
that it is NOT funny or “macho”, it is NOT consensual, it is NEVER a child’s fault, it should be REPORTED, you do NOT owe ANYONE sex or the use of your body, always TELL when an adult has sex with underage children, alerting parents/guardians to signs of abuse
and develop some type of safe haven protection system for kids (not dumping them into foster care or ignoring them).
This can get very complicated because unfortunately I know of situations where the abuse is discovered and reported but it is the child who gets punished not the adult. There was a child a friend of mine worked with at her church whose mother’s boyfriend began molesting her, the child told, it was reported and the mother called her child “a liar” and punished the child for reporting it although there was plenty of proof. The ex-lesbian that I told you about a while ago who is now in ministry said that when she was abused by a male relative as a pre-teen she was the one who was shipped off to a different relative. Also when an adult female seduced her as a teen and begin having sex with her when she told her guardian about it she was ignored.
I just want to protect kids and I know this is your passion as well. There have got to be ways to help our kids. Like I said I am going to pray, mull over ideas and talk to others who work with youth as well. If you or others have suggestions please post. God bless you. Good night.
LisaC – Can you provide evidence that some CPCs have declared that they provide better medical care than a PP? That sounds ridiculous, since each has a different mission, and so cannot really be compared in that way.
Of course it’s ridiculous. And yet, it happens. For example, Rick Perry presided over the opening of a branch of “The Source for Women” CPC, declaring, ”The Source for Women clinics, in fact, will be part of Texas’s own Women’s Health Program, and Planned Parenthood will not be.”
Also, can you provide some evidence regarding this claim about CPCs billing more than PP for the same services?
Tolle, lege.
–And, at the same time, could you provide some PP apologetics for their multiple troubles committing Medicaid fraud?
See the link above RE CPCs incorrectly billing for their services. There are dozens of cases a year of settlements of disputes about Medicaid and Medicare reimbursements such as what you’re calling fraud on PP’s part. See the Department of Health’s “Office of Inspector General” website for details. Less common is criminal fraud such as that committed by pro-life governor Rick Scott’s former company, which paid almost $2 billion in fines for fraud committed under his leadership. Somehow, pro-lifers never care about things like that.