I've met mothers who didn't understand they were aborting their late-term sick babies. Medical staff coded language by calling it "early induction of labor," etc.
Here's a tragic story of a mother who went through the induced labor abortion procedure, and her baby survived for a time. This dear mother didn't understand what had happened until years later, when reading my testimony. She has given me permission to share her story...
In 1995 I was told just before my 6-month mark that my son had multi-cystic dysplastic kidneys. They said it was a terminal disease and that I needed to abort. I refused, and they said I could die if I didn't abort. I still refused, and I finally agreed to give birth normally if they promised to try and save him. They said I had to hurry because it would be illegal in 5 more days because I'd be over the term limit.
They said they would, and I gave birth...but it was horrible. I was 20, didn't know much...they didn't tell me what to expect. I was alone in the room, and felt like I needed to use the bathroom. While I was in there, my water finally broke. They had drugged me up pretty well and dismissed my concerns about what it would do to the baby....
I screamed for the nurse, but it took them 15 minutes or so to come in. They delivered my son while I was on the toilet. They asked if I wanted to hold him or if I wanted them to help him, but they said either way he was going to die so I better hold him while I could. He died 45 minutes later.
I found out 2 years later, during genetic screening for my second son's pregnancy, that Hunter did NOT have the condition in both kidneys like they said. Had I carried him to term, he'd have lived and had a very good chance of a normal life.
During Obama's campaign, I came across the speech he gave on medical care for the unborn, and through that, your testimony. I read it all, and suddenly it hit me that I had done that. That was exactly my experience. Had I not held my son, he'd have been thrown in a room to die alone. The knowledge that I had had an "abortion," even though I didn't want one, didn't know that's what I was doing, and NEVER would have agreed...it almost killed me. I'm still having a hard time with it.
You make a difference with your work. It gave me a knowledge I wish I didn't have about my own experience...but ultimately I hope my son can forgive me for what I did. I never would have agreed if I'd have known. I thought I was doing the right thing...they said he was suffering and would die unless I gave birth so they could help him.
Arnold Palmer Women's and Children's Hospital in Orlando, FL, is where it happened. I was "high risk," and I was sent there by my regular doctor because of the condition my son had. My doctor had told me they were "the best" at dealing with situations like mine, and because I had excellent insurance they said cost would be no problem.
They did use all the words you mention in your testimony--that's what made me realize what had really happened. I wanted to make funeral arrangements for the baby in case he did die, and they said it was unnecessary. I made such a fuss that they finally agreed and brought in a chaplain to talk to me. I was so drugged up that I was giggling between contractions. If I remember right, the drug they gave me was Stadol --that sounds about right. So many things about it are fuzzy for me, but I remember images and sounds, and split second moments that are burned into my brain like a laser.
Hunter Michael was almost 12 inches long and 1.5 pounds. His eyes weren't open, and he never made any crying sounds at all. He made a few gasping sounds toward the end...I thought I was a loving mother who chose to hold her child and say goodbye because he was going to heaven. The knowledge that the whole time I was holding him he was dying a slow, torturous death is something I will never, ever forgive myself for.
They took pics of him and gave them to me. The funeral director and I were the only people at his funeral. He is buried in Kissimmee, FL, with a flat little plaque because I could not afford a headstone. I barely scraped up the $300 for the burial - in a cheap casket that looked more like a box you'd bury your dog in. It was all I could afford, and I could not bear the thought of them "disposing" of my son as they kept offering to do.
I went back once after I got out of the hospital and built a little Lego castle that I left on his grave with a letter saying goodbye. I don't even know if his grave is still there, or if the plaque still sits there. I want to go back, but I'm afraid to know. I can't stand the thought that his little body has been there alone all this time - and even though my family knows what happened, no one mentions his name. No one talks about it. It's like I'm the only person who cares or knows that he ever lived. I want him to be remembered - but I am so ashamed of what happened that I keep his memory close and private.
My second son is 11 now. He just started violin lessons, and he is a bright, happy, beautiful little boy with blue eyes that are turning green, who loves his mama and his dog with all his heart. As I watch him grow, I cannot go a day without wondering what Hunter would've looked like, or what he would be doing had I not killed him.
His birthday is September 6th, and last year was the first year I could function on his birthday without sobbing all day. I went to the beach and released a balloon for him. It helped a bit to try and let go of it, but I know in my heart that it is a pain that I will carry with me for life. My only saving graces are the knowledge that Christ died for that sin too - and that my son was spared a life of possible disability, pain and suffering by our gracious Lord. He is happier than I could have ever hoped for him right now, and that fact is what has kept me on this earth during the darkest of times.
If you think my story could help in some way, feel free to use it as long as my name is not in it. The life of a baby isn't the only thing abortion destroys. I know. But please...even if you do not use my name...use his. He deserves to have someone know his name.
I don't know what to say. I am in tears. I am so sorry Hunter and Hunter's Mommy.Posted by: Pansy Moss at February 20, 2009 6:12 PM
Telling your story will help you process your grief. You did what you could and you did the best you could at the time. I am glad you are a person of faith. I am sorry for your loss. It was not your fault. I sincerely hope you will seek post abortion counseling.
God Bless You,
Awful, I hope this mom gets the courage to go and visit her angel baby Hunter. I'm sure he understands what happened since all life's answers are answered by God.
Hunter's Mom, you are a very couragous mother to tell your story about Hunter; I told my story about my son Jadon on this web blog and it takes a lot of courage to tell your story. I wish you nothing but great things in your life and cherish those small moments with your babies.
Many hugs and warm wishes from me to you and yours!Posted by: Krystal at February 20, 2009 6:30 PM
Don't blame yourself.
It was the fault of the medical staff.
God knows how much you suffer, but you were not to blame. At the end, everything has to be reconciled. It's the way of the world.
There is no braver woman or more loving mother to her sons.
Dear Hunter's Mommy,
My heart is aching for you. I am so, so sorry for what you have been through. So very sorry that you went through so much alone. Please know that you are not alone now. I am praying for you and loving you through your grief.
Hunter is with my daughter Aubrey who died by abortion. They wait for us.
You are welcome to get in touch with me. I am here for you.
God bless you. God bless Hunter.Posted by: Carla at February 20, 2009 8:41 PM
Your story is all too close to the birth and death of my son Jacob. Whenever I read or hear of stories like ours I can't help but wonder just how many young mothers are "convinced" by doctors to do this. And, how many of these doctors have a clue the years of pain they are causing with their methods. The doctors and nurses were very nice and seemed concerned - that is until the actual procedure and aftercare. I have to believe they don't know what they are doing . . . I can't fathom people being in this business if they really understood the long term consequences.Posted by: Jackie at February 20, 2009 9:40 PM
Dear Hunter's Mom,
Please don't cry all the time ... think of Hunter running thru the meadows of heaven with no pain and with a happy face. He was spared much grief on this earth.
I hope and pray that you will know that many are praying for you and I will honor Hunter in my blog too and your words that just break my heart.
God bless you and remember - Ro. 8:1 - "there is NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" and 1 Thess. 4:17 & 18 - ... "caught up along with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air; and so ALWAYS we shall be with the Lord!
Therefore COMFORT and encourage one another with these words."
Should parents really have "kids" to assauge their conscience or should they do it because the kid has a decent chance of a good life? If they're just doing it for their conscience, I think thats pretty vain. I don't have memories of being 1 yrs old, though I know that I had multiple surguries that yr. I doubt the fetus felt anything.Posted by: Yo La Tengo at February 20, 2009 10:49 PM
Tengo, it really depends on the person. What is your earliest childhood memory?Posted by: truthseeker at February 20, 2009 11:12 PM
Tengo, My son remembers climbing out of the crib, banging his head and crawling into my bedroom. So your comment at 10:49 PM is just wrong. Also, at the age of one years you probably remembered the surgical experience and felt the pain but the memory was lost over time. Please understand that if you truly didn't know that very young children feel pain then don't let this post rub you the wrong way. Take the knowledge and let it lead you to a greater understanding of human developement and a greater respect for the lives of the young. But if you really already knew that about children and were just posting nasty, insensitive things to get a rise out of someone, then your posts are a waste of time.Posted by: truthseeker at February 20, 2009 11:31 PM
Thank you for that compassionate comment, Yo La T.
You're story shook me, not only because it's so tragic, but because that was the very same hospital in which I REFUSED to give birth to my children. Just about every baby in Orlando is born there, and I've gotten mixed reviews.
Grissom Funeral Home? I went to elementary school with one of his sons.
Gosh, I shudder to think which OB it was that sentenced Hunter to death.Posted by: carder at February 20, 2009 11:47 PM
Thank you for that compassionate comment, Yo La T. Posted by: carder at Feb 20, 2009 11:47 PM
Carter, are you being sarcastic or do you think saying the baby probably didn't feel anything was actually compassionate?Posted by: truthseeker at February 21, 2009 12:36 AM
Sarcastic. Very.Posted by: carder at February 21, 2009 1:07 AM
I think thats pretty vain.
Posted by ylt.
Who put that thought in your head?Posted by: yllas at February 21, 2009 1:58 AM
To Hunter Michael's Mother.
Father Zossima meets a grieving mother in the novel, The Brothers Karamazov.
"But here is one from afar." He pointed to a woman by no means old but very thin and wasted, with a face not merely sunburnt but almost blackened by exposure. She was kneeling and gazing with a fixed stare at the elder; there was something almost frenzied in her eyes.
"From afar off, Father, from afar off! From two hundred miles from here. From afar off, Father, from afar off!" the woman began in a sing-song voice as though she were chanting a dirge, swaying her head from side to side with her cheek resting in her hand.
There is silent and long-suffering sorrow to be met with among the peasantry. It withdraws into itself and is still. But there is a grief that breaks out, and from that minute it bursts into tears and finds vent in wailing. This is particularly common with women. But it is no lighter a grief than the silent. Lamentations comfort only by lacerating the heart still more. Such grief does not desire consolation. It feeds on the sense of its hopelessness. Lamentations spring only from the constant craving to re-open the wound.
"You are of the tradesman class?" said Father Zossima, looking curiously at her.
"Townfolk we are, Father, townfolk. Yet we are peasants though we live in the town. I have come to see you, O Father! We heard of you, Father, we heard of you. I have buried my little son, and I have come on a pilgrimage. I have been in three monasteries, but they told me, ‘Go, Nastasya, go to them’--that is to you. I have come; I was yesterday at the service, and to-day I have come to you."
"What are you weeping for?"
"It's my little son I'm grieving for, Father. he was three years old-- three years all but three months. For my little boy, Father, I'm in anguish, for my little boy. He was the last one left. We had four, my Nikita and I, and now we've no children, our dear ones have all gone I buried the first three without grieving overmuch, and now I have buried the last I can't forget him. He seems always standing before me. He never leaves me. He has withered my heart. I look at his little clothes, his little shirt, his little boots, and I wail. I lay out all that is left of him, all his little things. I look at them and wail. I say to Nikita, my husband, ‘let me go on a pilgrimage, master.’ He is a driver. We're not poor people, Father, not poor; he drives our own horse. It's all our own, the horse and the carriage. And what good is it all to us now? My Nikita has begun drinking while I am away. He's sure to. It used to be so before. As soon as I turn my back he gives way to it. But now I don't think about him. It's three months since I left home. I've forgotten him. I've forgotten everything. I don't want to remember. And what would our life be now together? I've done with him, I've done. I've done with them all. I don't care to look upon my house and my goods. I don't care to see anything at all!"
"Listen, mother," said the elder. "Once in olden times a holy saint saw in the Temple a mother like you weeping for her little one, her only one, whom God had taken. ‘Knowest thou not,’ said the saint to her, 'how bold these little ones are before the throne of God? Verily there are none bolder than they in the Kingdom of Heaven. "Thou didst give us life, O Lord," they say, "and scarcely had we looked upon it when Thou didst take it back again." And so boldly they ask and ask again that God gives them at once the rank of angels. Therefore,’ said the saint, 'thou, too, O Mother, rejoice and weep not, for thy little son is with the Lord in the fellowship of the angels.’ That's what the saint said to the weeping mother of old. He was a great saint and he could not have spoken falsely. Therefore you too, mother, know that your little one is surely before the throne of God, is rejoicing and happy, and praying to God for you, and therefore weep, but rejoice."
The woman listened to him, looking down with her cheek in her hand. She sighed deeply.
"My Nikita tried to comfort me with the same words as you. ‘Foolish one,’ he said, ‘why weep? Our son is no doubt singing with the angels before God.’ He says that to me, but he weeps himself. I see that he cries like me. ‘I know, Nikita,’ said I. ‘Where could he be if not with the Lord God? Only, here with us now he is not as he used to sit beside us before.’ And if only I could look upon him one little time, if only I could peep at him one little time, without going up to him, without speaking, if I could be hidden in a corner and only see him for one little minute, hear him playing in the yard, calling in his little voice, ‘Mammy, where are you?’ If only I could hear him pattering with his little feet about the room just once, only once; for so often, so often I remember how he used to run to me and shout and laugh, if only I could hear his little feet I should know him! But he's gone, Father, he's gone, and I shall never hear him again. Here's his little sash, but him I shall never see or hear now."
She drew out of her bosom her boy's little embroidered sash, and as soon as she looked at it she began shaking with sobs, hiding her eyes with her fingers through which the tears flowed in a sudden stream.
"It is Rachel of old," said the elder, "weeping for her children, and will not be comforted because they are not. Such is the lot set on earth for you mothers. Be not comforted. Consolation is not what you need. Weep and be not consoled, but weep. Only every time that you weep be sure to remember that your little son is one of the angels of God, that he looks down from there at you and sees you, and rejoices at your tears, and points at them to the Lord God; and a long while yet will you keep that great mother's grief. But it will turn in the end into quiet joy, and your bitter tears will be only tears of tender sorrow that purifies the heart and delivers it from sin. And I shall pray for the peace of your child's soul. What was his name?"
"A sweet name. After Alexey, the man of God?"
"What a saint he was! I will remember him, mother, and your grief in my prayers, and I will pray for your husband's health. It is a sin for you to leave him. Your little one will see from heaven that you have forsaken his father, and will weep over you. Why do you trouble his happiness? He is living, for the soul lives for ever, and though he is not in the house he is near you, unseen. How can he go into the house when you say that the house is hateful to you? To whom is he to go if he find you not together, his father and mother? He comes to you in dreams now, and you grieve. But then he will send you gentle dreams. Go to your husband, mother; go
May your dreams be gentle. Hunter see's your tears, and points at them to the Lord God.
Posted by: yllas
at February 21, 2009 2:36 AM
We need Safe Haven medical facilities where they promise patients that they will never put people to death before their natural time and never pressure women to deliver their babies too early or to have them killed.
Ethics seems to have gone into hiding in medical facilities.
What grief! I am so sorry for your deep and lasting sorrow at having been duped by those people and losing your precious Hunter Michael.
You - and they - will be in my prayers for a long time.
May God richly bless you and free you for the abundant life Jesus earned for you.
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences: You will certainly save other women from the same grief.
I doubt the fetus felt anything.
Posted by: Yo La Tengo at February 20, 2009 10:49 PM
Obviously, you don't.
Go away.Posted by: Chris Arsenault at February 21, 2009 6:52 AM
My heart aches for you. Your courage and honesty are amazing, and your story needs to be broadcast to the nation. The abortion industry clearly has no real concern for women and it's time America realized that. What they perpetrated against you and your baby was cruel and evil.
I pray your heart will be healed by the peace of Jesus. Your son is ALIVE with Him. I wish you peace. God's grace be with you. Thank you for speaking the truth.
Don't be afraid to visit his grave. Releasing a balloon is a wonderful way to remember him. Maybe take Hunter's brother with you next time and have him release a balloon, too.
Thank you for having the courage to share your story.Posted by: LizFromNebraska at February 21, 2009 9:36 AM
YLT... what on earth leads you to believe that this child felt nothing?
I have worked with premature babies in the NICU and I guarantee you... they feel pain. They feel it acutely and have no defenses against it. Their neurological systems are very unprotected, this is why many extreme preemies can only be held, touched or moved for very brief intervals without having health consequences. NICU nurses do what is called "clustering" care... they do bursts of activity, getting labs, changing diapers, feeding, and so on, quickly and in a planned out sequence to minimize movement and then they STOP... they give the baby a chance to recover from what is an assault on his/her system.
So, YLT, it is only possible to think that, just as you cruely dismiss the pain caused to the child, you are callously and crueling dismissing the pain felt by this mother.
At least you're consistent.Posted by: Elisabeth at February 21, 2009 9:47 AM
My heart breaks for you as I read your story, but I am so happy to know that God comforts you and you have your second son with you here. You are not to blame, you did what you were told was best for your son, and I applaud your bravery for insisting in honoring him with the memorial, all during what must have been a horrendous time for you.
I can't even express the depth of my disgust that a woman in such a situation would be lied to and put through something like this.Posted by: klyn73 at February 21, 2009 12:25 PM
I am in tears, too. Hunter's mom...God bless you. He loves you and your son waits for you in Heaven. I have no doubt. May Jesus be your comfort. I don't know what else to say...Posted by: Kel at February 21, 2009 12:30 PM
It is a terrible thing that happened to you and to Hunter. What happened to him can never change the truth that he was created in God's image with a value that goes beyond anything we can comprehend. He was, and is, a beautiful creation of God. What happened to him can never change that fact. I believe the same is true for you. What happened to you is beyond anything that I could imagine. I hear your deep grief and pain, and it hurts my heart. But, remember the truth that what happened to you and the fact that you were tricked to participate does not change the fact that you bear God's image and that your very life gives Him glory. I pray that what the Enemy meant for evil against you and Hunter, God will use for great good, beyond anything that you could ever ask for or imagine. You are courageous for telling your story, and I pray that you will find complete healing in Jesus Christ.
The woman who told this story has all my sympathy. As a prochoicer, I think women should have every right to choose to die rather than abort.
But I hope the lesson from this story isn't supposed to be that a woman who will risk death if she brings the baby to term should be stripped of the right to abort? Because I don't see how this story would lead to such a conclusion.Posted by: Prochoicer at February 22, 2009 7:38 AM
"90% is not enough"
Hunters story tells us one thing is definite about any "nationalized health care" plan BO and the dumocrats put forth. That a 90% termination rate for downs babies is not enough. Genetic screening will be mandatory and under the cover of covering only "cost effective" treatments, mothers with "defective" babies will be told the government will pay for abortion but not for child birth or any prenatal care.
Of course liberals will say this could never happen. That's what they said when assisted suicide was legalized in Oregon. Oregon then started paying for assisted suicide rather than cancer treatment.
I hope I never have to say "I Told You So" to my liberal acquaintances.
How terribly sad. Don't think you had anything to do with the sin of these disgusting people, Hunter's mom. It was 100% on them. Your baby was held and cuddled by God and his angels while he grew up there. You'll see him one day, when he comes running to meet you. He loves you so much. Believe me.Posted by: Laura at February 22, 2009 3:00 PM
I can't stop crying. I wish I could hug her so much. I have so much love in my heart for her. I hope she knows she was trying her best to care for her son, and that her son grew up with a better childhood than we could ever have, and that he LOVES HER.Posted by: Laura at February 22, 2009 3:05 PM
Mark 10:43 AM: I hope you're wrong. That would make the US turn into Nazi Germany and we don't want that.
And I agree with Laura: it was the 'doctors' that tricked Hunter's grieving mother into the abortion. :( She didn't WANT the abortion.Posted by: LizFromNebraska at February 22, 2009 4:02 PM
Liz, unfortunately, having lived in Oregon during the time the right to suicide laws and universal healthcare was enacted I fear that Mark may be perfectly on target with his comment.
And I'm chiming in with you and Laura (and others who have expressed the same sentiment).
Mom of Hunter: while your child was aborted, you did not HAVE an abortion, your child was taken from you under the guise of life saving treatment. You were lied to and your child was murdered... end of story. You in no way consented to the death of your child.Posted by: Elisabeth at February 22, 2009 6:12 PM
All great points. I am so sorry Hunter and his mother had to go through this experience.
I work in pregnancy loss as an advocate, and I can't tell you how many times this practice occurs. As soon as there is a fetal diagnosis of anything but perfect the drs. push abortion.
These poor families are barely trying to understand their baby may die, and then they are pushed to abort. Where are these clowns for Hunter's mom when the dirty deed is done?
Regarding the remarks Mark made, my chiropractor had the following e-mail available to all of his patients. The e-mail states concern over the following as part of the "stimulus" bill.
Tragically, no one from either party is objecting to the health provision slipped in without discussion. These provisions reflect the handiwork of Tom Daschle, until recenty the nominee to head the Health and Human Services Department.
The bill's health rules will affect "every individual in the United States" (445,454,479). Your medical treatements will be tracked electronically by a federal system. Having electronic medical records at your fingertips, easily transferred to a hospital, is beneficial. It will help avoid duplicate tests and errors.
But the bill goes further. One new bureaucracy, the National Coordinator of Health Information Technology, will monitor treatments to make sure your doctor is doing what the federal government deems appropriate and cost effective. The goal is to reduce costs and "guide" your doctor's decisions (442,446). These provisions in the stimulus bill are virually identical to what Daschle prescribed in his 2008 book, "Critical: What We Can Do About the Health-Care Crisis." According to Daschle, doctors have to give up autonomy and "learn to operate less like solo practioners."
Hospitals and doctors that are not "meaningful users" of the new system will face penalties. "meaningful user" isn't defined in the bill. That will be left to the HHS secretary, who will be empowered to impse "more stringent measure of meaningful use over time" (511,518, 540-541)
Hunters mom, I am so very sorry for your loss!
I cannot imagine how difficult this has been for you, having to know that this was done to your son. It makes me want to cry knowing that there are "doctors" out there doing these kinds of evil, cruel, and heartless things to people.
Your son had a purpose in his short life on earth, and he is accomplishing it right now. Your story of what happened to Hunter will touch many and will help save other lives that might be endangered one day. Hunter will be remembered and loved by many!
I hope that you will find much healing and comfort through God's grace.Posted by: Bethany at February 23, 2009 11:32 PM
Laura, 3:05....Amen amen amen....Posted by: Bethany at February 23, 2009 11:44 PM
By the way, Hunter is the sweetest name.Posted by: Bethany at February 23, 2009 11:49 PM