Video spoofs what happily child-free people are thinking
by Carder
Breeding little humans isn’t for everyone and, while we think everyone should be able to choose to have kids or not without facing judgement, some people just don’t get it.
If the kids-just-aren’t-for-me-ever contingency was really honest, there would probably be a whole lot more people making comments like “No, I don’t want to hold your baby.” And, word to the wise, don’t ever tell a childfree woman: “Well, you’re gonna change your mind when your biological clock starts ticking.”
Answer: “I’m gonna press snooze on that little clock.”
~ Alanna Vagianos introducing a recent BuzzFeed video titled, “If People Who Dislike Children Said What’s On Their Mind”, Huffington Post, December 16
Dec.17, 2014 6:00 am |
Pregnancy |
Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
“Breeding little humans isn’t for everyone”
Fortunately for Ms Vagiano, her parents chose to breed at least one little human.
Child-free is fine, as long as you don’t kill anybody.
I’m okay with it if you don’t want kids–and to echo what Kelsey said–just don’t kill anybody. And also don’t expect me to hide my kids from your presence or pretend they don’t exist just because you don’t like them. Deal?
I thought it was funny… It humorously showed how shallow, self-centered and empty the “child-free by choice” attitude really is.
Children are not a commodity to the purchase if wanted and discarded if not wanted.
If a couple cannot have children, that is sad. And if they choose not to have children, that is doubly sad.
I can understand why you might think it sad that one would choose not to have children, but I do wonder if you think those who are disinterested enough to make that choice should have them despite the lack of inclination? I’d be afraid to make that sort of gamble with someone else’s life. We know a couple who is pretty staunchly childless by choice – not in an offensive way – but their decision is probably for the best.
There’s nothing wrong with not having kids. It’s not selfish. Some people should not have kids. My parents should not have had kids. It’s okay and you are not a bad person for not wanting kids.
While I have a moral concern with married Christians who are childless by choice (God tells us to reproduce, it’s as simple as that), my main concern with the general population which is childless by choice is it is against the natural order of things and when you have a subculture of any culture dedicated to going against the natural order of things, that is highly detrimental to society. We’re sexual creatures meant to reproduce. Whether you believe in evolution or creation the genetic point of life is to make more life. I think, regardless of what someone says at any one time, ignoring that biological imperative WILL make someone highly unhappy. Our bodies are keyed to produce children, our emotions are keyed by deep biological chemical reactions to want children, our social structure is set up to want children (care for elderly). Refusing to reproduce does more than just mean you don’t care for a squalling infant for a year or a diaper-needing offspring for a couple of years, or even a ‘brat’ for 18 years. It means you fundamentally cut yourself off from the next generation and all following generations. It means you have no natural safety net for injury, sickness, and disability. I think it does stem largely from a self-centered egotism that would have been rejected outright in previous times, perhaps not intentionally but certainly at it’s base. Regardless of how or why someone chooses to go without children, regardless of how sincere they are in their belief that they are ‘better off’ without children, intentionally destroying their genetic fingerprint and cutting themselves off from further generations will have serious repercussions. Now maybe, in some situations, those repercussions really are the lesser of two evils-but by and large I don’t believe that to be an accurate look at the scales.
Deluded Lib Pro-Lifer – But if your parents did not have you we would not have you and your precious children. You and yours are WANTED by us.
“I think, regardless of what someone says at any one time, ignoring that biological imperative WILL make someone highly unhappy.”
Assumption. And selfish of that person if they are incapable of being a good parent. “I should have kids because my hormones say so and it would make me happy!” says the alcoholic abuser, for example.
“I think it does stem largely from a self-centered egotism that would have been rejected outright in previous times, perhaps not intentionally but certainly at it’s base ”
Haha, it’s not new. People just didn’t have access to reliable birth control, that’s partially why larger families and less “child free” individuals existed (at least if they weren’t in a convent or priesthood).
“Regardless of how or why someone chooses to go without children, regardless of how sincere they are in their belief that they are ‘better off’ without children, intentionally destroying their genetic fingerprint and cutting themselves off from further generations will have serious repercussions. Now maybe, in some situations, those repercussions really are the lesser of two evils ”
Like you hinted at, some family genetics DO NOT need to be passed on. Mine didn’t. Mine REALLY didn’t. I pray every. single. day. that my children haven’t inherited the mental illness and flat out evil and perversion that plagues my family. I love my kids, and I definitely don’t think either me or them should have been aborted or anything like that, but I will explain to them genetic issues when they are older so they can choose whether they want to pass on our terrible, terrifying genetic problems to the next unfortunate generation. And I will never begrudge anyone who chose differently than me and didn’t have kids when they had a family like mine.
“You and yours are WANTED by us.”
My babies are. I firmly believe that you are all (with a few exceptions) are wonderful people and love my kids and want my babies to succeed in life. That doesn’t apply to me, it just doesn’t. I know how people talk about people like me. I see it all the time. It’s why I stopped commenting on this board regularly because everything I am, everything about me, is wrong and I can’t see that over and over. I just can’t. Y’all think because you’re generally kind to me that it means that I’m wanted but the way people talk about those who are WHAT I AM means that you don’t actually want me. It’s just true. I hope my babies are not like me. I hope my kids stay loved and wanted.
Deluded: Is it nature or nurture? Sounds like you have the nurture taken care of. These prayers may help. You and Yours are in my prayers.
http://store.spiritdaily.com/SearchResults.asp?Search=Life+Missions%2C+Family+Healing&Submit=GO
Life Missions, Family Healing
It’s probably a lot of nurture but bipolar disorder (which I was diagnosed with in January this year) and other mental illness are genetically heritable to an extent and people raised in those environments tend to have problems with the “nurture” part as well. Family violence and issues cycle and cycle and I’m beginning to think there is no way to really break it (my children have never even been spanked,but they have witnessed their mother committing domestic violence, seen me involuntary committed temporarily, among other things). It never ends. So people need to stop telling people they have to have kids if they don’t want them or it’s not a good idea. Just stop, please. No more kids need to have their childhoods destroyed.
I know I’m being dramatic and that my kids will do good in society, they are great kids. They are awesome. But it’s not fair what they had to deal with, because me and my ex were so selfish enough to have biological children with my and my family’s history.
I am not a terrible terrible person, I’m really happy I have my kids but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s not fair what I did to them.
The wife in the childless-by-choice couple that I spoke of is severely bipolar, Deluded, as was her mother. That ultimately tipped the scales against having children.
She says that her mother’s undiagnosed bipolar and self-medication with booze and pills and cutting herself and all the attendant chaos, instability, and terrorization that she suffered as a child haunt her to this day. Including but not limited to cops always showing up at the house because every time mom crashed down from the manic high she was suicidal, her mother going in and out of involuntary 72-hour psychiatric holds her entire life, being sent to ‘dry-out’ facilities for months at a time (where they weaned her off the booze with benzodiazepines so now she was hooked on diazepam or lorazepam or clonazepam, just any old ‘pam). She would then eventually fall off the no-booze wagon again and go for the alcohol/benzo double whammy, starting the sick cycle all over again for the gazillionth time. Friend was always afraid to go home after school, because she had no idea what she was walking into. Someone should have intervened, you say? Well, eventually someone did, and my friend spent time in and out of foster homes – some okay, some really not okay, none really good. And then there are the many others who simply fall through the cracks because no one is reporting anything about the ill parent.
At any rate, even though friend was finally getting good, effective treatment for herself and their marriage is a good one, quite frankly she’s got a heapin’ helpin’ of PTSD. Is there a possibility she could have been an okay mother as long as she’s on top of her illness? Maybe, but it’s more of a gamble than either one of them wanted to take.
I’m don’t think it would have been fair for her husband, realizing that despite everyone’s best efforts the stresses of parenting could disturb the stability they’ve both so hard and painfully won.
Now, this situation is not the majority of those who opt out, but it does come up a lot more than one might imagine. I believe that if anything like this is your reason, then simply surviving yourself – not ‘intentionally destroying your genetic fingerprint’ – is rightly going to take precedence. And with some of what’s been described by Deluded and myself, they’re certainly morally right to believe that ‘cutting themselves off from further generations’ is the kindest course of action for those possible generations where a cure or even greatly improved treatment may *still* not be a reality or something that’s available or affordable for everyone.
As I said in my initial comment, in my friends’ situation, probably for the best. I would hope that no one in good conscience would judge them too harshly. I’m praying for you and your children, Deluded, that hope and healing will be the outcome of everything you’ve been through. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with ‘who’ or ‘what’ you are. I admire your strength of character that developed in spite of your wackadoodle parents. I believe you can pass that strength of character on to your precious children, too.