by LauraLoo
The 700 Club Interactive recently featured three challenging pregnancy scenarios:
1. A teen pregnant with her second child
2. A couple longing to adopt a baby
3. A married woman, pregnant with her second child, is told by her alcoholic husband to abort the baby.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4InIxMPzKZQ[/youtube]
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Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
Interesting – two of the stories mirror those of people in my own life, right now. One of my co-workers JUST adopted a baby with his husband and it is amazing. He’s out of work for the next several weeks (maybe three months) so I haven’t seen him, but I’ve been following daily updates on Facebook. It is so phenomenal to see how much love there is in the world.
Another friend of mine is currently pregnant with her second child and her husband is being emotionally manipulative and abusive. He told her she’s gaining too much weight and looking unattractive; she was at a low weight to begin with, is in the second trimester, and has gained maybe 12 lbs total. And he gets annoyed because she is tired all the time and has to go to bed early; he told her that if they aren’t having sex regularly anymore – if she “just needs to worry about taking care of herself” – then he doesn’t need to live in the house for her to do that so he might as well leave. I told her that she needs to tell him that people live together for reasons beyond merely self-gratification. You live together because you have formed a partnership, and it is in the best interests of that partnership for you to live together. Living together also makes lots of fun stuff easier to do – sex, hanging out watching movies late at night, etc – but those are not THE REASONS you live together. You live together because you care for each other, care for your children, care for your shared finances and shared financial future. So when he says that if you aren’t having sex with him every single night then there’s no reason for him to live there, he is implying he DOES NOT care about your wellbeing, DOES NOT care about your shared financial health, DOES NOT care about being there when their son needs him.
She has brought this up with him but he is manipulative and told her that if he “has to” care about her, then she “has to” care about him, and thus she needs to let him do whatever HE needs to do to take care of himself – which he interprets to mean going out drinking every night, having an inappropriately intimate friendship with a woman at work, etc. He said that if he doesn’t get to do what he wants to do (flirt with this other woman), then she doesn’t get to do what she wants to do (take naps in the daytime, go to bed early, etc). And he said that if she really can’t get through this pregnancy without eating and sleeping so much then maybe she should have an abortion. He actually said that. Which blows my mind, because it’s not like this is the first time they’ve gone through a pregnancy together before. I don’t really know what he expected…?
It’s incredibly difficult to support her in this time because I find it so hard to not just fly over to Texas and kick this jerk in the face. I honestly don’t understand some people.
”I find it so hard to not just fly over to Texas and kick this jerk in the face.”
Alexandra, based on what you just told us, no one would hold it against you if you went ahead and did as such.
HOLY. CRAP. ALEXANDRA.
Have an address? I’m sure I know some people (or could find them) in TX who would kick this guy’s butt. HE NEEDS IT.
Yeah it is…kind of mind-boggling. I really want to go over there, sit him down like the child he is, and be like CUT THE CRAP. I rarely try to encourage people to give up on relationships but I do wish that my friend felt that she had the freedom to leave. She is a young mother so she put her college education on hold while the kid[s] are young, and has no real working history to speak of; she wouldn’t have any support from her parents if she left him, because her parents have told her that he’s “just a young man, guys in their 20s never think of anyone else anyway, it’ll get better once he grows up a bit,” etc.
I think that the part that bothers me most is that his complaints are all just because he’s BORED! He whines that she goes to bed when their son does and “never stays up to play Wii anymore!!!” Are you effing kidding me!?
I told her that she needs to schedule a marriage counseling session, and they both should write down a list of the things they each feel they need from the other. Hopefully being forced to verbalize his idiocy in front of an objective third party would knock some sense into this guy, but I kind of doubt it.
Alexandra – Your friend needs information on the nearest center for non-violence, and knowledge of the fact that she needs to start documenting his vile behavior so that she file a legal separation on his a**. The beauty of a legal sep is that unless she has a criminal background or something, the judge will kick him out of the residence, award it to her, and order him to pay for support. Hopefully, this will get his attention enough that he will be willing to seek serious help for his (probably pathological) abuse. Abuse is NOT rational, for those who are wondering what this guy expects of a pregnancy. He is unable to empathize and is dangerous to live with.
Emotional abuse can be worse than physical abuse. It make me upset to see how little Christians seem to understand about this – that somehow it is tolerable when one’s psyche and self-worth are at stake, but we draw the line at slapping.
Aborting because of abuse during pregnancy only further victimizes women… I was so thankful I was able to kick my hubby out and keep me and my baby safe.
Alexandra – wow. Sounds like your friend may be better off without the jerk.
I don’t say that often, but in an abusive, manipulative relationship like that, the damage that is being done to her is likely to be done to her child as well.
FYI, she should not under any circumstances do a counseling session TOGETHER with this idiot. It will only tick him off and give him more fuel for his emotional barrage against her. Also she should not expect anything out of him, because she will only be wasting more emotional energy. Get. away. fast.! It ONLY gets worse, without years of professional treatment ONCE he becomes repentant.
I doubt he’d go with her to counseling. I asked my ex-husband to please let us do counseling together, and he said, “WHY? So they can agree with you and tell me what a bad person I am?!”
Wow, Alexandra. Sign me up for the butt-kicking. I’ll pray for your friend – what a horrible situation to be in. It just breaks my heart to hear about that! And luckymama, I agree. Emotional abuse can be worse yet Christians often totally brush over it like it’s nothing. And I know too well that emotional abuse can wreak havoc on families for generations…
This just makes me so grateful for the man God gave me. I’m going to home and give him a good, long hug and a hearty “thank you.”
Yeah that guy sounds like an abusive tool, Alexandra. You should look on the Family Justice Center’s website and see if they have numbers for local resources in her area for domestic violence victims. They helped me file a restraining order against my ex wife and get temporary custody, all for free. They will help her.
” I doubt he’d go with her to counseling. I asked my ex-husband to please let us do counseling together, and he said, “WHY? So they can agree with you and tell me what a bad person I am?!””
LOL my ex actually went to counseling with me, but all she did was complain about me and refuse to admit she did anything wrong, she irritated the counselor.
Hey luckymama, I would definitely rather she left him but she will not do that at this time. Given that, I think that counseling is really the only thing I can suggest, and I will hope that one of two things will result from that: he will wake up (unlikely) or she will be helped to realize that he will not change and that she needs to protect herself and leave.
Jack, thank you – I will look into the Family Justice Center!