Resolutions
Perhaps because I made a resolution last year and stuck to it, I’m high on resolutions.
I committed last January, after the Blogs4Life conference, to focusing on my blog, which I did, and thanks to all of you, traffic increased by 650%!
The blog also received nods from the Chicago Tribune and LA Times this year and more nyas than ever from pro-abort blogs.
God brought 6 invaluable moderators to help with the comment load this year – Bethany, Jacqueline, Jasper, Lauren, MK, and Valerie – and very recently brought proofreader Angela! Jasper additionally finds the quote of the day, which is a huge help….
Thank you to you all for a very successful year promoting pro-lifers and activities and shedding light on the notorious abortion industry!
I have a few pro-life resolutions for 2008: to continue to grow the blog, to consistently submit my columns to WorldNetDaily, and to tackle that book.
A personal resolution is to read the Bible in one year. I found a good One Year Bible a couple days ago at my local Bible book store that includes a section of the OT, NT, Psalms and Proverbs in each 15-minute daily reading. I like that variety. I have a chronological One Year Bible but always gave up a couple chapters into Leviticus.
And my final (public) personal resolution is to eat healthy and exercise this year. A month ago I mentioned starting The Maker’s Diet, and I’m pleased to report I’ve lost 10 pounds. The author of TMD, Jordan Rubin, has just published a new book, Perfect Weight America, which I also purchased at my Bible book store the other day and have not been able to put down. After a lifetime of yo-yo dieting, I find Jordan has answers that click for me.
What about you? Would you like to commit to some resolutions or goals for 2008?
Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
Jill, Funny you should ask. I’ve asked a question on a thread below. I’ll copy and paste it up here. This may be part of my NY resolution. I need help on this one.
I have an off topic question. We have touched down on this one before. Has anyone here ever had a friend, or known a woman who has NEVER repented of her abortion? I know plenty. I have been taking a break from the computer, and I have also been taking a break from people in my life. My mind is refreshed. Here is my question. Would you guys remain friends with that woman, or would you walk away if you were no longer able to reason with/help her? I need some answers from my pro life family:] I just may end some relationships in this New Year.
Posted by: heather at December 31, 2007 10:18 AM——————– Here it is.
Jacque had lot to do with me rethinking my position on this. I was simmering that day, but it kind of makes sense. Again, I am talking about people who remain staunchly PC, and women who continue to say, “Abortion was the best choice for me.”
I always make the loose weight resolution and I am going to do that again this year. I figure it will stick one of these days. I want to help my son continue to develop the skills that will enable him to live as independently as possible. I want to reread many of my medieval history and ancient history books. I want to keep up with my prolife activism and want to conduct some kind of outreach. I want to grow the prolife numbers in my area.
Heather,
I think we can get locked into thinking that deciding we no longer have a reason to be friends with someone means we are bad people.
Be we change, other people change, circumstances change…
You don’t have to make a “definitive” break, just look at the relationship and ask yourself “Does what we have in common mean more than what we don’t have in common”?
You don’t owe people your friendship. If it’s based on obligation then it isn’t a friendship anyway.
By praying for these people you are being the best of all friends.
I have stopped “hangin'” with many of my old friends. Their lives changed, my views changed, circumstances changed and quite frankly I don’t have the need to surround myself with people.
I have friends that I go to the movies with, friends that I do church things with, friends in the pro-life movement, friends from grade school…none of them fit all of my needs, but all of them fit some. The people who stopped fitting any of my needs just sort of drifted away. Perhaps our paths will cross again…who knows.
I just got a Christmas card from someone that I thought was a dear, dear friend but 5 years ago she just stopped returning calls or sending Christmas cards. I thought it was something I had done, but it turns out her marriage ended and rather than reaching out to us, she shut us out. Not just me, but all of us. Now she’s sending Christmas cards again…we’ll we start talking again? I don’t know…the ball is in her court.
But as Father Corapi says…I’ll do anything I can to save your soul, except sell mine.
Do what is best for you. You can’t help anyone else til you are in the right place. Being a good example, even from a distance might be the very best way to be a good friend…
Hope that helps.
MK, thank you. It does help. I see so many post abortive women who are self destructing. They are promiscuous, into drugs, alcoholics, pot smokers, pill addicts. I don’t know if it has to do with their abortions, but I feel that it does. However, I don’t feel comfortable bringing that up as a possibility. I guess I have to let them go, but I don’t know what reason to give.
Jill, I also have the goal of reading the Bible in one year. I am using a schedule from the “Coming Home Network” (for EWTN viewers, it is Marcus Grodi’s ministry). They have a schedule on-line that breaks it up into 30-day blocks with a reading from the Old Testament, New Testament, Psalm (and later in the year, Proverbs) AND a section from the Catechism of the Catholic Church, each day: http://www.chnetwork.org/journals/readguide04.pdf
The on-line copy is kind of hard to read when printed out, but the brochure you can order looks great.
How old are these friends. Heather? Past retirement age? Still young and dumb? Look at Carla Stream. Seventeen years since her abortion, and how long did it take for her to get over the hump? Perhaps there’s still time for them, just not at the time you want it to be.
Maybe not completely cut the ties, but perhaps giving the space that you need at this phase of your life. And theirs as well.
Why are you their friend? To convince them that abortion is wrong? They’re a barrel of laughs? Shared some great times together?
I’ve borrowed a saying from my hispanic brethren that says, “Por alla, ella” translated “Over there, her.”
It means that while I will be there for them if they need me via communication, I can’t go out of my way to help them if they consider it an imposition. I’ve got my own obligations and duties to tend to at home without it disrupting my family or our friendships. Do any of your friends feel that way?
I’m glad you took a cyber break. Helps to sort out some mental stuff. I’m considering “giving up” this blog for Lent. An emotional sacrifice for me.
Peace.
You probably don’t need to give any reason. Just spend less and less time with them.
Or tell them the truth. That you just feel where you are is realllllly far away from where they are in your lives, and that you just don’t see the use of the friendship. Let them know that you’ll always be there to listen, but you need to move on. Find some friends who share your values. Your goals.
You can’t choose family, but you can choose friends.
There are only so many life preservers that you can throw to people. They have the right to choose their path in life. But so do you. And you are choosing to hang with people more like minded.
You don’t have to apologize for not sharing their life view. They don’t seem to be agonizing over changing themselves for you. You don’t need to compromise yourself for them.
Volunteer at a CPC, then you can help women in crisis without the obligation of a false friendship. Volunteering gives you parameters. Then you don’t get sucked into their lives except in the context of volunteering. And they came to you. You aren’t judging them or offering “unsolicited” advice…
carder, they range in age. However, we don’t discuss their abortions on a regular basis. The topic comes up once in a while. Aside from that, they have been fun women. I know that they don’t want to hear preaching. Abortion is not a pleasant topic, so it is not like discussing other things.
carder, I am very impressed with Carla! I complimented her blog! I applaud her bravery, but she also discusses how her “friends” drifted away d/t a clash in beliefs about abortions. Carla chose to repent, and her friends chose justification. Carder, don’t leave!!
MK and carder, thank you both. Abortion has been bothering me more and more. MK, I honestly have been avoiding phone calls. I just feel so much different NOW then I did years ago. I used to spew the same BS. ” I would never have an abortion, but if you want to, it’s your choice.”
I think I have outgrown a lot of these tired friendships. I am ready to move on. Nobody is perfect, but we all have different interests.
I think that coming to Jill’s site has really helped me to realize how evil abortion really is. After viewing an actual abortion, I am just sickened by it. It has caused me to change the way I feel about post abortive women who continue to chant, “It’s a choice.” Believe me, I used to fall for that too.
Ellie, 11:29a, good for you! Speaking of Marcus Grodi, I have a funny story about him. I’ll be name dropping here, so bear with me.
I was taping a show with Fr. Pavone at the EWTN studios a few years back. Lunch was served in a rectory near the studio. I’m not Catholic and I don’t watch EWTN, so when I sat down to eat, it was with people I did not recognize.
On my way down on the plane, I had coincidentally started to read a book a Catholic friend lent me, “Surprised by Truth: 11 Converts Give the Biblical and Historical Reasons for Becoming Catholic.”
As one of the men at the table started talking, I realized something. “You’re chapter 3!” I finally exclaimed (or whatever chapter he was). The man was Marcus Grodi, and I explained I had just read his story. He said it had been a long time since he had read his own conversion story, and did I have the book handy? I sure did and grabbed it from my suitcase for him.
We had a good laugh, and he autographed his chapter for my friend.
Another man at the table was also in the book. I forget his name but he was an older black priest who used to pastor a Protestant church and announced to his church one Sunday he was converting and brought many of his congregants along with him to the Catholic Church. Quite a story. He told it over lunch.
It was a great lunch.
Jill, hello. Missed you.
Heather–it looks like you are getting some great advice that I am also taking to heart regarding my friend….mk echos what I’ve been feeling myself…I don’t want to devalue 21 years of friendship, but I’ve changed and made new priorities and new aquaintances….and her freindship just doesn’t work for me anymore. As the same friend once said to me regarding caring for her elderly father:
“This is a partnership–not a service.”
Ironic that she’s the one who said it.
Jill!
What a fabulous lunch! Not just Pavone, but Grodi and that former pastor you met. Cant’ remember his name, but talk about dynamic!
Envy.
Heather, I missed you, too! I understand the need to take a break. It’s better to see the need to do that than burn yourself out never to return to your passion.
Carder, you know the black priest I’m talking about? He’s married, as I recall, or he was. Maybe he’s a widower, but I don’t think so.
Jill, my break was nothing personal. I just needed to take care of some things that I had been procrastinating about. I wish you a great New Year. P.S. Your site is a major addiction. I went to rehab over it *LOL!* Don’t tell anyone.
Hooves, did your PC friend of 21 years ever have an abortion?
But as Father Corapi says…I’ll do anything I can to save your soul, except sell mine.
MK, I love that!!!!
If memory serves me correctly, he lives in Detroit and serving as a deacon. Yes, he’s married. I haven’t heard otherwise. There was a whole documentary dedicated to how he made that conversion journey with some of his congregants. Did not get to see it in full, I remember seeing and hearing the thunderous applause at the moment they were all formally received in the Church.
Cool. So did you get to meet Mother Angelica?
Heather,
Sounds like being PC isn’t your friends only choice of lifestyle. If I were you, and this is my opinion only, I would run like the devil himself was chasing me! Being friends with people like that can really bring YOU down, and you certainly would not want to be with them when they are caught with drugs or have an accident while being under the influence of them. I would tell them that due to conflicting lifestyles, we could not “hang around” anymore, but if they ever need your help in turning their life around, they can bet you’ll be there for them!
Then pray, pray, pray for them! Only God can change their hearts!
Heather,
If you can post a link or phone # for the people who helped you with your addiction prob..I NEED IT TOO!!!
I don’t intend to leave permanently, Heather. Lent is a time to join Our Lord “in the desert” for 40 days. Rather than dwelling on the tremendous amount of information on this blog, I could use the time for more spiritual reading, prayer, activites that will lead me closer to Him and prepare for Easter better.
It’s been brewing in my mind lately. Nonetheless, I am thankful for the opportunity to post my two cents, welcome or not.
AB Laura, thank you! I think I’ll agree. I have been praying, but I can’t help but see that it really doesn’t seem to be working. So, I have to let it be. Also, these women do seem to all share one trait. Selfishness. They generally call to vent their trivial “problems.” “I only got such and such for Christmas.”….yeah, and what about world hunger? What about homeless people?
Above all, do you ever think about that aborted baby at Christmas time? I wish I had the guts to ask.
carder, okay. Good….AB Laura, LOL!
Heather,
Yep…self-centered people, I think, are the hardest to deal with, and most certainly not worth any effort. From reading your posts, I believe (and can be wrong) that you have already come to the conclusion that God has been leading you to. I’ve been down that road before, and have also been the “friend who was dumped” because of my lifestyle. I learned alot of lessons, and learned over the years that the best friend EVER is by far….a dog! :)
ooops! I meant, JESUS first, then….a dog!
Heather,
Basically, it all comes down to whether or not what these people have to offer you as friendship is something you still actually WANT from them. They can’t change you, and you can’t change them. You shouldn’t have to compromise what you believe as a person to suit other people. If you do this, then you are not being true to yourself and in essence, being dishonest with the people you call your “friends.” Who wants to be friends with someone you can’t tell the truth to anyway?
I love that quote MK put up as well. This is the reason I have had to end almost all of my “friendships” with people I used to know. I’m done compromising my beliefs to suit other people.
You will always have your “pro-life” family to talk to!
AB Laura, Mike left a great post a few threads down. Let’s face it. Abortion affects us all. I think that God wants to point me in a different direction. I’m tired of listening to post aborts cry about silly things. Everything in their world is based upon materialistic things. I just can’t stand it anymore. I’m going to abort my friendships with them.
I’m going to abort my friendships with them.
Haha, Heather, I love you.
Elizabeth, thanks for understanding. Jacque posted something about “Depart from the workers of darkness.”….I gave it some thought. She was right, and I hope she realizes that despite the fact that I WAS livid, I understand it now! I thank you, Jacque. I needed that swift kick in the rear. God spoke to me through you that day.
Where’s Jacque, by the way?
where is hippie?
Heather, 1:03 pm.,
AMEN & LOL!!!
Hey, could you possibly re-post what Jacque wrote to you that day? It’s wierd..about 15 years ago I made the following new year’s resolution: To never make another new year’s resolution again.
It got some great laughs over the years, but my life’s been sooooo dull & frustrating at times that I just want to cry my eyes out or scream my head off! Anyway, I read Rosie’s post this morning: “If you always do what you’ve always done you’ll always get what you’ve always got”. It got me to thinking that I am the only one to blame for my dull, frustrating life! I will make a new resolution this year to make changes in as many aspects of my life that I can. What do I have to lose???? It’s broken, & needs to be fixed!
AB Laura, I LOVED Rosie’s quote! Allow me to explain. Jacque made a remark about me, and I was offended. It was regarding my poor choices in selecting “friends.” Unfortunately, I know soooo many women who have had abortions.” With 1.3 million abortions annually, how could I NOT know them? I argued that maintaining the friendship was the correct thing to do. We have all sinned. However, these sinners were NOT repenting. So, I decided to take Jacque’s advice. I told her off, and she told me off. I can’t remember where it was. I was HOT, but I have had since a change of heart.
I’ve always believed that you should never give up on people, but there are times that it is best to distance yourself from someone in order to protect yourself.
Heather,
But it’s not like they are coming to you for help & you are giving up on them! They are who they are, and only God can change them if they desire Him to. You wouldn’t be “giving up on them” or “walking out” on them…you would simply be distancing yourself from their lifestyles. It’s not the person or people…it’s the lifestyle they chose.
Heather,
It’s called self-preservation..if you allow people to bring you down, they will. I know this is hard for us to understand because we want to be compassionate and help, but some people mistake kindness for a weakness unfortunately.
I also had to remind myself that these were not ordinary women. These women are murderers. They are murderers who are not expressing any remorse. Maintaining a friendship with them is not possible unless they repent.
Heather 1:27pm.
See! planting the seed DOES work!!! Jacque planted it…God watered it…now it’s up to you to nurture it!
Heather..
Life is WAY too short…you have to decide what you have time for & what you don’t!!
AB Laura and Elizabeth, you are both right! I guess I just always felt obligated.
AB Laura, I don’t want their friendships anymore. They have been ringin the tele off the hook. I let the Answering machine pick up. Their calls are going unreturned.
Heather,
I also felt this way about a friend of mine who has a daughter about the same age as mine. She is just ridiculous in what she lets this child do. She let her ONE YEAR OLD walk around a restaurant without following her or anything without SHOES on. There could have been glass, knives, anything. And then she would pick up other people’s food and eat it off the floor. Her mom did nothing. There is so much more but you don’t have all day to read lol. I just decided that in the best interest of my daughter and my parenting towards her, that we not be friends. I just stopped answering her calls. I’ve known this girl since we were in high school doing musicals together, so I felt really sad about it for a while. But I know in my heart that she would do nothing good for me or my child. The hard decisions are usually the right ones in the end.
Something to ponder: If you would kill your own child, why would I ever trust you?
Let alone trust their advice in ANY situation!
I know a woman who is having an affair with a married man. I see her around here and there. She’s always so miserable about “the love of her life” treating her so shabbily……DUH!
Heather–see the other thread…no, she didn’t have a procedure, but used an IUD for decades, so odds are she aborted at least once…
And Elizabeth…hats off to you for putting your daughter’s needs above your “need” for that woman’s frienship. That cannot have been easy….
*applause to Elizabeth*
Hooves, I know a woman who had 7 of them. She had to have a hysterectomy……Again, clueless.
Or shall I say “My choice, my choice, my choice, my choice!!!!!” “Wha, wha!!!”
I’m haven’t seen that one in years, but she looks like a train wreck.”..A mutual pal showed me an updated picture. She used to resemble Nicole Kidman. She’s put on about 70 pounds, cut off all of her hair, and has a beer bloated face.
yay Elizabeth!!! Trust me…it will pay of in the long run!
Hooves, It’s funny that you mentioned the IUD. My doctor wanted me to have one inserted after the birth of my daughter. My response? “No way.”
I had a female gyn who had an IUD herself. She raved about it, and she also recommended it to me. I told her that I’d read about too many side effects connected to that. Her reply? “Like what?” I swear that on my daughter’s life!!
*glance* You know, we’re still PEOPLE.
Hi Heather,
I know it is hard to decide what to do with the friends you have that have had abortions. My college roommate and I reconnected after many years. I prayed with her and gave her Forgiven and Set Free by Linda Cochrane.
Another friend, refused to talk about it with me. She stated, “It’s the best thing I have ever done.” We exchange Christmas cards-nothing else. (So maybe the word “friend” doesn’t fit??)
One friend told me that her abortion never bothered her the way it bothers me. She said God let it never bother her. Yeah, right…
Ok. Two more. My sister. She had been so verbally abusive and hateful that I could not be with her anymore. Haven’t seen her for 6 years.
Another friend just confided in me that she had 2 abortions and really wants to walk with me through forgiveness.
All this to say-I think there comes a time when some friendships fade away and others you have to let go. It sounds like you already know what you want to do.
Happy New Year!
Oh, but Heather…it’s no big deal. It’s just a zygote!!
You are so narrow-minded.
I remember seeing an IUD for the first time when I was 14. I remember thinking: “you want me to stick that WHERE?!”
Carla, I hope you saw my compliment to you. I am so GLAD you’re here to tell the flip side. Erin, happy New Year! I know you are human:]
Heh, you should see this new thing called an Implana. It’s a little bitty rod that they stick in your arm that works for like 10 years. Weirdest thing I’ve ever seen.
Happy New Year to you as well, Heather!
Carla, you are beautiful, and you have a beautiful family!………I hope you stay. Perhaps you can help me out. I’ll have some questions for you.
Carla, One of the women who I consider to be a “friend” had her abortion 7 years ago. She will only mention it once in a great while. She maintains “I am relieved that I will never have to deal with “that man” [[baby’s dad]] again.” “Abortion was a good thing for me.”..Yet, she is a very co-dependant type, and she is extremely needy. Aside from her occasional statements, we don’t discuss her abortion.
Also, I would love to present some of those healing books to post abortive women, but how do you do that if they are not feeling any regret?
Jill –
Thank you for all you do. If it wasn’t for you I would have stopped blogging months ago. This blog is different from all the others and wonderful!
I’m sorry that I haven’t been around much these past couple months. Family issues have gotten in the way of my computer time – but it all seems to be working out and I’ll be back soon! woohooo!
Heather –
Love the sinner, not the sin. I don’t know if anyone has said that yet or not – I don’t have time to read all the comments.
If you get along with them other than some viewpoints I don’t see a problem with remaining friends. My best friend is pro-choice and even helped her sister get an abortion. She knows my views and knows how I feel and I know how she feels too. We don’t talk about it unless we have to. Her sister also knows how I feel and I have told her that if she ever needs to talk about it to call me. That is why I am here, not to judge but help when people need help.
Your friends may one day feel horrible about their past decisions and who will they be able to turn to if you are not there for them?
On a side note – my best friends sister got pregnant after the abortion (she is really messed up not because of the abortion; because of a psychotic mother) and they asked for my help. I had told my friend the statistics on what happens when women have multiple abortions and she told her sister. I was able to help her get to an adoption agency to discuss her options with someone other than planned parenthood. She had a healthy baby boy and a wonderful couple adopted him – she had an open adoption so she knows how well her son is doing and her son will be able to know her if he wants to when he gets older. Now, if I had walked away from my friend because of her viewpoints that beautiful baby boy may not be here today.
Heather, I experienced a tremendous sense of relief when I ended a couple of toxic relationships several years ago. It was one of the best things I have ever done.
valerie and carrie, thank you both.
I could tell that my roommates heart had softened over the years and I actually reconnected with her to tell her of where my experience had brought me. I just knew that she needed to hear that she was forgiven. I have some extra books at home and know that God will show me who they need to go to.
If they do not regret the abortion they are shoving it down with something…drugs, drinking, overeating etc. I think you can only begin there. “I am really concerned about you and your drinking.”
Prayer is all I can do for the ones who are no longer a part of my life.
Thank you for the sweet compliments, Heather!! :)
valerie, I do love the sinner. My problem is this, I hate it when women casually say “Yeah, I had an abortion.” It doesn’t seem to affect them. It’s generally followed with justification. Now, if someone says that they feel bad about it, then we can discuss it.
Carla, right! You are very well ajusted. You are so right. Every post abortive woman I know is doing something to ease her pain. Most of them are seeing psychiatrists. The main reason for this is depression and anxiety disorder.
adjusted
*glance* You know, we’re still PEOPLE.
Funny, I thought you were just post-born fetuses….
Hooves,
ROTFLMAO!
(yes…it was THAT funny!!!)
yes, it WAS a hoot. Let’s not forget that a fetus is a person.
*grin!*
Even while in the womb!
Even while in the womb!
(Ummm, that was kind of the point!!)*wink*
Carla, right! You are very well ajusted. You are so right. Every post abortive woman I know is doing something to ease her pain. Most of them are seeing psychiatrists. The main reason for this is depression and anxiety disorder.
Posted by: heather at December 31, 2007 2:39 PM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Actually, only 2-3% of all women who have abortions have ANY angst over their decision, yet ALL the women who know you do.
Clearly, the only common denominator among these poor, unbalanced creatures is that they have a relationship with you.
This calls for further study…
My New Years resolution is to ignore Laura.
Hey Laura….
Are you still reloading your Mark Twain comeback or what??
Hooves, that was for Erin. *winks back*
I think Laura should change her screen name to:
Sarcastabitch
New Study: Over 500,000 Women Affected by Post-Abortion Syndrome
Elliot Institute Press Release; August 23, 2000
——————————————————————————–
Springfield, IL — Pro-choice researchers writing in the August issue of the Archives of General Psychiatry have acknowledged that some women experience post-abortion syndrome (PAS). The research team, led by Dr. Brenda Major, diagnosed PAS among 1.4 percent of a sample of women who had abortions two years previously. Critics of abortion are elated by this admission but insist the researchers have only spotted the “tip of the iceberg.”
“Even at the low rate identified in this study, the impact is tremendous,” said Dr. Vincent Rue, who first proposed PAS as a variant of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in 1981. “With 40 million abortions since 1972, this would translate into 560,000 cases of PAS.”
Rue also notes that many women in the study reported psychiatric disorders that are less severe than full-blown PAS. Twenty percent of the women in the Majors study experienced clinical depression. Also, when asked if they would do it all over again, 31 percent reported that they would not have chosen abortion or were uncertain. “Since ambivalence is a good predictor of postabortion problems, ” said Rue, “it is likely that many of these women are having post-abortion symptoms that simply fall short of full-blown PAS.”
Unlike Rue, the Major’s research team focused on the absence of problems among the majority of post-abortive women. They concluded that “most women do not experience psychological problems or regret about their abortion two years post-abortion, but some do. Those who do tend to be women with a prior history of depression.” Dr. David Reardon, who directs a post-abortion research and education organization known as the Elliot Institute, sees this association with prior depression as evidence of the need for abortion providers to provide better screening and counseling. “Clearly, this study shows that abortionists should be screening for a history of depression,” he said. “It also confirms a large body of earlier research that shows that prior psychological problems are more likely to be made worse by abortion, not better.”
Reardon says that Major’s study has merit, but he insists that it is inappropriate to conclude that abortion is a benign experience for most women. “The biggest shortcomings of this study are the high dropout and refusal rates,” he said. “Even though women were offered payment to participate, 15 percent of the women who were initially approached refused to participate, and 50 percent of those who originally participated refused to participate in follow-up interviews. Research has found that those women who are most likely to experience negative post-abortion reactions are also least likely to participate in post-abortion research.”
This criticism is supported by a recent study which found that women who declined to participate in post-abortion follow-up interviews most closely matched the characteristics of those women who experienced the most post-abortion distress. Dr. Hanna Sderberg, the lead author of that study, reported that “for many of the women, the reason for non-participation seemed to be a sense of guilt and remorse that they did not wish to discuss. An answer very often given was: ‘I do not want to talk about it. I just want to forget’.”
Conducting interviews one year after the abortions, Sderberg’s research team found that approximately 60 percent of the women in their sample of 854 women had experienced emotional distress after their abortions. This distress was classified as “severe,” warranting professional psychiatric attention, among 16 percent of the women. In addition, over 70 percent stated that they would never consider an abortion again if they faced an unwanted pregnancy.
Reardon and Rue agree that several other findings reported by Major’s team also deserve greater attention. “Major’s study clearly demonstrates the presence of delayed reactions,” Reardon said. “She found that negative feelings and dissatisfaction with the abortion decision increased with time-even among her final, lower-risk population. In addition, only a minority of women reported positive emotions, and on average the women reported no beneficial effect from their abortions. This general ambivalence about their abortions, combined with a trend toward increasing negative reactions, contradicts the claim that abortion is generally beneficial to women.”
Though Major and her colleagues focused mostly on the psychological effects of abortion, they also found that 17 percent of women experienced physical problems such as bleeding or pelvic infection associated with the abortion. “This rate is much higher than abortion providers admit,” Rue said. “Clinic counselors rarely inform women of this rate of physical complications.”
2-3 %? That’s the stats you assume when you don’t get out much.
Hey Laura….
Are you still reloading your Mark Twain comeback or what??
Posted by: Hooves-in-Maw at December 31, 2007 3:13 PM
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I LIKED your Mark Twain quotes.
I’ll get one of them tattooed someplace weird.
Which is why PC’ers HATE post-abortive women who come forward with regrets/PAS. Which, by the way, leads to further marginalizing and stigma
New Study: Over 500,000 Women Affected by Post-Abortion Syndrome
Elliot Institute Press Release; August 23, 2000
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Oh cool, Reardon, the guy with the worthless diploma-mill degree.
Impressive…
Hooves,
You are on a ROLL (again) today!
Oh cool, Reardon, the guy with the worthless diploma-mill degree.
Impressive…
————————————————————- What the hell makes you so impressive?
It’s not the New Year yet.
Heather
Hooves, actually, I’m laughing at her! What wonders a break do!
What the hell makes you so impressive?
Well, she does want to get a tattoo of a Mark Twain quote
*oops* does
Now, if she
Gratuitous typo
OK Kidlets….
Gotta go. So many bon-bons and Days of Our Lives…so little time.
At least according to Sarcastabitch.
Okay Hooves. Have a safe New Year!
Y tu!
Love that new name!
What the hell makes you so impressive?
Posted by: heather at December 31, 2007 3:20 PM
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I hardly ever scoot my butt across the carpet when I have worms.
Jill,
Was the former pastor’s name Alex Jones? I didn’t know he was a priest. I’ve heard of him, and may have caught him on an EWTN show, but have never heard his conversion story. From what I’ve heard he’s an amazing speaker
Happy New Year!
Mike: “One of them had had 5…the last one was at 7 1/2 months. I had felt that baby kick.”
….I just ate a nice steak and cheese calzone, now I’m going to throw up.
Hi Jasper. I just recieved an email regarding the picket of Dr.O. The most recent one was on 11/17/07 and it was in his home town of Wellsley, not on the Cape as I had originally thought. They said that they do not have a picket planned, but will definitely be doing something in the future. I will let you know.
Sorry, it was on 11/18, not the 17th.
Yes, thank-you Carrie, please let me know.
Thanks
Jill,
It been a pleasure for me helping out with your blog. Happy New year.
“And my final (public) personal resolution is to eat healthy and exercise this year.”
me too! well, at least the exercise part. I have a weakness that involves peanut-butter sandwiches later in the evening…. LOL.
….I just ate a nice steak and cheese calzone, now I’m going to throw up.
Don’t feel bad Jasper…Patriots fans are notorious for their weak stomachs!!
*wink*
(Just kidding!)
Happy New Year everybody!
2008? You gotta be kidding me. I still want to write “19…..” when writing out a check.
John M. and MK – sorry for the delay in replying, but I have now put responses to your posts in the “White Weitz Christmas” thread from Dec. 28.
Big snowstorm here a few days ago (Taos, NM) and there was so much snow and ice on the hotel roof that I couldn’t get online until now.
Cheers,
Doug
1.) Quit eating and drinking so much. More exercise, etc…. Still gonna go out here in a few minutes and “do the town right,” though.
2.) Brush up on the Spanish language. Had five years of it in school, but that was 30+ years ago.
My New Year’s resolution is:
To forgive Cordell (sperm donor) for everything he has put me through before and after my daughter was born. THIS, ladies and gentlemen, is going to be a HUGE challenge for me. It’s going to take a lot of grace to let go of the anger and deep hatred I have for him. I really have never, ever, ever hated anyone in my life..but I hate him. I suspect I have this feeling because even in hate, I can still hold on to something. But this year, I don’t want to hang on to anything. I want to forgive him to myself and really, TRULY let the pain of it all go. The how may be a little more challenging for me, so any tips you lovely people would have would be more than appreciated. I’m really going to keep this one this year. :crosses fingers:
Good one, Elizabeth. Easier said than done, for sure.
Here’s something I learned from the priest who guided me through the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius when we need the grace to forgive someone:
Imagine that you, Cordell, and Our Lord at an out-of-the-way location. Now imagine Our Lord walking off with Cordell to talk to him privately. You’re still within eyesight, but you are unable to hear the conversation.
In time, with enough repetition, there will come a point where during this discourse that you will soon be included in their private chat. And the whole time the prayer in our heart would be, “Lord, grant me the grace to desire the desire to forgive him.” Depending on the level of hurt harbored in your heart, it could very well be “Grant me the desire to desire to desire to desire to forgive him.”
There are several reasons for this approach: one, you will see him as Our Lord sees him, which tends to be on the side of mercy; two, whatever is felt or said or heard, it will be in His Presence, which makes all the difference.
It can take time, but the effort you find may be well worth it.
Hope this helps.
Happy New Year.
Which is why PC’ers HATE post-abortive women who come forward with regrets/PAS. Which, by the way, leads to further marginalizing and stigma
Don’t forget that they love to bring up Paul Hill and abortion clinic bombings. There is plenty of violence on the PC side. The problem is that their violence is protected by the word “legal.”
Tis why the actions of some of these PC fruit loops are always excused by the media, the law, and defended by many brain washed people. How about the church that was vandalized? How about the guy who was clubbed while picketing, and the cop took the assailant’s side? How about the girl who was kidnapped by her parents who drove her to the abortion clinic, and they were let go with a mere slap on the wrist? So, I guess it’s okay to commit crimes as long as they are done in the name of “CHOICE.”
Happy New Year all!
Elizabeth —
Forgiveness is difficult, but vital in order to move on. I had to forgive someone who hurt me and my daughter badly. I wasn’t able to get to forgiveness for a while.
What I found helpful, was advice given by our Deacon. He told me to pray for persepective and distance. I did and I received it. I was so angry about what had happened, I had no perspecitve and was kind of stuck in a tunnel. Perspective/distance emerged after I focused my prayers on that. Once I had a little more room in my life and emotional distance, I was able to forgive him and move on.
This worked for me. Forgiveness is a process and taking it a step at a time will be helpful.
Good bless you in 2008.
Doug,
Define fetus. Define neonate. Define baby. Your words.
*
Deal – embryo is after zygote, blastocyst, etc. and up until 10 weeks gestation. I know there is a pretty-well accepted meaning for “fetus” that begins at 9 weeks, but I think things have changed there, over the years, and I think it was 10 weeks when I first paid attention. So, for fetus my first impression is from 10 weeks to birth.
You haven’t told me what an embryo or zygote is tho…so let’s back up…define (YOUR WORDS) and embryo, zygot, or blastocyst. Not by defining what “stage” they are at, but what they are
Doug,
As to the promise question…
I believe it does go deeper than you think…
You say you desire your wife to keep her promises.
But what about other people? The question I am asking is why is it important to you that people keep their promises? What difference does it make? I desire a red convertible mustang, but the most of the world isn’t capitulating to my desire. And yet most of the world (from the beginning of time) has held the idea of a promise to to be sacrosanct…I want to know why?
I asked you awhile back (and it got lost in the holidays) to tell me how you feel when someone cuts in front of you in line…
Ellie, yes, I do think he was Alex Jones. I looked up his picture and think it was him. He was appearing on Brodi’s show when I met him. I guess he’s not a priest, “just” a convert?
Elizabeth
Hooves,
That is a good one. My favorite quote about holding onto hate for someone is : “Hating someone is like swallowing poison expecting the other person to die.” When I heard that quote, a lightbulb went off, but it is still a struggle to let it all go. But the new year is a GREAT excuse to start new and let go. I’m workin’ on it!
Elizabeth,
I LOVE that quote!! Never heard it before, but it’s totally true! I do pray for the fortitude and grace to forgive too…but sometimes those catchy little true-isms can help keep me on track. I had a stepfather who nearly (and quite deliberately) emotionally destroyed me as a teenager…I know EXACTLY how potent that kind of hate is
Doug,
As to the promise question…
I believe it does go deeper than you think…
You say you desire your wife to keep her promises.
But what about other people? The question I am asking is why is it important to you that people keep their promises? What difference does it make? I desire a red convertible mustang, but the most of the world isn’t capitulating to my desire. And yet most of the world (from the beginning of time) has held the idea of a promise to to be sacrosanct…I want to know why?
I asked you awhile back (and it got lost in the holidays) to tell me how you feel when someone cuts in front of you in line…
Posted by: mk at January 1, 2008 7:33 AM
……………………………………………..
How do you feel when someone cuts in front of you MK? As the former wife of a former enlisted man, it was made clear to me that the wives of officers had every ‘right’ to cut into line at the commissary. You learn not to take it personally. Why let someone’s rudeness upset you? Has their rudeness actually harmed anyone?
I know that the question is directed at Doug but am curious as to where you are attempting to go with such a question.
MK: You haven’t told me what an embryo or zygote is tho…so let’s back up…define (YOUR WORDS) and embryo, zygot, or blastocyst. Not by defining what “stage” they are at, but what they are
MK, I reckon we’ve been over this like a crillion times, but anyway…. They are the unborn in the womb, in this case (on this board) the unborn human organism.
……
You say you desire your wife to keep her promises. But what about other people? The question I am asking is why is it important to you that people keep their promises? What difference does it make? I desire a red convertible mustang, but the most of the world isn’t capitulating to my desire. And yet most of the world (from the beginning of time) has held the idea of a promise to to be sacrosanct…I want to know why?
I’d say it goes to desire. When a promise is made, it’s because there is the implication that somebody wants something. And usually also that the other party wants to satisfy that desire. If the promise is broken, then often suffering would be the result.
If somebody promises you the Mustang, then it’d usually be a bummer for you if they reneged on the deal. Most times – better to not make the promise in the first place, rather than break one’s word on it. So, if anything, kept promises = less suffering, to generalize.
……
I asked you awhile back (and it got lost in the holidays) to tell me how you feel when someone cuts in front of you in line…
I answered this one – the system is “first come, first served,” usually, and those who are in the system, in society, in the room, etc., expect that the rules will be followed. It’s a basic desire to want to “play be the same rules.”
Doug
Which is why PC’ers HATE post-abortive women who come forward with regrets/PAS. Which, by the way, leads to further marginalizing and stigma
Doug,
I answered this one – the system is “first come, first served,” usually, and those who are in the system, in society, in the room, etc., expect that the rules will be followed. It’s a basic desire to want to “play be the same rules.”
And where does this desire to “Play by the same rules come from”.
And what system are you talking about? Where is it written “First come, First serve?” I realize that you believe it is tacitly agreed to, but, the question is why?
And I asked you “HOW YOU FEEL”. You told me what it means when someone cuts in line, not how you feel.
If I make a promise that I fully intend to keep, but then realize that keeping that promise will cause ME suffering, so I break that promise, why is that not okay with you? After all, your reasoning is that breaking a promise causes suffering. What if keeping a promise causes suffering?
Doug,
Do you believe in Good and Evil…or is good and evil relative. What makes something good? What makes something evil (or if you prefer, bad?)
And where does this desire to “Play by the same rules come from”.
MK, down deep, a society is a group of people with things in common. One of those things in common is the expectation of and desire for “the same rules.” Societies don’t always do so hot, there, but the desire and expectation is there nonetheless.
…..
And what system are you talking about? Where is it written “First come, First serve?” I realize that you believe it is tacitly agreed to, but, the question is why?
System = society as a whole, and individual parts of it – even down to the people in a one room waiting for a teller, etc. I don’t think it’s written “first come, first served,” at least not in many places, but there’s no significant disagreement to it, and we’re taught that from an early age. It’s one of those massively prevalent deals in human nature. The “why” is that in general we don’t like to wait.
……
And I asked you “HOW YOU FEEL”. You told me what it means when someone cuts in line, not how you feel.
I feel like they should wait in line, same as everybody else. I do not like it when they cut in.
……
If I make a promise that I fully intend to keep, but then realize that keeping that promise will cause ME suffering, so I break that promise, why is that not okay with you? After all, your reasoning is that breaking a promise causes suffering. What if keeping a promise causes suffering?
Sometimes it would be okay with me. Heck, in reality that kind of thing happens all the time. If there is an acceptable explanation for it, then that often takes much of the suffering feeling away. If keeping a promise causes more suffering than is caused by breaking it, then I think both parties should talk, and see what the whole deal is.
……
Do you believe in Good and Evil…or is good and evil relative. What makes something good? What makes something evil (or if you prefer, bad?)
I certainly believe in it – it certainly is there on many levels, inndividual, group, the human race as a whole, etc., and yes, it’s relative to what is wanted. Good is what is wanted. Evil, bad, etc., are what are not wanted. Not wanted because they are seen as injurious, harmful, mean, spiteful, not in line with ideals of good behavior, etc.
Doug
MK, down deep, a society is a group of people with things in common. One of those things in common is the expectation of and desire for “the same rules.” Societies don’t always do so hot, there, but the desire and expectation is there nonetheless.
She’s not asking about a groups’ desire, Doug. She’s asking about your desire.
Where does it (YOUR desire to play by the rules) come from?
I feel like they should wait in line, same as everybody else. I do not like it when they cut in.
But why?? Do you feel that you have been wronged? If so, WHY? WHY should they wait in line, if they really, really desire to be in front? WHY do YOU personally feel is it unfair for them to step in front of you, if their desire is greater than yours, to be in front?
I certainly believe in it – it certainly is there on many levels, inndividual, group, the human race as a whole, etc., and yes, it’s relative to what is wanted. Good is what is wanted. Evil, bad, etc., are what are not wanted. Not wanted because they are seen as injurious, harmful, mean, spiteful, not in line with ideals of good behavior, etc.
Is what is desired inherently good?
Bethany: She’s not asking about a groups’ desire, Doug. She’s asking about your desire. Where does it (YOUR desire to play by the rules) come from?
Baloney. She didn’t specify me. She asked about the desire, which is common to us all who desire society. Now then, my desire is to be in society, and thus I’m for most of the conventions, rules, implied ways to operate, etc. If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t want to be in society, and that’s true for all of us.
……
“I feel like they should wait in line, same as everybody else. I do not like it when they cut in.”
But why?? Do you feel that you have been wronged? If so, WHY? WHY should they wait in line, if they really, really desire to be in front? WHY do YOU personally feel is it unfair for them to step in front of you, if their desire is greater than yours, to be in front?
Again, it’s not their desire that is pre-eminent here, it is the rules. I feel I have been wronged because we all knew the rules of the game when the game began, same as you, if somebody does it to you. I care less about their desire in this case than the desire of society as a whole, as do most of us.
If they communicate a good enougn reason for their haste and cutting in line IMO, then I’m gonna be okay with it, again, same as you. Outside of that, of course I’m not gonna like it.
……
“I certainly believe in it – it certainly is there on many levels, inndividual, group, the human race as a whole, etc., and yes, it’s relative to what is wanted. Good is what is wanted. Evil, bad, etc., are what are not wanted. Not wanted because they are seen as injurious, harmful, mean, spiteful, not in line with ideals of good behavior, etc.”
Is what is desired inherently good?
No.
Resolutions
Great, This is now on my Thorny Path.