Lunch Break: “Virgin Diaries”
by LauraLoo
Here’s a sneek peek at TLC‘s new reality special Virgin Diaries.
I have mixed feelings about this. Is a program showing the ineptness of romantic/sexually starved people necessary? Absolutely not. We know they’re out there. But since such a program now exists, naturally there are those who mock these type of folks who, for whatever reason, are virgins and yet willing to subject themselves to a cable audience. Is this program short lived or will it be a ratings hit? Your thoughts?
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xp-jZyzQSms[/youtube]
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[HT: Jen Kim, Tribune Redeye]
Dec.19, 2011 12:00 pm |
Video of the day |
Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
I have a female friend in her late 40s who is a virgin and plans to remain one until death. I have a male friend who is in his late 30s who is a virgin and plans to remain one all his life. I had another female friend who was in her late 20s, a virgin and planned to die a virgin.
History has many examples of people who were lifelong virgins and don’t appear to have suffered anything bad from refraining from sexual contact.
Where HBO and Showtime want to present immoral behavior as normal, the flip side is presenting a moral good (sex as God intended) as abnormal.
“Virgins getting married? Look at what freaks they are!”
The point being, television doesn’t want to alienate its audience by reminding them that the things they do are gravely immoral.
Hit or not, survive or not – who knows? I didn’t think ‘The Dukes of Hazzard’ would make it….
“Virgin Diaries” isn’t really a surprise.
They don’t understand the reasons normal, attractive people wait until marriage. Of course they wouldn’t showcase attractive young people who save themselves because they want to do the right thing, or even for health reasons for goodness’ sake. Oh no! The people they show are a little “off,” portrayed as unable to have sex until now because of social deficiencies.
Waiting until marriage is held up here to be something strange, odd, extreme, not beautiful and difficult and courageous as it truly is.
Nope, just the culture being the culture.
I didn’t have the same reaction to the commercial as most others, I guess.
I didn’t think a single person in the clip was unattractive. They all looked like normal, cute young adults. None of them seemed “off” or “sex starved” or like freaks to me, at least in the few minutes shown. None of them even went into the reasons behind why they chose not to have sex. The wedding kiss was awkward and goofy, yes, but everyone loves awkward and goofy wedding clips, so TLC probably chose that scene to grab the viewers’ interest. And the two of them could have been hamming it up for their guests. I also didn’t see where the show was portraying them as abnormal for waiting.
I would have to watch an entire episode before making any judgements.
“the flip side is presenting a moral good (sex as God intended) as abnormal.”
Given that the Old Testament patriarchs had concubines as well as several wives, what, exactly, is “God’s” “intent?” The Old Testament did have lots of punishments for those who violated sexual taboos. Is that what “God” intended? And where, in the New Testament, does Jesus teach about sex before marriage?
People have been having sex before marriage for eons. Difference is that they didn’t have TV and the internet.
My husband and I got married when I was 40, and he was 42. we were BOTH virgins. I’d never go on a “reality” show, though.
I still remember “The Jenny Jones Show” back when I was somewhere just over 30. That was the topic of the show “Virgins over 30”. The audience was just ripping those people apart (verbally)!
It was so insulting! They treated those people like “circus freaks”. Jenny Jones herself joined right in. They just couldn’t grasp the concept that somebody could want to WAIT (for various reasons) to have sex, and that it was something SPECIAL to wait for.
I realize that many of the “talk” shows are scripted, but still, the idea of saving yourself doesn’t need to be treated as if it’s a “foreign concept”.
CC, a serious explanation of God’s design for sex and marriage doesn’t fit in the comment box of a blog.
Furthermore, the Bible is full of sinners, not saints. And without an authority to interpret the Truth contained in Scripture everyone is free to interpret it in whatever way that makes their own lives feel flawless.
CC, since you are so very preoccupied with the Catholic religion, I recommend you check out something called “The Theology of the Body.” It’s based on the work by John Paul II, but some people have adapted it to workshops. I listened to a workshop that was recorded on CD by a man who based it closely on JP II’s original work. Or you could just read JP II’s own words. I know that you won’t agree with a syllable of it, but he does explain the roles of male and female from a uniquely Catholic perspective. I know that you pride yourself on being very well read and educated, so surely you can delve into this if only as an exercise in anthropology.
Now, sometimes people compare sex to food and I think that it might be apt to try that here: Humans have a preference for high calorie food because our ancestors needed to eat the most calories in order to survive because it took so much energy to obtain their food. Today, obtaining food is much easier and so we have in the US an obesity epidemic. Would you say that nobody should try to eat a healthy diet because our distant ancestors didn’t concern themselves with diet? No, you know as well as I do that a healthy diet in the modern culture is necessary to avoid obesity.
It’s true that in many ancient cultures, there were concubines and even multiple wives, but the cultural differences were so great to how we live today, that its not intellectually sound to judge our ancestors by today’s modern standards. For example, today a woman can support herself financially with greater ease than 3,000 years ago. So, 3,000 years ago it might have been prudent for a woman of little means to become a concubine in order to enjoy the prosperity of the male head of the household.
You know, CC, everything that people did in the past wasn’t always motivated by sinister, evil intentions. Take yourself for example: 200 years ago, you would have gladly had children so that some of them would survive to take care of you in your elder years. But today, you can enjoy your childlessness while you wait for your similar thinking peers to euthanize you when you become a ‘useless eater.’ Amirite?
Sex before marriage is viewed as wrong in the NT. Big word alert- it’s called fornication.
People did lots of bad stuff in the OT and the NT. Stuff that wasn’t celebrated or called ok. Nothing new indeed.
Kinda like people missing/forgetting catechism basics. Nothing new again.
CC, God didn’t intend for men to have wives and concubines. If you look at what happened when these patriarchs didn’t do things God’s way (more than one wife) trouble ensued. God commanded for Sarah to have the son who would continue the line that Jesus would come from. But Abraham thought he knew better (Sarah thought she knew better too) and they came up with a plan for Abraham to impregnate Hagar. Now we have the muslim people who hate the Jews and try to attack them every chance they get. They are the descendants of Ishmael. If Abraham had obeyed and trusted God we wouldn’t have the problem with terrorism we have today and the Jewish people would be safer.
Jacob had several wives and his older sons tried to kill Joseph the son of his “favorite” wife. King Solomon was turned to idolatry because of his thousands of wives who were not followers of God. King David’s sons by various wives warred with each other and tore the kingdom apart.
The fact that patriarch’s of the Bible had many wives was contrary to God’s will and God has recorded in His Word the trouble that arose from men who thought they knew better than God.
God showed us what He intended when He created ONE MAN and ONE WOMAN. Not one man and two women or two men. God created Adam and Eve and that was His design.
I’m not crazy about your description of virgins as “inept, romantic/sexually-starved people.” Pretty condescending. Virginity is not a disorder or disability! Chastity is a moral and honorable choice that some people make because they revere sex and/or they wish to obey God. That doesn’t make them social buffoons.
And I gotta say if David’s son had spent a little more time evangelizing, then maybe each of Solomon’s wives wouldn’t have demanded her own temple. He had lots of knowledge but maybe slightly less common sense.
I can’t imagine why polygamy would be attractive: if one wife nags you to take out the garbage, how much fun can two be? Lol!
Hmmm, my wife was a virgin when we got married. There wasn’t anything wrong with or weird about her, she just chose to wait.
Maybe I am just a bad person, but I actually found that one couple who got married in the commercial hilarious. That kiss! In this other thing they were talking about what they would do on their wedding night and it was one of the funniest things I have ever seen.
All Muslims hate Jews, Sidney?
*Sydney, sorry. Apparently my brain doesn’t like to spell your name right, ha.
“Now we have the muslim people who hate the Jews and try to attack them every chance they get. They are the descendants of Ishmael.”
Head–>desk, repeat. There is no hope.
The arab people, specifically the Palestinians hate Jews. Are they not attacking Israel? The Koran says the Arabs are God’s chosen people and not the Jews and the Jews are usurpers.
Head->desk, repeat. Some people choose not to see truth because its not politically correct.
I had a very friendly muslim employee who I got along with fine, but he used to rant on and on about how it was the Jews who blew up the WTC. There is an animosity between the two (Jews and muslims) whether its pc to acknowledge it or not.
Yeah… depending on the sect. Some are bloodier than others. I could get into Middle Eastern politics with you but I sense it would be fruitless. Suffice to say that it isn’t as simple as “Jews good, Muslims bad”. And this is coming from someone who genuinely despises Islamic doctrine. And the psuedohistory is amusing but inaccurate.
I also despise Islamic doctrine and I know there are peaceful muslims and non-peaceful muslims. Thats not the point. I’m not here bashing muslims. What I’m saying is that God’s chosen people are the Jewish people but because Abraham tried to orchestrate things he ended up in creating another line of descendants who fight with his other line of descendants. The entire middle east was to belong to the Jewish people but again, because Abraham thought he knew better than God we now have the middle east divided up and instability and wars and fighting. Its a mess and it wasn’t what God originally intended.
It was in response to CC who was pointing out the patriarchs were polygamists. Which they were and it created a whole host of problems. It wasn’t what God intended.
JackBorsch: “Maybe I am just a bad person, but I actually found that one couple who got married in the commercial hilarious. That kiss!”
Might I add…as someone who doesn’t kiss on the mouth (and counts cheek-pecks as REAL kisses, unlike the featured couple every tongue-kiss I see looks to me like that kiss looks to you. That is to say: bizarre and nasty.
You’re not speaking realpolitik, sydney, but falsehoods. Most conflicts have material, not ideological, underpinnings. The primary conflict between Israel/Palestine is a land dispute. And without a democracy that safeguards the rule of law and provides a framework for a functioning economy, young men in poor countries turn to radicalism as a means to cope with the disillusionment and anger. Competition for goods and resources is often the primary schism that intensifies ethnic or religious differences between groups.
Uh huh. Well history doesn’t really bear out the Bible’s version of events. And this whole thing reminds me why I have such an issue with organized religion. This whole “these people are chosen and God says they should have your land”… yeah no thanks. I don’t really want to argue because I know someone will accuse me of hating Christianity or something, which I don’t, but I find those attitudes incredibly disheartening.
Megan, you can’t completely discount the religious differences. Both groups think that they have a “God-given” right to that land. You don’t think that mindset would overcome even a decent economic state?
Megan, you’re right its a land dispute. A land dispute that was never supposed to happen.
Jack, you’re entitled to your opinion. I’ll base mine on God’s Word if thats okay with you. I realize those who don’t believe in the Bible will think my belief in it is nuts, and I’m fine with that. I’ll still believe it though.
Seriously, that’s why I don’t get into these discussions. I don’t think you are nuts for believing how you do. I don’t think anything bad of you at all. I think you are wrong. That’s it, it doesn’t have a value judgment attached to it at all. I am sure that I believe things that you think are wrong, but it doesn’t make me crazy and I wouldn’t assume you thought that of me. I don’t understand why every single conversation that I have disagreed with a Christian seems to end with A) Them accusing you of thinking they are crazy, and B) Them implying that you are trying to prevent them from believing as they will. It’s maddening. I don’t say nor imply these things.
After watching this clip and the other clips on the TLC Virgin Diaries web site, I do not think this is good.
The impression I get from all of the clips taken together is that the show is not interested in thinking of virginity as a normal part of life before marriage. Rather, the show appears to me like they are trying to look like they are presenting virgins from a benign (or at least neutral) point of view, yet while presuming that their audience will see the people on the show as nice-enough, likeable freaks. Sort of like, “hey, look at that midget over there! Gee, he’s actually only a little bit strange and weird. If I met one in person, I might actually say hello. But, still, am I ever glad I’m not a freak like that.”
I don’t get the impression that they are interested in much else than making money off of what they think their viewers will see mostly as a freak show, like going to see a bearded woman in an old carnival. But doing it in a nice way.
This sort of thing is sad and pathetic on many levels.
“You don’t think that mindset would overcome even a decent economic state?”
For sure, for sure, but that’s what we aim to suppress with liberal multiculturalism :) Seriously though, I think some foreign policy “experts” like to pretend these conflicts stem solely from differences in dogma because then we can adopt a sort of defeatist mentality. Why think critically about access to land, or resources (and perhaps how US involvement has shaped this access), if we can just blame all the political strife on ethnic or religious hatred?
“Megan, you’re right its a land dispute. A land dispute that was never supposed to happen.”
Well, it HAS happened.
Here’s a way to look at this idea of this show to help put this in perspective.
I don’t think any properly balanced person would want to appear on a reality TV show that framed the context of their entire life predominately through the lens of their virginity. There’s something not healthy about agreeing to such a thing.
And so I think the chances that, for example, a well-balanced, healthy, virtuous, spiritually mature Christian was selected to be on the show, is very slim. Such a person’s instincts would direct them away from this.
Actual virgins I know do not go around obsessed with their state of virginity. It’s simply the normal state of a person before marriage–that is, in a healthy Western culture.
“Actual virgins I know do not go around obsessed with their state of virginity.”
If that’s true, then wider society certainly takes care of the obsession for them.
I was a virgin until about 9 months ago, when I got married (I’m 33 years old, btw). I chose to wait for many reasons, beginning when I was 13 and realized the potential for pregnancy and disease thanks to a very in-depth sex-ed class. Perhaps I’m just a very analytical thinker, but when I made a chart comparing birth control methods, effectiveness, and other risks, I saw at once that abstinence was the only guarantee.
I never considered myself weird for choosing to wait, but the world sure did! Almost every boy/man I dated tried to coerce me to go beyond kissing, and many walked away when they figured out I wasn’t giving it up. I was asked by friends, relatives, and acquaintances if I was gay. I was warned about health risks of NOT doing it, and told my life would be incomplete without having that experience.
As a happily married no-longer-virgin, I am glad every day that I waited for my husband! He is my one-and-only, and I do not regret my lack of experience–the honeymoon was lots of fun! Oh, and that fear I had of getting pregnant? It totally came true–our first child is due 1 month before our first anniversary! And we couldn’t be more excited–no worries here about him abandoning me!
Scott Johnston: “I don’t think any properly balanced person would want to appear on a reality TV show that framed the context of their entire life predominately through the lens of their virginity. There’s something not healthy about agreeing to such a thing.”
Precisely. I am mostly asexual; I’m also a vegetarian and a crossword enthusiast. I am involved with several of the performing arts. Each of us has a large personal collage that maps out who we are. Taking one aspect and ignoring everything else gives one a woefully incomplete picture.
Denise Noe: I have a female friend in her late 40s who is a virgin and plans to remain one until death. I have a male friend who is in his late 30s who is a virgin and plans to remain one all his life. I had another female friend who was in her late 20s, a virgin and planned to die a virgin.
That’s pretty darn extraordinary. I can see waiting for marriage, but “to plan to remain a virgin until death”… wow.
Denise, do you know why they felt that way?
I could also see “I don’t want to get married, and I think sex should only be when you’re married, thus no sex for me.” Yet – and I may be wrong – your description makes it sound like those people are really just “anti-sex.”
JVR: As a happily married no-longer-virgin, I am glad every day that I waited for my husband! He is my one-and-only, and I do not regret my lack of experience–the honeymoon was lots of fun! Oh, and that fear I had of getting pregnant? It totally came true–our first child is due 1 month before our first anniversary! And we couldn’t be more excited–no worries here about him abandoning me!
That was an awesome post, JVR. Good for you for knowing yourself and yourselves, and figuring things out. Often pretty rare at such a young age.
Doug says:
December 20, 2011 at 3:28 pm
Denise Noe: I have a female friend in her late 40s who is a virgin and plans to remain one until death. I have a male friend who is in his late 30s who is a virgin and plans to remain one all his life. I had another female friend who was in her late 20s, a virgin and planned to die a virgin.
That’s pretty darn extraordinary. I can see waiting for marriage, but “to plan to remain a virgin until death”… wow.
Denise, do you know why they felt that way?
I could also see “I don’t want to get married, and I think sex should only be when you’re married, thus no sex for me.” Yet – and I may be wrong – your description makes it sound like those people are really just “anti-sex.”
(Denise) The man is in fact “anti-sexual.” His name is Yuri Nesterenko and he is the founder of a group called “The Anti-Sexual Stronghold.” He believes in a world of rationality and believes that sexuality is silly and irrational. Human beings have the ability to rise about sexuality in his opinion — no, he has not castrated himself and doesn’t urge others to do anything like that. He believes that as “sentient beings” we can decide to put intellect above passion. He points out that probably less than 1% of sexual acts are performed specifically to continue the species. He and others in the Anti-Sexual Stronghold accept those acts as necessary but hope that eventually alternative means will be developed.
The woman who was in her late 20s felt that sexuality just didn’t have anything “to offer.” It just did not interest her. She believed it caused much more trouble than it was worth and that other things were better to put her time and attention to. She had been “married” in a legal but in name only marriage for several years to a male best friend. Eventually it was annulled but not because the man was pushing to consummate the marriage.
Finally, the woman in her 40s has a syndrome by which people are hormonally arrested at a pre-puberty level. Many with the syndrome take artificial hormones so they will experience sexual feelings. She doesn’t see any point as, like the woman mentioned above, she sees sexuality as far more bother than it is worth.
Oh, the misconceptions about the muslim/jewish conflict…
When Muhammed (peace be upon him) first heard the message of monotheism, he was soon introduced to a community of Jewish people, and spent time with them. It was that Jewish community who told him about Ishmael, and that Jesus wasn’t really raised from the dead (it doesn’t fly, as they say in yiddish). The roots of their conflict are not merely about land. The problem, spiritually, with both communities is their refusal to honor the truth about Jesus. If you are a Christian you should pray very earnestly for the conversion of both peoples.
Now, after the atrocities of the holocaust were revealed, the world’s sympathy was with the Jewish people and so even today it’s almost a knee-jerk reaction to consider the Muslims the bad guys in this situation. The historical truth is that the ancient Romans defeated the Jews and the modern Jewish claim to the holy land ignores this fact, as if it were the modern Palestinians that are the problem. They are not a problem. Sure there are terrorists, but most Palestinians just want to live a normal life, work jobs, raise families, etc. The Israeli government is repressing the indigenous population with a vigor that makes Apartheid look like a community picnic. Stop swallowing the media’s garbage and find out for yourself. When I was in the holy land myself, it was the Palestinian people who were welcoming while the Israelis were snobbish and obstructive. Maybe if the secular Israelis would stop aborting themselves into oblivion, they’d be a little less afraid of true democracy in their country.
There are many instances where Israelis and Palestinians have worked together, but that will never make the headlines.
I hope a solution is found, but I think the hope lies in the youth not the stubborn members of the older generations.
Now, back to the topic of virginity…
Doug: “I could also see ‘I don’t want to get married, and I think sex should only be when you’re married, thus no sex for me.’ Yet – and I may be wrong – your description makes it sound like those people are really just ‘anti-sex.’”
It could just be a lack of interest. Some people have never gone roller-blading and have no intention of starting now. Same thing.
The man is in fact “anti-sexual.” His name is Yuri Nesterenko and he is the founder of a group called “The Anti-Sexual Stronghold.” He believes in a world of rationality and believes that sexuality is silly and irrational. Human beings have the ability to rise about sexuality in his opinion — no, he has not castrated himself and doesn’t urge others to do anything like that. He believes that as “sentient beings” we can decide to put intellect above passion. He points out that probably less than 1% of sexual acts are performed specifically to continue the species. He and others in the Anti-Sexual Stronghold accept those acts as necessary but hope that eventually alternative means will be developed.
Denise, thanks for the reply. Quite understandable, with the possible exception of the above. And I guess there are enough people on earth that for some to hold such surprising (IMO) views wouldn’t really be “rare.”
On the name of the group, is any humor involved? The acronym would seem to indicate it.
bmmg39: It could just be a lack of interest. Some people have never gone roller-blading and have no intention of starting now. Same thing.
True, bmmg. Maybe it’s splitting hairs, I don’t know…. I don’t play tennis, ski, or have a boat. No interest or time for them. Yet I’m not “planning not to do them until I die.” I’m just not doing them now. Who knows about the future, there, with retirement coming up….? Now something like getting butt implants – there, I am indeed planning never to do it. I’m anti-butt implants, at least as far as for me.
Doug says:
December 21, 2011 at 12:37 am
The man is in fact “anti-sexual.” His name is Yuri Nesterenko and he is the founder of a group called “The Anti-Sexual Stronghold.” He believes in a world of rationality and believes that sexuality is silly and irrational. Human beings have the ability to rise about sexuality in his opinion — no, he has not castrated himself and doesn’t urge others to do anything like that. He believes that as “sentient beings” we can decide to put intellect above passion. He points out that probably less than 1% of sexual acts are performed specifically to continue the species. He and others in the Anti-Sexual Stronghold accept those acts as necessary but hope that eventually alternative means will be developed.
Denise, thanks for the reply. Quite understandable, with the possible exception of the above. And I guess there are enough people on earth that for some to hold such surprising (IMO) views wouldn’t really be “rare.”
On the name of the group, is any humor involved? The acronym would seem to indicate it.
(Denise) No. Some people think they are joking but they are 100% serious.
Doug: “I don’t play tennis, ski, or have a boat. No interest or time for them. Yet I’m not ‘planning not to do them until I die.’ I’m just not doing them now.”
True. But also, our society isn’t completely obsessed with playing tennis, skiing, or having a boat the way it’s completely obsessed with having sex (and, by extension, those who don’t).
…so, what I mean is the focus of virgins on their virginity might be a defensive reaction to the way society is fixated upon sex.