Stanek weekend question: Should pro-lifers date/marry abortion proponents?
The Washington Examiner reported June 4 that pro-life Congressman Chris Smith recently reminisced about meeting his wife Marie:
Smith noted that even his wife is deeply involved in the anti-abortion movement, something that brought the two together at Trenton State. He said that when he helped create a pro-life caucus at the school, she joined in but rejected his requests for a date. So he made her treasurer of the group and eventually they became a couple.
‘I wore her down,” he joked, adding, “this movement is also a dating service.”
Together, the two comprise a powerful pro-life couple.
Pro-abortion site Dammit Janet! mocked the pairing:
*Seduction* tactics from the deeply paternalistic.
Who would have guessed that anti-choicers were limited to such a small
breedingdating pool? And that they’d have to resort to bullying tactics to wear down women’s resistance and to coerce them into marrying them?
Cute, but there is a valid question lurking here. Do you think a pro-lifer should date and/or marry an abortion proponent? The ideological divisions are quite deep, but are they surmountable for compatible coupling?
Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
According to Wikipedia, Eric Cantor’s wife is an abortion proponent while he is pro-life. Same situation with George and Laura Bush. All very interesting.
I wouldn’t be able to, but I think many people enter relationships believing they can make the other see reason… I think that’s a faulty notion, but I wouldn’t say a pro-lifer “shouldn’t” date a pro-abort… like me, there’s always room for conversion. Love wins, you never know.
Abby Johnson in her book Unplanned recounts the discord in her marriage because of her husband’s opposition to Planned Parenthood.
I know some people make it work. I sure couldn’t. I would never risk a pregnancy with a man who doesn’t believe his child has a right to life before birth.
I’m guessing a pro-choicer wouldn’t want a man who did believe that a child (insert z/e/f, whatever makes you feel better) has a right to life before birth.
how sad, these women who hate everything, have no idea how happy pro-life women are how much they enjoy raising children.
Sure, as long as their love is so blind that they are able to ignore their severe, irreconcilable differences. Unless they don’t really believe what they say in public.
The most interesting duo remains conservative Mary Matalin, Republican political consultant, and Clinton toady James Carville. He’s the one who made the comment about not knowing what you’ll get when you drag $5 through a trailer park, in reference to Paula Jones.
Interesting but not surprising that his elitist, sexist and bigoted comment generated no outrage from the feminists or that carnival barker Jesse Jackson, champion of the downtrodden. Apparently women who live in trailer courts, which Jones didn’t, aren’t worthy of belief.
Offering someone the position of treasurer in a pro-life group is “bullying.”
Offering help to women outside an abortion mill is “bullying.”
Refusing to participate in an abortion is “bullying.”
Do pro-aborts ever stop to think about how badly they have stretched this word? Meanwhile thousands of kids across the country struggle with ACTUAL bullying, some to the point of suicide.
/end rant
I wouldn’t sleep with anyone who would potentially abort my children (if I were a man). And women shouldn’t sleep with men who would possibly coerce them into aborting.
I’ve heard stories of post-abortive men whose wives aborted their children despite the fathers’ protests.
Poorly worded question, “can” they? Sure, apt to end in heartbreak, fights, and unhappiness but sure they can. “Should” they? Not if either side has an ounce of sanity. It would be like an abolisionist marrying a slave trader, or a prosecuter marrying an unrepentant serial murderer. You cannot properly bind two souls into one flesh when their beliefs are so diametrically and violently contradictory. People more in the ‘middle’ ground of the fight might be able to coexist, like someone who believes abortion should be banned after 12 weeks could possibly coexist with someone who believed it should only be allowable for rape/incest/incompatible-with-life defects, but to expect a proper, life-long bond to form between one person who believes an unborn “potential member” of the human species has no rights outside the mother’s wishes and a person who believes all humans should have human rights is an insanity.
Uh, I am sure it works out great for some people. Not sure I could personally date someone who tells me they would consider an abortion if she got pregnant. I would be pretty upset if she did. I would rather avoid the situation.
My friend (pro-choice friend!) told me about her friend whose wife had an abortion without his knowledge and told him about it later during an argument. He was devastated. I would rather that not happen to me, personally.
I’m sure that there are couples who make it work, but it’s a very bad bad bad idea from the outset. Think of it: you’re doing your pro-life activism while your husband could feed the opposition. Nuh-uh. I think it can work if the guy is *genuinely* pro-choice and the woman is pro-life. But if the woman is pro-choice and he is pro-life, that’s a big red flag. She might not “want to be pregnant”.
If you’re pro-life, don’t date pro-choice people.
Our divorce was final in December. So, no.
I don’t think I could marry a person who carries graphic signs of aborted babies, so surely somebody else could draw a line in the sand that they couldn’t marry somebody because of their beliefs or actions.
The question of “can they” – sure somebody could – just because somebody supports one side of the abortion debate doesn’t mean they carry through with actual abortions. If an 80 year old man met an 80 year old women and she supported abortion for some sort of reason, I think it is quite silly to say they shouldn’t marry.
I agree with Jespren, the question is worded wrong. Can they date/marry? Sure they CAN.. everybody’s free to do whatever they want (at least, in THIS country), but SHOULD they? I would think not. I wouldn’t go on even ONE date with someone I knew/found out was pro-abortion, much less MARRY him. My husband is as adamantly pro-life as I am.
I have tried and it doesn’t work for me…maybe because I am deeply convicted and my passion is saving lives and helping those who have been wounded by abortion.
Jespren, Pamela: Good point. Changing.
How a pro-lifer could date, marry, or have children with someone who vocally dismisses the sanctify of life is beyond me. How could you have children with someone who doesn’t believe that their children have a right to live at all stages of their lives? How could you date someone who is fine with and fights for woman to be able to kill their children? Seems pretty dang contradictory.
2 Corinthians 6:14 says:”Do not be bound together (unequally yoked) with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?” Regarding this verse, John McArthur’s study bible says that “we as Christians are not to be bound together with non-Christians in any SPIRITUAL ENTERPRISE OR RELATIONSHIP (caps mine) that would be detrimental to the Christian’s testimony within the body of Christ…But this command does not mean believers should end all associations with unbelievers; that would defy the purpose for which God saved believers and left them on earth.” I think a marriage relationship would fall under the spiritual enterprise category, and I know many abortion proponents are not Biblical Christians, otherwise they would not be pro-abortion.
I can’t see how such a union could survive if such opposite convictions were deeply held. (Pres. George and Laura Bush are a puzzlement.) I know I could never build a life and a family with someone who believed it was okay to kill the child in the womb. Would such a man advocate killing his own child (conceived in my womb)? Horrifying.
Barb – are you saying then that somebody who supports abortion – let’s say in the case of rape or something – are you saying they are automatically not a believer – that this belief is Biblically foundational to being a Christian?
@Kelsey: Thank you so much. I think I would’ve gone bonkers if someone hadn’t said it. And, was I the only woman here who was really insulted by this “feminist” using the word “breeders” to describe pro-life women? I mean, again, really? They just really can’t stop with the anti-woman slurs, can they?
As to the question, yes and no. First, there’s a purely practical sense. As a pro-life woman, I wouldn’t feel as concerned, if abortion weren’t a big deal for the man in the equation. He can not, short of assault, force me to have an abortion, so any children I might conceive would be safe. So, for women, I think the way is clear if everything else works out. If I were a man, on the other hand, I would be faced with the reality that the woman I had married could abort my children and I could do nothing to stop her. Thankfully, I’ll never have that experience, but for men I would say this is a much more fraught question the way things are currently stacked.
On an ideological level, however, even knowing that because I am a woman, I hold all the power on this issue and this person could do nothing to hurt my children without breaking a lot of laws… Well, let me just say that anyone who can unironically say, “Yes, these are human beings but they aren’t people.” about any group, be they unborn or anyone else, pretty much stops being attractive to me right then and there. So, for me, this guy would have to be a really apathetic pro-choicer who just didn’t put much thought into this issue and didn’t feel very attached to whether abortion stayed legal or not. And was otherwise utterly perfect. Beyond perfect. Totally otherworldly un-pass-up-able kind of thing. And even then…
Just…argh. Supporting abortion is really, really awful. People shouldn’t do it. Ever. So, my answer is only women, and even then probably not.
I was sort of “converted” to the prolife cause by a former boyfriend. That said, *marriage* and raising children doesn’t sound like a great idea when two people don’t have a fundamental like the right to life in common.
The thing is I am sure my husband knows it is wrong but he also thinks it is none of his business. My husband thinks if it doesn’t effect him personally he doesn’t need to have an opinion. This bothers me but I just let it go. I am way more political then him and he hates discussing anything controversial with me because I always think I am right. I know he respects my prolife views and would never ever ask me to have one for any reason.
Here’s a better question: could a reasonable, well-adjusted person, regardless of their political beliefs, have a stable relationship with the kind of unhinged nutcase who stands in front of an abortion clinic with a sign? I say no.
I’ve thought a lot about this actually. As Alice said, since I’m a woman, my children would be safe. But I worry more about my grandchildren. If I married someone who was pro-choice, and our daughter or son suddenly became a parent, would my hypothetical pro-choice husband encourage them to do the right thing and keep the baby? Probably not. And how could I be with someone who could encourage or remain passive about the deaths of his grandchildren?
was I the only woman here who was really insulted by this “feminist” using the word “breeders” to describe pro-life women? I mean, again, really? They just really can’t stop with the anti-woman slurs, can they?
Thanks for pointing that out, Alice. I’m so used to being addressed in such a manner by twitter “feminists” that I didn’t even notice! That’s pretty “unhinged” speech directed at women by other female “nutcases”, right joan?
You’re not really going to have much of a marriage if one of you has a complete and utter misunderstanding of the purpose of sexuality and the value of human life that they’re ok with abortion.
Before you get intimate with someone find out if they are a nurturer or a murderer.
Ex-RINO.
anybody who supports abortion is a believer whose belief rails against all that is Biblically foundational to being a Christian.” Being Christian is all about giving of ones-self for the benefit of another.
Direct abortion for any reason is contrary to the Gospel in every way. Of course Christians commit sins, and we acknowledge that we are sinners. But if you outright support a sin that is a complete repudiation of the message of Christ… How can this possibly be said to be authentic Christianity?
Dolce says:
June 9, 2012 at 1:33 pm
I’ve thought a lot about this actually. As Alice said, since I’m a woman, my children would be safe.
(Denise) What about my friend who said that if he impregnated a woman, “I would have made her life so miserable she would have aborted just to get some peace”?
woman he
Ex-Rino, I would say there is a large difference between being saved, that is you have confessed with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead to pay for your sins and are therefore a new creature in Christ who will be in Heaven through God’s grace, and being a disciple or Christ-follower. Only God can know a man’s heart, and even those who appear to reject Him, may simply be in rebellion of their choosen Savior and yet the Bible says it’s impossible to lose one’s salvation. So yes, someone who is pro-abortion can be saved. But one can not both be pro-abortion *and* follow Christ’s example, you can not be a disciple, a Christ-follower and at the same time hold beliefs diametrically opposed to His. It doesn’t mean you aren’t a Christian, just that you aren’t a very effective follower.
Should pro-lifers date/marry abortion proponents?
Only if the ‘pro-life’ half of the equation is a homosexual democRAT president.
Ok, that’s just weird, I’m getting post updates to my email, click the link to come over to the thread…and the posts aren’t there. Anyone else having this issue?
Jespren – I agree with you.
I don’t think abortion support can be reconciled with Christianity.
Obviously the word “support” is a loaded one – there will also surely be differences in opinion when it comes to extreme and rare situations (ie rape).
Should pro-lifers date/marry abortion proponents?
I would never trust a pregnancy with a woman who doesn’t believe our pre-natal child is as much a human as we are.
“Who would have guessed that anti-choicers were limited to such a small breeding dating pool?”
[We ‘breeders’ affectionately refer to it as the ‘kiddies pool’.]
“And that they’d have to resort to bullying tactics to wear down women’s resistance and to coerce them into marrying them?”
[More stunning evidence that not only do the ‘dead babies r us’ mob lack a sense of humor, but they are absent the gene for a funny bone.]
Joanie,
Since I must be some kind of unhinged nutcase for standing in front of the mills with a sign I will ask my husband.
You are so predicatable! LOL I love that about you.
Jespren,
We are saved.
And we are being saved by the renewing of our minds which is a result and/or the evidence that the salvation process is still at work in our lives.
Babes in Christ are supposed to grow up into mature sons of GOD.
Eph 4:12-13 12 His intention was the perfecting and the full equipping of the saints (His consecrated people), [that they should do] the work of ministering toward building up Christ’s body (the church),
13[That it might develop] until we all attain oneness in the faith and in the comprehension of the [full and accurate] knowledge of the Son of God, that [we might arrive] at really mature manhood (the completeness of personality which is nothing less than the standard height of Christ’s own perfection), the measure of the stature of the fullness of the Christ and the completeness found in Him. AMP
[1 Cor2:6, Php 3:15, Col 4:12, Heb 5:14-18, Jas 1:4]
Many who are still ‘wet behind the ears’ should be licking their greasy fingers.
Heb 5:14 But solid food is for full-grown men [spiritually mature men and women], for those whose senses and mental faculties are trained by practice to discriminate and distinguish between what is morally good and noble and what is evil and contrary either to divine or human law. AMP
Should pro-lifers date/marry abortion proponents?
2 Cor 6:14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers [do not make mismated alliances with them or come under a different yoke with them, inconsistent with your faith]. For what partnership have right living and right standing with God with iniquity and lawlessness? Or how can light have fellowship with darkness? AMP
GOD would have to twist my arm pretty hard to get me to marry a spiritual ‘whore’. [I use the term ‘whore’ in a non-gender specific manner.]
See vs 16, 17 & 18 for examples/descriptions of spiritual ‘whores’.
there will also surely be differences in opinion when it comes to extreme and rare situations (ie rape).
Differences of opinion Ex-RINO yes. But regardless of anyones opinion a ‘rape exception’ is still the taking of another persons life and as such is antithetical to the Gospel message of eternal life through faith in Jesus Christ. Discipleship means you carry the cross for others.
A first date yes, as the goal would be to learn beliefs and values about the individual. However, after that, no compromise whatsoever (prolife Christian). LL
joan says: June 9, 2012 at 1:29 pm “Here’s a better question: could a reasonable, well-adjusted person, regardless of their political beliefs, have a stable relationship with the kind of unhinged nutcase who stands in front of an abortion clinic with a sign?”
Your premise falsely assumes that reasonable, well adjusted person would NOT stand in front of a place of mass murder with a sign that identifies is as such.
I am reasonably sure you would not similarly demean protestors in front of a facility that euthanizes stray cats and dogs.
“there will also surely be differences in opinion when it comes to extreme and rare situations (ie rape).”
The child who is conceived as a result of rape, is no less. the pregant woman’s child than if she/he had been conceived as a result of consensual intercourse.
Ken/Truth -
100% agree.
Let me further expound – there seems to be a common belief that a pro-lifer can belief in these exceptions – if you disagree, look at the gallup poll that showed 50% believing they are pro-life, while almost 80% believe in abortions being okay in some situations.
So what I meant by my statement is, I believe that somebody who is actively supporting abortion is sinning.
As bullet points – I think that people will disagree on what the word “support” means, and people will disagree in regards to rare circumstances.
there will also surely be differences in opinion when it comes to extreme and rare situations (ie rape).
Differences of opinion Ex-RINO yes. But regardless of anyones opinion a ‘rape exception’ is still a mother consenting to the killing of her baby and the abortionist is still a person who makes a living destroying the lives of others (your rape exceptions included). Both mother and abortionist are acting antithetically to the Gospel message of eternal life through faith in Jesus Christ. You can call yourself Christian and have the opinion that killing children conceived in rape is OK; but having that opinion does not it “Christian” for a mother to kill her her baby even in the case of rape. Being Christian means you carry the cross for others and have faith in Jesus Christ to provide you and your children with the strength to persevere.
Yes truth – if there was a way to convey it stronger than “100% agree”, I would.
“unhinged nutcase who stands in front of an abortion clinic with a sign?”
I’ve seen many people standing in front of abortion clinics with a sign, but only one of them was an unhinged nutcase. The rest of the people were rolling their eyes at him.
“You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men.” “You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Matthew 5:13-14
(an excellent dissertation on this can be found on: http://www.goldenviewbaptist.org/sermons-and-blogs/17-blog-and-sermons/99-called-to-be-the-salt-of-the-earth-matthew-513-16.html?add178c8155ce9e739594f670b993ecf=wazhwzkf )
Christ certainly had dinner with tax collectors and prostitutes. He did not enter into binding contracts which made him subject to their beliefs, judgements and rulings. He was born into subjection to Roman rule.
“Render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s, and unto God the things that are God’s” Matthew 22:21.
If you entered into a union with a person who is pro-abortion that is one thing. Legally if someone is in breach of contract you have the legal right to divorce yourself from that contract because it’s validity has been overruled (trampled underfoot)
However—if you have voted a person as a presidential authority over you and your family and you are aware they are fully accepting of abortion in instances of rape and incest, then you have violated what is right in the sight of God. Picking the lesser of two evils is not a choice God asks us to make: ”So, because you are lukewarm–neither hot nor cold–I am about to spit you out of my mouth.” Revelations 3:16
PersonhoodUSA.com and Prolifeprofiles.com cannot throw Ron Paul under the bus while telling Pro-lifers to vote for some one so few people have ever heard of, that his run for office is a virtual fluke: Tom Hoefling. Have you heard of him?
Another interesting statement:
http://romneyforpresident.typepad.com/prolife_mitt_romney_watch/2007/03/when_romney_ope.html
and in turn you begin to wonder where so called pro-life christian groups are getting their money and is it “dirty,”? when they suddenly turn around from where they stood in opposition to abortifacents and promote abortion inducing birth control in the face of the 2012 election:
http://www.albertmohler.com/2012/06/05/can-christians-use-birth-control-4/ after
more lies:
http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2012/jun/7/christians-should-vote-for-romney/print/
and even more outrageous whitewashing:
Notice, the pro-life and marriage issue is what Romney is famous for fibbing on to gain power and votes. He has already succeeded in his own way to re-define what it means to many people what is means to be pro-life. If he is for abortion in instances of rape and incest he should at least call himself what he is: proabortion. He should also give the SBA their money back.
http://www.mittromney.com/blogs/mitts-view/2011/06/my-pro-life-pledge
Ron Paul has stated:
..As President, I will sign and aggressively advocate for a law that removes abortion from the
jurisdiction of the federal courts. This approach, done by simple majority vote and stroke of my Presidential Pen, would effectively overturn Roe v. Wade and allow states to pass strong pro-life legislation immediately. Millions of lives would be saved by this approach while we fight to make every state a right to life state.
Ron Paul is AGAINST the day after pill, would he illegalize it? No–however it would be outlawed by the FDA under a Federal Proclamation which would declare abortion an act of murder as all pre-born life would then be protected by constitutional right. His sanctity of life act, would get the ball rolling.
http://thomas.loc.gov/cgi-bin/query/z?c112:H.R.1096
http://www.lifenews.com/2011/08/04/ron-paul-blasts-obama-forcing-coverage-of-abortion-birth-control/)
PROLIFEPROFILES.com slanders Ron Paul on this issue because they don’t understand his strategy, and because he doesn’t agree with their strategy. They claim he is not pro-life, which is a lie, he is simply not pro-personhood. They go on to claim several other honorable pro-life activists are not pro-life for the same reason.
No, I could never date/marry anyone who believed in the murder of innocent babies. It would bring to much discord and division in the relationship. Like a Christian dating/marrying a Muslim, those that do really aren’t grounded in their beliefs
When we got together, I thought I was pro-life but I really wasn’t yet. He’s still pro-choice. As I’ve gone from couch-sitting pro-life to activist pro-life, we had some tension but he’s not as hardline as he thought. In fact, I would go so far as to say he’s beginning to cave. Shhh, don’t spook him! LOL! I wonder about converting the pro-choicers: will they in turn convert their partners? I think it’s possible, if the partner has an open mind.
The really quick answer is no, they should not get married. Imagine the horror of your wife or husband wanting an abortion. If you are a Christian, I cannot for the life of me see a Christian with a supposed ‘christian’ pro-abortionist. I don’t think you can be unless you are very early into your walk with Christ. I’m sure that will get lots of flak for that, but that’s ok too.
This is a tough question b/c I look at how far my husband and I came on our journey to becoming pro-life. We had been dating a long time when we started to become aware of the debate (prior to that we were just nominally pro-choice). As we talked through the issue (between ourselves and with others), he started to move towards the pro-life position immediately, while I rebelled for a time and doubled down on my pro-choice position. When we got married, I was getting closer, but I’m not sure we were on the exact same page even then. Based on that, I think it can work as long as you’re marrying a person of good faith who is going to try to understand where you’re coming from and vice versa. That’s how conversions happen. But I can definitely see how it could strain a marriage.
My immediate thoughts are that it’s VERY unwise for a pro-life person to have any kind of relationship with an abortion proponent that could eventually lead to marriage and/or sex. Given that murder is the leading cause of death for pregnant women, and it’s usually done because the baby daddy doesn’t want to be a daddy, it would be very unwise for her to date a pro-abort (or someone who calls himself “pro-choice”). The pro-life woman could find herself the target of the type of paternalistic bullying that “Dammit Janet” doesn’t want to admit exists. She could find herself pressured and coerced. When that doesn’t work, she could be beaten, kidnapped, taken to the abortion clinic by force, or if that doesn’t work, she could be the target of murderous violence to stop the baby from being born. Clearly, if a woman is pro-life, she’s much safer if her man is too.
If a pro-life man is deeply involved with a pro-choice woman, he runs the risk that the woman will abort his child, and he won’t be able to stop it. If he doesn’t want that heartache, he’d do well to limit himself to pro-life women.
If one partner is pro-life and the other is “pro-choice,” they could be unequally yolked, which is a whole other can of worms.
Of course, I’m not running the universe, God is. He can bring people together for reasons I don’t know. Maybe there is a genetic reason. Maybe God wants to create children with a certain genetic makeup, and only these two people have the right genes to create these children. So He puts them together, no matter how mismatched they are in other ways.
Plus people can always change. They may be pro-choice now, but ten or twenty years from now, maybe they won’t be. So maybe, by the grace of God, it can work out. But the pro-life person is taking a risk, especially if that pro-life person is female.
Of course, you can be a friend to anybody who allows you too, no matter what kind of nonsense they believe. But if you’re talking romance, that’s different.
Mary mentioned Mary Matalin and James Carville, but I’m pretty sure they’re pro-choice. I only remember hearing they agreed on abortion, but I suspect they’re being Catholic isn’t any indicator.
I can see couples getting along even if they disagree on economic issues. But military and social differences would be more visceral. “You’re a warmonger!” “You’re a clueless peacenik!” “I believe everyone has the right to be born safely!” “I…don’t!”
No way in….. a pro-choicer would wanna marry me.
I suppose that a couple, young and in love, can believe that no obstacle is insurmountable.
But… considering the number of close friends that I lost when I became a pro-life activist, it sure would be difficult on a marriage.
A whole lot of people have abortion in their past. The mere presence of a pro-lifer brings up all of that hurt and guilt. They blame us for “judging and condeming” them, even if we have no idea about their pasts.
In courtship with a pro-lifer, the pro-abort member would lose a lot of friends and feel a lot of pressure to ditch the relationship. Very tough.
The more unacceptable divorce is, in one’s religion, the less one would want to take a chance on a relationship with a person who isn’t pro-life.
Females might have to bail and move quickly if they marry someone who thinks abortion is acceptable.
Set aside an escape fund if you’re a pro-life female married to an abortion supporter, just in case.
So, the consensus seems to be no.
Here’s a better question: could a reasonable, well-adjusted person, regardless of their political beliefs, have a stable relationship with the kind of unhinged nutcase who stands in front of an abortion clinic with a sign? I say no.
Certainly not if the sign read “Choose Death”.
Well, our pro-life views certainly brought us closer together with my dear husband. Because I am so passionately pro-life, I don’t think I would be able to enjoy a relationship with a pro-choicer, the whole relationship might end up being pro-life/pro-choice argument the whole time.
I do know a couple where a husband is passionate pro-lifer, and the wife even though not pro-choice activist, thinks that abortion is ok in most cases. They do have their struggles, but they also love and respect eachother, and pray for each other and make it work. BTW – he became passionate pro-lifer AFTER they got married, so I guess that’s a little different.
Just because someone is pro-choice does not mean they would personally have an abortion.
Marry? No way. Date? Depends on what that means. If that means getting to know someone and whether or not their beliefs are a product of honest reflection and how far they might be influenced by your loving and logical case for life, then definitely! There are lots of confused, hurting people who hold the standard worldview simply by default. My husband became a Christian after we started dating and before we got married. That was clearly God’s working. Same with my sister-in-law. Also with my dad. God is so good all the time.
Perhaps the question should not be about legality/illegality but about whether or not the woman would have an abortion or the man would pressure the woman into having an abortion.
Here is a question for our Catholic friends: Is a person who is not completely open to the gift of life in mind, heart and action actually able to confer the sacrament of marriage to their spouse?
Tommy,
The person doesn’t confer the sacrament God does.
No.
I could never marry a pro-choice person in the same way that I could never marry an extreme racist or KKK supporter.
Believing that black people are sub-human and unequal to white people is an idiotic position- just like believing in legalized infant-murder is an idiotic position.
I would never vote for or marry somebody with either belief. And I am not saying I won’t have pro-choice friends; I have many pro-choice friends. But who you marry and who you vote for both require a different degree of accountability.
Acceptance or rejection of abortion is the biggest breaking point for me…I guess you could call me a “one-issue marrier.”
As a pro-lifer, I already understand that many people, not all, hold their pro-choice position out of lack of knowledge. I was one of them, and I was quickly converted once I researched behind the pro-choice slogans and rhetoric. So I wouldn’t automatically disqualify a person from dating but I would be interested to know how open they are to hearing an opposing view. Having said that, the point of dating is to see how much you have in common with someone and if you are committed to ending the injustice of abortion and your date is NOT, that’s just too big of an obstacle to overcome. THAT being said, God is crazy. He calls each of us to different jobs, ministries, and people. He might be calling a person to date or even marry a pro-choicer and be a witness to them and a powerful testimony in the future!
It depends on how harmonious you want your marriage, you know. Sure, as some mentioned already, the pro-choice person could be just converted and could convert. But personally, I would not date that person till then.
Maybe I’m too passionate about my beliefs, but when deciding on whether or not someone is “spouse material,” I took into account deeply-held, core beliefs. I had in my mind a list of negotiables and non-negotiables – belief in the preciousness of life was a definite non-negotiable. Others on the list were: Christian, compassion, love of family, intellectual, etc. I knew ahead of time that my husband had to match up with my worldview in most areas. Sure, there are a few things we disagree on, and there a few views that have actually changed for me over the years. But the core principles that guide my life – surrender to Christ, love and affection for my husband, striving to live a life pleasing to God, compassion and selflessness to others, the preciousness uniqueness of all other humans – those have remained the same.
I believe that couples who share a deep, core worldview will be set up for a better marriage. But I’m sure people who don’t see the sanctity of life as a core issue wouldn’t be bothered by a person who was pro-abortion.
Whether or not a person would marry a pro-abort (honestly, that is what pro-choicers are because the only option that they are willing to consider as a viable “choice” that pro-lifers don’t is abortion), says more about how deeply the person’s convictions about life run than anything.
I’m pro choice (have had an abortion actually) and my boyfriend is pro life. There’s more to a relationship than stupid political issues that candidates pretend to care about. My boyfriend doesn’t know about my abortion and honestly doesn’t need to know since it happened before I even met him. If he ever asked, I’ll be honest and tell him. If he doesn’t like and dumps me for it, he wasn’t worth dating in the first place.
He asked what I thought about abortion and I just replied, “None of my business, I don’t care what people do with their bodies.” He asked what I would do if I were pregnant. I said, “I don’t know.” And that was it. There was no arguing or screaming or any of that. I’m dating him because I like who he is, not his political views.
Wow. I really, really, really hope you don’t get pregnant again, for your child’s sake, and the sake of their potential father. Also, I am sorry for the loss of your previous child.
As someone who conceived my first child under terrible circumstances and was then pressured to abort her by her own (“Pro-Choice”) father who said either I aborted her or he’d kill himself-fine. Go ahead and act like it doesn’t matter right now. But, it does, because one day it might matter A LOT.
Luckily, I was the one carrying our child, not him, and so there was never a question of whether or not she would get to live. If he wanted to kill himself, too bad for him, but that was his choice to make, and our daughter really didn’t have a choice in the matter, so she was going to get to live by default. This was back before I even knew there was such a thing as abortion. Her father introduced the concept to me, and deciding to fight the legality thereof (against his wishes) was something that really helped to put a final nail in the abusive relationship coffin that was my marriage to him.