Actress Jenny Mollen didn’t like kids – until she had one
by Carder
I was never the girl who yearned for children. I pretended to be interested in other people’s kids, but that was obviously just an act.
The truth was, children scared me. I knew that no matter what I did as a parent, I was bound to do some things wrong….
I wasn’t completely connected [during pregnancy]. I didn’t know how I could love something more than my dogs….
I worried that I hadn’t done enough with my life, that I wasn’t equipped to be the kind of mother he needed….
A nurse walked back over and placed my newborn son on my chest…. I cradled him in my arms the way I’d seen people hold babies in movies and tried to console him.
I was instantly and completely transformed. In that moment I knew I’d never be the person I was before, because now, I didn’t seem to matter that much. I was no longer concerned with accumulating the most Twitter followers or scoring the best parking spot at Whole Foods.
I wasn’t ready for kids. I was just ready for him.
~ Actress Jenny Mollen (pictured with husband Jason Biggs and son Sid), whose serious doubts about becoming a mother were immediately changed after giving birth, in an essay for Cosmopolitan via People, March 13
[Photo via Jenny Mollen]
Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
That’s so sweet! Becoming a mom can definitely be scary from the pre-kid side. But she’s right – nothing prepares you for that moment when you first hold your child. The whole world shifts and all of a sudden you go from just being responsible for yourself to being a new little person’s whole world.
It’s life changing. I’m glad she seems to have adjusted well!
Oh my gosh. This sounds like me before kids. I couldn’t fathom loving anything, or anybody, more than my puppy. Was scared to death the whole time. Then she was born, and BAM. It all changed. Now I have three
I love that she took the time to put this on record. Too many people judge themselves as parents when they haven’t yet had opportunity to be in a moment where they feel remotely parental.
I wish more people would make statements such as this from the perspective that their eye-opening took a little longer. Sometimes those early days and months are just scary and overwhelming and confusing and people wonder why they didn’t have a radical shift in perspective at the moment they met their child. I suppose that’s a more humbling statement to make though: “I went through the motions and didn’t feel the power of our relationship until my child was x-months old.” Expectations and the labor of labor and hormones and sleep exhaustion can really distract and leave moms feeling like they missed something they were supposed to get.
Not a fan of Biggs, or of his wife for defending his misogynistic tweets as part of his freedom of speech. Hopefully having a child will “grow them up”.
But then again it might take having a girl to make him face up to his behavior.
http://twitchy.com/2012/09/01/american-weasel-jason-biggs-quietly-deletes-vile-tweets-about-ann-romney-and-janna-ryan/
Laurie, I’ve talked on here before about how too many people sugar-coat pregnancy and parenthood. Especially if you suffer from PPD, or even just baby blues, it can be really hard to feel that mystical bond. I still have rough days. Many people need to be more honest about it. It is awesome, yes, but I’d say it’s more like having amazing moments where it all comes together in the midst of trudging through a marsh of dirty diapers, sleep deprivation, etc.
Did you just have a baby? Your post makes it sound like you did. Hang in there! Someone at church told me yesterday that it was the first time I looked like I totally enjoyed motherhood and felt completely comfortable and relaxed – my baby is almost 8 months old. So yeah, it can take a while. But you’ll get there! :)
LibertyBelle,
No recent babies here. My baby is nearly 8 years old. :)
But if there’s one thing I’ve learned through trying to be a voice for the voiceless, it’s to take the time to comprehend people where they are and try to understand the realities (and sense of reality) they are functioning within. Not only do I end up learning a lot in life’s truths and compassion, but I gain discernment about whether my points actually address others’ concerns.
And thanks all the same for the vote of confidence. Even with a decade of parenting under my belt I still need regular cheerleading. :) I commented to my husband recently, realizing that I’d guess myself to have been close to thirty by the time my parents might have stepped back and thought, “whew – looks like she’s turning out ok”… from that I figure I’ve got a long road in front of me.
Oh wow so in reality you’re way ahead of me. :) Well congrats still. :) That’s a wise way of viewing the world. I try my best to do that as well – to really see the world from other people’s view, to put myself in their situation. And it’s led to a lot of compassion – which isn’t a bad thing to have.
Ha! I think we all need cheerleading the whole way. Parenting can be really hard and lonely. I think moms need more cheerleading and less rosy, empty platitudes and/or “advice.”