Weekend question: What would you say to Sarah?
Susie linked to a Daily Mail article in her April 20 (Prolifer)ations post about a “38-year-old, post-abortive woman named Sarah, who, during her college years, aborted the only child she would ever conceive. Her college boyfriend, however, went on to marry and father 2 boys.”
Apparently the article was completely fabricated….
I received an email from its supposed author, Sarah Hewson (who forwarded me a scan of her passport to corroborate she was who she said she was), asking me to “remove all references to this article” because it conveyed feelings exactly 180 degrees to Sarah’s real feelings about her abortion.
The Daily Mail link has already been disabled, although the article is still readily available on the web through cached sources. It was a sad read to begin with, but now it’s a weird read considering it was utterly fictitious. Sarah wrote she is seeking legal action against the newspaper. Sarah explained:
The original article… is not an accurate reflection and completely misrepresents my thoughts, feelings and even facts on the matter.
It was not written by me – but by a journalist and has deeply upset and angered me, as well as my family and my friends…. They know a very different character to the one portrayed in the article which is an independent, giving, and supportive woman who has absolutely no regrets about her abortion, and who certainly does not blame anyone for her situation.
I certainly didn’t earn anything like £50K in my 20s and spent my early 30s caring for my father who was sick with terminal cancer, spending thousands on holistic treatments for him, as well as leaving my career for 6 months to voluntarily sell my father’s business for no monetry gain- actually going into considerable debt during this period.
Currently I run a small novelty cake business, and work as a professional singer, and an occasional freelance web-designer. What I do for a living is much more important to me than how much money I earn. I am very happy with my long-term boyfriend (of 15 months), Alex, and am looking forward to a future together with him which will hopefully include children. (Quoting “aborted the only child she would ever conceive” is, to my knowledge, incorrect).
Please could you remove all references to this article – as this site is encouraging comments about a person who has been unfairly misrepresented and issues and comments in the article that are not based on fact….
I told Sarah I would post a retraction, and she thanked me. It is quite likely Sarah will read this retraction. Is there anything you would like to say to Sarah?
Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
“Love is a behavior, not a feeling.”
Dr. Laura
“If Dr. Laura was right about love, the man sitting in the White House must really hate us.”
Connect The Dots
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Laughing and crying simultaneoulsly.
yor bro ken
To Sarah, if she reads this, I would like to say that with a contentious issue like abortion it’s not surprising that journalists will want to color things to suit their own agenda on the subject. I’m sorry that you have been colored wrongly, and I’ll keep my fingers crossed that it doesn’t happen again.
Also, I love novelty cakes. :)
Sarah is ASSUMING that she can have any children. The sad truth is that for many girls they are unable to successfully have children after having their previous children butchered.
Don’t count your eggs before they’ve hatched ;)
A tourist walked into a Chinese curio shop in San Francisco. While looking around at the exotic merchandise, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized, bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but was so incredibly striking the tourist decided he must have it. He took it to the old shop owner and asked, “How much for the bronze rat?”
“Ahhh, you have chosen wisely! It is $12 for the rat, $100 for the story, ” said the wise old Chinese man.
The tourist quickly pulled out twelve dollars. “I’ll just take the rat, you can keep the story”.
As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, the tourist noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and had begun following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting so he began walking faster.
A couple blocks later he looked behind him and saw to his horror the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.
Sweating now, the tourist began to trot toward the Bay. Again, after a couple blocks, he looked around only to discover that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.
Terrified, he ran to the edge of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far as he could into the Bay.
Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after the bronze rat, and were all drowned.
The man walked back to the curio shop in Chinatown.
“Ahhh,” said the owner, “You have come back for story?”
“No sir,” said the man, “I came back to see if you have a bronze democRAT.”
yor bro ken
Best of luck with your new relationship and may you know the joys of parenting. God Bless!
Sarah,
In Freudian psychology, what the journalist did is called projection.
From what Jill writes here, it seems that you have lived a life of self-less love for some time. My prayerful best wishes that you find contentment in your new love and that children are a large part of that equation.
Creepy the way the journalist just wrote what ever he wanted with just a few odd facts. Lying like that is not only unfair to the subject, but to the reader as well. Disgusting journalist.
Don’t believe everything you read. Too many journalists are liars.
To Sarah I would say that I am sorry someone contrived the whole story. Thats just wrong.
I also say I wish you luck in your current relationship. I hope it leads to a beautiful marriage and lots of children. And I hope when you carry your children and watch them being born it will change how you view abortion once and for all. There is no experience in the world like carrying a child and feeling him kick in your womb and then SEEING that baby emerge from your body. It is amazing. The most amazing experience in life.
I say that twisting such a personal story is disgusting and sad and that I can only imagine what that lie did to her. But I am also pleased to hear that she’s doing well and that I wish her the best of luck in her relationship and personal happiness. :)
Aside from being fake and disrespectful, fabricating the article was just…stupid, really. Did the person who made it up think they’d never get called on it? What did they think they were going to accomplish? Also, if they were going to make everything up, why connect it to a real person?
To Sarah if you read this: I wish you happiness in your future life, and I respect the time and energy you put into caring for your father. My mom was basically in charge of my grandparents’ health for the last few years of their lives, so I have some idea of how emotionally and physicially draining that can be. I’m sure your father was glad to have you by his side.
At the same time I’m glad that the depressed “Sarah” of the fake article doesn’t exist, I wish you had at least some regret about your abortion, because it ended the life of a human being. I also wonder if having born children will change your mind about regret, as I understand that happens to a lot of women. They give birth to children they love and then start thinking about how their aborted child could have been with them as well if they’d made a different decision.
Anyway, good luck with Alex and having future kids. I think little British kids’ voices are one of the cutest things ever.
So someone who works for the Daily Mail wrote a story using a real name and real circumstances and made up the rest! Unbelievable!! I hope she does take legal action against them. Usually someone will allow a reporter to report on the circumstances of the situation and use a fictous name.
What to say to Sarah..since she is not expressing regret all I can say is if the day comes there is hope and healing for you. I hope you have all the children you want with a devoted husband and a long life.
I am sorry you do not regret aborting your first baby.
That baby was a human being who would have loved you – at the very least, would have thanked you for making the sacrifice to given him/her life.
There were other alternatives Sarah. You could have had your baby and given him/her for adoption.
I”m hoping you come to terms with what you did and find healing and peace.
“an independent, giving, and supportive woman who has absolutely no regrets about her abortion”
Sarah, you should get counseling and admit to your regret. If you want children now then you must also regret never getting to know and to love the baby you aborted. Denial is a coping mechanism. Admit your regret and let the healing begin for you.
Yes, there is something I would like to say to Sarah Hewson. She should realize that she’s not the only person in the world whose name is Sarah. That article may have been about a different Sarah entirely. There may be a woman out there in the world somewhere, named Sarah, who had an abortion she deeply regrets. It may be that she never conceived another child after her abortion, and is now too old to conceive children. It may be that her college boyfriend married somebody else and now has two boys, a fact that may rub salt in Sarah’s wound’s, especially if she aborted for the boyfriend’s sake to begin with. The article may have described the feelings of this other Sarah perfectly. Sarah Hewson should not have asked that the article, and references to it, be removed, because it may have had nothing to do with her. The other Sarah has a story too, and she should have the right to have it told.
Thank you Jill for putting my side of things into this blog. I really do appreciate this.
The last week has been a living hell for me – seeing people’s comments in response to a twisted, innacurate story with my name and picture attached to it – and particularly one that has been quoted with me actually having written it. I am wondering if I will ever fully get over it – though the (generally) supportive comments above do give me some comfort as they are at least respondng the truth of the matter. (I can also cope with the not-so-supportive comments about my truth – just not with the comments about the fabricated story).
Stupid thing is – I originally spoke to the journalist only because I needed the money to catch up with some bills (being self-employed in a recession is not always easy) – yet the article portrayed a materialistic wealthy woman. Now that is my regret….
Best wishes
Sarah
Sarah, it saddens me that your only concern here is yourself and how you were portrayed.
Honestly, I don’t think much has changed from the woman who aborted her baby years ago to the person you are today.
Years ago, it would seem that you thought only about yourself. You are still thinking only about yourself. :(
It was great you helped your dad. But Sarah, you destroyed another life when you had your abortion. That life was your baby’s life. You really must confront this reality.
(please forgive me if I have offended the many post-abortive moms who visit Jill’s site. Maybe my perspective is flawed but this is how I see this entire situation.)
I find it sad that some folks would post completely unrelated comments here. Sarah, I would hope that this experience has thickened your skin to such insensitivity. You are a beautiful child of God, and He loves you dearly. I pray that your life is bless with a wonderful marriage and many children. Whatever you do, don’t delay trying to get pregnant after your wedding! You’re only fertile for a short time: everything else can wait!
Joyous, why gloss over the most important part of the story: that she had an abortion and doesn’t think much of it?
apparently Sarah’s skin is quite thick. :(
Angel,
I really must point out that I have cried many tears over this misportrayal because of the harm it could have done to a) the ex-boyfriend mentioned in the story and his family (as the journalist overstepped the mark wrt privacy and wrote things about him that ewre not true. b) my mother and what she has had to endure since the article appeared and c) my boyfriend. And after these people, I thought of myself and others close to me.
It amazes me how people are so quick to judge others without standing in their shoes. To imagine how a person would feel when they have been misrepresented in the press that has gone round the world, is impossible until it actually happens to them. It is incredulous that you think I shouldn’t think of myself in this situation. I am not a Cyborg. I was born with a nervous system. I am alive, and I feel. I am not thinking of myself as much as FEELING what has happened.
Really Sarah?
Yes I agree that it is wrong for the Daily Mail to have misrepresented you. Much harm can be done to you and others? But let’s put it in perspective here: did you lose your life from this story? Did you die? Do you no future possibilities?
What I find interesting is that you write “I was born with a nervous system. I am alive, and I feel.”
You wish for us to think of YOUR humanity. But your baby was a UNIQUE, LIVING, HUMAN person. What about your baby’s humanity Sarah? He/She was maybe not as far along the developmental path as you but that child had a right to be born. In your situation, based on what you have related, abortion seems to have been back-up birth control.
Your above post says it all: you think about how you feel and how you have been wronged. But you have NO feelings for your abortion and the child lost?? Why is that Sarah?
While I am not post abortive myself I am a convert to the pro life movement after trying to persuade my teen daughter pregnant at 16 to abort. She was not persuaded. My oldest grandson is the child that changed my heart and the evidence when examined with an open mind changed me. All that to say is let’s go easy on Sarah. I am still stunned that the journalist portrayed her inaccurately per her statement and I can only imagine how it is to have your name and picture spread around the world in a way that is painful to you and others. She surely realizes her mistake now.
But back to my point….you don’t win converts by arguing with them when they are not asking for evidence. Let’s extend love and grace to Sarah now. What is done is done and when the time comes offer her healing and support.
you don’t win converts by arguing with them when they are not asking for evidence. Let’s extend love and grace to Sarah now. What is done is done and when the time comes offer her healing and support.
Posted by: Susie at April 25, 2010 8:42 AM
I completely agree Susie.
But sometimes asking people to really consider on a deeper level their motives and how they are thinking is the first step.
I wish Sarah peace and healing but those will never happen until she at least begins to think about what she did.
Perhaps this mistake by the Daily Mail happened for a reason and is one such way God works to bring those he loves back to Him.
Sarah,
I am so sorry that you’ve been subjected to what is essentially a smear campaign by a “journalist” with no integrity. As a friend to someone whose abortion was covered by the media, I understand exactly what kind of malice can come of it. I can’t, however, understand how it must feel to have that malice directed toward you based on a fictitious account that robbed you of your own voice in the matter.
I hope this blows over quickly for you. I don’t know whether you’re a “good” or a “bad” person – I’ve never met you – and frankly, I don’t think it matters in this context. Nobody has the right to do what has been done to you.
I once submitted an article to my college paper and discovered, when I stopped by the paper office shortly before the editors were going to have everything printed, that one of the copy editors had almost completely rewritten it to reflect an opinion I didn’t have. (The job of a copy editor is to fix your punctuation and grammar mistakes, along with other minor changes like that.) I was hugely, ragingly mad. If I hadn’t happened to come by the office, an article I never wrote would have been printed under my name, so I can understand at least a little how frustrating being misrepresented must be for Sarah. Especially seeing as the article affected people close to her.
Angel,
I am sorry but you will have no luck in converting me to your views or in getting me to feel any regret. And you are absolutely incorrect in your accusation about me using abortion as a means of birth-control. I made my considered decision and believed it to be the best decision for those involved – giving the best outcome (including the ‘life’ inside me.) I believe in reincarnation – so decided that the growing ball of cells inside me had a better future somewhere else in another life. Those were, and still are my beliefs. I believe in Christianity too and its teachings – and I try to follow them (though wouldn’t profess to succeed in always following them, as I don’t claim to be the perfect example of a human being). I try and live my life as best I can, and get on with it. I’m not overly concerned with how others live their life, as I believe that is up to them – and I believe that too much intolerance and judgment about things that don’t directly affect us just causes wasted anger, and isn’t conducive to ‘world peace’. But then saying that – I do have my soapbox topics – of which one is overpopulation of the world and exhaustion of its resources, and that, is something I do feel strongly about. It’s interesting that you make an assumption about me not having considered things at a deeper level. My deeper level just doesn’t happen concur with your beliefs – that’s all.
Why else don’t I regret it? Well – I’m also a scientist and I know that a 7 week foetus is the size of a baked-bean and according to scientific evidence has no consciousness – so no memory of its existence (I wonder how many people remember being in the womb). Anyway – I am sure there are some of you who will try and debate otherwise. You have your beliefs, and I have mine. I do find it odd though how there are people pointing the finger at me who eat meat, kill vermin in their house, swat flies, stamp on spiders, eradicate wasps etc – and wonder why those animals have less of a right to live than an unconscious cluster of cells the size of a baked bean that just happens to fall under the category of Homo Sapiens.
Sarah,
I wouldn’t bother trying to defend or explain yourself here–you’ll just be accused of being sociopathic or in denial. You don’t need to justify your decisions about your life to anyone, lest of all those who would judge and condemn. May I also express my regret that you were misquoted and misrepresented so badly. Good luck.
Sarah….I have no memory of being in the womb. I also have no memory of being one or two years old…would it have been permissible to kill me at those ages because of that? no.
Your unborn baby was unique. Will never be “reincarnated” (you believe in Christianity…the Bible and reincarnation don’t mix)
I hope someday you will see the truth.
That being said, as I said above, I wish much happiness and success to you. I hope you have a wonderful marriage with a man you love and that you get to know the joy of being a mother. God bless you.
I made my considered decision and believed it to be the best decision for those involved – giving the best outcome (including the ‘life’ inside me.)
hmmm, I see. Death was the best outcome for that beautiful life that was growing inside of you. Interesting viewpoint. I doubt that “life” would agree with you though.
Well – I’m also a scientist and I know that a 7 week foetus is the size of a baked-bean and according to scientific evidence has no consciousness – so no memory of its existence (I wonder how many people remember being in the womb).
yes of course because being a scientist means you know all about fetal development.
I too have a scientific background Sarah.
A scientific background does not guarantee you have the corner on truth or even all the knowledge required.
You might try educating yourself on fetal development.
http://www.ehd.org/dev_article_unit7.php
AT 7 weeks your baby had a 4 chambered heart and brain waves, Sarah.
You have your beliefs, and I have mine. I do find it odd though how there are people pointing the finger at me who eat meat, kill vermin in their house, swat flies, stamp on spiders, eradicate wasps etc – and wonder why those animals have less of a right to live than an unconscious cluster of cells the size of a baked bean that just happens to fall under the category of Homo Sapiens.
Posted by: Sarah Hewson at April 25, 2010 10:59 AM
how do you know whether or not I eat meat Sarah?
it would be fine for you to have your beliefs and I to have mine, except that your actions involve the death of another (weaker) human being. Unlike you, I do not feel ambivalent about the death of an unborn baby,especially when there are 1.5 million babies dying each and every year in America.
There is no comparison between the death of helpless human being who ought, at the very least, to have been able to rely on the nurturing and protection of his/her mother, and the death of a wasp or a fly.
At any rate, we are not discussing the killing of animals. We are discussing the killing of unborn human babies.
Sarah,
Another coping mechanism you are displaying is your need to diminish the humanity of your aborted baby.
Many post-abortive women convinced themselves that the baby was better off. Of course it is a coping mechanism. How can you return to daily life, work or school, and be thinking that you are a murderer? It’s a very heavy burden. Post-abortive women aren’t an army of coldhearted murderers; they were misled, misinformed. Pointing fingers isn’t going to stop it.
Sarah, I spent a decade and a half being a strict vegetarian. Part of it was trying to make up for my abortion. But I came to realize that animals are not children. As much a God loves the the field and the sparrows, and all other creatures, God has a special purpose and regard for human beings. Our culture today has become more than just self-destructive, it is species-destructive. I know more than a few people who believe that humans ought to be wiped off the face of the earth in order to save the earth (and these are seemingly normal friends, not kooks wearing tinfoil hats!).
God meant us to be more than just talking monkeys. We are precious in God’s eyes, each one of us. We all start out small, invisible to the naked eye. We develop in the womb. That’s how new humans are made. A fetus isn’t a clump of cells or a blob of tissue. It’s who we are when we are just beginning. We don’t hatch out of eggs or climb out of pods. Humans begin their life in the womb, all of us.
Sarah, I am really sorry that someone twisted facts and fabricated a story about you. Its creepy and wrong.
As serious as that is, the loss of your child through abortion is more serious, more permanent and more sad.
I hope you will get the chance to have more children, like you want to. I’ve seen my three boys when they were fetuses (now 6, 4 and almost 2) when they were 7 weeks or earlier gestational age. They were swimming around, little hearts beating, little arm buds and leg buds kicking, super cute.
If you get a chance to see your future children at that age, it will be normal for you to need some healing and therapy as relates to your abortion. And I just want you to know that help and healing are available to you.
You have a good amount of compassion, as shown by your care for your dad. Don’t be afraid to feel love and compassion for the child you lost in abortion.
Sarah, you said: “I believe in reincarnation – so decided that the growing ball of cells inside me had a better future somewhere else in another life. Those were, and still are my beliefs. I believe in Christianity too and its teachings – and I try to follow them . . . ”
How can you believe in reincarnation and Christianity at the same time? Christianity teaches that we die only once and after that, judgment. So, where does reincarnation fit in?
Sarah,
Thank you, thank you, thank you for showing everyone who reads this blog a very different picture of a woman who chose abortion than the ones normally seen here. While I can’t imagine how you feel about being used for the Mail article, I hope that the silver lining is having the chance to speak in forums like this one and explain your choice and your feelings. We need more women like you telling their stories, women who made thoughtful and well-reasoned choices to have abortions and who are very far from the anguished, depressed, and damaged women held up by antichoicers.
Thank you, again.
Post-abortive women aren’t an army of coldhearted murderers; they were misled, misinformed. Pointing fingers isn’t going to stop it.
I don’t believe that ALL women who choose abortion have been misled. I think there are some women who know the facts and still abort. It’s a (seemingly) quick solution to a difficult problem.
We need more women like you telling their stories, women who made thoughtful and well-reasoned choices to have abortions and who are very far from the anguished, depressed, and damaged women held up by antichoicers.
Of course we also have people like Violet who believe that women who regret their abortions are “damaged”.
Personally, I think the damaged women are the ones for whom abortion is like getting a hangnail removed. :(
Of course we also have people like Violet who believe that women who regret their abortions are “damaged”.
That’s not what I said — what I DID say was that the women chosen by the antichoice movement to represent post-abortive women are pretty much universally those who are (usually in their own words) depressed and damaged following an abortion. Despite study after study finding that only a small percentage of women have mental health problems after having an abortion, it is that small percentage of women who dominate the narratives.
And when women like Sarah come out and say they’ve had abortions, have thought long and deeply about their choices, and are fine, the antiabortion/antichoice response is, “you must be in denial” or (as angel said) “the damaged women are the ones for whom abortion is like getting a hangnail removed.” It’s a bit of a catch-22 — either you’re depressed and damaged after an abortion, or you’re so damaged you don’t even know you’re damaged. Because you guys apparently all know better than the women who are going through this themselves — you have the gift of knowing what women are feeling even when they aren’t feeling it! Amazing.
I agree that the teachings of Christianity are incompatible with reincarnation (and abortion). Jesus (the only human being who did live a perfect life) said that He was the way, the truth, and the life, and that know one can know God except through Him, and that those who know Him do know God. Jesus loved children and taught us to welcome them. The Bible also teaches that marriage is the only proper place for sex, and that one of the main purposes of marriage is, through that sexual relationship, the creation of children.
If one wants to follow the teachings of Jesus, one must admit one’s sins to God. Even the most heinous of sins can be laid at the cross, for Jesus died for all of our sins. Once we admit that we are sinners, and ask God to forgive us, we can know healing and peace. That is the only way to know true healing and peace.
There will be only one reincarnation–God will raise the dead and in the twinkling of an eye we will all be changed. We will be given immortal bodies–but they will still be bodies.
I pray, Sarah, that you would consider getting to know the real Jesus Christ–the Jesus who was the Son of God and God Himself, who died that you and I might be free. The Jesus that claimed even to be the Resurrection and the Life. If you believe Jesus was only a good teacher, you are not following Him. Jesus can’t claim to be God and forgive sins against others, and yet be a good teacher. He could be deluded, or a liar; or He could be the fleshly incarnation of the immortal God; but He cannot be just another teacher on the level of Buddha, Mohammed, or Oprah. So if you are following the “good teacher” Jesus, you are not following Him at all.
Because you guys apparently all know better than the women who are going through this themselves — you have the gift of knowing what women are feeling even when they aren’t feeling it! Amazing.
Posted by: Violet at April 27, 2010 1:53 PM
right. And when study after study demonstrates the harm that abortion does to women on physical emotional and mental levels what do proaborts do??? – YOU tell us that these studies are wrong, have poor methodology, not large enough etc etc. You tell us that women are not harmed and that subsequent children are NOT affected.
If it weren’t for the dead bodies of women who have died from botched abortions, you’d deny that too Violet!
How deeply in denial are you Violet and proabort peeps?
Deeply enough for most proaborts to dismiss the pictures of aborted babies as fakes.
Deeply enough for most proaborts to say that those women who have suffered from their abortions were mentally ill BEFORE their abortions.
Because of course we all know, that the modern post-abortive feminist-mother shouldn’t possibly feel regret, sadness nor guilt over destroying the most precious, sweet and innocents in this world: her unborn baby. It’s her right, after all.
Shame on you. :(
I can only speak for myself here; just as the pro-choice movement doesn’t necessarily speak for me personally, I don’t speak for anyone else.
I’ve never said that abortions never do harm to women. That would be silly. Even the large scale reviews of existing data find that some small percentage of women experience serious mental health problems after abortions; those reviews also find that most of those women had some kind of mental illness before abortions. You might be surprised to learn that I fully support the work of organizations that offer assistance to post-abortive women who suffer from depression or other mental health issues. I’ve talked to some of those women, and I’m glad there are places for them to go for help.
Do some women suffer after abortions, physically or mentally? Yes, but most women don’t. Are there bad doctors who botch abortion procedures? Yes. Do I support them? Absolutely not.
I’ve also never said pictures of aborted fetuses were fake — I suspect most of the pictures out there are real, though as with most things on the internet I’m sure there are a few fakes out there.
Because of course we all know, that the modern post-abortive feminist-mother shouldn’t possibly feel regret, sadness nor guilt over destroying the most precious, sweet and innocents in this world: her unborn baby. It’s her right, after all.
You know what is also her right? To decide how to feel about abortion, both her own and in general. Unlike you folks, I don’t believe I know better than she does how she is “supposed” to feel about having an abortion, or about her unborn child. The only person I get to decide those things for is me.
Violet,
I am interested in hearing the story of your abortion(s)?
How did you feel before, during, immediately after and how do you currently feel about your abortion(s)?
Praxedes,
I’m not sure if your questions are sincere or not, but here’s a sincere answer.
If I gave you the impression that I’ve had an abortion, it was unintentional and I apologize — my personal experience extends only to hearing the stories of many other women who have had abortions, and holding a friend’s hand through one. I haven’t had one myself.
Violet,
Feelings just are. You don’t decide how you feel. You don’t get to decide how you feel after an abortion. I am not mentally ill and was not before I had one. I was alone and frightened and bought the lies I was told. In my vulnerability I believed that the abortion clinic workers wanted to “help.”
Get yourself educated on the devastating effects of abortion. Silent No More, Priests for Life, Operation Outcry.
Have you ever heard of Operation Outcry? We have the largest body of evidence in the world of the harm abortion brings to the lives of men and women. The declarations are filed in prolife legislation as friend of the court briefs.
Here is my story.
http://outcrywisconsin.blogspot.com/2009/03/my-story-at-faith-community-church.html
My questions are sincere, although I admit many times sarcastic. Prolifers who have not aborted consistently are told that if we don’t like abortion, we should not have one and our opinions don’t matter. If this is true, I would think the same would go for those who support abortion that have never had one themselves.
I have found those who are the most outspoken in favor of abortion have either had one or more abortions, are somehow making a profit off the abortion industry or have supported, pressured or enabled loved ones to abort.
I guess I just don’t understand if nothing is inherently wrong with abortion, why would you need to hold a friend’s hand during one? Was there not life affirming help you could have given to her instead? How does your friend feel about her abortion now?
I once told a close friend that I would adopt her baby when she was being strongly pressured by her BF to abort and she was conflicted about what to do. I had a child out of wedlock and I have had women come to me who have had unplanned pregnancies who were scared and confused. What a beautiful thing to see these children grow up around the community (I actually smile to myself every time) and know that I not only helped these women through a difficult period in their lives, helped them realize what true love is but also had a hand in saving lives. Do you feel true joy when you see your friend and remember holding her hand during an abortion?
Maybe you have guilt from not offering life-affirming assistance to your friend and this is the reason you are so outspoken. I could never hold a friend’s hand while she allows someone to kill her child. This doesn’t mean I don’t love her. I would love her enough to tell her I could in no way support what she wanted to do to her child and in the process what she would also be doing to herself.
I do not believe there were not better options for your friend (and yourself). Sometimes tough love is the only route.
Violet, I am willing to bet that MOST women who have had an abortion suffer to some degree. How many exactly we will probably never know this side of heaven.
I once worked with a priest who would go into Catholic parishes and preach against abortion.
He would then hear confessions – by the hundreds – of women who had abortions.
Almost every single one of those women told him that they thought about their abortion and their baby almost on a daily basis – at the very least.
Not only that but now as more post abortive women are approaching old age and dying, many on their deathbeds are having to finally come to terms with their abortions.
The fact is that most proaborts dismiss women who regret their abortions. These women are seen as weak and as unfeministic. After all abortion is reproductive liberation.
Finally, a wonderful homily by Bishop Slattery of Oklahoma:
http://www.speroforum.com/a/31598/Homily-of-Bishop-Slattery-of-Oklahoma-in-Washington-DC
Praxedes,
Prolifers who have not aborted consistently are told that if we don’t like abortion, we should not have one and our opinions don’t matter.
While I understand the spirit of the usual “if you don’t like it don’t have one” retort, you’re right that it is dismissive of those who don’t “like” abortion. I personally would not go on to say that your opinions don’t matter — they do. That’s what conversations like this one are all about, really. It’s just that you don’t have the right to take that opinion and force it on people who don’t want it, or use it to restrict what other people who may or may not agree with you can and can’t do.
I have found those who are the most outspoken in favor of abortion have either had one or more abortions, are somehow making a profit off the abortion industry or have supported, pressured or enabled loved ones to abort.
I’m interested that you include women who’ve had abortions in the list of those “most outspoken in favor of abortion,” since your primary argument seems to be that abortion damages most or all women whether they know it or not. If all women were damaged, why are they among the people you find are most outspoken? Don’t those two things kind of contradict each other?
why would you need to hold a friend’s hand during one? Was there not life affirming help you could have given to her instead? How does your friend feel about her abortion now?
Well, in this case my friend was about 30 years older than me, and I was still a teenager. She didn’t need or want my opinion, or my help. (We weren’t very good friends. It was complicated.) I was there because she was required to bring someone to drive her home, since she was given some kind of a sedative. And I have no idea. I haven’t talked to her in several years.
Do you feel true joy when you see your friend and remember holding her hand during an abortion?
Since I don’t see her, I can’t really answer that. But to tell you the truth she was about the last person in the world who should have a child, in part because she had a serious drug addiction that would have put that child at all kinds of risk before and after birth. I can only imagine what she would have done to a helpless infant before someone stepped in and took the kid away.
Maybe you have guilt from not offering life-affirming assistance to your friend and this is the reason you are so outspoken.
Nope. I just believe, strongly, that women have a right to choose, and that one of those choices should be abortion. I’ve talked to a lot of people on both sides in search of a greater understanding of all the arguments for and against, and while it’s true that some of the people who are most outspoken do represent the groups you list, there are at least as many if not more who speak out for the reasons I do — because we believe it’s a critically important issue that needs to be talked about.
I do not believe there were not better options for your friend (and yourself). Sometimes tough love is the only route.
As far as my friend is concerned, you’re probably right, and maybe she would have been able to get through the pregnancy without giving the kid all kinds of birth defects and giving birth to a drug addicted baby. And maybe she would have agreed to give up the baby for adoption. I don’t know. I can tell you that I hadn’t done much thinking in any direction about abortion, aside from a general vague feeling that I was pro-choice. If the same events happened today, I’d do a lot more in terms of talking to her and working with her to make sure it was what she really wanted. Because I have also heard many stories from women who were pushed to have abortions they didn’t want or who weren’t given any time to think about their choice before the abortion was done, and it’s clear that in these cases the women experience far more trauma than women who had time to think their choices through before having an abortion. I think we should be doing a lot more to support women with unwanted pregnancies, working to solve issues that might make the difference between having a child and having an abortion, and making sure that not only is the choice to have an abortion wholly voluntary, but that women have access to support services before and after.
I have a vision of both sides of this issue working together to reduce the abortion rate, by preventing unwanted pregnancies and supporting women and families so that more women are able to have children, and provide for them, instead of abortions. I think there’s a good chance I will never see pros and antis working together, though, and more’s the pity, because if we all put the energy we put into arguing and debating and lobbying and making unconstitutional ridiculous laws into working together on strategies that have real abortion-reducing effects, we could accomplish so much. How much money does it cost Oklahoma to pass obviously unconstitutional laws regarding abortion, laws that are basically guaranteed to be overturned before they have any impact on the number of abortions performed in that state? What if we took that money and put it into expanding programs that help provide adequate nutrition, medical care, and support to low-income pregnant women, and worked hard to enroll women struggling to figure out how they are going to fill one more mouth, support one more child? How many women would have their babies instead of aborting them?
Violet
“It’s just that you don’t have the right to take that opinion and force it on people who don’t want it, or use it to restrict what other people who may or may not agree with you can and can’t do.”
I don’t want to force any one to do or not do anything. But I do feel we are obligated to speak out against the evils in the world and I believe abortion to be just as evil as slavery or the holocaust. However, I am confident the law will eventually reflect what almost all of us know deep down to be good and true.
“I’m interested that you include women who’ve had abortions in the list of those “most outspoken in favor of abortion,” since your primary argument seems to be that abortion damages most or all women whether they know it or not.”
I know how strong human denial is. You don’t have to look to0 far or hard back into history to prove this. Self preservation keeps some from being open-minded enough to realize the evil of abortion. Where the supporters of other world atrocities viewed as having mental health issues during those time periods? I totally believe many woman who seem ‘together’ after abortion are in denial. If the choice to have an abortion is a painful one for most women, it is not a positive choice or otherwise their would be no pain involved in the decision. What is there to be pained about if abortion does not kill a child? If this is a child and you abort or support abortion, you advocate the killing of a human. If this does not cause you pain, you have some issues. Why is killing a child ever OK?
Many child molesters don’t feel any guilt for what they do either, does this mean that child molestation is an OK choice? Would it be OK if it were legal?
“I can only imagine what she would have done to a helpless infant before someone stepped in and took the kid away.”
Do your ‘imaginations’ help you rationalize your participation in the death of a human? Better to kill the baby than let it live — it may just become a potential victim of abuse anyway. I really, really don’t understand this way of thinking. (my daughter may be the victim of rape someday, might as well shoot her tonight). Get real.
“I think we should be doing a lot more to support women with unwanted pregnancies”
Again, not necessary if nothing is inherantly wrong with abortion. Abortion is just another positive choice right?
“I have a vision of both sides of this issue working together to reduce the abortion rate, by preventing unwanted pregnancies and supporting women and families so that more women are able to have children, and provide for them, instead of abortions”
This is exactly what legalized abortion promised. Stats say 1/3 of women abort. Why have the numbers drastically increased instead of decreased? PLEASE research why this has not happened and be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.
Abortion has not solved these issues. Abortion has expodentially increased them.
Carla,
First of all, thank you for sharing your story. I can imagine the strength it has taken to share that and to continue to revisit it through your activism.
I am not mentally ill and was not before I had one. I was alone and frightened and bought the lies I was told.
Since watching the video, I’ve been mulling over exactly how to respond to this part of your comment. In your introduction, you describe growing up in an abusive home where love was withheld or nonexistent, and you talk about the pain of never being able to grieve or even talk about the one person who showed you love, your grandmother, after her death when you were a teenager. You talk about turning to alcohol and partying to cope with the emotional pain of all of these traumas — and from what you say in the video, they sound like incredible traumas. You may not have been diagnosed with any mental illness, but it sounds like you probably would have easily met the criteria for depression and maybe PTSD. Against the background you describe, I have no doubt that the abortion you had, which it sounds like you hardly had time to think about before it happened, was incredibly traumatic and that you suffered.
Please understand that I touch on this as gently as you can read it, and there’s no malice here. My own background is very similar. I know the damage done by growing up in an abusive home, such as the one you describe in your video. I can’t imagine that the trauma you’d already lived through didn’t have something to do with the amount of trauma and anguish you suffered after your abortion. How could it not?
There are also sites and organizations where women share their abortion experiences where they did not suffer trauma afterwards — http://www.imnotsorry.net/ and http://www.45millionvoices.org/ contain libraries of personal stories from women, like Sarah, who were able to go on with their lives and don’t have regrets or guilt over their choices.
No matter what study you look at, it’s clear that some women suffer, some of them greatly; and some women don’t. I believe that we need to hear many more stories like yours, to show everyone how complicated and painful abortion can be, just as we need stories like Sarah’s to show that it is also possible to come through okay, especially if you take space and time to consider it. Both kinds of stories help to lift the current stigma that prevents many women from ever talking about their abortions. Not to mention helping educate young women who may one day be considering whether or not to have an abortion.
I’m sorry that you suffered; I wish that someone had taken the time to help you really think about your choice and your options.
“Well, in this case my friend was about 30 years older than me, and I was still a teenager”
Forgot to talk about the statement that stood out the most in your comments. Was this at PP? Why was a teenager in a room with a ‘friend’ who was 30 years older than her while said friend was having an abortion? Did a parent give consent? Teens have enough to go through without going through something like this. What ‘doctor’ would be OK with this? This reeks of abuse in itself. Maybe PP will recommend teens witness abortions for sex ed. classes.
But the abortion mills are all about helping women. Right.
I was 18. And no, it wasn’t at Planned Parenthood. I don’t remember what the clinic was called. I’ll grant you that it was a weird situation, and I wasn’t the best person to be with her, but there was nothing “abusive” about it. Anyway, there wasn’t really anything for me to see in this case, just a half-sedated woman and a doctor and something going on under the sheet.
Why was I there? Because she asked me, and because I knew there wasn’t anyone else to go with her, and I knew she needed someone to drive her home and didn’t want her driving while under sedation.
As to your longer comment, it will have to wait until tomorrow, since I’m in too much pain to type anymore.
I just watched a site that was posted on the Prochoice Gal website. I started watching this several other times but couldn’t finish. I just finished watching it and I am in tears and think I am going to be sick. I JUST CANNOT UNDERSTAND HOW ANYONE in their right mind can support this behavior by ‘civilized’ humans. If abortion does not cause severe illnesses (mental, emotional, physical and spiritual), I don’t know what could. If you can watch this clip and feel no sadness or guilt and still believe this should be a Choice, you are in major denial. How can you say this is women’s lib or is a positive for some women or society as a whole for that matter?
Jesus we humans are so weak and are terrible sinners. Please forgive us for how we treat the most vulnerable and innocent among us.
http://AbortionInstruments.com
P.S. Violet, maybe you have issues with PTSD and depression from what you witnessed as a teen. Don’t be so quick to think that its just others who may need help. You just might be one that needs to deal with this issue as well (hence your hanging with the Awesome prolifers here!) Carla, I watched your video also. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this month of April. You are my Hero.
“something going on under the sheet”????
You got that right.
I don’t have PTSD from that experience because I wasn’t traumatized. Compared to the actual, real, horrific traumas I have experienced, my time with my friend in the abortion clinic doesn’t even register on the trauma scale.
I know it makes you feel better to believe that people only support abortion rights because we’re all damaged and secretly full of all kinds of guilt and regret, but it’s not true. There are plenty of us here who support abortion rights because we believe it’s the right thing to do. Not because of hidden traumas or buried guilt.
I know it makes you feel better to believe that people only support abortion rights because we’re all damaged and secretly full of all kinds of guilt and regret, but it’s not true. There are plenty of us here who support abortion rights because we believe it’s the right thing to do. Not because of hidden traumas or buried guilt.
Posted by: Violet at April 29, 2010 12:35 AM
I believe there ARE some people who are proabort because they do believe it is the right thing to do.
Problem is, I have found, that those individuals usually also do not accept the science of fetal development and also do not see life as a continuum of development.
They usually do not see anything special in being human, often supporting the equal rights of animals etc.
Interesting that they will often go out of their way to save animals but little to protect unborn babies. I can understand some women not being interested in protecting a 4 week fetus who isn’t cuddly but can never understand a woman who supports abortion right to term.
The problem also lies with the fact that most proaborts are ONLY about the choice of abortion.
They believe abortion is the right thing to do in ALL circumstances.
Hence the lack of support for fully informed consent prior to abortion (the only medical procedure that doesn’t require any informed consent) and they cannot except that abortion can be harmful to many women, even physically.
We have all read stories of women who have had legal, supposedly safe abortions and who have had their fertility destroyed or lost their lives.
Unfortunately, the medical establishment rarely if ever, lists abortion as the cause.
The mantra is safe, legal and rare, with little emphasis on safe and definitely none on rare.
And Violet you’ve actually made Carla’s point for her.
Why was Carla even offered the option of an abortion in the first place?
Why wasn’t Carla screened for factors such as abuse, alcoholism, and so forth?
Did anyone even bother to take much of a medical history of Carla?
If she was at risk for post abortive trauma, it seems to me that the doctors weren’t much interested in finding out.
He was interested in getting done her abortion and moving right on to the next one.
Violet
“I know it makes you feel better to believe that people only support abortion rights because we’re all damaged and secretly full of all kinds of guilt and regret, but it’s not true.”
Go over what I wrote and you will see the statement, “Many child molesters don’t feel any guilt for what they do either.” I do realize there are some people that will never feel guilt or admit they are damaged for what they do and/or participate in.
You just might be one of them.
Hi Violet,
Thank you for watching my story. It means a lot to me. You are free to analyze and diagnose and try putting all of my psychological pieces together as you see fit. Be my guest. It makes no difference to me. It is what it is.
You are forgetting one very important person in your responses to me. Aubrey. Her name is Aubrey. She was alive and growing in my womb when I walked into the abortion clinic. She was dead when I left. She was suctioned out of my body and I left her torn and broken body there. She died in that abortion clinic. I had a chance to hold my baby Jamie in my hand years later and see for myself the complete and total little person that he was. The truth!!
I have read the stories on I’m Not Sorry.(my 4 year old says that all the time too)I could have written so many of those letters. And again…..did my child die in my abortion but theirs didn’t??? It’s called denial. You have to deny anything other than cells were inside you, something not really alive, not really human. It is how you survive. It is how I survived.
One would think that denial(where I stayed for a good 7 years)is more damaging then coming to terms with what I have done, my part in it, my responsibility and then reaching out for help, support, hope and healing. I think you would have to agree that is what healthy people do. They face trauma head on and walk through the grief and pain and get to acceptance. Healing. You deal with it. You change and grow and get help and you carry it, you own it.
The remorse I feel is a consequence of my actions, of my sin. The guilt and shame is gone. Jesus took that for me and offered me His forgiveness.
Abortion was not the best thing I could have done. Abortion did not help me. Abortion did not heal me or get me out of a tough spot or offer me an amazing future. It never delivered what it promised. I was vulnerable to it. As vulnerable as the women I have helped to carry their babies and put them up for adoption.
Aubrey would have been 19 years old this month. Had I let her live. It is my love for her that keeps me fighting against the lies of the abortion industry.
Praxedes,
Thank you for watching as well. :)
So glad that you are here and you totally “get” what I am trying to convey.
Angel,
You have always been there for me. :) I wish I could express how much that means to me.
Hi Violet,
http://www.lifesitenews.com/ldn/2010/apr/10042805.html
The Rebecca in the story is a friend of mine. A fellow Operation Outcry lady.
http://www.operationoutcry.org
Carla,
I definitely agree with you that living in denial can do more harm than coming to terms with things, whatever the situation. And I’m glad that you were able to come to terms with your experiences and find peace and forgiveness.
But after talking to and reading the stories of many women who have had abortions, I believe that many of the women who remain pro-choice after an abortion and don’t feel guilt and remorse and shame for their choices are all in denial. Certainly some of them probably are, but a lot of them are not. And I think from Sarah’s comments here it’s clear that she falls into the category of women who have deeply considered their choice of abortion and feel they did what was right for them and don’t have the kind of feelings you struggled with after your abortion.
Clearly, you did not have a chance to think about your choices or to talk to someone who could have answered your questions and helped you figure out what the right choice was. I believe quite strongly that when women choose abortion, it needs to be their choice and not anyone else’s, that they should never be pushed into having one, and that they should be able to say no at any point. In addition to Rebecca’s story, I’ve read and heard stories from several women who tried to stop the procedure just before it was done and were forced to go forward, even held down by doctors and nurses. That should never happen. Ever.
Though I see some parts of the ultrasound laws that have been passed in a few states recently as being overreaching, I do think that seeing the ultrasound is enough for some women to realize they don’t want an abortion, and in terms of adding another required step that gives women a chance to really think things through before the abortion, it’s not on its own a bad idea.
Please understand that while I can’t empathize with your abortion experiences, I can empathize with how vulnerable you were and how unprepared you were for the consequences. And I have nothing but sympathy for what you’ve been through.
When we get to the point of absolutes, saying “all” or “never” or “always”, we lose the ability to consider each woman’s experience and to see women who have abortions as individual people with unique lives and circumstances, and as a result every woman’s experience is different. When people start debating it can be easy to lose sight of that.
For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re here and telling your story. I think that women telling their stories and sharing their experiences is a very important part of making sure that women considering their choices have a good idea of what an abortion can be like, before, during, and afterward.
Hi Violet,
Thank you very much for your heart felt response.
I do want you to consider some other thoughts I have. :)
I have MANY friends that have had abortions. Some do not regret them. BUT their behavior hardly points to “being at peace with their choice” either. Several are on meds for clinical depression, one is an alcoholic, two are on their second divorce. A couple have been suicidal. One is as bitter and angry and hateful as anyone I have ever read here.(We no longer see each other)She became enraged when the word abortion was ever brought up.
Anyway, all that to say…..when someone has an abortion the child in their womb is killed. Fact. It affects them. When women’s lives are careening out of control it might make sense to connect the dots back to abortion since many of the risks of abortion are what I just described in the above paragraph.
There is a whole lot more to just saying, “I don’t regret mine.” or “I’m not sorry.”
I will never believe that a woman can have her own child killed and not be affected by it in the least.