Octomom’s an octomess: “I hate the babies.”
I hate the babies, they disgust me…
My older six are animals, getting more and more out of control, because I have no time to properly discipline them.
The only way I can cope is to lock myself in the bathroom and cry. Sometimes I sit there for hours and even eat my lunch sitting on the toilet floor. Anything to get peace and quiet. Some days I have thought about killing myself. I cannot cope….
Obviously I love them – but I absolutely wish I had not had them.
~ “Octomom” Nadya Suleman, as quoted by The Daily Mail, June 30
[Photo via The Daily Mail]
Jun.30, 2011 6:00 am |
IVF |
Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
It’s good to see that at least she’s getting some help (the person in the photo and when she cries for hours you know those toddlers cannot be left unattended).
I also applaud “Octomom” for not taking the easy way out and posing for tabloids such as Playboy. She is also not inviting TV crews into her home to let them video her “train wreck” of a situation which undoubtedly would bring great ratings due to folks who like that kind of stuff.
I’m honestly shocked that she hasn’t had a complete breakdown that would render her ineffective for a stretch of time. Even though her decision to conceive more children was very poor, “Octomom” is a strong woman to care for 14 children.
Unfortunately, unlike the Duggars who are such a role model family, if the older children are “animals,” then they cannot be a reliable source of assistance that “Octomom” can rely on to help with tasks around the home and to watch the younger children.
I also wonder in 7-10 years how many of her older children may have unplanned/ unwed pregnancies that they may be bringing home to her.
I hope she’s connected to a church where ladies have the gift of child care and she can increase her level of support so that she can do the essentials such as grocery shopping, personal errands, cleaning the home and occasional quality time just for herself. I also hope she knows God as her personal Savior to draw strength from Him.
Give them up for adoption then…
I guess the younger children would have a better chance of being placed for adoption now than the 6 older ones. But in my opinion, that ship may have already sailed.
“Octomom” should have placed the younger children within their first year and everyone would have been better off. Why didn’t she? By then she knew she made a grave error in wanting multiple babies on top of the 6 that she already had.
Nadya(I hate the name “Octomom!!”)needs help and prayer. I feel sad for her.
The babies are beeeyooootiful!
I must say I am glad to hear Ms. Suleman say she loves her children, even though she regrets having them.
I hope she does decide to have them adopted out. She has gotten to the point where she no longer has to prove anything by keeping them, because she knows she made a mistake. She needs to get her life together, and she can love them more when they are not stressing her out every day. And the kids will have better lives with people who can give them the parenting that they need.
And yes, if she chose to give her children up for adoption, I am sure that there are adoptive families that would take the older six “animals”.
Adoption? Really? I am surprised to see that. Sounds so simple I guess.
She carried them and is raising them and with help she can do it! Good grief I can’t imagine her giving up the children that she carried and loves! She is their mom! You think the older ones will just saunter off to a better life with NO ill effects at all?
We aren’t talking about a litter of puppies.
Who can raise 14 children ALONE???
“I hate the babies. They disgust me.”
Only God knows whether she really loves these kids or not, but they clearly, clearly need a new home. This situation is a horrible mess. It is hard to have much sympathy for Nadya. She is an adult and made very, very stupid, irresponsible and selfish choices in conceiving these children the way she did. My heart goes out to those babies. They deserve so much better. This is exactly why it is immoral to manufacture babies in petri dishes. Babies must remain the gift of marital love, period.
I have made some very stupid and selfish choices in my life and am so thankful people have helped me (and forgiven me) when I needed it most. I agree Jen that it is immoral to conceive the way she did but these beautiful little ones are here now and need help.
Nadya states she both hates and loves her children in her statement. It is also very concerning that she talks about suicide and this should not be taken lightly. She is obviously depressed and distressed. She is crying out for help.
Does anyone have any ideas about what the prolife movement could do to help her? Maybe there are prolifers in her area that would be willing to set up a schedule to go in and spend time with the children. Or we could start a fund to pay a few nannies to help out?
We need to walk the walk. Faith and works.
I hope she gets serious help, and fast.
Related:
We give up smoking or transfats.
Human children are sometimes *placed for adoption.*
They are not property and are not “given up” like a bad habit.
I sympathize with her, I have 5 of my own, young and very close in age and I often feel the way she does. Luckily, I have a wonderful husband.
She made a huge mistake in artificially conceiving these children without a father, but there is mercy to be had. It is sad to see her try to sell herself to the scuzzy media world to try and support them. I pray she finds the help she needs to raise these children, maybe the Duggars can step in and lend a hand ! ;)
How on Earth was adoption NOT best for everyone in this situation?
Is this paper legit? I mean how do we know that she really said it?
It is hard to have much sympathy for Nadya. She is an adult and made very, very stupid, irresponsible and selfish choices in conceiving these children the way she did.
The Daily Mail is a tabloid, so I’m not sure how reliable it is.
This woman seems like she has some mental health issues, and I hope CPS knows about her situation.
However, I can understand how she hates and loves her children at the same time. I told you about the problems I had with my son — stealing from me, wrecking my car, getting drunk, etc. At times I did hate him and I know it sounds terrible, but there were times I was sorry I adopted him, But he is turning it around, slowly but surely. We’re all in a healing mode right now, and I love him and my grandson dearly. The girlfriend, not so much, but I’m working on it . . .
The Daily Mail isn’t exactly the National Enquirer. If you do a search on this site for Daily Mail, you might be surprised at the stories you find.
The Daily Mail quotes Nadya from In Touch magazine, and this isn’t the only source to have had this quote by Nadya.
I don’t really find it hard to believe. The woman has mental issues, as if we didn’t know that already.
That being said, having that many young children all at once is bound to make anyone completely stressed out, especially when they’ve CHOSEN to shoulder it alone.
It is not too late for adoption. Someone needs to think about the best interest of the children and not her feelings after carrying them for 9 mos. that is the easy part. Raising them is the hardest part. Releasing them for adoption shows sacrificial love.
Grace for her would be good. Compassion too.
She made choices. Absolutely. Now she needs help. She is not beyond helping. Nobody is. It’s a little late to be saying she shouldn’t have done this or that.
Sorry but this thread reminds me of proaborts that tell me it’s just too darn bad I regret my abortion and I just shouldn’t have had one then. Little late for that.
The suggestion of church help was a good one. The McCaughey’s of Iowa who had 7 babies had round the clock helpers for months, meals made for them, a van donated, a home built.
Why shouldn’t Nadya be offered the same kind of support? Why shouldn’t SOMEONE, ANYONE step in? We do help babies after they are born don’t we?
Will some loving husband and wife adopt some of these babies before something tragic happens?
I don’t know. I see Carla’s point but what Nadya said about her babies still makes me MAD. I’m mad at her. She is SELFISH. Selfish, selfish, selfish. What are her babies going to think when they grow up and read this? Its in print! Its on the web! It will still be out there for them to read how their mother hated them and was disgusted by them.
There is no wrong in saying what she should not have done and condemning the choices she made. Maybe someone reading will not make the same mistakes in the future (and believe me IVF and all the cans of worms it opens is becoming more and more common place. Children now are “things” to be had not persons to be loved and cared for)
But I agree that it would be wonderful if a good church near Nadya could step up and help her with child care and other material needs. Thats how Christians can really show the love of Christ. I agree that she is not beyond helping, growing, learning to think of others before herself and most importantly, growing into a wonderful, loving mother.
Trying to figure out why you posted this…
Hi Linda.
Because it’s a quote by a well-known person in the news who has also been covered here in a number of blog posts.
I’m not one to recommend adoption as the immediate solution to this situation. My recommendation is more along the lines of more Male assistance in raising these children. I don’t know what her personal life is, but I am more concerned with their lack of discipline. Fathers -and those who choose to take up that role- are the ones who maintain structure in a family. This family desperately needs more structure, more testosterone and less drama in their lives.
I know there used to be a cadre of volunteers to help her out when the babies were little, and I would hope they are still helping. These kids are in real need of a father figure in their lives, and I pray that Nadya finds a good one for them.
I agree with Carla… I think it is in poor taste the way this was presented to us, and some of the comments are most uncharitable. Nadya is a human being and the mother to 14 other human beings.
Also, she is clearly depressed. Can you blame her? Part of that is a real and good regret for her poor decisions. I think there are better responses to that than “Dang right and it’s all your fault too.” Let’s not forget that while the way these children were conceived involves sin, they are here now and they are precious. If I lived near her I would absolutely try to help. She needs some sort of therapy for her depression. People who are depressed say and think horrible things, and Nadya totally fits the bill. Hopefully she can find therapy that will help her accept her mistakes, find forgiveness and move forward into the future.
When we see women who have made poor choices–including abortion, sex outside of marriage, and IVF–and are suffering because of them, we need a better response than “Yup, that was stupid.” They need help and support. They need Jesus if they don’t know him. What makes Nadya so different from other people who made poor decisions? Is IVF the unforgiveable sin?
All I can see is that she’s made poor decisions and needs some help. If you’ve never been in that situation, you are probably in a great place to help someone who is. And as has been pointed out before, had she followed the standard “advice” and killed most of the octuplets, this story never would have hit the media.
I gotta say, this just sounda like a disaster waiting to happen. Being disgusted by your children and wishing they had never been born isn’t normal stress. I really hope someone helps her before she hurts those kids or herself.
Oh my goodness!! I will take one!! I can’t have anymore children. :o(
I would adopt some children and help her. She needs help.
May God show her a way.
I really wish she’d give them up for adoption!!! There are so many couples out there wanting babies/kids. So sad….
Just wanted to share the phrase I grew up with whenever I did something wrong. I heard it quite a bit.
“You really pi**ed in your hat this time, Carla.”
It was meant to shame. And it did.
“You made your bed now you can lie in it.” is along the same lines.
There is an amazing opportunity here to help this woman and her children. Praying that happens SOOON!
What is this adoption stuff? You want to split up 8 siblings? Children aren’t something you can farm out. The terminology hear is vomitous: give up, adopt out. These are people.
If a mom needs help YOU HELP HER. You don’t rip her children from the rest of the family. I understand that reason and normal were thrown out the window when a single woman had 14 kids alone, not naturally, one or two or three at a time, spaced 2 years apart- but still, we help her because that’s the right thing to do. WE. HELP. HER. She messed up and hurt her kids irreperably, but we should help them as best as possible.
Unless she cannot take care of the children even with appropriate support, or she is abusing or neglecting them while getting appropriate support, it is not our place to suggest adoption. She’s the only mom her kids knows. Her children know and love each other. Adoption is not a simple quick fix; it’s a last resort. When we meet a woman who is having a hard time with a first child, who is depressed as her toddler begins to rebel, do we immediately say, well, just give her up for adoption? No. If it’s possible to keep a family together, we do it. Families matter. Moms matter. Dads matter. Even if the family was already broken, or made broken, it traumatizes children to break what’s left. There’s a lot of need for adoption. Unless she or a court decides that Nadya Suleman’s children have that need, I am not going to say that they do.
I love adoption. It is sometimes the best option. Families built by adoption are beautiful–but the stories of adopted children are also stories of loss, abuse, neglect, and/or rejection. Even in bad situations, most kids love their mothers. Even abusive mothers. They tend to blame themselves for the abuse, not their parents. Even in the best of open relationships, children sometimes feel abandonment or rejection because their mom chose not to parent them. Adoption is part of an imperfect world. If Adam had not sinned, we would have been born children of God. Our adoption is a testament to his grace and mercy, but also to our broken fallenness. Our job is to make sure we provide loving homes to children who need us, not to make sure there are enough children for everyone who wants to adopt.
Jacqueline — there are families willing to adopt sibling groups, but it would be very difficult to find someone to adopt all these kids. When children are split up, though the adoptive families often let the siblings keep in touch, which of course is a great idea.
Just drop them off here anytime Nadya, i’d be happy to take as many off your hands as you want.
Carla,
You’re right in desiring compassion for her. Shaming her won’t change anything, and it isn’t charitable.
Perhaps the frustration felt by so many regarding Nadya is this: It doesn’t seem like she’s learned anything. Saying “I absolutely wish I hadn’t had them” is not the same as saying, “I made a foolish and selfish decision and now my babies are paying the price for it. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have done it.” It just sounds like she feels sorry for herself and wishes she did not have the burdensome obligation of caring for her babies.
This is a bad decision she made twice, so it’s not as though she didn’t know exactly what she was getting into. (I am very glad the unethical doctor who enabled her to do this has lost his license.) She knew she was creating multiple human beings and bringing them into a home without a husband/father, and that she had no means of supporting them. This was not a rash decision or a choice she was coerced into. She planned this.
Yet, all that aside, the fact is those children are here and they need to be loved and cared for. I’m not at all certain Nadya can do either at this point, and I agree that she needs serious counseling and intervention. Saying, “I hate the babies. They disgust me” is more than just a tired mom having a bad day. I have never been disgusted by my children. She is clearly in desperate need of help, but it’s not the kind I think she wants.
I do hope a church in her area can step in and make sure the children are safe and cared for, and that someone can help Nadya turn her own life around soon. No one is a lost cause, but God is a gentleman and only enters when invited. So I pray that Nadya realizes that her Heavenly Father loves her and her precious children.
I don’t know how she does it. I have a set of toddler twin boys and I feel overwhelmed some days. I can’t even imagine what it is like to have that many children. God bless her and I pray that she finds the strength to do what is right. I pray that people will step in and help her. I am not sure what the answer is for her but I know that the LORD has an answer.
Oh give me a break. No one has been uncharitable with their comments towards Nadya. No one has wished ill on her but have rightly expressed concern for her children. RIGHTLY expressed concern. Hello! This woman says she HATES her kids and that they DISGUST her. As someone pointed out this is not just a tired mom. You’re darn right she is depressed! She needs help and assistance ASAP.
That being said I have a big problem with the idea that shame is somehow destructive, wrong, unbiblical etc… Shame exists for a reason. It can be used to make people realize their sin and turn them to God (I Corinthians 15:34) Paul many times in his letters to early churches called people out BY NAME who were sinning. Talk about being ashamed! Wow. But he did it to WAKE THEM UP to their sin. Are we as a society supposed to act like it is hunky dory when a woman who has no husband has a doctor impregnate her with multiple embryos when she has no means to care for these children? And then when she speaks of ignoring them, hating them and feeling disgust for them not be rightly disgusted by her selfishness?
The idea that these poor kids should stay in this home is what’s “vomitous”. I’m leaving the manner of their conception aside in that, because ANYBODY would have a hard time being a single mother of fourteen. This is psychologically scarring for everyone involved, and NO amount of childcare help is going to turn this into a viable living situation. She admits she cannot mother all of these children.
And I really worry that with all of these caregivers coming and going, some child molester is going to get in and hurt the children, and Ms. Suleman won’t be able to stop it because she’s too busy dealing with her own issues.
The best thing Ms. Suleman can do is give these children stable adoptive homes. She can set up open adoptions so that she can still see them and they will still know her as their birth mother, but they will have mothers and fathers who are able to take care of them and help them grow up well.
Shame is not always bad, but it cannot be induced and if she is ashamed, rubbing her nose in it won’t help.
I hope CPS is keeping a close watch AND that church groups/ neighbors/ extended family are helping Nadya.
Perhaps she is also thinking of placing children for adoption. Honestly, I hope so.
While splitting up siblings is tragic, continuing to be raised by this disturbed mother might be more so, and could be dangerous.
Talking about how your babies disgust you is not healthy behavior, and its reasonable to fear for the other fourteen humans in this sad situation.
And I don’t think it’s a bad thing to be recalling how this shouldn’t have happened. It’s a truly freakish situation far outside the realm of balanced biology. I love big families, but it’s pretty clear from our own bodies that women weren’t supposed to have six-eight children at one time, to say nothing for denying them a father.
Help Nadya and get those kids out now if that’s what’s best. We save children from abortion, but are we really ok with them being so obviously at risk? I’m not.
“she planned this”
Yeah. So much for “planned, wanted”.
Never said this situation was hunky dory. It is heart breaking to watch. This mom had problems BEFORE she ever did IVF. BEFORE she did IVF she was a single mother with 6!! Now with 14 children to raise alone I am not a bit surprised by what she has said! Not at all. She is losing it!!! We are watching it!!!
The women that walk into CPC’s may have issues as well(abuse, addictions, incest, STD’s, obvious promiscuity, rape, past abortions) but shaming them isn’t part of the “help” and “support” offered. You take what you get and love them where they are. Unconditionally.
Where does Nadya live exactly? Anyone know?
I read the article and related articles and I have the feeling Child Protection is already involved. Just a hunch if one of the little ones was observed eating dry wall in the house.
I think it is in poor taste the way this was presented to us
Well, considering the fact that I’m the one who posted this quote – directly from the source and minus any of my own commentary – perhaps you’d like to explain what you mean by this.
Why do we post controversial things? Maybe because this is a place where we discuss controversial issues.
“single mom” with 14 kids. She must qualify for $100,000 year in welfare, food stamps, housing, utilities, etc. Hire a live-in nurse and a live-in child care provider.
Then this woman, and again I’m sure OUR TAXES would pay, needs to get to a therapist and a psychiatrist immediately. She was unbalanced to make this decision, she clearly is now going over the edge. An irresponsible, selfish person who wanted to make a dramatic statement.
Clarice, this woman is saying these things because she’s overwhelmed. No single woman was meant to handle 8 infants, let alone handle them by herself with a host of other kids. I would be depressed too! I would like to think I wouldn’t blame my kids for my decision that hurt them and would own up, but then again I know I’d never do such a thing. She is indeed a selfish person that did an evil thing- but we don’t take kids away from people who are overwhelmed. We help them.
Carla, I am pretty sure the other 6 were from IVF as well.
Really? Wow.
I am speaking truth when I say what she did was selfish. That is true. Obviously if I knew Nadya personally I would try to help her and not lecture her but I am not a personal friend speaking face to face with her. I am an objective party reading about her life and reading her quotes and making a statement based on that.
There is a time and a place to speak condemnation of sin and then there is a time and a place not to. We’ve been through this before on another thread and I guess we just don’t see eye to eye on this and won’t.
I see it as the same situation if a boy was sexually abused as a child and grew up to be a pedophile and an abuser himself. Would it not be okay to say what he did was selfish and disgusting? Because he himself is a victim also and obviously mentally disturbed. But the truth is his sexual abuse of children IS selfish and IS disturbing. But to say so would mean we are not speaking the truth into his life?
If I were personal friend or acquaintance of Nadya I would get her the help she needs psychologically and help her with her kids and meet any needs she had as best I could. But I’m not a personal acquaintance I am a member of society and as a member of society I am condemning what she did. And we ought to before this becomes the norm. And it will. Just watch.
Nadya was monumentally irresponsible and self-centered in how she went about things, but she didn’t kill the babies in the IVF lab, nor did she ‘reduce’ the pregnancy. Outreach from the pro-life community and churches in the form of babysitting and daycare would be a great help.
Bad things are going to happen if she isn’t helped soon.
That is true Gerard. I am very glad she didn’t terminate some of the babies. I give her credit for that.
This is an incredible opportunity for the church to reach out to Nadia and perhaps bring her to Christ. Let’s not berate her, let’s show her the Love of Christ through us. Imagine 14 children coming to Christ because of our out reach. Let’s love her with truth and action!
Kel, I mostly was offended at the title–octomom is an octomess–which seems dehumanizing and demeaning. I have no problem with the article itself.
And yes, all 14 children (plus their many siblings who died through the process) are the result of IVF.
I always wonder–what if this woman we are talking about (whenever we are talking about a specific woman) comes here and reads what we are saying?
I’d be willing to take all 14, but I doubt my husband would agree to it. 10 toddlers would be fun :) But it’s kind of a moot point when, as far as we know, adoption is not being considered. Even if CPS stepped in and took the kids, it would probably be years before parental rights were terminated.
I still think that the things she’s saying could be normal if she is severely depressed, and that it’s not the fact that she has children that is the problem, but her depression (much like can be true for some pregnant women). And like a pregnant woman considering abortion due to depression, adoption–a permanent solution to the temporary problem of being overwhelmed and depressed–may only lead to more depression and self-destructive behavior in the future.
Wow, if she truly “hates” them, she should place them up for adoption, then. To a family that will truly LOVE them.
I pray that this woman finds healing, and does what is best for her children.
Kel, I mostly was offended at the title–octomom is an octomess–which seems dehumanizing and demeaning. I have no problem with the article itself.
I think any person who claims she hates her children in an interview is a mess. That’s not normal. I suppose I could have said “Octomom’s octomess,” but y’know, I’m still working on my titles. It’s part of my job to attempt to come up with succinct and interesting titles, and that’s what I came up with for this one. I got no complaints from my employer.
So where is the father in all of this? The man who is the father of these children needs to step up to the plate and make sure his children are taken care of. The father of these children agreed to their conception through IVF. All of them – all fourteen of them. Then he walks away – and leaves Nadya to deal with it all.
Oh yes, I forgot – some of the men in this nation of ours, and worldwide, have been told to butt out when it comes to their children.
I pray that Nadya gets help – I pray the the father of the children steps up to the plate and is a MAN about all of this.
there is no father…at least not one that’s not identified by some number code.
This is why IVF IS WRONG! If a couple is having trouble conceiving, they should figure out the real problem before resorting to IVF
Nadya identified a father – he is responsible for these children, too – even if she has not named him. IVF can not happen without a male involved.
I think Laura Loo is right – “train wreck” applies. Years hence, I bet we’ll be able to read some of the kids’ accounts of just how bad the wreck was/is.
I’ve never thought the Octomom was really sane.