Millionaire Matchmaker regrets not having children
by Carder
My biggest regret is I didn’t have children. I had an abortion in my 20s. I was pregnant, and I didn’t have enough money and I didn’t think it was ok to have a child and be a single parent. And now look, everybody’s doing that!
I didn’t find the right guy at the right time to have one with, I guess.
~ Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger answering questions from fans during an interview, via OK! Magazine, December 26
Dec.30, 2013 6:00 am |
Pop Culture |
Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
I could never watch that show because I hated her attitude but this actually makes me see a more human side to her. I feel bad for her. $$ doesnt make you happy. However shes got $ to adopt.
I didnt find the right man at the right time I guess. Well my first 2 children are from a man I was with for 10 years. I was liberal then pro choice let gay people be together and I was fornicating. This is before I had realized God doesnt bless unmarried relationships. However I now have 2 kids in their 20s from that relationship. wrong man? YES! But I love my kids.
She is a mother. She has a child.
Her child is in heaven.
I am praying for her. That she come to Christ and one day be reunited with her little one.
Carla…me too
And Patti its not too late to meet a man and still have a child. I wish her luck and happiness
Knowing scripture now has changed me. I am not perfect. I have converted to the teachings of the bible. Remember this is when the enemy moves in to try to wreck your life. No to gay relationships and gay marriage. No. to birth control and abortion. NO to sex without maarriage. Ive changed a lot but Im still a work in progress. I will never be perfect. I try not to judge others but sometimes I still do. But I have come a long way.
Sorry typo city
So if the guy you had the child with – the one you aborted – wasn’t the “right” guy, then that means he was the wrong guy.
Why do women go to bed with the wrong men?
Hi Chris its so common today to hear so many young girls and women crying over breaking up with their boyfriends. I tell these girls what my mothers good Chistian friend told
me. Without marriage you are being used for sex! I beat my head into a brick wall for years for the same reason. Why did he cheat on me? Why did he break up with me? Ive seen men struggle with the same issues. Its because people think sleeping around means love. Thats why our abortion rate is so high.
Ive even slipped up a few times after knowing the truth. Insanity…doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
The difference is that after you know the truth the pain and guilt of the sin actually overwhelmes you. Id do the deed and in the back of my mind I heard Liz….youre being used for sex. I could not enjoy sex and when it was over Id say…boy did I just screw up! But of course I didnt say screw up. Use your imagination.
And the great teachings of PP isnt helping matters!
I’ve heard many celebrities voice the same regret…regret over not having children or sadly, a past abortion. The money never seems to lessen the regret either. It is all vanity. My children make me feel like the richest woman in the world. They are more precious to me than any ruby or diamond. I’d rather live in a shoebox with my kids than in a mansion without them.
Hi sydney…wasnt Shelly Winters one actress who said shed give back fame and fortune to have her 3 aborted children back? Also the supermodel who started the Silent No More group.. Jennifer O Niel I believe. She said shed give back the modeling career and everything if she could undo her abortion. Id read that she was excited about the pregnancy but the man she was seeing ( I believe he was married ) coldly told her “Have an abortion.” Crushed by his reply she did so.
Im sure many are familiar with Jennifers story…she has said ” It was the biggest mistake of my life.”
Of course a big no no sleeping with a married man but she could have had the baby and cut him out of her life. After all she had plenty of $ to be a single parent.
Killing the baby solved nothing….except for saving him 18 years of child support or the affair being exposed to his wife. Get rid of it and we can all move on. I dont think he ever looked back.
“Why do women go to bed with the wrong men?”
A couple of years ago on this site, someone suggested women marry the men with whom they were sleeping, and someone who proudly called herself pro-choice wrote in essence, “Ugh, the guy who got me pregnant was a loser and NOT the guy I’d spend the rest of my life with.”
Hmmm.. but it was okay to get *naked* and completely intimate with a loser? uh-kay.
I mentioned the supervisor on my weekend job. She is 65 and has no children. She had a stillborn little girl and an abortion. She said she considers the people in the program her family. It’s touching, but kind of sad at the same time.
“I was pregnant, and I didn’t have enough money and I didn’t think it was ok to have a child and be a single parent. And now look, everybody’s doing that!”
I find that at the minimum, Patti dispelled pro-abort logic that not having enough money and the prospect of being a single parent are reasons for an abortion. This flies in the face of pro-abort propaganda and I am sure that they are steaming with anger just about now that their favorite justifications took a hit.
So if any pro-abort or anyone continues to use these two tired cliches, I will gladly refer them to this thread and Patti’s words.
Why do women go to bed with the wrong men?
In some women’s defense, the wrong guys come off initially as the right guys. From my warped way of thinking back in the day, once I figured out he was the wrong guy, I was already pregnant. Other signs were there before I became pregnant but I hadn’t been taught to recognize them. After he pressured me to abort and became physically abusive, I thought I could love him enough to change him. I was also beaten down enough in many ways that I didn’t have the self esteem to leave. Women need to love themselves enough to wait until marriage. Even then, they need to leave if he is abusive or had lied about who he was at his core and refuses to get help.
As far as Patti using the words “single parent’, you are not a single parent unless the father is dead or cannot be located.
Women equate sex with love and sadly, many men don’t. I know in high school I almost lost my virginity to my boyfriend because he was my “first love”. I really had strong feelings for him…not just sexual but I felt very bonded to him and wanted to make him happy. He would tell me how “hot” I was or how “horny” I made him and seriously…I heard “I love you” when he said these things to me.
Now at the ripe old age of 33 I look back and shake my head. He didn’t care about ME, he only cared about the pleasure I could give HIM. But at the time I couldn’t separate the two. He told me he desired me physically and my brain twisted it and I thought he desired me emotionally.
So glad I didn’t give my virginity to him though!! I saved that for my husband and I’m so glad. No regrets!!
There are guys who sleep with the wrong woman for the same reasons at times. Sometimes people don’t bother to really get to know a person before they hop into bed with them, which is a tragedy.
And that’s the problem wirh young women/girls these days, Sarah No sense of self worth. Someone said once “Men use ’love’ to get sex. Women use sex to get love “. We NEED to be teaching our daughters to value themselves.
Pamela, I don’t think men use “love” to get sex. I think its closer to men using sex to get sex :)
It took me a long time to realize this, Thomas R but I think you are totally right! :)
I’m glad Patti had the courage to speak out about this topic and I wish her all the best in life. So many post-abortive women have talked about the reasons they felt compelled/coerced/forced into aborting their child and to me it just underscores the importance of reaching out and finding ways to help. Both ways to help post-abortive women heal and ways to help women facing an unexpected pregnancy feel empowered and supported to choose life for their child.
I remember finding out I was pregnant at 20 years old. Although I was married, I was a brand-new bride (I think we’d been married for under two months and were using contraception and discussed waiting several years before having a child). I had just arrived in this country and was attending university. I didn’t have money or insurance and had a family history of high-risk pregnancies and was terrified. I was panicking and called my sister overseas before even telling my husband. And I will never forget what she told me, she said: “It will get less scary as time goes on.” And for me, for some reason that stuck in my mind and to this day I think about what a difference that small piece of advice made. I now have a beautiful 15 year old (and her 9 and 10 year old siblings.)
Anyway, my whole point with my personal story is that if such a small piece of advice made a difference for me, showing love and support can make a difference for so many other women in similar situations (and as I mentioned before, post-abortive women going through the healing process as well.)
Hmmm.. but it was okay to get *naked* and completely intimate with a loser? uh-kay. – ouch! You might be treading on a few anti-choicer toes there Eric.
Pamela, I don’t think men use “love” to get sex. I think its closer to men using sex to get sex – speak for yourself.
Use some of the brain cells God endowed you with “reality” and eventually you will understand what I wrote.
It is evolution which endowed us with brains “thomas r.”
I do understand what you wrote, that’s what concerns me.
It wasn’t until probably my 14th year of bartending that I figured out that guys weren’t offering to buy me drinks and leaving me big tips because they wanted to look deep into my eyes and talk about my interests. It didn’t take me quite that long to figure out that the shorter, tighter, lower the outfit meant higher the tips. The guy bartenders would get upset to learn how much the ladies made in tips compared to them.
Just the Nature of the beast I guess — on the whole, that is.
Just the Nature of the beast I guess — on the whole, that is. – whooooosh!!! goes another sweeping generalisation :-)
It didn’t take me quite that long to figure out that the shorter, tighter, lower the outfit meant higher the tips – and what do you think of the ladies who pander to such behaviors?
Thomas R, I think I might have told this story on here one time but not sure if you were around then:
The highest tip I ever received bartending was $200 from a rich alcoholic business owner who had been trying to buy “love” for months. I refused to take the money several times stating it was too much (although listening to him was a lot of work!). I can’t remember exactly what he threatened to do with the money if I didn’t take it so I finally took it.
I put it in an envelope when I got home. Marked the envelope with where I wanted the money to go toward and dropped it in the offertory basket at Mass the next day. If that old fart ever stops at the area church for a prayer, he may just kneel on one of the kneelers he paid for!
Great post at 5:41 pm Padma!
@Praxedes thank you!
I have not read all the comments so maybe someone mentioned this already but this woman does not say she regrets her abortion. She does say she regrets not having children. Until she comes out and says, “I regret my abortion.” I would not assume she does.
Good point, Ann Marie.
The article states, “While revealing her biggest regret, Patti opened up about having an abortion when she was younger and then never having kids.”
The article leaves us wonder whether Patti regrets her abortion because she realizes she caused the death of her only child or if she just regrets that she never went on to conceive other children that she would allow to live.
It sounds like she is probably a proabort on the verge of coming to grips with the terrible choice she made years ago. We can pray that she joins the wonderful women speaking up and out about the damage abortion has caused them.
Good comments. Im glad for those who waited for marriage. In my 10 year relationship there was abuse and my second pregnancy was unplanned. I made an abortion appt but knowing all along i wasnt going to go through with it. I received my instructions to wear loose fitting clothes not to eat the day of the procedure and then I thought what are you thinking? I was a no show. My son is now taking courses to become a doctor. The world could have lost someone who can make a real difference.
I decided when I met a handsome Jewish guy one night that I was going to stick to my guns and not give in to sex. Over the course of 8 months we became the best of friends and he did ask about sex a few times. We really got to know each other and we couldnt stop laughing. We went to the beach and did many other things besides sex. Finally he looked at me one day and said ” you know what? I really love you.” My reply was lets get married then”….5 days later we were and then came the sex. Its so different when youre married!
Eric…i remember that story!!!! I do! We took her to task. But seriously my friend did the same thing. She was fooling around with this guy and asked her if she was having safe sex. Her reply was No but if I get pregnant I will just have an abortion. huh? Just like that? Well 2 months later shr WAS pregnant and complained to me that she had to finish nursing school and that Mike was a loser. She made an abortion appt that same week and despite the father wanting the baby she still aborted.
This girl and I have been friends for over 20 years. We had a bad falling out but we mended the fence. She called me and said ” I miss you.” We are friends again. Life is too short to hold grudges.
But like you said Eric….it was totally fine to bed down with aa complete loser and let him have the most sacred and private parts of your body. Uuuuuh yeah!
“It didn’t take me quite that long to figure out that the shorter, tighter, lower the outfit meant higher the tips – and what do you think of the ladies who pander to such behaviors?”
Hey “reality” just in case you were half asleep when you wrote that response to Praxedes, let me steer you back on track: the conversation is about the men not women – stay focused will you..
Reread Praxedes’ December 30, 2013 at 8:16 pm comment and you may still experience a Eureka Moment (fully dressed for you :) )
Thomas R.
:)
Hi Prax and Thomas R. Happy new year! Say do you guys really believe reality read annything we wite? No matter how sane and logical we sound he just finds 20 different ways to dismiss it.:) .., carry on.
Aaaagh my typos im on a small phone sorry. He will rip it apart 20 ways from Sunday!! Its the cotton in his ears and the blindfold.
It wasn’t until probably my 14th year of bartending that I figured out that guys weren’t offering to buy me drinks and leaving me big tips because they wanted to look deep into my eyes and talk about my interests
I once met a cute sixteen year old girl on the bus who told me she was looking for a job. She applied at a restaurant and the owner offered her a job as a bartender. She wondered why and I felt like saying “he was just trying to get into your pants, honey.” Some 16 year olds look older, but this girl was obviously underage. SOME men are real creeps.
Hi Heather, and a happy and safe New Year to you and yours! And everyone else please as well make sure you have a designated driver :)
Well “reality”is who he is. Here’s hoping his New Year resolutions are life – affirming and bring him closer to God.
“SOME men are real creeps.”
DEFINITELY. MANY men are pervy and predatory, it’s not women who keep the prostitution industry going or buy most porn. But I really, honestly believe this “lol men are so gross all they want is sex wink wink nudge nudge ladies” stuff encourages more of that behavior out of young men. If you’re told since you’re a little boy that “boys want sex, girls want love” it’s going to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. No self-respecting 16-year-old boy is going to want admit to his buddies that he wants to wait for marriage or at least until they are out of high school if what he’s been told all his life is that it’s not normal for men to act like that or want these things instead of getting laid. I’ve seen it with the (admittedly already heavily damaged) boys that I’ve worked with, with myself and my peer group when I was a teen, they end up thinking that’s what they have to be like else they aren’t normal, or they are gay, or soft, or whatever. And of course to work against those teenage hormones (because of course males, especially young males, do tend to have stronger and less… discriminate sex drives than women and teen girls) they need strong examples and leadership to NOT act like slobbering dogs, which they aren’t getting with this “lol this is what men are like amirite???” .
Our boys may as well want love and sex. Is that how my wife and I need to discuss it with them? The only dilemma we may have is whether we advise them to seek both concurrently or be okay if they occur separately :)
“Our boys may as well want love and sex. ”
Well, yeah… that’s how most humans are. Even women have been known to desire sex as well as love on rare occasions, I’ve heard. ;) Only sociopaths or severely damaged people have NO desire for love in some form or another, humans are social animals.
I just think this insistence that “men only want one thing” is perpetuating the very things people are complaining about. Teen boys are naturally hormonal in all but some rare cases, of course, but that’s not ALL they are. Get them away from their friends and have a conversation with them as an older male talking to a younger male in a non-condemning manner, a lot of them will open up with other things they want as well. The problem is I don’t see where they are getting the ability to learn self-control and respect for women and other things that they need to know to NOT grow up to be the kind of men people keep saying represents all of us. Fathers? They’ve done a pretty terrible job in recent decades. Older men? Seem to enjoy perpetuating this “it’s normal and expected for boys to behave like ravenous animals when it comes to sex” thing. There needs to be a much better discourse on manhood and respect for women and sex and such. The boys are NOT getting what they need, they are getting told over and over that they are unusual if they aren’t cool with the idea of promiscuous sex or they want to only be with one woman.
For example Thomas (and again, I admit I’ve really only spent time among pretty damaged teen boys, as I was myself), I’ve talked to multiple teen boys who will tell me (again, if you remove them from their peers they sing a different tune) that they aren’t “really men” because they really liked this one girl and didn’t want to do the “slam bam” thing that characterized this particular group of teens (runaways and drug users, it’s seriously an insanely slutty community). “What’s wrong with me, I slept with this hot girl over the weekend and I just missed [girl they actually cared about’s name]?” is something I’ve heard multiple times. This message that it’s abnormal for boys to actually care about their sex partners and desire more than getting it wet is something that a lot of kids seem to have massively internalized, to where they feel “weird” if they have any urges to do something like have ONE girlfriend. It really is a huge problem.
Oh and one more thing and I promise I will not rant on this subject any more unless someone else comments and wants to discuss, lol. It really does seem to paint it as a “men can’t change so women have to” issue when it’s focused on what dogs men naturally are (which is untrue, men are perfectly capable of discernment and self-control). It turns it from a problem of “men shouldn’t act like this, our base urges don’t and shouldn’t define us” into “lol ladies men are dogs what can you do? If you fall for what’s become to be claimed as normal male behavior that’s YOUR fault and why don’t you have any self-respect?” I’m not saying that women don’t have their own faults or issues, and there’s certainly a push in the “hook up” culture for sexually aggressive women (see “cougars”, I find them creepy now, loved them when I was a teen). But this problem can’t be fixed by women, it can mostly be fixed by men. You can teach your daughter discernment and self-respect until you’re blue in the face, but that’s not going to help her all that much when all boys are getting the messages that they are now.
I dated a guy who looked like Rob Lowe. I refused to sleep with him because I didnt want to be another notch in the belt. He actually liked me better because we didnt. He did tell me some stories though about women throwing themselves at him. One did so in the copy machine room at work. He told me she came at him unbuttoning her blouse and tried to tongue kiss him.
Did I want to sleep with Carl? Oh yes but I knew he would probably just use me. We hung out on his balcony….hugged and kissed and slept in the same bed although nothing ever happened. Im glad I played my cards that way because I found out through someone who knew him that he had a girlfriend. My gut kinda told me so.
My point is with feminists encouraging women to act like men many are the aggressive types. Many women are quick to shout ” men are pigs!” Ive looked at a few women and replied ” and so are women today.”
“Many women are quick to shout ” men are pigs!” Ive looked at a few women and replied ” and so are women today.””
Well, some women act like pigs today… with massive encouragement from less than morally upstanding men. There’s a fine line between completely shaming female sexuality and pretending it doesn’t exist (which is what I see in the “men are aggressors, women always their innocent targets” line), and pretending there are no differences biologically between male and female sex drives and that casual sex has no extra repercussions for women that men are not nearly as affected by (which is what a lot of the “sex-positive” feminists seem to do). Anyway, if men were taught and expected to have even the barest level of sexual decorum, the problem would get a lot better.
Hi deluded…youre right!
I think today it can apply to both of the sexes….especially TODAY! Women want sex sometimes and will throw themselves at men to get it. According to Carl he refused her advances. Heck they were at work!
But also deluded women need to be held accountable for their actions. Blaming it all on men would be unfair. Womens lib didnt do us any favors. I know aggressive females who want to get a guy in bed. You should see the posts on Facebook sometimes when these women are dumped. I did everything but remember who had your back. Im the main b****! Sometimes I have to lol although thats not nice but yet I always think…..uuuuuhh he gave up caring after he got you in bed. Its not gonna faze him. I generally comment…well youve been used for sex. I didnt like it when moms friend told me that but it was true. The truth hurts.
Hey “reality” just in case you were half asleep when you wrote that response to Praxedes, let me steer you back on track: the conversation is about the men not women – stay focused will you.. – so what you are saying is that Praxedes’ comment “It didn’t take me quite that long to figure out that the shorter, tighter, lower the outfit meant higher the tips” wasn’t referring to a woman’s response to the situation she described in any way? Not even in light of her 10:08pm comment? I thought Praxedes is female? So I thought she was speaking of how some women responded to the behavior displayed by men. The interaction between male customers and female bar staff. Or is that getting too complex?
Reread Praxedes’ December 30, 2013 at 8:16 pm comment and you may still experience a Eureka Moment (fully dressed for you :) ) – wanna suggest how I came to copy and paste Praxedes’ words from that 8:16pm comment if I hadn’t read it? Where she spoke of how she responded to what she found men doing? Still too complex?
I’m pleased to see that your comment is at least time stamped in the old year. Gives you an opportunity to redeem yourself in the new one :-)
Say do you guys really believe reality read annything we wite? No matter how sane and logical we sound he just finds 20 different ways to dismiss it.:) .., carry on. – since I copied and pasted Praxedes’ words and asked a question based on them, I’ll let your comment speak for itself. Especially since you don’t read my comments.
Here’s hoping his New Year resolutions are life – affirming – I don’t need a new year’s resolution for that, that’s my approach to life every day.
and bring him closer to God. – I’m not one for making impossible resolutions.
Happy new year to all! :-)
Good post prolifers about the importance of teaching value, self-worth, the spiritual, emotional, mental, hormonal ,social, and psychological significance of sex. Every time you have sex or even sexual activity with someone you give away a piece of yourself that you cannot get back. Jack and heather thank you for being transparent enough to share your stories because so many young people could be helped to understand this. I think so many people young and old do not understand how precious they are and what a gift their sexuality is when it is used to share your heart, mind, soul in a life-long commitment with that special person. When you can trust your husband or wife to take care of you, protect, guard, sacrifice, honor, respect you and know that they want God’s very best for you, they know you with true INTIMACY (in-to-me-you-see) and they love you unconditionally anyway warts and all, then you can give your body fully in marriage wanting to please each other, having the most mind-blowing not just sex but true love-making imaginable. (blushing here).
This is what I am praying for my children to have the solid rock foundation of what real love is to build a true marriage and family upon. We have tried to teach them the purpose of a man, a woman, love, marriage, sex, family and their own God-given purpose. My husband and I have tried to model that for them, we are not perfect but God has taught us many things through many years of marriage. When in the scriptures it says that Adam or a man “KNEW HIS WIFE” it was not just talking about having sex with her but something so much spiritually deeper. Do you get what I am saying? It is “a great mystery” as David said “the way of a man with a maiden”. Then you will also understand why satan hates everything that God has created’ the purpose for life, men, women, love, sex, children, marriage, families because they are all to give glory to God the Creator. We even get to participate with God in the creation of new life, a beautiful newborn baby. satan hates life, he hates love. Jesus said “he (satan) comes to steal kill and destroy but I am come to give you life and that more abundantly.” and that satan “is a liar and the father of lies”. Everything satan does is to destroy and to try to replace with a counterfeit.
Lastly to get back to the millionaire matchmaker and her admission of having an abortion and now regretting not having children. How many of you like me have over the years ran into women (and men too) who aborted the only child they would ever have? They bought the lie that “you can always have more children”, “this one is not at the right time and will ruin your life but you can always have more babies”. I have ran into several people with this woman’s story it is always so tragic. I know a man who shared that he helped his girlfriend obtain an abortion when he was 19 but he and his wife have been married over 25 years and were never able to have children. He knows he could have never “replaced” the child he lost to abortion with another child. he lives with that although he knows that he is forgiven through Jesus Christ.
I am praying for 2014 to be a banner year for LIFE and I continue to keep you all in my prayers for a blessed new year.