Model: I smoke and drink because I’m pregnant with a boy
by Kelli
The evening I found out the sex of the baby was when I lit up my first cigarette. I’m not proud of it – but I couldn’t stop myself. It changed everything.
Once I’d finished the cigarette I found it difficult to focus on anything positive, so I had a small glass of wine. My intention was to have one, but before I knew it I was on my second and I’d smoked a whole packet of fags. Now I’m smoking 20 a day.
I knew it could harm my child but it didn’t stop me. Deep down I know I wouldn’t be smoking or drinking if I knew I was having a girl….
If you’ve already got a couple of Fords and you’re told your next car is going to be an Audi, your excitement goes through the roof.
You make promises to yourself that you won’t smoke inside the car or let people eat takeaway food in it. But if it was another Ford those things wouldn’t be a problem.
It’s the same for me with the smoking and drinking when pregnant with a girl as opposed to a boy….
Deep down I know a lot of people are disappointed when they discover the sex of the child. The difference is I’m not scared to admit it.
~ British model Josie Cunningham, who made headlines when she claimed she would abort her child to get on the Big Brother reality TV program, discussing her behavior since learning she is pregnant with another boy (despite a psychic’s prediction that she was having a girl), as quoted by the UK Mirror, June 29
Cunningham has two other sons. The article also notes, “The baby has two possible fathers – one a casual fling, the other a stranger she slept with while working briefly as a £1,000-an-hour escort. Neither looks likely to support her or the baby,” but Cunningham believes her “maternal instincts will kick in” once her baby boy is born.
[HT: Jill; photo via entertainmentwise.com]
Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
[…] British model Josie Cunningham, announcing why a late-term abortion is necessary in order for her to be cast in the reality TV […]
What she is saying is that she is treating her health and the health of her child differently based on its sex. This woman goes through some pretty contorted thinking. She does not like the sex of her child, so she is punishing him through cigarettes and alcohol. Then, she expects her maternal instincts to kick once he is born. What if they don’t? What if her resentment builds, and she further abuses or neglects him just for being the wrong sex? How will she feel if he is born with fetal alcohol syndrome, respiratory problems, low birth weight, etc.? Poor child. Disappointment is one thing, but grow up and spare your child the threats to his health and well being.
Oh hi Mom!
Just kidding, but not really. My mom hated me from the moment she found out I was a boy. Y’all know me, I really try not to judge mothers, think they should get help, but seriously. Kids can’t help being the sex they are and shouldn’t be hated or punished for it. If she treats this kid how my mom treated me she needs him taken from her before she instills deep, intrinsic self-hatred and blame that you can’t EVER shake no matter what you do.
I wonder if she dislikes men in general. My mom hated men and my dad had serious problems, and I have always looked exactly like him, so I had no chance from the time she knew my gender. I worry for this boy. I don’t want him to have a childhood like I did or turn out like me. Mothers who don’t like their children based on intrinsic, unchangeable characteristics worry me. I think she needs counseling.
REally wish I hadn’t seen this.
And I hate how British people call cigarettes “fags”. It doesn’t mean the same here and always gives me a jolt when I see it.
I really hope someone takes care of that kid when he’s born. She might love her other sons but hate him. Does anyone know what it’s like to have your mom love all her other kids except you? Someone should intervene and make sure she’s getting counseling and help before that boy gets destroyed.
Oh and he’s not a f****ng object like a car, he’s a child and you weren’t owed a perfect precious girl, he didn’t ask to be a boy and he deserves to be cared for too even if he’s one of the dreaded males.
You aren’t owed the child you want, you are obligated to care for the child you get.
Okay I’m sorry I’ll stop spamming the thread but how can mothers (and fathers) do this? How can you treat your child, your OWN child, badly for something he can’t help? How can you hurt your kid knowingly, just because he was born wrong? It’s just nonsensical to me. I didn’t want a son at first, I was afraid I’d do terrible raising a boy, I thought I could handle a daughter. My first kid was a boy and I got over it and love him for what he is instead of hating on him because I didn’t get what I had hoped for. And he’s great. How can she deliberately abuse her unborn baby for no reason? It’s just not fair. He hasn’t even done anything wrong yet.
I’m done I promise.
This is sick. So, so heartbreaking and sick. My partner wanted a girl first too, jack. He was terrified of raising a boy but that didn’t stop us from loving him.
How could you intentionally harm a child for something they didn’t choose or do? Actually, not that i get hurting a child even for things they do do. I get that kids can be overwhelming. But this chick is a special kind of crazy if she thinks that she can just abuse this kid inutero. Ugh. And this whole pregnancy has been a publicity stunt. Maybe the kid should be taken. She already tried to kill him. Shouldn’t all this be considered attempted murder?
Her body her choice, meh. Can’t stand this.
This women and her children need prayer warriors.
Well she wanted to kill him for a TV show so whats a little abuse in the womb? Seriously she needs help. She sounds self destructive and self abusive.
This is heartbreaking. Deluded Lib Pro-lifer, I am so sorry for what your mother did to you. There are many reasons a woman can’t bond with their child, but none mitigate the pain of rejection by the one who should love you most. Our culture decided before Roe that children were objects and only had value if they met our demands. All children have value, just because they are. All children deserve love and protection, just because they are. This woman’s other boys are feeling the hate directed at their brother – how can they escape the idea they aren’t good enough either? I pray this woman will get therapy before she causes more harm.
If I had not spent 1/2 of my nursing career as a public health nurse, I would not have believed this. Part of my job was to instruct incarcerated pregnant women on prenatal care and believe me there are women in this world that know absolutely NOTHING about caring for a child before birth!!!
Janet ive been a nurse since 88. Im not an OB nurse but having 4 kids of my own I know the basics on pre natal care. Ive also met women who have drank done drugs and were indeed hooking pregnant. I knew one girl who had lost 3 kids to the state. She had also had by her own admission “Ive had at least 8 abortions.” She became pregnant again at age 38, She had gotten married to an abusive drug addict. She was drinking a beer and said she was going to abort again. She had the baby and she was healthy! Anyway she was an addict and used through pregnancy. Last Id heard…and gosh this was 6 years ago…her little girl had been taken but her incarcerated husbands sister took custody.
I smoke and drink because its a boy….no you smoke and drink because youre probably an addict.
The Ford / Audi comment was truly weird. Is that why we get pregnant and look forward to the birth of a child–to experience something new and different? I have a good idea, dummy: how about you treasure the unique human being this child is and will be?
Why do Brits call ciggs fags? I knew they did but never ??? it.
Indeed, it is true. Some women are psychopaths.
“heather, says:
July 1, 2014 at 9:18 am
Why do Brits call ciggs fags? I knew they did but never ??? it.”
Off topic:
My husband is American, imagine his horror when he came to the UK for work the first time and his British colleagues invited him to go for “a fag” :D :D :D
Janet, don’t you know it’s just “goo” in there? There’s no need to care for a blob.
My mom hated men and my dad had serious problems,
I feel your pain, Deluded. Sounds like my family. I told you that my mother was/is seriously mentally ill. Like me she had bipolar disorder, but unlike me, she refused to take any medication and took us all through hell. She’s calmed down a bit in her old age, but she still is difficult to be around. Deluded, I guess we “should” have been aborted.
This woman has some serious issues. I wonder if she has a psychiatric disorder? She is such a fame wh*re and that sickens me. This is one person who needs their tubes tied! As for slang for ciggies — Brits also call getting a job “getting laid!”
This is a bit off-topic, but here is a piece I wrote about my battles with bipolar. I HATE when the media acts like its trendy and hip to have this disease. because it’s no fun.
http://voices.yahoo.com/five-things-know-mental-illness-an-12704292.html?cat=72
Vita lol.
heather, I’ve heard two explanations. The first (and I think more likely) is that it comes from the (obviously now out-of-use) expression “fag end,” which meant sort of the last, relatively useless remnant of something, and which originated as a term used to describe the frayed last bit of a piece of rope, ie in sailing, when knot-tying. A cigarette has, and eventually becomes, a useless remnant end piece, etc. The second explanation, potentially more of a stretch, is that a fagot was once a term used to describe a bundle of sticks, which might for example be set on fire and used as kindling.
I think that there needs to be room for women to discuss gender disappointment – it’s more common than many people think – but that it is important that any discussion of it be geared towards reconciliation with the plausible reality that the mother will love her child equally as much no matter what his gender is. That is, after all, almost always how it ends up. When this does not appear to be the case – as with this woman – when it seems that she is not moving past the sometimes overwhelming or disappointing moment of gender reveal, there should be further counseling or therapy. She is not the only woman to feel disappointment or mixed feelings on learning the gender of her child, but that does not give her the right to endanger the health of that child, and it certainly doesn’t make her somehow edgy or unique, as her tone sort of suggests. My mother had a then-newly-available gender-revealing ultrasound for her third child, and upon learning that it was a third girl, she burst into tears! Not because she hated girls but just because she knew that a door was shutting, that she was unlikely to have more children and that there was a certain finality in having yet another girl, no boys at all. But even before that, with the first pregnancy, she spoke to both a little boy and a little girl, addressing them by the names she’d chosen for each of them – and when my older sister was born, she was so ecstatic, but she was also a little bit sad to have “lost” the boy she had allowed herself to dream of. She loved all of us very much but she was also honest with us, when we were old enough to understand, about the bittersweet nature of the whole experience in its hardest moments. She wanted us to never feel alone if we felt similar feelings or worries or anxieties – she wanted us to see that even she, who had loved us all more than seems possible, had sometimes felt sad at times too. It’s not something that we need to be ashamed to allow women to discuss, but there is no reason to go drinking and smoking just because the baby’s not the gender you wanted, and it needs to be communicated that these are two different things – allowing a space for women to discuss and acknowledge their complex feelings, and accepting or condoning actions that are negligent with the health of their children.
phillymiss, thank you for sharing your experiences! I get very irritated when some mental or physical or emotional condition somehow becomes a buzzword and from there becomes almost trendy. I think it’s quite disrespectful to people who may be legitimately struggling.
phillymiss thank you for sharing your article. It was very good and quite informative. God bless you for being so transparent and giving your personal testimonial and also recommendations to help others dealing with mental illness. You are indeed a fighter. Your story reminded me of the mother of Dr. Ben Carson who battled mental illness while raising her sons in the inner city of Detroit and overcame great difficulties to raise two wonderful sons. Dr. Carson’s biography “Gifted Hands” and the movie are truly inspirational.
I don’t think anyone was saying that women (or men) can’t discuss being disappointed in gender. It’s ridiculously common for people to talk about how sad they were when they are having yet another girl or boy (you might not notice, I do because I find it rather triggering). But this isn’t that. This is someone who abusing their kid already and comparing him to getting a lesser object than she wanted. Serious problems.
I think they should take the kid when he’s born. He’s at risk for being beaten if she’s already deciding to hurt him now, when he’s done nothing wrong. What about if he gets colic or something?
I’m really hoping that she’s just saying this to get attention again, and that she really doesn’t do this. Much like how she was planning to have an abortion.
Also, what happened to the like button?
I am glad you liked the article. I really hope people will realize that is not something to be ashamed of, its just like diabetes, an illness that has to be managed. As you can see I’m not a psycho killer or anything like that!
Somehow the “like” button on comments got deactivated.
I’ve reactivated it. No idea how that happened. Sorry about that!
Carry on!
Can’t we have like early interventions for women (and men) like this? I mean, like if a woman is admitting she’s already resenting her kid when he’s just a little fetus who isn’t doing any harm, and she’s actively doing things to damage him and doesn’t care because he’s a boy or she’s a girl, like can’t we like court order counseling or alcohol treatment or something? Otherwise people have their babies and continue hating them and beat them or allow them to be abused by other people. I don’t understand how it’s acceptable for her or any woman or man to proudly talk about how they are actively trying to damage their child and people see that and can’t even do anything?
“I’ve reactivated it.”
Thanks! Honestly, my day is not complete if I haven’t liked a few comments here.
“heather, I’ve heard two explanations. The first (and I think more likely) is that it comes from the (obviously now out-of-use) expression “fag end,” which meant sort of the last, relatively useless remnant of something, and which originated as a term used to describe the frayed last bit of a piece of rope, ie in sailing, when knot-tying. A cigarette has, and eventually becomes, a useless remnant end piece, etc. The second explanation, potentially more of a stretch, is that a fagot was once a term used to describe a bundle of sticks, which might for example be set on fire and used as kindling.”
Considering if that’s the etymology and how it’s evolved to be used as a slur in the US now… that’s pretty terrible. Either useless remnants or something that needs to be tied up and set on fire! I mean, come on.
This is one reason why it might be better not to learn the sex of your child before birth.
I don’t know, I think better to learn the gender and getting any disappointment out of the way at 20 weeks and having time to get used to the idea… assuming you are a normal, functional human being, which this woman and some of your mothers are not.
I have honestly never had a desire for a particular gender over another, at least not strongly. But then I haven’t had all boys or all girls (I have 1 girl and 2 boys and I’m pregnant with my fourth, don’t know gender yet). I CAN see how this type of reaction (or sex-selective abortion) can lead medical practices to have policies against revealing the gender, and I wouldn’t have a big problem with that. I would kind of like to try being surprised sometime. My husband prefers to find out; he thinks it helps with bonding to have a name and gender… this time I want to find out because my daughter so wants a sister and will be very disappointed to have a third brother. And I’d rather have that out of the way sooner so that if he’s a boy, when he comes, she can focus on meeting the cute baby without trying to process her disappointment at the same time. She has plenty of time to mature before having kids of her own, though.
As far as I’m concerned, there are two different delightful possibilities and I’m excited to find out which one I’m getting, and to find out more about him or her (because oddly enough, not everything about two children of the same gender, even with the same genetic parents, is cloned).
Wait, wait – she would have been so careful and treated with kid gloves the precious girl she was going to kill? Give me a break. This woman is sick.
Phillymiss…LOL seriously? Then I guess that’s what Im looking for because I need a new job. Also Im glad youre on the blog more often. I always enjoy your comments!
And there goes the like button again…
A whole day later and I’m still really upset about this. I wish there was something that could be done.
Like button is off
Dear God, the “brave new world” predicted by Aldous Huxley has arrived.
Has anybody in the media called her on her blatant discrimination against her own child???
Definitely reason to reconsider learning the sex of one’s nascent child.
Deluded, my mother hated me because I was a girl. Except for that, I totally identified with your post. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I know the pain. What has helped me the most is the relationship I have with the Lord.