New Stanek poll: Do you know someone who has had an abortion?
I saw a poll question at Abortioneers I thought was a good one:
Do you know someone who has had an abortion?
Vote on the lower right side of the home page.
Sadly, the response there was 100% for “Yes,” albeit only 16 votes. I still thought this was telling. How many people support abortion simply because they know someone – or have been someone- who got one? Although I suppose just as many could be pro-life for that reason.
So we know now Mitt Romney chose Paul Ryan as his running mate. But only 11.4% of you got the right answer! And somehow I think Kelly Ayotte fans skewed the poll a tad…
As always, make comments to either the previous or current poll here, not on the Vizu website.
Aug.12, 2012 3:58 pm |
Polls |
Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
Like, personally, and not just online?
If so, I don’t know anyone who’s had an abortion (as far as I know).
If not, then I know the only one who gives me hope about this sort of thing that is a mod right here at this website.
I know at least 4 women who have had abortions. Only one of them currently expresses regret; the others are still in the angry/defiant/justifying stage. There are others I know whose behavior makes me wonder, and pray for them.
I wonder what the point of the abortioneers poll is? Knowing someone who has had an abortion does not make abortion normal, right, or okay.
Personally I know and have met in person so many women and men who are post-abortive I couldn’t give you an accurate count, it’s easily 100+ And that’s not including those I’ve met on-line. The youngest was a teen and the oldest is in her early sixties.
Many years ago a young lady stayed in the apartment my husband and I shared. However, I was not there during this time period. She was a heterosexual woman and she had an abortion while there. My ex-husband told me she said it was her 4th abortion. He also said she was quite sick for 3 days because of the abortion.
I know another woman who told me she had 1 abortion many years ago. She also said, “i don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
I don’t know that many post-abortive women partly because I don’t have a whole lot of friends due to my psychiatric disability. Isolation during my teen years coupled with the extreme mental handicap left me with many problems that make relationships of all sorts difficult. Of the friends I do have, most of them are men which pretty rules out having had an abortion. One gay men told me that he had had sex with women and once impregnated. She aborted, apparently with his approval. I’ve talked about the other man who is unlikely to impregnate but seemed strangely certain that if he had impregnated the woman would have aborted because, in his words, “I would have made her life so miserable she would have had to abort just to get some peace.”
I myself have never been pregnant and never had an abortion. The fear of abortion and of pregnancy more generally played a major part in my developing a psychiatric disorder. Indeed, when people asked, “Is she all right?” and pointed to their heads, my mother would said, “If she was more like other girls she might get a boyfriend and get pregnant.”
My mother has had 3 children, all by Caesarian section. She was once terrified that she was pregnant but turned out to be wrong — it was gas pains. She was also treated for an ectopic pregnancy in the fallopian tubes but I don’t believe it is correct to call the termination of a pregnancy that is IMPOSSIBLE to carry to term an “abortion.”
Yes, I personally (in life not just online) know 4. One of my friends has had 2 abortions. There are several more I suspect though they never told me that they did.
A coworker of mine told me she “terminated her pregnancy” at 22 weeks due to “trisomy”
translation: aborted her 22 week old unborn baby because she had Down Syndrome.
Now that I think on it, one of the other friends has probably had 2 also. She never admitted to more than one but things she has said made it sound like abortionS not just an abortion. She is the one who told me my first son was not human while I carried him because he was unplanned.
The other friend was raped and aborted. She suffers major rage issues, eating disorders, fertility issues etc…
Another friend became an alcoholic after her abortion.
All of them still claim to be pro-choice though one is becoming increasingly pro-life even talking other women out of aborting and helping to support our local CPC. When I talk with her she sounds pro-life.
As I’ve indicated above, one reason I know few people who aborted is that most of my friends are men. By definition, they can’t get pregnant and, thus, can’t have abortions.
I have always been more comfortable around men than women largely because women are more likely to remind me of my mother: bitching, scolding, and nagging.
Men are not free of these faults by any means! One of my men friends used to carp at me repeatedly about my not wearing a bra and tell me I look “terrible” without one. I finally had to tell him that I’m not going to wear a bra except on special occasions, it is non-negotiable, so he might as well can it. He has quit nagging although if we go out together (no, not a “date”) I will put on a bra.
However, men as a sex are somewhat less likely to get me upset by echoing the bitch-nag-grip-scold.
People often find it puzzling that since I tend to like men’s company more than women’s, I’m not a lot harsher on women regarding problem pregnancies and other female-specific problems. They think I should be the first to say “let ’em kill themselves” or “let ’em die in back alleys.” However, I think that much of women’s worst faults comes from feelings of powerlessness, sexual exploitation, and sexual frustration. The everyday gritch-gritch-gritch to which so many (but by no means all!) women are prone comes from a kind of hopeless-helpless sense.
That’s why I don’t have much enthusiasm on more costs and risks associated with being a woman than are already with us.
Women I’ve met who are actively pro-life refer to their unborn children using phrases like, “I have two here and one in heaven,” “I have one adult child, one in heaven due to miscarriage and one in heaven from abortion.”
But my friends who are pro-choice that have shared the experience with me do NOT speak in such accepting terms. Their actions range from shaking and being unable to speak, shaking and unable to drive properly, mournful and now sterile after complications, and shrill and angry. I have not met a single pro-choice woman who can speak of her experience with the same calm, matter-of-fact-ness that I find among women who have decided to fight to end abortion. I don’t think a person has to be religious to have healed (though it seems to help some women), but that seems to be the myth among the pro-choice crowd. As we see here in comments, they imagine that for a woman to feel remorse, she must be guilted into it by social pressure. I don’t think so, I think it’s very natural to miss your children.
I know at least 4 women who have had abortions, including my own mother. I was almost one as well, as my parents were no longer together when my mom found herself pregnant with me. My father owned up and married my mom. My mother had the abortion before 2 years before my birth (not my father’s baby) and was pressured by a Christian parent to have it (who are note pro–life). With as many abortions that have occurred since 1973, most people probably know at least one woman who has had one even if they don’t know it.
Having lived in London on and off for 10 years I think most of the women I know have had abortions.
My best friend (who’s had 2) actually started me getting actively involved in the pro life movement. I never liked abortion, I always knew it wasn’t good. I was discussing the pros and cons with my friend as she planned her second abortion (or “termination” as she liked to call it-) She said to me that it wasn’t killing because there wasn’t a heartbeat (she was 10 weeks pregnant).
I assumed this was true and thought, “fair enough”. Weeks later I found out that a 10 week old foetus does have a heartbeat. When she repeated the claim , during one of her many “I have nothing to feel guilty about” monologues she used to start out of the blue I told her she was wrong about the heartbeat thing. She argued black and blue with me, there was no way she was accepting the fact. I wasn’t even saying the foetus WAS a person, I was just saying the foetus had a heartbeat.
Anyway, that’s when I realised that the whole abortion industry is, at best, keeping the facts hidden, at worst lying to women. Thats when I realised people will believe ANYTHING in order to justify to themselves their actions.
I don’t know where she got her information from, but this woman, a university graduate, a television executive was telling me in no uncertain terms that my a 10 week old foetus does not have a heartbeat, and no amount of scientific proof was going to change her mind.
Long story…lol..yeah I know loads of women who have had abortions.
I’m not in the circles of people who openly admit to abortion, and being a man it’s even less likely that women would tell me. But even so I know two definites and several probables.
I also once worked with a woman who had formerly worked at an abortion clinic. She thought it was wonderful that she had “helped” so many women have abortions, although she was mentally unstable and always seemed to have huge problems in her life because of her inability to make beneficial life-choices.
I can count myself then? :)
Like Chris I know hundreds. I meet more everyday who are years into abortion recovery or looking for healing.
Thanks for your witness, Carla.
I know at least 3 women who express regret over their abortions. At least 1 who doesn’t. Interestingly, all 3 of the regretful women have come to me with this information without seeming concerned about my response, even knowing how vehemently anti-abortion I am. It’s reassuring.
I hope that we can all treat post-abortive women, both those who have expressed regret and those who have not, with love and sympathy; I believe that the only way to win the fight is to win hearts and hearts are won with love & truth, not hate.
Before coming out and speaking about my own abortion I can tell you I knew of at least 10 friends and family members. One had 3 abortions and a few had 2. Since coming out in 1996 and speaking and starting Silent No More Minnesota I know of hundreds. Because of this, For me, at times, it feels like if you have not had an abortion you are not of the norm.
My extended family has a pretty giant representation in premarrital pregnancies with happy outcomes. God is good even (especially?) when we are not.
What does one do when they suspect it from someone they know? Prepare, pray, and … ?
I do know someone, it was 30+ years ago.
I don’t know anyone. But some very insightful comments non-the-less.
With 54 million abortions, everyone knows someone..they just may not know they know….
I know someone but they themselves did not tell me. I have 4+ friends, non christians, who choose life for their (sometimes multiple) unplanned pregnancies (with no husband)… Pretty wonderful to me!!! Met some others during pro life work.
Two close friends, two “I know of it”s, numerous speculated… One of those close friends was aided personally by me in high school to have that abortion, something that I struggle with and contributed greatly to my change in stance. After seeing how it hurt her and my realization that what I knew to be true scientifically didn’t jive with my support of abortion, I changed. I know we were just scared high school girls, but…I helped kill my beautiful friend’s child and that will stick with me forever. It sticks with her too.
My other close friend had it before I met her, and it never comes up. I think it’s still too painful for her, and the whole situation surrounding it was a mess. The father was a scumbag, but knowing how wonderful my friend is, that child would have been such a sweet person… I love my friend, can’t agree with her decision, but will love her when she is able to talk about how much it hurt her.
Then there are the ones that I just know of what happened… And how nonchalant they were about it. Ugh.
Yes, I know women who have had abortions and in most cases can tell you that it had a traumatic impact on their life. Some are still not healed. Because I am a pro life trainer many people tell me their abortion secret. They were sold a lie and some bought that lie.
I also know at least hundreds. A quarter of the women who come to our centers have had at least one abortion. The most I have known one woman to have is nine. At times, over a third of my volunteer staff have been recovered post-abortive women.
And, oh, the stories I can tell. The suicides and suicide attempts, mental health issues, drug and alcohol abuse, addictions, self-harming behaviours, broken relationships, replacement pregnancies, nightmares, and lots and lots of pregnancy complications the next time around.
The clients that stick in my head include the woman who aborted her first baby, suffered a stillborn premmie in her next pregnancy, then a premmie who lived for six months in nicu before she passed, and then another miscarriage. She asked me if God was punishing her. A current client has had two abortions in the past year, and was scheduled for a third until she met us- same boyfriend for all three babies, and this time she’s wised up and is keeping the baby and aborting the relationship instead. There’s the beautiful athlete who after her abortion, ran from her family, nearly died of anorexia, and then upon her recovery, got pregnant again on purpose to try to ease the pain. I still ache for the teenager who said she was taken to the clinic against her will, and despite her protests, drugged and aborted. She was pregnant again within a year, and this time, ran away from home so that she could keep the baby. Very recently, a client we had counselled chose a “safe” abortion that resulted in a complete hysterectomy and very nearly cost her life. I also counselled a couple who both wanted the baby, but neither said it out loud, both assuming the other didn’t and didn’t figure that out until the abortion was done.
Some of the saddest words I hear are “Why didn’t I know about this place last time?”
On the flipside, I also know at least two local babies who the abortionist “missed”, one in recent years, and one who is now an adult, and is a successful business owner and financial supporter of our organisation.
I also know hundreds, probably thousands, of women who triumphantly chose life for their babies, some despite being unprepared and inconvenienced, and others who seemed to have the whole world conspiring against them and yet somehow clung on to hope. I have never, ever ever received a complaint from any one of them that they made a mistake in embracing the life of their little one. For many of our mothers, their babies saved them. As mothers, they started making better choices for themselves and their child; they had something (someone) to fight for, and so with a child, her life, and her outlook on it, vastly improved.
As for the clients who choose abortion- I never consider that we’ve heard the last from them, as long as they are still alive. Average onset of post-abortion trauma is 5-7 years, but even then, many women are in denial about what’s going on. I’m currently counselling a woman in her late sixties who had two abortions nearly fifty years ago, and is just now starting to see the devastation they have wreaked through her life. When for each woman and man, the penny finally drops, we’ll be here, with compassion, healing and the path to forgiveness and peace.
Whoa, on thinking on this, I in fact know 5 who have had abortions. I forgot one lady I became friends with recently had an abortion and now speaks out about it. If I count Carla who is my friend but whom I’ve never met in the flesh, that would be 6. What a sobering thought. These ladies are everywhere. Hurting. Ashamed. Thank God for my friends like Carla who speak out and offer hope to their post-abortive sisters.
Ann Marie, I think you are right. That if you haven’t had an abortion you are in the minority…at least it seems like that. I remember when pregnant and meeting with my ob/gyn the nurse was asking me about my reproductive history including miscarriages and abortions etc… When she asked me how many previous pregnancies I had had and how many living children I had she seemed surprised I hadn’t had a miscarriage or an abortion. She prodded me to make sure I was being honest about the abortion question. I assured her I was being honest and she nodded and went on with her questions but I found that experience stuck with me. I wonder how many women cover up a previous abortion from their doctor when pregnant later with a “wanted” child?
I know quite a few women who have had an abortion and know at least a couple men who’s children were aborted (with their knowledge and consent). A couple of the women I know who’ve aborted remain hurting and conflicted regarding their abortions. One, who’s had more than one, speaks of it as part of herself having died. Another speaks with generalized regret. Several have severe health issues that are some of the health issues we hear about as being fall-out from abortions. Probably half of the women I know who have aborted children have found significant healing and I know them for their work trying to flag other women away from the path they had to journey.
Statistics on abortion being what they are, coupled with the passions and apathies held by many other friends (both pro-life and pro-choice), I am quite certain that there are other abortions in the lives of friends and family that surround me… they either just haven’t shared with others or confidentally with me.
Its been said that abortion has touched every family in the country, and its true.
To my knowledge, I don’t know personally anyone who has had an abortion.
I have met many women who have, online and otherwise, I’ve heard them give talks and presentations and I sometimes was able to talk to them afterwards, but I will not claim that I know them.
I’d say the other commenters here are the ones I know best in this regard.
Yes..I know someone who had an abortion. Someone who was AGAINST it, someone who had choices, someone who “knew better”, and did it anyway.
Today she struggles with anxiety, depression, and a drinking problem. I have tried to get her to get help for her problems, but she’s very “passive” about it, meaning she has discussed her problems with her doctor AND me, but she won’t actively participate in her recovery, because she thinks she “deserves” her situation because of “what she’s done”. I’m continuing to pray for her.
I lost two nieces and/or nephews to abortion.
I also personally know 3 others that chose abortion. One is extremely depressed and hates herself. One is rabidly pro-“choice”…& alone. The third is a recovering alcoholic.
Pamela- try telling your friend you forgive her and love her. Its what my sister needed to hear. Not b/c it was me that was withholding forgiveness, she just needed to hear the words from someone that cared.
Most of the women that I have known have had at least one, except my ex wife and her mother, and two of my sisters. I think its depressing. :/
kellog,
It was my NIECE who had an abortion. I’ve told her I love her and forgive her from the moment I found out she had the abortion. I have always loved her as if she were my own daughter…and she knows it. It’s HERSELF that is not forgiving.
I’ve also had to forgive my sister (her mother) for pressuring her into the abortion, then taking her, and paying for it. She told my niece to lie to me and tell me she had a miscarriage, but I already knew the truth, because my niece had told me ahead of time what she was going to do. I tried my BEST to talk her out of it, but she just would NOT listen. Now she wishes she had.
My heart breaks for your niece Pamela.
You know where to find me.
I know quite a few people, myself included. So many women will help a friend procure an abortion, not because she truly cares about her friend but because she herself needs the company in her misery. I lied to myself for 10 years before I was finally able to realize what was making me miserable. Once I came to grips with it and did what I had to do to work on healing myself, I’ve been able to see where it damn near destroyed me. I’m very prolife now, work with post-abortive support and give my testimony often to women’s groups.
I still hesitate when I’m talking to people about my own experiences (yes, I’ve had two abortions). I hesitate only because there are times where I can recognize that I’m not emotionally nor mentally equipped to deal with possible hatred and vitriol that can suddenly come from someone’s mouth if I tell them I’m post-abortive. (call it having a bad day that I don’t want make it explode, kwim?) But for the most part, I can handle it and will speak the truth. People need to hear the truth.
Yes I have known many women who have had an abortion. From reading the comments it also seems like 90 percent of your blog readers have also know someone who has had an abortion. Doesn’t that maybe indicate to all of you that, oh I don’t know, abortion is a preferred choice for many women?? 90 percent of you know someone who has had an abortion. It is laughable to think that making abortion illegal would end abortion. It would make it unsafe for all the women you know who has had one. Stop living in this fantasy world people. Abortion is a GOOD thing for those who don’t want to give birth/raise a child, and it is NEVER going away. It is one issue where the politics don’t matter. You can fight to outlaw it, and it will still happen, you will only succeed in endangering women who will have to find illegal ways to end a pregnancy.
http://www.abort73.com/end_abortion/what_about_illegal_abortions/
^
*the more barriers that are placed legally and logistically between women and abortion, the less likely they are to abort rather than engage in any self-injurious/homicidal behavior.
*The original numbers Pre-Roe regarding illegal abortion deaths were outright fabrications and not even close to the number of actual women harmed by abortion.
*The numbers of women killed/harmed by LEGAL abortion are grossly under-reported in our Post-Roe society (some states don’t report ANY abortion data AT ALL. See: California). Legalizing abortion has done nothing but increase the rate of abortion. The increased rate of abortion has actually put more women in harms way, maiming and killing more women than ever, even in the days of illegal abortion.
Numbers aside, can you at least concede that at least ONE woman would be at risk seeking an illegal abortion if abortion was made illegal? And if that is the case, do you maybe think, with your shortsighted vision of the world, that a woman’s life is worth more than the potential life she aborts in a back alley? Can you grasp this? is this too hard for you?
Also, your links are a joke. Shall i link to websites espousing the dangers of illegal abortions and the risk to women? I can if you want…i just looked them up. Common sense though reveals that medical procedures that women will seek out (whether legal or illegal), will be safer if done under controlled circumstances. What that means X, and let me spell it out for you, is that if abortion remains legal, women will be safer. Hard to comprehend i am sure so please take your time to digest this information.
Steve: Murders SHOULD be done in back alleys. People willing to kill other humans should be ashamed enough to do it secretly, out of sight. They shouldn’t want anyone knowing. That’s normal for murder. We want murder to be normal — something that people don’t do proudly, and advocate publicly.
Do you understand what I’m saying at all, just there?