Pro-life vid of day: Student says abstinence speaker “slut shamed”
by Hans Johnson
Pam Stenzel is a much-sought-after abstinence motivational speaker who was conceived in rape and placed for adoption by her fifteen-year-old mother. In an interview with LifeSiteNews she said:
Having worked in pregnancy centers for nine years, girls would tell me, “Nobody told me this! I didn’t know! If I had known that infertility was a risk - that chlamydia could cause pelvic inflammatory disease, which can make me infertile - if I would have known that out of the 30 major STDs we’re dealing with, 26 of them primarily damage women…”
What does that mean? It means the boy has very little to lose, and she has everything to lose.
Because of her tough, frank “scared straight” style of speaking, controversy and headlines follow her everywhere. Most notably last April following talks at Riverside and George Washington High Schools in Charleston, West Virginia. (You can hear the audio here.) There were no complaints at the first school, but at the second there were complaints from one parent and several students. (This is the beginning of a typical abstinence speech.)
The most outspoken student, Katelyn Campbell, who did not attend the talk, said: “Really what I would call what it was is slut-shaming…. She picked on girls who were sexually active. I know there were several girls who left the assembly crying because their feelings were so hurt.” Campbell filed an injunction against her principal, which was denied. She discussed the situation on ABC’s 20/20:
Email dailvid@jillstanek.com with your video suggestions.
[HT: TheBlaze]
Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
Sweet, darling, teenage girls: slut shaming is going on every day and it’s not the seminar or speech you should be concerned with. When I was your age (uphill, in the snow), boys didn’t have handy cell phones to text comments, lies, truths, or photos. Look around you. Even in 2013, it isn’t liberating and awesome to be promiscuous. I’ll bet any amount of money that Katelyn herself has used slut-shaming words in a derogatory manner about some of her peers.
Is this girl claiming it is in the best interest for teenagers to be sexually active? If the speaker was talking about teen drug usage in the same manner, would Katelyn be all upset?
If you are sexually active as a teenager, an abstinence speaker hurting your feelings and not saying things the way you think she should say them will be the least of your problems. These girls were probably crying because what the speaker said hit a nerve. Does Katelyn believe crying to be a bad thing? Should we be tough like guys are brought up to be and hold our emotions in?
Ask a few older happily married women who you believe will be honest with you. Ask them if they regret being sexually active before marriage. Ask them if it was in their best interest and in the best interest of their sexual partners and their futures.
Killing the messenger never solves the problem and sometimes the truth hurts.
I notice 20/20 took a lot of Stenzel’s comments out of context. I have never heard of her before, and yes, she sounds somewhat abrasive and “hard truth” from her recording at GW High School, but 20/20 asks for opinions at the end, when they did not actually share the speaker’s comments in context.
I didn’t hear any “slut shaming” going on in her talk, really. I heard her say that women bear the majority of the complications from premarital or promiscuous sex, and she’s right. She said it in a much more in-your-face way than I would have, but what she said was true.
And she was just as hard on the boys.
“I didn’t attend her talk but I am offended by her existence so I am suing her for existing.”
I have little respect for that kind of tone and I don’t think it’s particularly effective. I’d have to see the entire talk though to know what it was all about.
Awww, did she burst your little delusion about “safe” sex. Girls do bear the brunt of the consequences of sex. Teenagers should not be having sex, and if they do have sex, they should have to understand the reality of their choices. The “don’t you dare tell anyone you’re a virgin [if you’ve had oral sex]” line is right. You could be carrying and transmitting STD’s. You have no right to withhold that information from a partner. That’s not shaming, that’s maturity that’s clearly far beyond this girl. The truth offends her? Too bad, put on your big girl pants if you want to talk about big girl decisions.
Pam is used to it. Sorry to say.
GOD BLESS YOU FOR SPEAKING TRUTH!! YOU GO GIRL!!
I pray that she has helped young women and men stay abstinent and completely AVOID pregnancy, abortion and STD’s.
Katelyn did not attend the talk but filed an injunction?
HILARIOUS!!
I found her talks on youtube, she isn’t so bad. She’s actually pretty funny. It seems she’s been taken a bit out of context. I do think the “don’t you dare say you’re a virgin” could have been stated better. People usually use “virgin” colloquially as a term for someone who has never had vaginal intercourse, so it’s kinda hurtful to people who probably thought they were virgins and “pure” or whatever. She could have stated it better, blunt isn’t always best for things like this. And I always worry because a lot of promiscuous people who abused as children, already have enough shame surrounding sex, might not need the “tough love” approach so much, it seems like most abstinence speakers like that approach and I wonder if it’s hurting more than helping.
Jack,
Pam has her own style!! :) And she is very effective.
And she is constantly traveling to speaking engagements. Why? Teenagers long for truth. They long for someone to tell it like it is.
For those that have been sexually abused it is beyond their control. They can choose to abstain no matter what has happened in the past.
Facebook “Friends of Katelyn Campbell” also likes “Equality for Women” which says, “Celebrate Roe v. Wade: Trusting Women for 40 Years.” Imagine that.
Katelyn doesn’t trust women who are abstinence speakers? How very sexist, hypocritical and intolerant of her.
The full audio is linked in the story, Jack.
This is relativism, actively destroying our children.
The teenager is saying, “I want to be sexually active. And I want you to affirm me in my choice. Tell me that it is good for me to behave this way.”
Of course, Planned Parenthood is right there to affirm the promiscuity. They get paid for it! Teen sex is their bread and butter.
But parents continue to say what we have always said: “Just Say No! This behavior may seem attractive, but it is every bit as dangerous and deadly as drugs and alcohol and tobacco and bullying — and here’s why!”
We really need our schools to remember that schools exist to help us parents to raise our kids. We need abstinence speakers who reinforce what we know to be best for our kids.
We do not pay the school teachers and nurses and speakers to contradict us. That’s why we fear Obama’s centralized federal school mandates so much.
Pam Stenzel is pretty good, I like Jason and Crystalina Evert better. I haven’t heard Pam Stenzel talk in years, so I can’t really give a proper opinion. However, I do know Jason and Crystalina’s approach, and have read some of their work. They are really awesome speakers. Also Christopher West is fantastic, but he doesn’t generally speak to groups younger than college age. The Everts do go to high schools.
There is a term describing the behavior of people who actually use the phrase ‘slut-shaming.’ It’s called ‘projecting.’
Nevertheless, why is shame a negative thing?
“And she is constantly traveling to speaking engagements. Why? Teenagers long for truth. They long for someone to tell it like it is. ”
Eh, whenever I watch these abstinence programs I feel like somethings missing. It seems they focus on the “this can be bad, these are the bad things that can happen” a lot (which of course is a necessity for any sex education, people need to be aware). I can’t really put my finger on what’s missing. I don’t see a lot of coping strategies for those who are already in sexual relationships or already promiscuous. It’s hard to put the genie back in the bottle, so to speak, even if you know the risk.
Nevertheless, why is shame a negative thing?
Exactly, Katelyn seems to believe that young people should not have hurt feelings, cry, or feel shame.
“Nevertheless, why is shame a negative thing?”
Depends. Shame’s a good emotion to have sometimes, keeps you from further harming yourself and others. But it can become unhealthy, overwhelming, and counterproductive.
It’s hard to put the genie back in the bottle, so to speak, even if you know the risk.
Yes, it might be hard, but you know, sometimes the most difficult things are the most worthwhile and important. Just because it’s difficult doesn’t mean it can’t be done.
“Yes, it might be hard, but you know, sometimes the most difficult things are the most worthwhile and important. Just because it’s difficult doesn’t mean it can’t be done.”
That wasn’t what I was saying, some difficult things are definitely worth doing. I just don’t see the assistance for those in this situation to get out of it. Being warned of bad consequences will probably work on a lot of “true” virgins, but the people already in relationships or sleeping around? I don’t see the message of hope, just a lot of shame (not saying shame is entirely bad, but it can have the effect of “well I suck anyway, let’s go for it” sometimes). Like I said, I’m having trouble putting my finger on what I think is missing, something to do with reaching kids who are already up to unhealthy stuff. I would have completely ignored this lady at that age.
But for a lot of kids I bet she does some good.
I think I get what bothers me, I think it really comes across that you’re irreparably damaged if you made a mistake and had sex young, especially if you got an STD or something like that. I’m not sure how anyone would go about fixing that message though. How can you explain the long-reaching consequences of promiscuity and STDs and such without making those that screwed up feel hopeless? It’s a conundrum.
I listened to her whole talk, and for me, it addressed sexually active kids this way: Get tested, whether you think you might be infected with an STD or not. Hopefully, it can be treated.
And then, cease sexual activity to protect yourself and your future spouse.
Yes, it’s easy to say “cease sexual activity”, but how? I know that you didn’t get involved in sex before you were married, which is awesome and laudable, but some people were never pure and really had no knowledge of how NOT to be involved in sex. That’s what I am saying is lacking. It’s easy to say “just say no” for stuff like sex, drugs, and drinking, and it might work on a lot of people who have never partaken and might be able to look at the bad consequences and nope right out of there, but I’m wondering how this reaches people already involved in these situations. Saying “stop” doesn’t fix anything. I think I would like it if there was some type of “if you’re having trouble figuring out how to get out of these situations, call this number/talk to this person/etc”. Because it really isn’t that easy for everyone.
God bless Pam for spreading the message that abstinence is best. I only listened to the beginning of her talk, but I found it a little disturbing that she started with the negatives of teen parenting. Pro-choicers use those same stats as a selling feature for abortion. And she went on about how the boys are stuck if the girl decides to parent the child. Quite the motivator to pressure her to have an abortion instead. I only got through 5 minutes, so maybe it gets more life-affirming later.
Mother in Texas, I totally agree with you regarding Jason and Crystalina Evert. They are awesome! Crystalina had very promiscuous teen years and I love that they are up front about it. IMO, a sexually active teen that attended one of their talks would come away motivated to choose abstinence. They probably would have some regrets too, but that comes with making poor choices. In fact, the last time I saw Jason Evert speak, there was a teen in the audience that had her baby with her. If you click on the “Public High School talk” link near the bottom of this page, you can hear Jason’s talk.
http://www.chastity.org/node/442
Because it really isn’t that easy for everyone.
It wasn’t easy for me, either. Things like using common sense – deciding not to be alone with the object of your affection, dating in groups, etc… these things can be helpful. By the way, in the interest of full disclosure, I made my share of mistakes. Not the biggest of mistakes, but big enough. Enough to regret it.
Our culture is saturated with sex, and that makes it all the more difficult.
It’s easy to say “just say no” for stuff like sex, drugs, and drinking, and it might work on a lot of people who have never partaken and might be able to look at the bad consequences and nope right out of there, but I’m wondering how this reaches people already involved in these situations. Saying “stop” doesn’t fix anything.
First, who said it was “easy” to say no to drugs and alcohol, when our culture is saturated with these things, as well? The key is WHO you hang with.
Surrounding oneself with a supportive community is extremely important. But first, one would have to DECIDE that one is going to abstain. Just like alcoholics make the decision to be held accountable through AA sponsorship and by telling friends, “I’ve made this decision, and I need your help. If you think I’m putting myself in a situation where I might drink or do drugs, please intervene.”
So, the question is, WHY don’t we do this with sex? It was done once upon a time, with chaperones and such. And while that may not be practical today, I do know groups of young people who hold each other accountable in the area of sexual purity.
“It wasn’t easy for me, either. Things like using common sense – deciding not to be alone with the object of your affection, dating in groups, etc… these things can be helpful. By the way, in the interest of full disclosure, I made my share of mistakes. Not the biggest of mistakes, but big enough. Enough to regret it.”
Well yeah I know that now, that those things are common sense, I just don’t understand where you all learned that at a young age. Did your mom tell you that or someone at church, or what? Do most people understand these things intrinsically or something? (I might sound sarcastic but I’m not being so, I’m genuinely wondering how people learned these things. The only reason I figured it out because my in-laws were insistent when my ex and I got together when we were eighteen, I didn’t have a clue before that).
“Surrounding oneself with a supportive community is extremely important. But first, one would have to DECIDE that one is going to abstain. Just like alcoholics make the decision to be held accountable through AA sponsorship and by telling friends, “I’ve made this decision, and I need your help. If you think I’m putting myself in a situation where I might drink or do drugs, please intervene.” ”
Well yeah, that’s what I’m saying. I don’t see any of this in most abstinence speakers (I haven’t listened to the dude that Lrning linked yet, but maybe he goes over it). I understand that people want to emphasize the consequences of screwing up because our culture usually glosses over it, but I think that saying “this is bad” doesn’t explain how to avoid it. If that makes sense, I feel like I’m not explaining myself very well. I just imagine being a teenager again and listening to these people speak, when I had never been “pure’ or anything close to that, and I think I probably would have assumed it didn’t apply to me or it was impossible for me (which actually was what I assumed when people at my church would talk about abstinence, I don’t remember anyone teaching how to BE abstinent). So maybe my question is where did you (or anyone else who abstained before marriage who’s reading and wants to chime in) learn this stuff, who taught you about it and how did they teach you? And how can we get to where this stuff is taught more often.
Yes, it might be hard, but you know, sometimes the most difficult things are the most worthwhile and important. Just because it’s difficult doesn’t mean it can’t be done.
Yes, but what Jack is trying to get at is HOW does someone go about doing that when the bulk of the message currently being disseminated seems to be giving the people with their genie hanging out an “Oh well, f- it! *shrug*” attitude.
” Yes, but what Jack is trying to get at is HOW does someone go about doing that when the bulk of the message currently being disseminated seems to be giving the people with their genie hanging out an “Oh well, f- it! *shrug*” attitude. ”
Yeah, that’s it. I just don’t get how people know these things, where they are being taught HOW to be abstinent and reduce their risk of making a mistake and all. It just seems to me that these talks disseminate some valuable information (like why it’s bad to have sex and all, and what the consequences are), but you can really, really want to be be better and have no idea how to go about it. That’s what I’m trying to ask, thank you X.
Jack, I didn’t learn it. Not from my mom, not from church, no where. And I was promiscuous. So I’m teaching my boys how to be abstinent.
Jason Evert talked about the how. I first heard him when I was in my early 40’s and I learned a lot right along with my oldest son. Hmmm, now it seems like the link I included to Jason’s talk is defunct. When I posted it, it was working fine. Maybe it just isn’t working for me? He has information on the how on his site too:
http://www.chastity.org/chastity-qa/how-stay-pure/how-stay-pure
I think it’s part of my parental duty to teach my children how to be abstinent. If I only set a goal for them and don’t give them the tools to achieve it, what good is that? I think all sex education programs are doomed to fail if the lessons aren’t reinforced in the home.
Okay, here’s another way to hear Jason’s talk.
http://chastity.com/
Click on “View Resources from our Audio/Video vault” at the bottom of the page.
Click on “Chastity”
The talk is “Romance without Regret”
Thanks Lrning. I’ll look at this guy, maybe he has what I’m looking for. And I do agree it’s doomed to fail if it’s not reinforced at home (or worse, the opposite is encouraged or even forced at home).
“If I only set a goal for them and don’t give them the tools to achieve it, what good is that?”
Exactly, that was my issue I couldn’t figure out how to explain. I can give my kids all the bad stats in the world about having sex, but without teaching them how to stay out of bad situations all I’d be doing is compounding shame and sadness when they mess up. That’s another thing, the shame isn’t good if you don’t have the tools to avoid causing more of it. I was always ashamed when I was a teenager, but I didn’t have the tools to prevent the behaviors. That’s what I want to avoid for my kids.
Well yeah I know that now, that those things are common sense, I just don’t understand where you all learned that at a young age. Did your mom tell you that or someone at church, or what? Do most people understand these things intrinsically or something?
My mom is amazing, but the extent of her sex ed for me was to tell me to “be a good girl” when I went out on a date and then to give me a book about sex after I was engaged.
I grew up without a daddy, so a pastor friend took it upon himself to be sort of a mentor for me. He explained a lot of things to me about purity and about how to set boundaries. He even came to our high school and did an afternoon of speaking about sexual purity, from a solely secular standpoint.
I really wish someone had taught me about not being alone and staying in a group. Without that, it’s very difficult to maintain boundaries we’ve set for ourselves.
Another thing that kept me from going down the wrong path completely was that all my closest friends had sex and got absolutely messed up because of it. Two had abortions, one was an emotional wreck and her relationship with her bf became all about sex, and one got engaged at an early age. She took an overnight trip with her fiance, and I remember the big joke at the time was “don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” So I told her that. Her response was, “Um… I’m engaged.” In other words, she PLANNED to have sex, and did. Her engagement ended. Then she was engaged again, had sex, got dumped again. Then she was in a committed relationship where the guy “fell out of love” with her six months before he stopped using her for sex, and by that time, she had contracted HPV and had to have pre-cancerous cells removed from her cervix. She finally did marry someone, but has been unable to conceive children of her own.
So, basically, what I watched around me was sadness and emotional wreckage, and pain. I guess I just didn’t want that for myself. I had plenty of opportunities and took a lot of flack for my views in high school (I had a reputation of being a “good girl”), but things could have been a lot worse.
Thank you for sharing that Kel.
:)
Did Pam say anything untrue? Can this reporter actually …report?
How dare Pam tell the kids like it is (unlike Planned Parenthood), right?
Katelyn did not attend the talk but filed an injunction?
HILARIOUS!!
The injunction was not about the talk. It was filed to prevent the principal from carrying out a purported threat to tell the college where she had been accepted that she had a “bad character.”
Or, as you would probably say, “High school principal threatens retaliation against uppity student? Fantastic!”
Katelyn boycotted the talk after watching Stenzel’s presentations on YouTube. Sort of like how pro-lifers protest a Cecile Richards speech even though they weren’t at the speech.
Jack, there are some excellent abstinence curriculums by A & M Partnership (Abstinence and Marriage Partnership) written by Scott Phelps he is a pioneer in abstinence education. Go to his website http://www.ampartnership.org where he has 5 different curriculum workbooks 4 are secular; 2 for middle schoolers (A.C. Green’s Game Plan and Quest) and 2 are for high schoolers (Navigator and Aspire) they are well researched have whole chapters on avoiding sexual activity, dealing with peer pressure, practical real-life stories and starting over if you have already been sexually active. He gives trainings all over the country for public and private schools and usually posts his schedule for trainings on the website. For those interested his faith-based curriculum is Excel and is great for church youth groups, Sunday Schools, Bible Clubs and homeschoolers. There are lots of other good curriculums out there that can be checked out through the National Abstinence Education Asso. or Network (not sure which one it is called). None of Phelp’s curriculums do “slut-shaming btw, really positive stuff on goal-setting and following your goals and dreams with strategies for avoiding risky behaviors. Take care Jack you are on the right track for helping your kids try to avoid as much pain and negative consequences as possible.
LisaC
I didn’t read WHY she filed the injunction.
In any case……..DENIED!
Or, as you would probably say, “High school principal threatens retaliation against uppity student? Fantastic!”
Yes. I would totally, probably, most likely, pretty much say that. NOT.
You are assuming quite a bit.
Hilarious!
I didn’t read WHY she filed the injunction.
Of course not. Why should you bother to understand something before commenting on it?
Like I said
DENIED.
My friend Yuri Nesterenko is a virgin in his 40s and the founder of the Antisexual Stronghold. He does not abstain for religious reasons as he is an atheist. He believes that human beings should rise above animal passions. The only sexual activity should be that which is necessary to maintain population. As rational beings, humans should not be in the thrall of sexuality which he sees as similar to an addictive drug.
All right, Denise. You wore me down and I let that one through. It must be the holiday spirit. I guess there’s SOMEONE this might interest.
Love Pam Stenzel….telling the truth hurts. Comments taken out of context are LIES>
Better Pam than “Why didn’t my friends and family OR SOMEONE tell me?!?!? Didn’t ANYBODY CARE about me?!?!?”
”A problem well-stated is a problem half-solved.” — John Dewey