In the beginning, we cried a lot. Now, looking back, we realize what idiots we were.
Spain’s World Cup-winning coach Vicente del Bosque, remarking on the 1989 birth of 2nd son, Álvaro, who has Down’s syndrome; as quoted by livejournal.com, July 16
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Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
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Reading that made my day. Thanks. :)
You know, I really like this quote, because it acknowledges the fears and hardships that do face new parents who have a special needs child. Successful parents will look back at these challenges as a wonderful blessing, but at the time of birth (or diagnosis when it occurs in the womb) and the disability is discovered, the first reaction is not one of joy and celebration.
The slaughter of babies who are diagnosed with Down’s or other developmental disabilities are so numerous that I think we sometimes hesitate to acknowledge the fear that underlies these decisions. It’s normal to be upset, to fear the future, wonder how it will impact the rest of your lives, and it doesn’t seem to matter that parents who have done what you are faced with say it’s worth it.
To help parents who have recently discovered that their child has special needs, we should make sure to bring meals over, invite them all over for playdates (and offer free babysitting for older children while the special needs child has numerous doctor appointments) and otherwise assist with the transition so that more parents will be brave enough to work through those initial fears and be able to look back and say, “we realize what idiots we were.”
You know my cousin was born Down syndrome with 6 fingers on each hand. He’s 28 now and his life has not been easy at all. The state of mentalhealth care for kids like him is not as good as it should be.
My aunt has had to move my cousin Timmy “yes his name is Timmy and please no South Park jokes!” to 3 different care facilities because of gross neglect. One place didn’t wipe his butt for 2 weeks just changed the diaper “the rash put him in the hospital”. My friend and his wife “they introduced me to my wife” both work for government funded homes for adult mentally disabled people and the stories they tell me are horrible. His wife is a certified nurse and when she started her new job after graduation she saved an old woman’s life the first day! This old lady can’t do anything but move her eyes and she has a feeding tube, well that tube got kinked and no one cared enough to check why very little food was missing from the bag. This had been going on for a week and she was so malnourished she had to be hospitalized. It was only because my friend wife had a fresh pair of eyes that she even noticed and started investigating the problem. And yes, a couple people got fired but not for that. Almost letting the old lady die was no big deal but the graveyard shift got busted playing World of Warcraft “ALL of them” all night long and not doing rounds.
Now, I’m not saying my aunt should have aborted Timmy but having witnessed his life and how he spends it everyday, it makes me wonder if it has all been worth it to Timmy? He’s a hell of a sweet guy but he will never mature beyond a 1st grade level which means he has to be taken care of every minute of every day. No chance to really have a life of his own and that’s pretty sad. One last thing I have to say Thank You to the Shriner’s Hospital for cutting off both of his 6th digits free of charge when he was a very young boy. One of them was a perfect digit but the other was a Y shape and causing problems but they both look great now.
Biggz,
Further disrespect for the living was predicted after abortion was legalized. It is heartbreaking but not surprising.
I hope you speak up loud and clear when you know others are being mistreated because there may be a time when we can’t speak up for ourselves let alone anyone else.
I am so sorry for how Timmy has been treated! That makes me so angry and heartsick.
Timmy has much to offer the world and much to teach us about unconditional love. Wish I could meet him, Biggz!!
PS
I knew what I wanted to do with my life when I met a little boy with Down Syndrome named Adam. I was 16 and Adam pointed me in the direction of Special Education. :)
So, if the only solution is killing off people before they suffer more, what kind of society is that creating? I can’t help but notice that the call is not, “We need to be more humane, nurses and caretakers have to be more humane!” No, the call is “Kill them before the inhumane can make them suffer further!” See, this is why I could never go back to being pro-choice. It’s a brutal, sociopathic lifestyle. It’s a symptom our nation and world is suffering from an epidemic mental illness with fatal consequences.
Ninek, so true. Great post.
I’m pretty sure this stuff was going on long before abortion was legalized. Actually my point there was having lived with my cousin for awhile when he was young and hanging out with him later in life. I know there is no real logical thinking going on in his head. So my question is if he were given “normal” brain function for just one day, what he would say about life. Would he have wanted to endure all this hardship? Would he want to continue enduring it? I’m not sure that in the same situation I would want to have been born. He has endured more hardships than I can list on a daily basis for his whole life. My aunt knew long before he was even conceived that her first child had a very high likely hood of being disabled. She having her own medical issues and Timmy’s father was also mentally disabled. Also, I’m not sure how much he is giving to the world lying in bed all day and crappin his pants. I love my cousin but it’s because I love him that I would wish to spare him this daily existence. I would just really like to hear what he would think given the opportunity to think and speak clearly for a day. This is something I have been thinking about since I was 7 years old and they cut his extra fingers off while he and my aunt lived with us. Timmy has 3 sisters with their own kids and he can’t play with them because he’s a real big guy. I’m a big guy 6’2” 260lbs and he’s bigger than I am but he has no concept of how big he is and no real control over his strength so he hurts people without meaning to.
So….his life as you see it has no value? Or you think Timmy might tell you he wished he had been killed?
I have worked with children that display no eye contact, no speech, no ability to feed themselves and wear diapers. But guess what? Some of them loved to swim and loved music and loved the feel of a puppy.
Failing to see the joy and hope in life to me is a bigger handicap than any other disability I have seen.
My four cents.
I hear what your saying carla but i just wonder if he would think its all worth it to swim or listen to music? “he cant touch puppies that whole strenth thing” and he does things he finds enjoyable “He loves beating me at frogger =)” but like I said if he had a whole day to think about his life clearly would HE feel it was worth it.
I am hoping and praying Timmy is in a better facility right now and that he is surrounded by those that love him and give him the respect and dignity he deserves as a fellow human being.
Isn’t it kinda moot to wonder if he thinks his life is worth it? I mean, could he articulate it to you? Those that I worked with that demonstrated a mental capacity of 1st grade found the simple things in life enough. The simple joys. I envied them for that alone.
Beating you at Frogger may just be joy enough, Biggz!! :)
I gotta say that my days as a SAHM are coming to an end in the next year or so and I am missing Special Ed more and more. Thank you for sharing your cousin Timmy with me. Your posts have stirred some wonderful memories for me. :)
Biggz likes to get right on with his ‘story’ without addressing the larger issue: is a person’s life only valuable if someone of supposedly higher intellect determines it to be so? And who would that be? A father unwilling to take responsibility? A mother awash in hormones and frightened of the outcome? Or maybe a governing body elected or appointed? Where does your ‘dead is better’ philosophy end? It can only end in the grave, and I assure you a young man with Down’s syndrome has more will to live, more fight for life in his belly than you, Biggz. Survival of the fittest? The will to survive proves him more fit than his intellectual superiors. Your will toward destruction marks you as mentally ill, which I count as the more serious and deadly illness.
Look at that big hug that Downs young man has for his dad! That melts my heart. What unconditional love they have for each other…life is not about IQ. Its about love.
FYI
He is a young man with Downs not a Downs young man.
Sorry. A pet peeve of this special ed teacher. :)
Love you, Syd.
Sydney, I know, isn’t that a beautiful picture?? :)
We were all at a family movie night at church recently, and little boy with Downs came running by us. When he saw our stroller with our baby in it, he stopped running, came over and gently touched our little guy’s head and smiled. Then quick as a wink, he was off and running again.
I was *so* blessed by that, and by the fact that it was just so natural to him to do that. It brings tears to my eyes even now, just thinking about it. What a BLESSING these children are.
Over the years, they have taught me what it means to accept others and to show unconditional love. THEY have modeled those qualities for ME. :) I so often find myself the student, rather than the teacher, when I am around children with Downs.
“He’s a hell of a sweet guy but he will never mature beyond a 1st grade level which means he has to be taken care of every minute of every day.”
Posted by: Biggz at July 28, 2010 8:39 PM
“I know there is no real logical thinking going on in his head.”
Posted by: Biggz at July 29, 2010 2:27 PM
I can’t tell if what you meant in this first quote was 1st grade level on a maturation level, intellectual level, or both. If either of the latter, I would disagree with your second premise. 1st graders can have basic deductive reasoning. It is not as advanced as say, a 9-10 year old’s, much less an adult’s, but to say that there’s never been a logical thought in his mind would be a little too harsh, IMO. I will admit, I don’t know your cousin’s situation, so you may have meant maturation level, and his intellectual level may be around a 3-4 year old, in which case I would agree that logical thoughts are usually rare.
“Also, I’m not sure how much he is giving to the world lying in bed all day and crappin his pants.”
Posted by: Biggz at July 29, 2010 2:27 PM
To me, this is the money quote, and the very epitome of the modern utilitarian vision of man, the apex of the culture of death. We are useful only to the degree that we are productive to society. The elderly can’t feed themselves anymore and need help with all basic functions? Call up the Hemlock Society; we have a machine that needs to be retired. Babies could detract from women being “productive” in their professional lives or schooling? Well, then, dispose of the little machine in the woman’s body before it’s complete. The disabled drain resources that could otherwise enable us to build a larger idol of Humanity? Well, this defective machinery shouldn’t have been allowed to be born in the first place. Heck Biggz, maybe your cousin’s father should have been sterilized at a young age so he would never have sired inferior progeny. Wouldn’t that solve things?
“I love my cousin but it’s because I love him that I would wish to spare him this daily existence.”
Posted by: Biggz at July 29, 2010 2:27 PM
Yes, I love you so much that I wish you were dead or never existed. I think Hallmark has a card saying that, but it’s always sold out because it such a noble, popular sentiment.
Exactly, Michael.
“Failing to see the joy and hope in life to me is a bigger handicap than any other disability I have seen.”
How true Carla. About 5 years ago I worked with CD kids but am not working with LD/ED kids. The first young man I worked with was in a chair, nonverbal, blind, severely physically/mentally handicapped (due to a brain tumor that had been removed as a child).
When I sang to him, he laughed and laughed. He was filled with so much joy and happiness. He knew if he was with someone that truly cared or if they were just there because they had to be for their job. People often made comments (unbelievable!) that school was no place for him because he couldn’t learn anything anyway. I’d tell them he was learning just at a different pace and different subjects. He worked harder at learning simple tasks than many honor students do on their finals. The vast majority of people just never took the time to get to know him.
Scott got pneumonia several years ago and passed away. He had more pain in his short life than most of us will ever deal with. I believe he spiritually took on his pain in order that others might be spared some of theirs.
The reality Scott was on earth to teach much more than he was here to learn.
http://www.godtube.com/featured/video/was-grace-inspirational-story
Please watch to the end.
This is why the special people are needed so badly here on earth.
They teach us love.
First of all, I think that’s so sweet that the father loves his son so much and his son is giving him a hug. To me hugging one’s kid is one of the biggest joys in life.
Second of all, people with disabilities, whether minor or major they are STILL people.
Downs Syndromes, learning disabled and other special ed kids still love, live, laugh, learn what they can, struggle with what they have to, but still can lead wonderful lives.
You don’t KNOW what your cousin Timmy is completely capable of. He just might surprise EVERYBODY.
Just because someone has a more “normal” brain doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a better person.