Mother Nature Says its Wrong.
By Valerie Jane
In this day and age behavioral disease is everywhere. If someone is a smoker that person has a higher risk of developing cancer than the non-smoker. As a society we recognized the health risks of smoking and many cities and states have banned smoking in public places. We know that trans fat and other fatty foods cause heart disease, obesity, high blood pressure and a myriad of other health problems. There is a campaign to stop fast food restaurants from using these fats in their foods. We hear it all the time. Don’t Smoke. Eat correctly. And if you don’t take care of yourself then we will ban the items that are tempting you.
What about promiscuous sex? It causes Chlamydia, CMV, genital warts, gonorrhea, hepatitis, herpes, HPV, PID, scabes, syphilis, UTI’s, not to mention HIV and AIDS. Anyone know how many diseases I missed?
Promiscuous sex can increase your chance of an abortion as well. An abortion because the woman doesn’t have any support. Why would we think she would have support? She is just seen as a sex object by men. Ask any man. He will tell you that it is the “easy girls” that he will date but will never marry.
Everyone here will agree that the number of STD’s and STI’s needs to be reduced. Everyone here also agrees that abortion should be reduced as well. Why then do we keep telling everyone that sleeping around is okay? Watch the movies, TV programs. Women are shown sleeping with a man on their first date. A complete stranger to her. This is considered acceptable behavior and look what is happening. 9.1 million new STI’s among 15 – 24 year olds in 2000. We have one of the highest number of teen pregnancy and teen abortions in the developed world. (Stats from The Guttmacher Institute) 
Mother Nature is telling us that this is wrong. She has given us all the signs, symptoms and diseases to correct our behavior. When will we listen? How many people and babies have to get sick and/or die before we realize that a hedonistic lifestyle is not the way that will improve us as a species?
[Bottom Photo Courtesy: Gallup Crisis Pregnancy Center]
Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
You forgot crabs. yuck.
I don’t know, I can’t say that “Mother Nature” is saying anything, these diseases are rampant simply because these pathogens are spread through body fluid contact. But they don’t necessarily need to live in genetalia to survive. As a microbiologist, my mother has seen numerous cases of chlamydia or gonorrhea of the throat. They seemed to be living quite nicely there too.
But so is kissing. Isn’t it adorable when 2 year olds kiss? Herpes can be spread simply through kissing. Same with Mononucleosis. Behavioral diseases, right?
I ate recalled peanut butter a while back. I didn’t get sick, but some did. Does that mean food-borne illness is part of a hedonistic lifestyle?
Epidemics such as malaria and black plague. Mother Nature telling us we are sinners?
Bacteria and disease are prevalent everywhere. Pathogens only survive if they have a suitable environment, and the human body temperature is ideal for many types (hence fever response). Some are spread through body fluids (such as through sexual acts, but can be spread through other means) and some are spread through coughing or general closeness of other people. Are these all behavioral disease? At the fault of the infected person?
On a side note I have been watching this VT thing, and its soo sad. I have a few facebook friends from VT and left a note for them. Keeping everyone in my prayers.
Also Valerie I do agree we need to try to lower amount of licentious sex and subsequent abortions. I think this change starts with society. But in regards to legal procedure I don’t think we can “stop” these images (in terms of law–freedom of speech–etc).
Translation: women can only be trophy wives or diseased infected whores.
This sort of prudishness cast as healthy unhealthy is complete BS. It’s still just prudishness.
What does promiscuous mean to someone like Valerie?? Don’t non-promiscuous people get diseases/pregnant too??? You bet…. in fact, recent studies show that those taking abstinence pledges, and of course embracing abstinence only education programs, were not any less likely to have sex than others or get pregnant, but they were more likely to get an STDs.
By all accounts, sexual exploration is actually healthy, and women come to know themselves best, have better sex, and appreciate their own physical appearance more when they’ve had a diversity of relationships with a diversity of partners… this doesn’t mean she should do the football team though after drinking a half fifth of vodka. Like any other priviledge, driving for example, restraint, responsilibility and knowledge will go a long ways to ensure a safe, pleasurable, and rewarding experience.
As far as STDs go, there’s a couple simple rules. Where a condom… but don’t put all your hopes on it. They can break. While asymptomatic transmission happens, it is not very likely and you can significantly reduce risk simply by inspecting your partner… and still using a condom (AIDs is not going to apparent upon any inspection). Take a close look at things, and talk about anything that looks wierd, and if it does, sleep on it… not with it. If it’s got sores, you shouldn’t be playing with it. If you can’t stomach checking to see if it’s got sores, you shouldn’t be playing with it.
Finaly… Stay sober. Pick a partner you know and trust. Plan, communicate, and be thoughtful about it, rather than impulsive, drunk, and careless.
It doesn’t matter how many people or what people you have sex with if your not acting responsibly. Even if you’re an abstinence only pledge person just getting a lil’ oral pleasre, or a virgin on your wedding night… if you can’t abide be these rules, your just as likely to get something as crack whore.
I have 2 friends with HIV/AIDS. One of them is end stage. Oh God how he is suffering!
Cameron, also remember that things like Herpes and HPV can be spread without a condom (and if there are any apparent sores don’t touch that sh**).
“Translation: women can only be trophy wives or diseased infected whores.”
What amazes me here is that you all made the assumption that I was talking about pre-marital sex. Did I say that anywhere? No? Didn’t think so.
Promiscuous – 1 : composed of all sorts of persons or things
2 : not restricted to one class, sort, or person : INDISCRIMINATE
3 : not restricted to one sexual partner
4 : CASUAL, IRREGULAR
“By all accounts, sexual exploration is actually healthy, and women come to know themselves best, have better sex, and appreciate their own physical appearance more when they’ve had a diversity of relationships with a diversity of partners”
I agree with the first part. But why do you need a diversity of relationships with a diversity of partners? I did the whole diversity thing in college. I didn’t learn near as much as my 7 years with my husband. After 2 kids and 7 years, wow! We have a good time. And since we are monogomous and didn’t enter the relationship with any diseases (thank God for that!) we don’t have to inspect everything and look for anything gross.
“talk about anything that looks wierd, and if it does, sleep on it… not with it. If it’s got sores, you shouldn’t be playing with it. If you can’t stomach checking to see if it’s got sores, you shouldn’t be playing with it.”
I agree 100% – and I love the way you worded that.
“Finaly… Stay sober. Pick a partner you know and trust. Plan, communicate, and be thoughtful about it, rather than impulsive, drunk, and careless”
yep again 100%
“It doesn’t matter how many people or what people you have sex with if your not acting responsibly.”
“Where a condom… but don’t put all your hopes on it. They can break. ”
hmm..but even acting responsible … yadda..you know what I’m saying…
All I’m saying is that sleeping with people on the first date is not good. What I’m saying is that we, as a society, should not encourage this dangerous behavior. And I’m talking about ‘sleeping around’. Just because you date him doesn’t mean you have to mate him. (I couldn’t help it.) And sleeping with 2 different people at the same time (um…I’m not talking threesomes – that is a whole other subject and it ain’t gonna come from me!) will get you sick no matter how many condoms you put on. 9.1 million new STI’s! If that isn’t enought to try to be monogomous I don’t know what is.
PIP –
Your response is coming soon. you know I can’t leave you out. ;-)
Mom – I’m so sorry to hear about your friends. A friend of mine died of AIDS 11 years ago. It was horrible. But he was strong all the way through it, until he took too many pills. I don’t blame him one bit on that. I miss him.
Yes Valerie, He is a gay man, and he takes full responsibility for what has happened. He and I have had many talks. He was promiscuous, and he knows it. He told me “I have nobody to blame but me.” “I should have known.” Despite it all,he maintains a positive attitude.
What I would like to see is for churches to emphasize the importance of chastity for both men and women. It seems like typically churches emphasize the woman’s virtue, ignore the woman’s sexual desires, and charge her as gatekeeper of purity. Meanwhile men are expected to be tempted, so it’s up to the women not to temp them, or up to the men to be ‘strong.’ Either way women’s sexuality is left out of it, when really both sexes struggle equally on sex.
Also in secular society we can see a dichotomy of wanting virgins but also wanting highly sexualized virgins. For instance, society tells women they have to be hot, sexy, and LOOK promiscuous, but if they actually are promiscuous, they’re considered a slut/whore and thus ‘dirty.’ (Sadly this attitude also creeps into churches sometimes).
The reason I bring this up is that I think it is very hard to approach women, especially secular women, with the idea of reducing partners without it reminding them of this hypocritical virgin/whore dichotomy, or of sexist ideas of women’s sexuality and desires. In fact, promiscuous behavior may even be a retaliation against those stereotypes sometimes.
The pro-lifers on this site might not see it this way. But I just wanted to share my thoughts, from someone who is deep in secular feminist circles. I used to be much, much more liberal but my personal life experiences have led me to much more conservative ideology, especially in regards to sex. Actually my behavior has always been very conservative! I’m a straight vanilla arrow. And I’m constantly shocked/surprised at the behavior of my peers – not like in a pious, I’m better than them way (not at all! big time sinner here who fails all the time!) but just an incredulity at “oh, that’s how people live, I had no idea people did that!” And it has led me to really wonder what’s going on.
PIP –
“You forgot crabs. yuck”
ick.
“I ate recalled peanut butter a while back. I didn’t get sick, but some did. Does that mean food-borne illness is part of a hedonistic lifestyle?”
pip – even you know that this is stupid and has nothing to do with behavior. Did the people know there was a chance of getting sick by eating peanut butter? nope? Didn’t the peanut butter get recalled? yep? alrighty then… lets move on…
When I was talking about smoking and eating fatty foods that is behavior. Does everyone know that smoking is bad? yep? Does everyone know that eating a bad diet is bad? yep? Are they still doing it? yep? That is why it is behavioral.
“But so is kissing. Isn’t it adorable when 2 year olds kiss? Herpes can be spread simply through kissing. Same with Mononucleosis. Behavioral diseases, right? ”
I don’t think 2 year olds really understand mononucliosis do you? So how can that be behavior if they don’t understand? Herpes can be spread through kissing, but that isn’t behavioral unless you are running around putting your tongue down the football teams throats, only then will we be having a little talk.
yes – 2 year old kissing is cute. Until one of them decides that biting would be more fun. Then you have screaming yelling 2 year olds. Not so cute anymore. Wait – where was I.. oh yea…
“and some are spread through coughing or general closeness of other people”
It would only be behavioral if you didn’t cover your mouth or purposely coughed on someone when you know you are sick.
I’m not discussing the diseases that are close to impossible to control by altering behavior. Got it? I’m discussing the diseases that can be controled by altering your behavior. Why do you think we are told to wash our hands? Why do you think we are told to cover our mouths when we cough or sneeze? Whey do we wipe our behinds after doing our business? This is all behavior that helps to eliminate disease. That is why we do it.
Running around throwing condoms at everyone just doesn’t seem to be working. Everyone keeps telling me that abstinence programs are not working (I am still researching that one, conflicting reports). Serial monogomy may work, but you still have to be checking for gross things.
Why can’t anyone understand the difference between sleeping with everyone, sleeping with one person at a time, sleeping with only one person for the rest of your life. There is a huge difference you know. I’m talking about the first one. okay?
“pip – even you know that this is stupid and has nothing to do with behavior. Did the people know there was a chance of getting sick by eating peanut butter? nope? Didn’t the peanut butter get recalled? yep? alrighty then… lets move on…”
Yea it was a little stupid. But the argument still stands that pathogens get in any way they can.
“I don’t think 2 year olds really understand mononucliosis do you?”
I just mean that 2 year olds kiss–and it is an innocent activity. And yet how many pathogens are spread mouth to mouth?
“So how can that be behavior if they don’t understand?”
Well, you can still engage in behavior without understanding the consequences.
“es – 2 year old kissing is cute. Until one of them decides that biting would be more fun. Then you have screaming yelling 2 year olds. Not so cute anymore. Wait – where was I.. oh yea…”
Ha! when I was little, it was kissing that was my problem not biting. Can’t say the same for my brother…
“Why can’t anyone understand the difference between sleeping with everyone, sleeping with one person at a time, sleeping with only one person for the rest of your life. There is a huge difference you know. I’m talking about the first one. okay?”
Well I do think that we should try to eliminate irresponsible behavior. But since more than 90% of people have sex before marriage, I think trying to make pre-marital sex habits more responsible is key. It just doesn’t make sense that abstinence-only education would accomplish that.
I”m pretty much with you on the main message, I just don’t like the idea of and STD as a form of punishment. Because even having sex one time can infect you (Remember KIDS?). Although it should be taught as a consequence I don’t think it should be taught as a form of punishment, as in “well you had sex before marriage, you deserved it” which I think a lot of abstinance-only mentality leads to.
PIP I whole heartedly agree with you on that last bit – kind of a vindictive attitude.
Also it’s estimated that 1 in 4 or even as high as 1 in 3 women will be sexually abused/assaulted in their lifetime. 1 in 3! That’s a lot of people who “didn’t deserve it” and then maybe get something that they accidentally pass off on to their spouses/partners who didn’t “deserve” it either. Then they get to be doubly shamed, once due to the shame women feel from being victims, and again for having an STI that is so stigmatized in our society.
PIP –
Where in my post did I confuse you. I didn’t say it was punishment. I’m saying that nature is telling us it is wrong (unnatural), just like smoking and eating incorrectly. Yet somehow we get the smoking and eating thing by trying to control that, but we don’t with promiscuous sex.
Promiscuous sex is a hedonistic lifestyle.
hedonism: 1 : the doctrine that pleasure or happiness is the sole or chief good in life
2 : a way of life based on or suggesting the principles of hedonism
While I’m at it
Narcissism: 1 : EGOISM, EGOCENTRISM
2 : love of or sexual desire for one’s own body
Self-Centered: 2 : concerned solely with one’s own desires, needs, or interests (number 1 is more about self sufficient than centered)
Selfish: 1 : concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others
2 : arising from concern with one’s own welfare or advantage in disregard of others
If everyone acts like this, how can society survive?
How many times have we heard –
“Its my body and I can do what I want”
or
“my own personal bodily autonomy”
or
“Its just a parasite controlling my body and I can do what I want”
No one is concerned with responsibility anymore. Everyone wants the fun, but none of the consequences. It just doesn’t work that way in the real world. Sorry. It just doesn’t.
All religions teach about this. The “in” word now is Karma. Try reading up on it. It is facinating.
Valerie, I”m going to ask you the same question I asked momof3, and we’ll see if you give at all a more reasonable answer.
I do not want to be pregnant. I use contraceptives. Should the contraceptives fail after marriage (no promiscuity there!), should I be forced to keep the child? Why should pregnancy be considered a punishment for having sex that is, in absolutely no way, immoral?
Should a man who has been smoking his entire life be denied medical care? Does the smoking somehow make him less of a person, so it’s okay that he’s forced to keep the cancer?
“I didn’t say it was punishment.”
I just meant that the mentality leads to using STIs as a form of punishment. I’ve seen the disdain for it before and it saddens me.
“Yet somehow we get the smoking and eating thing by trying to control that, but we don’t with promiscuous sex.”
Valerie, I told you that I agree that we should try to cut down on the promiscuous sex.
“If everyone acts like this, how can society survive?”
I agree. I think that this is the root of the violence. That is why I am going to take several years off of my job if my husband and I decide to have kids. I don’t ever want to be a self-involved parent (and I think I’d have to take off focus from the patients to help deal with that, at least initially).
Valerie, all I”m saying is that we have to be reasonable. Try to cut down on irresponsible behavior (promiscuous sex and unsafer sex being irresponsible). But I feel that focusing too much on this issue can lead to the mentality of STIs as punishment. It is a consequence of sexual behavior and should be dealth with, tested for, etc. on a regular basis. But I have heard dialogue that makes me extremely sad.
“If you don’t have sex till marriage you won’t get an STI. Simple as that. If you are a slut and have sex before marriage you will get one. People like that deserve it.”
I have heard this sort of stuff and it’s sad. It breeds hostility.
I was just saying as a general rule we should deal mercifully with it (I”m not suggesting you aren’t, this is just a general statement) and teach it as a potential consequence of sex, rather than the “well that’s what you deserve” attitude that I see (and hear) commonly–and many from the pro-life crowd. We should make an effort to move away from that mentality while keeping the focus on helping ourselves stay healthy.
Just sayin’. Gosh Valerie :P
Pip,
“m pretty much with you on the main message, I just don’t like the idea of and STD as a form of punishment.
Don’t think of it as a punishment. It is a consequence, and a natural one at that.
God doesn’t punish people. But life just is what it is. And pregnancy is a consequence of sex. And std are a consequence of sex.
So what’s the solution? Throw away the peanut butter. Don’t have sex until your ready to commit to one person. Then, no worries…
mk
“Don’t have sex until your ready to commit to one person.”
And if that person has an STD? Remember these things lay dormant for years.
I let my boyfriend screw me till I’m black and blue and he is always begging me to marry him. I tell him I’ll marry him when I’m ready!!!
Less –
“I do not want to be pregnant. I use contraceptives. Should the contraceptives fail after marriage (no promiscuity there!), should I be forced to keep the child? Why should pregnancy be considered a punishment for having sex that is, in absolutely no way, immoral? ”
1st of all, and I’m going to get in trouble for this, a monogomous, committed relationship is not immoral. I could care less if you are married, what matters is what is in your hearts and God understands that. I do not view pre-marital sex as immoral as long as the commitment to each other is there. However, marriage is a sacrament and one that brings goodness into your relationship. The promises are spoken out loud and in front of everyone you love. When you say a promise, vow, it means something.
What do you mean I didn’t answer your question? ;-) I just wanted to clarify marriage first.
Your question, as you know, is a difficult one to answer in this culture. If I said you should keep the child, then I am ‘forcing’ something upon you. Even though you were a knowingly and willing participant in this creation I somehow would be forcing you to have a child. If I said that the decision to choose is up to you then I would be justifying abortion. To me, this would be giving you the okay to murder. I am the type of person who prays for people who murder (in all senses) so I cannot justify that as an answer.
You asked for my opinion, so remember I received permission from you to give it. (Don’t hit me!) I would question your love of someone if you did not want to keep the child. I hope you have noticed that I try not to bring God and religion into the debate unless it is the subject at hand. Warning: I’m going religious on you, but hopefully I can do this without alienating you from my answer. I am going to give you a paragragh from Humanae Vitae. (yes, its a Catholic thing, if you want more info on what it is I will tell you.)
In Chapter 9
“This love is first of all fully human (not talking about child, talking about love); that is to say, it is at the same time both physical and spiritual. It is not, therefore, a simple transport of instinct and feelings but also, and principally, an act of the free will, destined to endure and to grow by means of the joys and sorrows of daily life, in such a way that husband and wife become one heart and one soul, and together attain their human perfection.”
If you indeed create a child from Love, how could you possibly consider him/her a burden or a punishment? To me, the very idea of destroying an unborn child is destroying your love. This is why it is called making love.
The very idea that you would not accept ‘an accident’ fully in your heart tells me that making love has become cheapened to just #$#king.
Now, you new this was going to be my answer. Hopefully I explained my position well.
Less –
To answer your last paragragh.
If I smoke my whole life and get cancer, then I think I might have to accept the concequence of my actions? Put simply: When you pick up one end of the stick. You get the other too. It’s called responsibility.
Get real Less…. Forced to keep the cancer? You are now comparing a child to cancer?
I would not withold medical treatment from the smoker no more than I would make you give birth without a doctor.
Valerie, you explained your position well, but I really do disagree. My love for someone has nothing to do with whether or not I would have a child with them. I dislike the idea of having a child with anyone; does that mean that I can’t love anyone?
To me, sex isn’t always an expression of love. I won’t deny that sex can be better with love, but to me sex is simply another biological urge, to be satisfied along with eating and drinking. Anything else you attach to the act is your worldview, your ideaology: not something that you can put onto someone else.
PIP –
I like MK’s response. And I’ll add to it.
Punishment: 1 : the act of punishing
2 a : suffering, pain, or loss that serves as retribution b : a penalty inflicted on an offender through judicial procedure
3 : severe, rough, or disastrous treatment
Consequence: 1 : a conclusion derived through logic : INFERENCE
2 : something produced by a cause or necessarily following from a set of conditions
See the difference?
(Yes, I love my dictionary. ;-)
Less –
I didn’t say your love for someone is based around having a child with them. I said that if you were willing to end a pregnancy that happened with someone you say you love, then I would question that love.
I understand completely that you don’t want kids. I have no problems with that.
You are a smart woman. Use two forms of contraception so you will never be forced to find out if it is you or me that is right on this.
;-)
Yes Valerie, but several people I know would see an STI as “pain or suffering that serves as retribution.”
Like, “You had sex, which I think is wrong. That STI is your punishment/what you deserved/etc.”
I’m not saying you guys say it’s a punishment but I think that sometimes the logic behind your argument leads to that mentality. We have to be very careful.
Valerie, please motivate me to do schoolwork. I just can’t do anything today.
Just clarifying, is this post accusing all women who have abortions of being promiscuous?
Believe me, Valerie, I do. Right now, my fiance and I are not active, and likely won’t be for a while. But once we are, I’m on the pill (taken religiously!) and he’ll wear condoms.
I think this is something we’ll have to agree to disagree on, though I appreciate the respectful discussion.
Urinary Track Infections are a nuisance, but you can stop them naturally without the use of antibiotics. Use preventive measures daily by drinking plenty of water, consume cranberry juice, take warm baths but don
Hi.
I Googled “female promiscuity” because I have an issue and I hope one of your readers can give me some insight. I’m VERY glad I stumbled upon this site b/c the readers seem to have healthy, intelligent responses.
Okay..here goes (and this is a VERY touchy subject for me so please bear with me as I try to get it all out….)
My boyfriend and I have been together for three years now and we have a four month old son. Although we weren’t married at the time he was conceived, we planned for our child and we have plans on marrying this October. For the most part, we are pretty responsible.
However, I have doubts about making that final plunge b/c I feel like he doesn’t really accept who I am and where I came from.
Before I met him, I slept around a little. Not like the “whole football team after a night of vodka” but over the course of 15 years, probably about 25 or 30. I’m not trying to make excuses but it’s not like any of these were one night stands. I knew these guys and although I should have used a little more discretion I never viewed myself as a slut or whore and people that know me have never thought of me in that light. I was always pretty good about keeping my business to myself…
Either way, when we first got together, I wasn’t completely honest with the number of guys I had been with. I gave him a ballpark figure so he would get the idea that I wasn’t an angel but as far as exact numbers and exact dates, I was vague and stretched the truth. My last relationship before this was kinda painful. I was “with him” for two years but the guy never wanted to commit. I cared deeply for him. After it was over, I felt silly for hanging around so long and when we went our separate ways, I got a little wild; sleeping with ten guys in a three month period. But I always thought of that as a period in my life and not a habit. In a way, I have regrets about not being upfront with my current boyfriend because I feel if we could have went our separate ways then, we wouldn’t have this ON-GOING issue now.
Anyway, he kept asking and asking about my sexual history. He says the reason he was so adamant about it is because I gave off the slut vibe (not his exact words) when I made the first move. So, I eventually told him the entire truth (because I really do believe in honesty) and our relationship has not been the same.
We don’t have sex anymore. He says he’s not sexually attracted to me because my “vagina has too many miles” (his exact words). And he’s even gone on to say that it “doesn’t feel good”. He also believes that none of the guys I was with ever respected me because “they wouldn’t commit to a slut” and because it was some what of a pattern, I didn’t respect myself. He often asks if I thought about my future husband when I was sleeping around and the honest answer is yes, just not in the heat of the moment. Things have a tendency to spiral before you know it. I don’t want to live with regret and if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t. I mean, I knew it was wrong but life happens ya know?
IT HURTS A LOT! I’m not a mind-reader and I believe that experience is life’s best teacher. I came from a hectic household and I never had much real guidance when it came to men so I kind of had to learn as I went. I mean, I never imagined a marriage where this was an issue. I could be more understanding if we were both abstaining for religious reasons or health reasons but he’s got this mental block and it hurts that he thinks it only affects him. I fell obligated to satisfy him with oral sex since he refuses to have intercourse 1) to keep him happy and 2) because I don’t want the guilt from him about what I did with who. He doesn’t make an effort to satisfy me and I have taken any sexual feelings I have and repressed them or masturbate. It’s really embarrassing and this is hard to share but I don’t know where else to go.
I’ve been faithful and I’m trying to be patient but something about this doesn’t feel right. He doesn’t seem to want to let me move on especially now that we have a child citing that as the reason. I don’t want to seem petty and I truly hope this doesn’t come across as such but when you KNOW someone has so much disdain for you over your past, it’s hard to FEEL truly loved. I don’t feel accepted and it hurts. He doesn’t seem to understand and if I bring up sex to him, I’m afraid he will think that’s all I care about. I understand fully our society’s views on female promiscuity and in a way I think I may have been rebelling against those stereotypes because I think it’s unfair to label people. Human beings are so complex and to judge them based on one facet of their life is premature. Safety is one thing but to label someone is wrong.
He’s a good person but I’m concerned I’m not the one for him. I’ve mentioned counseling and I’ve been as honest with as I can with no change. I’m terrified of being stuck in a loveless relationship but I’m terrified of walking away for the sake of our family and the foundation that we’ve started to build.
I don’t know guys. This plagues me EVERYDAY and I want to make the right decision. Is it fair for him to treat me this way? I want to understand where it’s really coming from so PLEASE respond honestly. Am I to be punished the rest of my life because of poor decision making in my past? Please help….