Pro-life vid of the day: The obituary of Marianne Johnson-Reddick
by LauraLoo
When a person leaves this earthly life, we hope that our loved ones will have many wonderful things to say about us and how we touched their lives with love and joy.
But when Marianne Theresa Johnson-Reddick passed away, her children (whom she exposed to her “evil and violent life”) posted a scathing obituary, celebrating her passing and voicing hopes that she spends the afterlife “reliving each gesture of violence, cruelty, and shame that she delivered on her children.”
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6aVgqtOtWk[/youtube]
Email dailyvid@jillstanek.com with your video suggestions.
Sep.18, 2013 12:00 pm |
Video of the day |
Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
Very sad. Contrast that obituary with the beautiful one written about in this lifesitenews.com article:
http://www.lifesitenews.com/blog/this-amazing-obituary-will-make-your-day-and-teach-you-how-to-live
It is hard for abused, beaten, neglected and manipulated children to reconcile their feelings when their parents pass away.
Their hatred and anger may feel justified but will not be excused.
Praying that they search their hearts and find peace.
Hi Carla,
You are so right. While we sympathize with the trauma they endured, their prolonged bitterness will only destroy them, it can’t hurt their mother. If anything its just giving her the last laugh.
My brother continues to dwell on our childhoods to the point where I told him he should either move on or get professional help. He and my sister just love to dwell on their mutual “victimhood” and yes they have a basis for it but come on already. Its time to move on.
I know my sister’s children had no bed of roses with her and I ask my brother if he’s so certain his children don’t have some bitterness toward him.
He gets mad and tells me he need to “talk about it”, I tell him he’s dwelling on it, that I’ve heard these stories numerous times and for the sake of his physical as well as mental health, either move on or get help.
I was infuriated by my dad’s obituary. It was a bunch of crap, all about how he was a loving husband and father and none of it was true. I didn’t go to the funeral but I’m guessing that was a bunch of lies too. I have nothing but sympathy for these people and I hope that they find healing.
Understandable Jack, but returning tit for tat just encourages more tat. At some point someone has to turn the other cheek and break the cycle before it involves another generation.
You can point out the last generation did awful things without involving the next generation. Who says they haven’t broken the cycle? Maybe they’re just expressing their feelings and speaking truth one last time.
I don’t get why you should be required to say good things (lies) about abusive parents anyway. Just because they are dead doesn’t mean they suddenly led a life that didn’t cause terrible damage. I think it’s fine to call it out. The victims shouldn’t be coerced or shamed into telling lies about these types of people, they make you lie about them your entire childhood.
“Very sad. Contrast that obituary with the beautiful one written about in this lifesitenews.com article”
Yeah, read it, looks like that woman was a good mother and wasn’t abusive to her children. I don’t see why you would compare that to this woman.
Sounds like writing the obit was part of breaking the cycle, and I think the grown children are probably justified in writing it. The woman (I can’t use her first name!) sounds like she was a real monster to her children.
The story also highlights the awful, hellish atmosphere of prostitution. So sorry for those kids.
A loving, positive obituary is not a right. It’s earned.
Kelsey,
Good point.
“A loving, positive obituary is not a right. It’s earned.”
Exactly. Maybe if this woman wanted a nice obit after she died she shouldn’t have repeatedly beaten her kids and tormented them as adults? I mean, her one son was so scared of her even as a grown man that he requested she be sedated when he visited the last time. That’s some major trauma.
I don’t see why they should have to say anything good about her. This is a record of her life, if your life was awful the obit should reflect that.
The hoping she suffers in the afterlife part is not acceptable, but I’m with Kelsey, that a positive obituary is something to be earned. And then I wonder if neutrality would be better in such cases.
This reminds me of the severely abused author of “child called it” series, Dave Pelzer. His four books about the physical/psychological/emotional abuse he suffered at the hands of his mother are very insightful…
I pray that the children find peace and healing…
Its next to impossible for a regular human being to stand neutral in the face of such adversity that directly affected him/her. Healing takes time.
People shouldn’t be neutral about child abuse. Seriously.
I agree that it would have been better to hold their tongue on these feelings, justified as they may be.
I also hope my sister doesn’t stumble on this post’s title. It’s quite familiar, shall we say.
The parent/child relationship should be one of the most powerful and beautiful relationships on earth and it just breaks my heart when I hear stories where it clearly was not. I pray that now these people can find peace in their lives.
How else does one heal Hans? By keeping everything inside and allowing it to boil to the point of an uncontrollable reaction. These children are an example of that. Perhaps it was cathartic for them to display their feelings in such a manner. Abused children have to speak up and we cannot pass judgment on how they do so as then we would be blaming the victim.
I pray they find peace and healing in this action.
Thank you for your comment Thomas R.
It seems as though requiring people to act lovey dovey and forgiving when they don’t feel it after the abusive parent dies does two things. It protects the abuser and it silences and blames the victims.
Child abuse thrives when you worry more about appearances than protecting the victims. Abusers spend their lives shaming and silencing the people they raped/beat/neglected/emotionally abused to keep themselves out of trouble, and sadly it seems like people would like to assist them in this even after death.
When your parent who abused you dies, it’s a very emotional time. You suddenly realize that you’re never going to get parents like most other people had, you’ll never get an apology, you’ll never be able to rebuild a relationship. And people tell you that you need to respect the dead. “He/she is dead, what good does tarnishing his/her name do?”. I’ll tell you what it does, it brings the disgusting and awful stuff out into the open so people can’t pretend it doesn’t happen, and breaks that silence that the abuser FORCES on you, just like they forced so many other horrible things on you. But people blame you for not acting correctly about the abusers death. “How could you say such terrible things about him/her?? She/he’s your mother/father?” What, do people expect you to lie?
Jack,
I have little doubt this woman was as awful as they say she was. And I don’t expect them to lie about it. But this really is best kept in the family.
Or, write a book. But saying to the world, “Watch us spit on her grave!” is unnecessary.
“I have little doubt this woman was as awful as they say she was. And I don’t expect them to lie about it. But this really is best kept in the family.”
No… I’ll never agree to that. That’s how stuff like incest continues for generations and people who beat their children get away with it for so long. If your family is abusive, you have the right (I’d almost say it’s an obligation but I don’t think anyone is obligated to turn their abusers in, it’s harder than you think) to tell people if you want. To say otherwise is to imply that the abusers deserve the protection of their victim’s silence.
The abusers lose their right to privacy when they choose to beat their kids with metal belt buckles or rape their seven-year-olds or not feed their kids for days, or whatever else they want to “keep in the family”.
No one here has a problem with post abortive people speaking of their pain and trauma and such, or siblings of aborted children speaking up about what happened in their families. It’s apparently just child abuse people are supposed to be silent on out of “respect”.
And what I find doubly frustrating is people judge survivors pretty harshly for NOT turning in their abusers and getting them arrested (as if it were so easy, and in this particular case the kids were on and off in foster care so it didn’t even work to turn her in), but at the same time they judge people for speaking out. If you want to lessen child abuse, shaming people for expressing pain and talking about what the abuser did, even if it’s not the most appropriate time, isn’t going to help.
Jack – No one is shaming anyone. Would you write an obituary like this? Why or why not? Why don’t so many of the abused children write such obituaries? The purpose of the comments is to discuss. Why “shame” others here by assuming we think the abusive parents should be respected or victims stay silent? Not writing “watch us spit on her grave” in a public document is a very far cry from pretending nothing terrible was done.
Yeah, I guess we’re saying the time to speak out is during or “better late than never” long after the abuse. At death it’s a sobering time to reflect as a family on a life wasted.
Then, make that life useful by pointing it out to the world later.
“No one is shaming anyone.”
Not intentionally, no.
“Would you write an obituary like this? Why or why not?”
Hmmm, probably not. I wouldn’t want to deal with the humiliation. If one of my siblings would like to write one about their experiences (though my dad never abused my sisters, I guess my brother would probably be writing it) I would support them. And that’s saying something because I can’t stand most of my siblings.
“Why don’t so many of the abused children write such obituaries? ”
I don’t know, I can only tell you I don’t speak publicly about the abuse I went through (unless I’m anonymous online) because it’s humiliating and I don’t want to deal with people telling me what I should have done and should be saying and all that. Survivors might be thinking along those lines, or they might not want to awaken their old demons, or they might want to keep up the appearance of a good family, or they may have made a good relationship with the abuser later in life. There could be multiple reasons. None of that means that if someone does choose to “out” their parent in an obituary that it’s necessarily wrong.
“Why “shame” others here by assuming we think the abusive parents should be respected or victims stay silent? Not writing “watch us spit on her grave” in a public document is a very far cry from pretending nothing terrible was done.”
I don’t think anyone intends to shame. I just strongly object to silencing anyone who wants to speak about their abuse in whatever medium, and I think it does have the side effect of shaming people who might want to speak out in other ways. People bashed on Dave Pelzer (A Child Called It) for not shutting up about he went through.
And I hate, hate, hate phrases like “it’s a family issue” or “keep it in the family” (no offense Hans but you touched a sore spot). No, you don’t have to respect your abusers, or say untrue nice things about them, or make up some crap about what a lovely parent they were in their obituary. They gave up their right to family solidarity when they abused you. I imagine the only people who can say things like that are those who see their families as safe places.
“No, you don’t have to respect your abusers, or say untrue nice things about them, or make up some crap about what a lovely parent they were in their obituary. They gave up their right to family solidarity when they abused you.”
I entirely agree. Sometimes you read a lot more than the words in someone’s comments. That’s all.
Have we not learned anything in prolife work?
Silence is what allows the strong to be cruel to the weak. SILENCE PROTECTS ABUSERS.
Re-reading the obit, I can’t agree with the hope that the abuser/mom suffers in the afterlife. God, who knows all, sees all, who is just and merciful, will see to everyone’s needs and deal in fairness and love. Breaking the cycle of abuse also means not wishing harm on abusers. However, they can and should be kept away from any potential victims.
When my abuser died, I admit I felt strong relief that he couldn’t hurt me or anyone else again. I did not wish for his death, or suffering, but I’m really glad he can’t hurt anyone anymore.
Again, I truly feel for the grown kids of this woman. They deserved so much better.
“I entirely agree. Sometimes you read a lot more than the words in someone’s comments. That’s all.”
I don’t mean to, I’m just struggling to understand what people think the kids should have put in her obituary instead of what they did.
“I can’t agree with the hope that the abuser/mom suffers in the afterlife.”
I don’t agree with it but I understand the feeling. When I talked to my dad a few weeks before he died, while he was still able to speak, I found it infuriating that he kept telling me that he was forgiven by God and would basically be getting a free pass. And his “apologies” were basically “well I did some bad things but you were responsible for it too”. I didn’t really want him to suffer, I actually felt bad for how painful his death was (liver disease is an awful way to go), but I understand the rage at people torturing you for years not getting any sort of comeuppance or justice. It may not be the most admirable thing in the world but it’s certainly human.
“People shouldn’t be neutral about child abuse. Seriously.”
Cuz that’s what I said. Seriously.
I was speaking of the obituary, and I know I wasn’t specific, but by “neutrality” I meant leaving out all the niceties, and saying simply some woman died. And I “wondered” if it would suffice. Again, please direct your completely justified and understandable pain at the appropriate people.
“I was speaking of the obituary, and I know I wasn’t specific, but by “neutrality” I meant leaving out all the niceties, and saying simply some woman died. And I “wondered” if it would suffice. Again, please direct your completely justified and understandable pain at the appropriate people.”
I misunderstood you, sorry.
I do think it’s ridiculous that I see people complaining about abortionists getting nice funerals, or being perfectly fine with outing the mother/father of your aborted child publicly, and defending the rights of protesting homes of abortionists or others involved in the industry, etc etc. All on this blog! But it’s like the same doesn’t apply if you abuse a child outside the womb? Not directing this at you Lifejoy but it doesn’t make any sense to me. Like Mary Ann said, deciding when and where people can speak out helps no one but abusers. A lot of people get that when it comes to aborted babies, but what about born babies who grow up and want to say stuff?
Good on these kids.
Haters gonna hate.
They did the right thing.
Typically, the “if you don’t have anything nice to say” seems the way to go – but based on their description, raising awareness and making sure her life is put in the proper perspective seems like the way to go. I can’t get into the head of a child abuser to know what would motivate them to stop…maybe the realization that you’ve got a good chance of not being missed when you’re gone – maybe that would do it for some.
It’s not really about the abusers, Ex. I hate to say it but nothing is going to stop some of them. It’s about making the world a safe place for victims to express themselves and get help. If you continually see people being shut down for talking about their childhood experiences (this happens quite frequently with sexual abuse especially, because it grosses people out and they don’t want to hear about it, especially incest), then you’re a lot less likely to come forward yourself. It doesn’t help anyone to judge these people or tell them they need to be quiet about it until such and such time, or such and such place.
It’s fine, Jack. I shouldn’t have gotten so fired up. I wasn’t clear, nor did I think it through completely how it might sound. If this raises awareness for child abuse prevention, I am all for it.
This topic hits home with me, too, Jack, even though my abuse occurred as an adult.
After I was divorced, I started speaking out more about what I (and to some extent the children) survived. I was asked to be a speaker at a domestic abuse event but was also court-ordered not to use my ex by his name in public so I had an advocate read my story and I stayed in the background. I was upset at the time thinking how dare I not be able to tell my story in public!
After reflection, I understand more now. So much of what I had survived was not provable because he and I were the only ones in the room, area or vehicle, etc. I seldom called the police and there were not always physical signs of abuse and documents over the years went missing. It was my word against his and he does have people in his corner that totally believe he is innocent.
In spite of everything, the children still love their dad on some level and were brainwashed by him into covering things up when they were smaller. They are now old enough to confide in who they trust about what they have gone through in regards to their dad. Each child was dealt different cards by their dad and he played them in different ways so all of their stories will be somewhat different which I think is common in abusive families.
It was all the children knew and, in hindsight, I am glad that I did not publicly talk with the general public about what their dad all did to me when I was still coming to grips with it all myself. I think it would have been more devastating than healing to me and the children in the long run. Unfortunately, many people judge children by how their parents have led their own lives and ultimately I didn’t want my kids to live in his dark shadow (like my ex did with his own parents). I did not want our children to be judged by the poor choices their parents and grandparents have made. We live in a small area and people will often lump families together for generations even if some have broken out of the abuse cycle.
That is another reason that I don’t use my real name here at Jill’s. There are so many people who are being abused or are survivors of abuse and I believe I may be able to help more people by remaining anonymous. I have often thought of writing a book but don’t believe I would use my real name there either. I still hold out that my ex will come to the truth and find repentance. I think he has a better chance of that if I don’t tell the world about all of the terrible things he has done.
I definitely don’t believe in covering up abuse and I think it is important to talk with people you trust (or join a group for survivors) but I had to try to focus on all of the innocent people involved with my situation as well. Time and place are big factors in telling a story, I believe. I think the children of the woman above may come to regret how revengeful they come off in their mother’s obit. Forgiveness does take time and a lot of hard, persistent work.
But it’s like the same doesn’t apply if you abuse a child outside the womb?
Abuse is terribly terrible and awfully awful but abortion is the ultimate abuse. Abortion kills children and they will never be allowed to tell their story, publicly, privately or anonymously. I believe abortion also greatly increases abuse of born children because of the disrespect for life factor. I ultimately did tell my oldest and select others that his dad pressured me to abort him because his dad was telling our son just the opposite — that he talked me out of aborting him! Our son had to decide on his own as he grew up what parent was telling him the truth and that could only happen by his watching the talk, and the walk, of both parents.
Yes, Prax, I get how individual survivors of abuse might want to make the decision to tell their story in private, or in whatever way, I just don’t think anyone else has the right to take away each person’s individual choice on when or where they disclose. It’s up to them, and since none of us know the exact situation or what’s going on in the family I don’t think any of us can judge.
When I told my ex about what my parents did to me (which she had to have already suspected considering all the scars) she told me it was disgusting particularly the abuse from my dad, and she thought less of me for allowing it to continue so long, and said I probably shouldn’t talk about it. So I didn’t, I didn’t ever mention it to her again unless she brought it up, and haven’t really told anyone else in real life except for one friend and he still doesn’t know much. I sincerely doubt I’m ever going to be able to trust anyone with all of it after that. If you go look at the comments on that article about these people, you see some people shaming the victims, blaming them for speaking out instead of blaming the abuser, telling them they are just as bad as her, etc. That stuff causes major damage, in my opinion, imagine some survivor reading those comments and deciding “well, I’m keeping my mouth shut”. And people aren’t doing the same here on Jill’s blog, but there’s definitely a sense that it’s a problem that they should have kept to themselves.
Abortion isn’t any worse than if you beat your born child to death, or starve them, or whatever. It’s no more ultimate than that. If my mom had killed me rather than just busting up my spleen I don’t think that would have been less tragic than her aborting me.
And ugh it just reminds me so much of what abusers say to keep you quiet. “If anyone asks about your black eye and busted lip, you say you fell off your bike, you hear me boy?”. “Tell the doctors you tripped and fell down the stairs, no one will believe you anyway if you tell them what really happened.”. “You have to think of our family! If you put me in jail for doing this to you, who will provide for your mother and sisters? Do you want to be responsible for my death when they put me in prison? Do you know what they do to people like me there?”.
So many lies, so many decisions taken away from the victim, the abuser always has the control and always gets to control what you say and do. It shouldn’t have to last into adulthood and people still shouldn’t control what you say even after death.
Oh, and people congratulate that Robert Oscar Lopez dude all over the place for writing constantly about his (non-abusive) lesbian mother and the damage he says comes from being raised by a lesbian couple. He can talk about his life, publicly, under his real name with his mother as far as I know completely alive, and no one bats an eye? But we’re going to have different standards people expressing their pain and anger towards their horrendously abusive mother who is dead and can’t be affected by it anyway? None of the reaction that people have towards these kids and their obituary is making any sense at all to me.
Jack ~ Like 90% + of the comments from people here are completely in agreement with you. And the ones you are considering to be so extreme are simply questioning, not even outright disagreeing with, the usefulness of the action. And no one has condemned the individuals or suggested this type of thing be controlled.
I think I might be misunderstanding or seeing something that’s not there. I’m sorry.
I just don’t think anyone else has the right to take away each person’s individual choice on when or where they disclose
I totally understand this feeling. In my case, I would have been in trouble with the law if I had spoken in a public forum about the abuse and risked jail. I didn’t understand it at the time, but I do more so now. I didn’t have proof for everything I survived but still wanted to talk about it. Can you imagine how devastated you would be if someone talked to the public about you and it wasn’t true? I know the truth but I can’t prove the whole truth. As it is, my ex told some whoppers about me to people we knew that caused more major heartache to me and it would have been much worse had he gone public with his lies. I know it’s not fair and often times abusers are not held accountable and this feels like insult to injury. This obit might be an example of time and place since it sounds like all siblings were in agreement. I wish they hadn’t come off as so revengeful though because I’m a believer that all that anger has to go somewhere (towards self and/or others). We need more examples of forgiveness in our world but I hope that maybe this obit will wake some abusers up to what they are doing before it is them in the coffin.
If my mom had killed me rather than just busting up my spleen I don’t think that would have been less tragic than her aborting me.
You are so right, Jack, but if a child is allowed to be born, there are laws in place in attempts to protect them and there is a much better chance of someone intervening on your behalf. You have a better chance of surviving outside the womb as a baby than you do inside it.
I am so, so sorry that no one was strong enough to intervene on your behalf when you were a child. You are an awesome daily reminder for me to really look at and see all the children I come across. You have survived so much but have also helped so many that you are not even aware of. I am so thankful I have gotten to know you a little bit here through Jill’s. You are such a smart, wonderful man.
Today I ran across a quote I had saved from years ago when I was going through the process of healing from the abuse that l had endured and survived. I know you, Jack, and maybe some other readers here can relate to this feeling:
“Being raped is like going through a windshield. Only afterwards you’re not scared of cars. You’re scared of half the human race.”
-Author Unknown
I do see what you’re saying Prax, and I know you have to be careful about what you say about people in public. Which is something I totally believe and for some reason forget when it comes to child abusers, my brain turns the “logic” part off or something. It just seems like they always, always get away with it and it seems like there aren’t really any outlets for the victims to get at least catharsis, since most of the time there isn’t any justice.
And I like that quote. I wish more people understood it. And given time and several different abusers sometimes you end up thinking the entire human race is out to get you.
I wish more people understood it.
I wish no one understood it. But I get what you mean. (:
You are one cool dude, Jack.
Great comments, Prax. Especially 7:35. Jack, I don’t always agree with you but I will concur on the smart and wonderful that Prax mentioned. You do have a knack for writing, and I for one encourage you in that direction.
I remember telling a boyfriend about an abused girl in our neighborhood when i was little. We knew of her, knew that her step-brothers were not abused as she was. The boyfriend berated me for not “helping” her. i was so little myself, it wasn’t fair really for him to expect me and my siblings to act in a adult manner. At that point in life, powerless and small, how were we to be sure such abuse wouldn’t happen to us?? The mother of the girl didn’t look like a dragon, she looked the same as our moms on the street. How could we be sure we wouldn’t end up on the receiving end of some of that? It’s not like abusers come with neon warning signs all lit up and flashing for the world to see.
Jack,
Like Lifejoy said, there’s no big disagreement here. No shaming. Just a little difference on timing. Not as many will listen if they’re thinking , “Why now?” When hecklers interrupt a speech, you don’t care if their point is right.
It was your valid choice not to attend your father’s funeral, but if you protested at it, what would that accomplish? You’d be lumped in with unjustified crazies although you’re not nuts and are justified.
I just think it’s monumentally unfair that people get to abuse their kids for years and years, blame it on the kid and convince everyone that the kids are the crazy ones or at fault, and then get laid to rest with a good reputation.
I would bet you anything that when this lady got her kids taken into foster care that she pulled what my parents did the time I ran off, and told everyone how the kids were out of control, it wasn’t due to anything she did, they were just awful kids. And I bet you most of the people she told that believed her and still do. It’s just infuriating to sit there and know that someone who tortured you and made your life nearly unbearable, and left a ton of scars and damage, just gets to get away with it. It may not do any good that they made this obituary thing, but I hope they feel better at least, knowing that half the world knows what she was really like. It’s utterly galling to know that most people think your abuser is just a fantastic person.
I’m sorry, but what exactly is the point of posting this video? How is this pro-life at all? How is it a positive thing to hope that this woman is in hell?
This seems very crass and exploitative, and for what purpose? How does this further the cause of the sanctity of human life?
God will be this woman’s judge, as well as ours. We absolutely must stop short of being glad at the thought that someone is in everlasting torment. For our own sakes, if nothing else.
Oh and thanks Prax and 9ek, I’m sorry I never really know what to say to compliments.
Perhaps the old saying is true. If you have nothing nice to say…
Maybe this woman didn’t even deserve an obituary.
Tell that stuff to a therapist.
If you need to tell the papers you obviously need healing.
“Or, write a book. But saying to the world, “Watch us spit on her grave!” is unnecessary.”
I agree Hans but please keep in mind that what you stated is relative. Was the children’s response disproportionate to the abuse they suffered at the hands of this mother? This question would help us in deciding whether their action was justified.
I think that this is a dilemma of the message over the form of delivery. I am always a proponent of the message. Imagine someone’s son/daughter attempting to inform a parent while in public that they tripped. Imagine that the parent is not paying attention because they are shopping. But this kid is in pain and all of the sudden this kid shouts “you never listen to me you monster.” Imagine that the location is Macy’s food court. Now would you propose scolding the child for calling this parent a monster or would you analyzie the circumstances and bipassing this word attend to the message? Most of us are so hung up on the form of delivery that we truly miss the messages our children attempt to convey to us.
The case presented in this thread is a perfect example of attempting to turn this on its head. This is a done deal, everyone knows what these individuals experienced. Now hopefully they can move on and work on forgiveness.
“But this really is best kept in the family.”
When I was growing up in Eastern Europe Hans this was the exact thought on all things related to parenting and internal family matters. You could only imagine what this did to assisting abused children. Nothing.
Healing is the operative term Music. Abused children respond in kind.
Its next to impossible for a regular human being to stand neutral in the face of such adversity that directly affected him/her. Healing takes time.
Yes it does. I mentioned I had a mother that was very abusive, both physically and emotionally. She once hit my sister with a toy gun so hard she knocked her unconcious, tried to crush me behind the door because I wet the bed, tried to smother my sister with a pillow, and tried to drown us by driving us into the Niagrara River. Not to mention the marathon beatings that literally lasted for days. She was mentally ill and refused to take medication. She does take medication now, but she’s still basically a mean person. So is my father.
I wish they would apologize, but I know they won’t. I can’t say that I’ve exactly made peace with them now, but they’re elderly. My dad has cataracts, a bad heart, and walks with a cane. They won’t be around much longer, and I am no spring chicken either. I am still working on forgiving them, but I refuse to live with hatred and bitterness in my heart. It hurts me more than it does them.
Philly, I’m sorry to hear about your family history. LL
They may come to regret the timing or they may not. Hopefully they’ll come to a point of peace where they no longer wish her to be burning in hell, but I don’t think people like this “mother” have any right to pleasantries at death.
Thanks Laura. But like I said, I refuse to live in the past.
I have shared the story of my mother’s late term abortion, which she was pressured into. I am sure that it didn’t help her mental health that much.
Hi phillymiss,
Like LauraLoo I am saddened by your family history.
I also commend your attitude to move forward, because bittnerness and anger will only destroy you, physically and mentally, not your parents.
My brother became upset with me when I told he he must do the same…or seek professional help. I am holding firm that I do not want to listen to any more of his dwelling on the past. No one has less tolerance for abusers and predators than I have, but its time he take control and stop being a victim. I told him I say this out of love and concern for him, though he huffs in diagreement.
I see you as inspiration for my decision.
@Mary — we must have the same brother! Mine calls me from California to complain about my parents, even though he’s thousands of miles away, and the stuff that he talks about happened DECADES ago. Try to move on and don’t repeat the past. A few years ago my daughter told me that I was a good mom. That was the most wonderful thing anyone ever said to me because I knew I had broken the cycle!
God bless and best wishes to you and all abuse survivors.
It’s the wishes for eternal punishment that concern me about this obit. I’m not of the “keep it quiet and move along” mindset. Clearly, there was a problem here and the children should speak out about it, and hopefully had already been speaking out against child abuse. I do hope that they are active in some way in the prevention and/or exposure of child abuse. That said, it is healthy and helpful for precisely no one that her children are wishing, publicly or privately, for her eternal damnation.
Clearly, this situation is rife with pain and damage. I pray for healing for all involved.
I am sorry phillymiss, Jack and others for the abuse you suffered. No one has the right to abuse another human being but especially the people that are supposed to protect and nurture you.
BTW since you brought it up Jack and evidently are referring to me, Robert Lopez’s mother has been dead for years, he calls her his “beloved mother” and does not blame her for EVERY problem in his life. I think that he has a right to his own opinion about his childhood just as other people do about their childhood. I happen to agree with you that people don’t have to lie about their abusive parents while they are living or when they die. It is what it is. My husband’s late father did not abuse his last wife like he abused my late mother-in-law so his last wife accused my mother-in-law of lying. She had no idea of what she was talking about, my mother-in-law carried scars on her body to her grave that he gave her but all scars are not physical and sometimes the worst scars are not the ones you can see, that may be Mr. Lopez’s case.
The book by Dawn Stefanowicz “Out From Under: The Impact of Homosexual Parenting” gives her perspective of abuse and neglect by her mother and her father (a homosexual) she shares the good (every single aspect of her life was not bad), the bad and the ugly of her childhood and being the adult child of abusive parents. She talks about loving her dad and her mom but finding out very early she could never trust them. She lived through hell and no one ever came to her or her siblings rescue. She learned to keep lots of secrets. Eventually she was able through Christ to forgive her parents and to begin to heal (but she knew not to trust them). Her siblings are still hurting and they are pretty much estranged from each other.
I would not presume to know how someone should handle dealing with the life or death of abusive parents Jack. So I would say the obit referred to on this thread although it is tragic I don’t know if this approach will be helpful, maybe someone will rescue a child dealing with child abuse after reading their story. I hope and pray they will find healing one day as I do for everyone who blogs here that have suffered abuse.
I’m sorry Prolifer L I was just really overly upset when I wrote that. And it wasn’t directed at you, like literally every time I see homosexuality or gays who have kids brought up on conservative sites it’s Lopez this and Lopez that. And anyway, I wasn’t saying it was bad that Lopez shares his story, I just find it really annoying that no one criticizes him for doing so while people who speak about their abusive hetero parents get criticized.
I am sorry, I misunderstood and thought your comment was directed at me since I am the only one that I know of on Jill’s blog who brings up Robert Lopez occasionally. I have seen a few of his articles and have seen lots of criticism directed at him especially by those in the LGBT community who hate his guts. I think I even remember verbal attacks with some profanity directed at him in the comments section after 1 or 2 articles. So I disagree with you that he doesn’t receive criticism. The person I met that had a long discussion and interview with him said Mr. Lopez has had death threats from the LGBT community about his articles. It seems that they are only ”tolerant” of views that embrace and laud homosexual parenting as wonderful and good for children otherwise you are to shut up while they push their agenda through. That doesn’t sound like ”no one criticizes him” to me Jack.
I would not question your childhood experiences Jack so I think you are unfair in discounting his childhood experiences. Your childhood is your childhood and so is his. NO ONE should have to be “grateful” to their parents that they survived a dysfunctional childhood not you or Robert Lopez or Dawn Stefanowisc or Maryann Johnson Reddick’s children either. I don’t have a lot of problem with the obit maybe hoping she rots in hell indicates they have a lot of healing to do but I did not live through what they lived through nor what you, Dawn or Robert lived through. You continue to be in my prayers Jack and I wish you peace and healing one day like Dawn Stefanowisc.