Pro-life vid of day: The link between abortion and domestic abuse
by Hans Johnson
Almost 40% of those seeking an abortion report being victims of abuse. According to one Canadian study, these women are almost three times as likely to be victims as the general female population, and with those abused within the previous year, the rate climbs to almost four times.
This video is from LifeCharity in the U.K.:
Finding Hope – Discover Ella’s story from Finding Hope on Vimeo.
Email dailyvid@jillstanek.com with your video suggestions.
[HT: LifeNews]
Apr.22, 2014 12:00 pm |
Video of the day |
Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
Anyone else getting a “Sorry There was a problem loading this video” message?
I can’t watch it either.
I could see how if a woman was in an abusive relationship she would be afraid to bring a child into the picture. Her partner might abuse their baby, or having a baby with an abuser could make it more difficult to get out of the relationship. It is sad to think about.
The video is working, and it is not posted at LifeCharity (at least, not that I can find).
The study is difficult to sort out (with just a cursory reading). It appears that the authors believe that domestic violence is caused by patriarchal attitudes in men. And so, I suppose, the answer will be “more feminism.”
This thinking indicates that women deserve abortion, while mean-hearted men want to force her to keep the child. ”Barefoot and pregnant,” you know.
The reality is quite different. In violent situations, it is most often the man who does not want the child. He uses force and threats against the woman to coerce her into abortion.
The study concludes (in a brief half-sentence) that sometimes abuse is used to coerce women into abortion…. but then it goes on for several sentences to urge legalization of later-term abortions — because women need late abortions in order to escape abusive relationships!??!
I think the author’s agenda has blinded her reason. If a mother approaches her OB/GYN seeking an abortion because her partner is abusive, the OB/GYN should help the mother and child to escape the dangerous relationship. Contact law enforcement or social services or something….
Abortion does not solve domestic abuse. It only kills the child and lets the abuse persist.
“It appears that the authors believe that domestic violence is caused by patriarchal attitudes in men. ”
Well there is a subset of abusers whose abuse is caused by their patriarchal attitudes, but I think it’s ridiculous to think all of it is. And domestic abuse is surprisingly more gender neutral than people like to believe, I don’t think women hit their husbands/boyfriends because of patriarchy!
It doesn’t surprise me that so many abortion seeking women are in an abusive relationship. Life stress like domestic abuse could certainly contribute to a woman making a decision like that.
Do you have any studies backing up your statements, Del? Just curious, because the experience I had working with a domestic victims shelter showed that what you are saying isn’t most often the truth. I witnessed that women, especially when married to rather than dating their abuser, felt trapped by pregnancy, and their partners seemed to encourage pregnancies and more children. One poor woman was 22 and pregnant with her fourth child by her much older husband.
I only worked there for a short time, so maybe what I observed does not represent the whole. In most situations, though, the male or female abuser wants complete control of his/her partner, and a partner who is pregnant or is caring for an infant is easier to control.
I agree that if a woman tells her doctor that she is being abused, or fears becoming abused, the doctor should provide her with assistance. I believe that they are supposed to.
I still can’t watch the video.
Del says:
April 22, 2014 at 2:00 pm
The video is working,…
D’oh! I mean it is NOT working, as we all can see.
Abortion is always a bad “choice.” If a woman “chooses” abortion, it is often because she fears something worse than abortion. This is why most abortions involve an element of coercion. If we can take away her fear, we can save her child.
I don’t know if there are any patriarchal men left in this emasculated country. I’ve never met one. But there are a great many violent people (more than half of them men) and they wreak havoc in their relationships.
I don’t have any studies, len.
Domestic abuse runs across a whole spectrum. Ariel Castro used pregnancy as an excuse to beat one of his victims viciously (causing multiple miscarriages) — and he used the child of his other victim as leverage to control all three of his hostages. At the opposite end, an abusive women can threaten and use pregnancy and abortion as ways to control and punish her man.
I know this much: Children do not cause abuse. And abortion does not end abuse.
The solution is to separate the abuser from the victim. No child needs to die.
You probably are both experiencing observation bias. Men (and women) who force women to abort is an experience more likely to be seen at an abortion clinic, while women who don’t abort are more likely to have their children be a topic that needs addressing at a domestic abuse center. To both of you it looks like that is the case “most” of the time.
Reproductive coercion is a well-known and documented phenomenon in abusive relationships. Like len said, abusive people often use children and pregnancy (and conception, in the case of birth control sabotage and such) to control and abuse their partners. A woman aborting because of her abusive relationship is likely doing so because she feels like she can’t get away if she has a child or is pregnant. And of course there are those who force their partners to get an abortion. Children are used terribly in every way in abusive relationships, whether they are used to forced compliance or killed because the abuser/coercer doesn’t want a kid.
JDC,
It wasn’t just you. Sorry about that.
“JDC, It wasn’t just you. Sorry about that.”
No problem. Thanks for the vindication.
P.S. it seems to be working now.
Today when a woman goes to a hospital she is asked ( I can only speak for Cleveland OH ) “Do you feel safe at home?” If you dont then there is you chance to get the police involved. As an abuse survivor myself I can tell you its sad but often women prrotect their abusers. I ought to know. I did it for 10 years.
heather,
I’m guessing this is standard practice now – for any patient. In my recent hospital stays I was asked if I was being mistreated at home. As if that would cause a leg infection!
I’m not exactly a 98-lb. weakling, either! :)
Yeah they ask everyone if there is abuse in the home, even if they go in for pneumonia like I did.
Hi hans n deluded..yeah they didnt do it in the 90s but laws have changed. They always do it now. However yrs ago you could have a domestic and the cops would come and tell you to both cool off and leave with aa warning. Today someone goes to jail because the state picks it up.
I think it depends on state (or if you have a lazy/bad cop). Sometimes the cops come, make jokes, and then leave.
Deludid they did this to me often in the 90s and I had 2 kids from my abuser.
I really think the psychology of domestic violence, whoever the perpetrator, is just so incredibly complicated that establishing links to abortion may not be possible, and likely not prove much of anything.
Center Against Forced Abortion
http://thejusticefoundation.org/cafa/
The link is already there. It has already been established.
How complicated is it really? Abusive men abuse. They force and coerce and beat and kill women who refuse abortion.
It proves that abortion for women trapped in abusive relationships is not much of a “choice.”
Hi Carla,
I’m afraid I don’t see the link. Yes women may be threatened and abused into abortion like they may be into doing any number of things, like committing crimes. I’m not saying a link doesn’t exist, its just been my experience that the psychology of domestic violence is very complex. A woman may abort to “get even” with an abusive partner who may insist on her having the baby, not because she was forced. Or she may abort to abuse her partner, who she already torments physically and emotionally.
Again, there just too many factors involved.
It’s fascinating that this blog has never done a story on the Violence Against Woman Act, or on the many ways in which it is difficult to get out of an abusive situation, whether because you live in one of many cities that allows tenants to be evicted if they cause disturbances by calling 911, or because domestic abuse is of low concern to law enforcement where you live. (For example, the city of Topeka repealed its law against domestic violence.) But there’s plenty of room for vapid sound bytes about celebrity pregnancies. It’s as if the blog’s interest in the well-being of women begins at conception and ends at birth (or when the woman has an abortion).
You don’t see a link between domestic violence and forced and coerced abortion Mary? I am sorry to read that. Happens everyday.
LisaC
Write something up and submit it to Jill.
I am not a fan of all the Hollywoodness either but here we are.
I agree with you though that people do not seem to understand the courage and strength it takes to LEAVE an abusive man or woman. I constantly hear “just leave.” Um. Yeah. It is not that simple. Women and men in abusive situations need US to help them. Need our help and support to leave.
You are wrong about interest in women BEFORE or AFTER they abort. Many of us here are counselors and facilitators and directors or volunteers and work with women everyday. Those that are post abortive and those that chose to keep their babies. Did you know that some maternity homes allow women to stay until their little ones are two years old? Or that Pregnancy Centers help women for years and years as well? Sometimes the same women into their 2nd or 3rd pregnancies.
The interests of the blog??? Again you would have to speak with Jill Stanek.
Hi Carla,
Yes I can see a link, like I can see a link between domestic violence and someone being forced to commit a crime or killing in self defense. I also think people will lie about domestic violence to cover their actions, such as the murder of a spouse.
I didn’t say there wasn’t a link, one very likely exists. I’m saying the psychology and issue of domestic violence is so complex that’s its hard to point to one factor or another, and say, “that’s the cause”!
Abuse takes many forms. It goes both ways. Very sadly the children, born and unborn, are very often the weapons used against the other in these situations.
Hi LisaC,
Not necessarily “low concern” to law enforcement but the most dangerous and dreaded calls the police must respond to. If you think abuse victims welcome the police as their knights in shining armor, you are sadly mistaken. Police are as fearful of violence from the “victim” as they are the abuser. Police have been brutally attacked by “victims”. The one time my brother came within milliseconds of pulling the trigger was in response to a domestic violence call, when he saw the abuser was holding both a machete and either a hatchet or samurai sword.
When I worked ER we would plead with women, some not married and with children, to seek help from the domestic violence center. We were told where to shove it. Other situations made you cry, women who were so trapped in dead end lives and situations.
Now I know some people on this blog will whine that I am “blaming the victim”. No I’m telling it like it is.
This is what I mean by the very complex psychology of domestic abuse.
Hi Carla,
I’m pleased to point out that our community has a domestic violence shelter as well as a mothers and infants home where pregnant women, mothers and children, or single women can seek shelter and the help they need. We also have a facility for pregnant women and young mothers who have been in trouble with the law and need more guidance and supervision. They usually go there by court order.
I’d love to see LisaC’s blog. It must be fantastic.
Mary, I agree that abuse goes both ways but cops are *not* knights in shining armor so it’s natural that the victims don’t see them that way. And often it’s not so simple that they can just say yes, i’m being abused to hospital workers because they are usually either afraid or in denial about what has happened.
Sometimes abused people will “shut off” their abused parts when they are around authority type/medical people. They say “I’m fine” because, maybe, they are trying very hard to tell themselves they are fine and in that moment, they usually genuinely are telling themselves they are fine.
And victims usually defend their abusers for years, especially if it’s emotional abuse because they say to themselves, “At least he/she doesn’t hit me…” or whatever. And Carla, I know how hard it is to get away. There’s a person in my life like that and she hasn’t left. But many people have given her an open invite should she ever decide to leave. It is very hard and if you suspect people are abused, give them an out and give them love and support – even if it takes years. Getting the courage to leave is probably one of the hardest things to do.
Hi LisaC,
I agree with you regarding the focus on violence against women but when you brought up VAWA, it made me reflect a bit:
1) VAWA is a redundant law and duplicated the Civil Rights Act as it pertained to women.
2) The individual state’s have done an outstanding job prior to and subsequent to VAWA in enacting laws that protect women in DV situations. For example: in Illinois, the Cindy Bischof Law effective as 01/01/09, has done more for ensuring women’s protection from DV abusers, that VAWA has done since its re-authorization in 2013.
3)VAWA protocol dictates to treat every domestic encounter by law enforcement as potentially a DV situation and gives credence to calls to police based on “who called first.”
Just some issues I want to make you aware of regarding VAWA. As I remember many feminist activists were against VAWA back in 2005 and 2013: they argued that VAWA treats every men as a perpetrator and VAWA’s grant structure reflects that…..
Can we please remove the underlying. Seems its just automatic in this thread. Thanks….
Hi LibertyBelle,
These are highly emotionally charged situations and police entering them are as fearful of the victim’s response as they are the abuser’s. My brother, who was a patrolman, tactical mobile unit(which he never told our mother!), mob detail, and surveillance, feared and dreaded nothing more than a domestic violence call. No police are not “knights in shining armor” but I’ll sure be glad to see one if I think a prowler is on my property. My response won’t be to pick up a lamp and smash her or him on the head! Yes, domestic violence victims have been known to do that to responding police officers, as well as aim guns at them, to name just a few. As I said, the psychology of abuse is very complicated and these situations very unpredictable and dangerous for anyone entering. That is why you as a neighbor should not walk in on them hoping to help out. Get the police.
These were women who were being treated for abuse. They told us, we knew. We had social workers on hand. Yet one young woman, after her second visit, told us she loved the guy too much to leave him. “He’ll change”. What can you do then?
I also said I saw young women so hopelessly trapped that I wanted to cry. I know very well LibertyBelle that it is by no means simplistic, which is what I’m trying to point out.
And yes I am well aware of how dangerous leaving an abuser can be. The woman, and sometimes the man, genuinely fear for their lives, and with very good reason. Their only solution is to get a gun and learn how to use it. Sorry if that offends some people, but that may be the only option if you’re going to survive.
Speaking of my brother working surveillance.
His assignments included some of the most notorious and dangerous motorcycle clubs. The roughest bikers you see on TV reality shows are boy scouts next to these.
He described how women were abused, passed around, prostituted, and then some.
Yet strangely enough, no shortage of women standing in line to get into these clubs. They weren’t dragged in at gunpoint.
You can draw your own conclusions. My brother gave up trying to understand it.
Mary,
I am pleased to read what your community offers!! We have the same. Thank you Lord.
Please explain your comment at 11:09. Thanks.
Hi Carla,
You have to draw your own conclusions. Why do these women stand in line to be abused and mistreated? They like bad boys? They have psychological issues of their own? I have no idea and my brother could never understand it. Just as Big Joe could never understand why women were drawn to the most dangerous and vile criminals imaginable.
We were discussing the psychology of domestic abuse and violence and I just point out another example of how complex it really is.
BTW, I equally can’t understand how some men are drawn to sleazy, abusive women.
Hi Mary,
I was engaged to an abusive man. He confirmed for me the way I felt about myself before I ever met him. Worthless. I tried to leave and he tried to kill me. But God gave me the strength and the courage to conquer my fear and finally get out. It is a cycle.
There are several of us that comment here that know what its like.
For all of the research you do and all of the knowledge you possess it surprises me that you cannot comprehend the cycle of abuse.
Women that “stand in line” are trapped. Even though the world sees them as sleazy. And constantly tells them that there isn’t a “gun to your head.”
So do your homework. Write legibly. Put your name on the top. Hand it in. No talking.
It is not our job to constantly ask WHY? WHY? WHY?
women abort or men and women abuse and are abused. To constantly ask why is pointless.
It is our job to offer help and hope and healing to those that are hurting. To seek them and do our best to help them break free and come to know The Healer of our souls. Jesus.
http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/as-a-former-prostitute-and-madam-i-know-firsthand-why-prostitution-must-be
Hi Carla,
Do you know why my brother became a policeman? He so looked up to the officers who responded to the domestic violence calls in our home. My first experience with domestic violence occurred when I was a 5 month fetus…my mother was knocked down the basement stairs. It didn’t get any better.
Much of my knowledge of sociopaths and narcissists comes from first hand experience of emotional abuse, being made to feel worthless, manipulated, lied to, such an easy trap to fall into and so hard to get out of… Live and learn, right? Just when you think you’re nobody’s fool…..
The police officer who responds to the domestic violence call may be sympathetic, but he/she also has to be realistic. The victim may not want or appreciate their help, whatever her reason, and the officer had better be very careful.
I don’t want to see women and men trapped into dead end lives of abuse and hopelessness. The help is there and I want them to take it.
Yes I understand there is a cycle of abuse. But I also understand the psychology involved is very complicated as well.
Why do some people seek out dangerous, potentially abusive situations? like the women I mentioned? Why are women drawn to mobsters and other dangerous criminals? One woman said that as a teenager her role models were mobster’s molls and it was her dream to become one. She did and her life went downhill. Are they drawn to this danger for some sick reason? Sorry I don’t see them as “trapped”. I would like to see them make better choices, I don’t advocate their being abused. Sadly the world is full of dangerous predatory people just waiting for an easy mark. Just as sadly there are people willing to set themselves up to be marks.
There are people trapped in abusive situations, who naively and unknowingly end up in them. I’m sorry to say there are also people who seek them out for reasons I can’t begin to comprehend.
I think what Mary meant is that some women have had that type of abusive upbringing while growing up and that is all they know. So they are drawn to men that reflect their father or stepfather and continue this vicious cycle. That is certainly the case of the average DV victim that I have contact with.
Those that do not have such a background, end up with men who are sweet and lovely and 6 months into the relationship, BAM – show their true colors.
Once in such a relationship, it takes on average 10 or so times before the woman is successful in leaving. Most are not allowed to work so the money is the issue, most have children so that is an obstacle also as the man uses the children to control her.
Most are exposed to “honeymoon” periods during which the perpetrator pleads and begs and promises gold often buying gifts. They love the dude so they stay.
The bottom line is that women do not willingly get into or stay in a relationship with abusive men.
Mary can speak for herself Thomas. :)
I get what both of you are saying.
We are still called to love.
I once was blind but now I see.
Hi Thomas R,
Thank you.
I don’t know if the upbringing was necessarily abusive or if for some reason the women are just attracted to certain types of men. I’ve also seen men who seem to seek out women who are crude and abusive. Sometimes the sleazier the better. Again, the psychology behind this is beyond me.
I don’t think the women want to be abused, but let’s face it, no one forces them to seek out dangerous men and potentially abusive situations. Maybe they have some romanticized ideas about these guys. The mob moll gal became disillusioned when she was gang raped by mobsters, and none of the mobsters came to her defense. Imagine! Also, some of these gals can give as good as they can take. The guy wants a fight, he’ll get one.
Like I said Thomas R, people have to draw their own conclusions. I’m just telling it like it is. Like my brother and Big Joe, I long ago gave up trying to understand this.
Hi Carla,
I certainly respect what you have to say and I want to see every available service for victims of domestic violence.
Mary there’s plenty of evidence that being abused as a child actually changes your brain, and it corresponds to stuff like dangerous thrill seeking and other behavioral issues in adulthood. Since the majority of men and women who are abused were also abused as children, I think what you’re seeing is response to childhood abuse for the most part.
We like to pretend we’re all 100% responsible for our decisions, but there are many factors involved. Carla mentioned having no sense of self-worth and the abuser reinforces that. I can tell you if you grew up being hit daily and treated like garbage you don’t find it that odd if your partner (of any gender) hits you and belittles you among other abuses, you just get used to such things. Then there’s the fact that abusers deliberately make it so you can’t leave. My ex turned off my phone, made sure I had no money (since I was the stay at home), took the car, threatened to claim that I was the abuser, threatened to take the kids, among other things. It’s difficult to leave if you want to and in some areas the “help” isn’t as comprehensive as you might wish.
I don’t think it’s helpful or right to harp on victims because they didn’t leave on a timetable you approved of.
“3)VAWA protocol dictates to treat every domestic encounter by law enforcement as potentially a DV situation and gives credence to calls to police based on “who called first.””
No, it’s not actually based on who calls first. They have criteria for “primary aggressor”, which involves (among other things), the person who is larger and has the capacity to do more damage. Which basically means male victims of domestic violence, unless they are unusually small, have little recourse legally. I had multiple cops (the ones who didn’t just find the situation funny) threaten to arrest me if I ever hit her back, but they would ignore the fact that my ex had already hit me! Eventually the neighbors stopped calling the cops for fear of accidentally getting me arrested and it obviously wasn’t helping. And then there is the funding issue, it’s only for female victims like you pointed out. I don’t like it, I wish it was a bit more gender neutral.
Hi Jack,
My point in all of this is that the psychology, for whatever reason, is very complicated.
People who were not abused also end up in abusive situations. It may be naivete, immaturity, making a poor decision, being drawn to the wrong kind of person time and again. Or you just love this person and hopefully he/she will change. The victim’s own innate personality traits may also be a factor. I’ve known young women from the nicest and most stable families to be drawn to dirtballs, and tragically end up abused and trapped.
Where do I harp on victims and any timetable? Didn’t I say that someone’s life may very well be in danger if they leave? That arming oneself for protection may be necessary?
Like you my brother, a cop, was physically assaulted by his wife. And like you who’d believe him? Why she doesn’t weigh 90lbs dripping wet and you’re a cop?!
I take domestic violence very very seriously and as I said I want to see every service made available to those in need.
BTW,
Speaking of innate personality traits. Big Joe told me these characters, both in and out of prison are inclined to seek out nurses, expecting to find easy marks, and usually do. He said nurses are inclined to be more nurturing, wanting to help, seeing the best in people. Sitting ducks for these guys and the sob stories they can come up with.
Well, obviously they never met my sister! The dumb schmuck that tried to mug her in a parking lot regretted it!
Jack,
You said it better than I did. :)
Jack, VAWA misses the boat on the criteria for “primary aggressor” big time, simply because of the assumption that its the man everytime. And yes, who makes the call makes a big difference. I see it weekly.
How do you think it plays out when VAWA will support giving agency a grant based on numbers of prosecutions but these prosecutions have no basis in the arrest. Why do you think DV cases are dropped when the complaining witness does not appear in court? VAWA would have the dude prosecuted regardless….
Hi Carla,
I agree you and Jack made valid points and I don’t dispute them.
I only mean to point out the many sides to this issue and that human nature doesn’t always follow anyone’s logic. I only wish this problem was as simplistic as too many people think it is. No I’m not making reference to anyone on this blog!!
Mary how can anyone know in what type of a relationship they will end up in? I don’t understand your logic in this regard. What is naive here? Majority of DV cases start out honeky dorey and lovey dovey and than the guy does his thing. The rest are a combination of other factors, yes – but in general its like marrying someone who becomes an alcoholic 2 years later. “You should have known” does not apply to either situation…
Hi Thomas R,
Well when women are drawn to and seek out dangerous and potentially abusive men, i.e. the bikers, mobsters, criminals, it isn’t likely the attraction is these guys go to church every Sunday. They may have highly romanticized ideas about these guys, or they may be well aware that life with them can be very dangerous and violent, and that is the attraction. Some of these gals may also give as good as they take and aren’t necessarily model citizens themselves..
Where did I say one can predict a relationship or anyone should have known? By naively I mean he/she is unaware that this person is anything other than what he/she thinks. He/she is loving, devoted, kind to him/ her. Maybe its his/her first relationship. He/she is young, inexperienced. Very vulnerable.
Something we all are at sometime in our lives. Been there, done that.
Hi Thomas R,
Watch “Who the Bleep Did I Marry” sometime. That’s what I mean about being naďve and unsuspecting as well.
Nooooo way would I ever remarry!! :)
Your last sentence makes me get it Mary :)
We never know what the other person will turn to be like Mary. That is not being naive but taking the other person as they present themselves. Hopefully dating takes care of getting to know the other person. If it doesn’t we learn the hard way….
“Jack, VAWA misses the boat on the criteria for “primary aggressor” big time, simply because of the assumption that its the man everytime. And yes, who makes the call makes a big difference. I see it weekly.”
I agree, like I said, cops found it amusing if I had bloody nose/bruises/whatever and were basically just there to make sure I wasn’t hitting her. A few even asked her if she had hurt me in “self-defense” (when she had not a single injury and didn’t even look upset!). There’s definitely an assumption that it’s the dude every time. Thirty or even twenty years ago people didn’t do a thing about DV, and I’m glad that they are taking female victims more seriously for the most part, but I think the way they are going about it is causing some serious damage to male victims. It allows female abusers to use the system to abuse their partners as well (like my wife saying she’d claim I was the abuser and take my kids… she didn’t actually do it but she definitely could have and probably would have been believed). The laws also ignore the fact that a lot of relationships are mutually abusive, it’s not a comfortable subject but it’s reality and there’s plenty of evidence that who is a victim and who is a perp isn’t all that clear sometimes. I knew one couple who would both fight each other all the time, they were both very violent and nasty. He was the only one who ever got arrested though.
“How do you think it plays out when VAWA will support giving agency a grant based on numbers of prosecutions but these prosecutions have no basis in the arrest. Why do you think DV cases are dropped when the complaining witness does not appear in court? VAWA would have the dude prosecuted regardless…”
I think the idea was holding abusers accountable even if their victim is too terrified to testify or among other issues. There is certainly a problem with victims dropping charges over and over, that’s why in some states they prosecute assaults regardless and have the automatic arrest rule (which is definitely dangerous for men in abusive relationships). I don’t see how they can be prosecuted with no complaining witness though, isn’t there a legal right to face your accuser?
But anyway this is all digression, the topic was abortion coercion which definitely happens in all kinds of ways in abusive households, whether it’s a male or female perpetrator or mutually abusive.
Hi Thomas R,
We never know how someone will turn out, very true, and I never said we can, but people of little experience, or with more life experience, can nonetheless be naďve when blinded by love. Though it is more likely when we are young, inexperienced and foolish! I must admit though watching a couple of those episodes I could only think, ….You idiot, why do you think he/she is doubling your life insurance policy!!? How freaking stupid are you!!?? Or “you believed that”?? Even I was never that naďve and that’s saying something.
After watching “Who the Bleep Did I Marry” that last sentence has become my life motto. :)
Just when you think you are nobody’s fool..
Hi Jack,
Your post reminds me of a movie I saw years ago, about a husband being abused by his wife. She would have insane jealous rages, attack him in his sleep, etc. He tried to cover it up, who would believe him? She was half his size, the “perfect” wife and mother.
Finally at the end she has a violent outburst and attacks him, he swings in self defense and sends her flying into a wall. The police and paramedics respond, arrest him, she claims he beat her, and even his own father, a police officer, doesn’t believe him.
As it turns out one of their children witnessed the altercation and she told her grandfather and the other officers what actually happened. That was the only thing that kept him out of jail.
An excellent movie and real eye opener. Definite double standard.
Yeah Mary… people say that female-perpetrated abuse is less serious (and it IS somewhat less likely to cause death or disability when we’re talking about adult victims, that is definitely true, but it doesn’t mean it’s less horrible) but I’m pretty sure it’s because they have never been in that position. Being bigger doesn’t mean anything if you are unwilling to risk harming a woman by defending yourself.
No abuse in my family. Both of my parents loved me and never spanked me…never even was yelled at. Eh maybe once in a while. But I am a nurse and Mary is right on with that. Thomas is as well with the honeymoon faze. I would say the same thing….he only hits me once in a while. The abuse grew worse and in the end he tried to stab me and run me over with a car. He moved out after meeting another woman. He went on to abuse her. He cant stop abusing. Now pushing 50 hes alone and living with his mom. Hes now a crack addict. Our kids are now 22 and 21. He and I have no contact.
THIS is amazing!!
http://www.rtl.org/legislation/PendingLegislation/Coercive-Abortion-Prevention-Act.html
From the link
Background
As many as 64% of women who have abortions report feeling pressured. This pressure often rises to the level of coercion, as housing, university athletic scholarships, and other financial support are used as leverage to force women to abort. Further studies reveal that in an alarming number of cases, coercion escalates into physical violence and even murder. In fact, homicide is the leading cause of death among pregnant women. These bills will give women the legal backing they need when being coerced to abort, and help prevent the tragedy of physical assault and murder of pregnant women.
Description
Research confirms that a substantial number of women feel forced by boyfriends, spouses, parents and others to have an abortion against their will. Women are coerced through threats of physical violence, withdrawal of financial support, loss of housing such as being kicked out, and violation of employment contracts or other legal agreements. Furthermore, numerous studies have confirmed that women presenting for abortion are substantially more likely to be suffering domestic violence.
H.B. 4799 adds to Michigan’s current anti-extortion/coercion provisions by including coercion to abort as a specific crime. It will be illegal coerce a woman to abort by threatening or actually committing the following actions: physical assault, withdrawing financial support, or terminating or otherwise violating a legal contract such as an apartment lease, university athletic scholarship, or employment contract.
H.B. 4798 establishes penalties commensurate with the seriousness of the prohibited action. Physical assault and stalking carry more severe penalties, while withdrawal of financial support or violation of a legal contract will be punishable by stiff fines.
H.B. 5134 and 5182 will require that abortion clinics screen for coercion and domestic violence, and then provide appropriate referrals to facilitate an escape from the abusive situation. All abortion clinics also must post a sign informing women that coercion to abort is a crime. The Department of Health must include a section regarding coercion to abort in the informed consent materials that women are required to read before having an abortion, and include a domestic violence hotline number.
H.B. 5181 gives a woman the right to bring a civil suit against any person who coerces her to abort.
Now let’s go after the abortion mills and their coercion.
Right, Carla, I’d like the abortion mills to answer for their coercion!! Talk about taking advantage of a woman in a potentially very difficult situation.
And that’s not even mentioning the horror of rapists and sexual abusers (esp. incest and/or underage victims) using abortion to hide their crimes. Sick.
LB,
At ten weeks I was told it was “just a bunch of cells.”
That was the first of many lies of omission at that mill. And that is only my story. The tip of the iceberg.
I am praying that God brings their deeds out of the dark and into the light!
As I remember many feminist activists were against VAWA back in 2005 and 2013:
Thomas, I doubt that you understand what the word “feminist” connotes. VAWA was opposed by groups such as Concerned Women for America and individuals like Phyllis Schlafly (and, of course, by some Catholic bishops), not by groups who are “feminist” in the common use of that term.
Write something up and submit it to Jill.
Carla, I spend enough time correcting this blog’s lies of omission and commission. I’m not about to put time into helping it feign concern about domestic violence. Aren’t you always screeching at people to “OWN abortion! OOOWWWWNN it!!!”? Well, this blog should OWN its indifference. OOOWWWNN it!!!
Keep up the good work LisaC!!!
And yes.
Own your proabortion stance. Own your love of abortion “rights.” Own your promotion and celebration of women that pay someone to end the life of their baby in utero. Go you!