Darker shade of pale
Whoops. From the Associated Press, today:
A New York couple is suing a fertility clinic that mistakenly used another man’s sperm to artificially inseminate the woman’s eggs. The couple is white and Hispanic….
A couple can proceed with a lawsuit against a fertility clinic they filed after the wife gave birth to a daughter whose skin they thought was too dark to be their child, a judge has ruled….
Three DNA tests… confirmed [the husband] was not the baby’s biological father….
That’s bad enough, but the question should also be asked whether the child should remain in that home. The AP article continues:
The couple says that they have been forced to raise a child who is “not even the same race, nationality, color & as they are,” the judge said in the ruling….
They say that “while we love Baby Jessica as our own, we are reminded of this terrible mistake each and every time we look at her; it is simply impossible to ignore,” the judge’s decision said.
And finally, just how many of these guys are there in the world?
The couple’s lawyer, Howard J. Stern, did not immediately return a telephone call for comment.
Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
“Forced” to raise a child?
How can someone be forced to raise a child? These are not words from people who love – there was a big mistake, but live with it – the product was an innocent baby not a defective product.
There is something very wrong here.
Hispanic is not a race, but an ethnic group. There are Caucasian Hispanics as there are black, Asian, Jewish, and mixed blood Hispanics. The wife in this marriage looks to be a mulatto or mixed blood Hispanic and the baby’s skin color can be very well attributed to her.
I think this couple wants to get some $$$ from this because any decent person would raise the child regardless of skin color or race.
This has happened before and it had a happier ending.
A woman had fraternal twins. One white and one black. Both parents were white. They get weird looks from people when they say that the boys are twins, but the child is very loved.
Isn’t Howard J. Stern Anna Nicole’s lawyer??
Danielle, no, that would be Howard K.
Oh, thanks for the correction. I never knew there were so many Howard Sterns out there.
Danielle,I saw that same story,but this was with 2 girls.
Here’s the story of the boys:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9438648/
I dont understand why this is such a problem. If the parents dont want to keep the child, wouldnt the pro-lifers just tell them to put her up for adoption? Thats what you tell the mothers who want to abort their babies; why should these parents receive different treatment just because they were not abortion-minded?
because SamanthaT,
people (even children) are NOT commodities … we do not select our Christmas gifts … or do you?
“we do not select our Christmas gifts … or do you?”
I do. Only time of the year I get things from my parents. I want something that I need not some crap that they’ll think I like (and won’t because they don’t know me).
John, I absolutely select my Christmas gifts! The people who get me gifts are close enough to me that they know what I want. And you are correct; children are not commodities. They are a much larger responsibility, the entirety of which some people are not mature enough to handle. If a couple is so disturbed by thier child’s skin tone, do you honestly think they are ready to commit the rest of their lives to her wellbeing? So am I to infer that because this couple wanted to concieve rather than not, they are not entitled to put this child up for adoption? If you suppose that people who carry their pregnancy to term must raise that child themselves, I am afraid you are only going to see an increase in abortion rates.
This situation is weird Samantha,
because the couple did indeed go through the whole IVP procedure to have children. So they have a choice – adopt out the baby (in the vast numbers of adoptions the kids and birth-mom’s are physically fine) or, they can pick Door #2 (and sue). Guess they liked the door …. reminds me of the stupidity of wrongful-birth-suits, by plaintiffs who are disabled. [I can assure you most of us disabled folk are scared by people making the false presumption that ‘we prefer being dead to being disabled’!]
John–
In a way, I can’t blame these people for suing. I mean, this is a pretty big mix up! If the clinic that they went to was careless enough to use the wrong sperm in the procedure they deserve so repercussions.
Think about it. What would happen to any other medical professional if they did something wrong? They would be sued for malpractice. I don’t see how this is any different.
Sure there is a child involved, but if how much would you like it if you wanted to have a child with your loved and ended up having the child of another man (even if it wasn’t threw sex, it still is that man’s child)?
Danielle and Samantha,
please, do me a kindness and give me your take on ‘gift’. The word for me applies all over the place … whether a gift is what I receive or, am I somehow a gift too … is a feeble gift worth anything? what is a poor gift?
John-
Are we still talking about Christmas gifts or people?
Hmm…
A Christmas gift from my parents means less to me than a gift from my boyfriend. I love my boyfriend more and share more memories with him, making his gift more special to me.
Gifts from my parents are things I need (that the normally wouldn’t buy me). Examples: tampons, shampoo, soap, stuff like that.
Now, I don’t make that much money and between paying for school, my car, and car insurance I don’t have much money to spend on gifts for my boyfriend. He’s “yelled” at me numerous times because I’ve spent more than $50 on things that he wanted and then had to struggle to pay for things for school. For our two years, I was unable to buy him anything substantial and instead made a scrapbook of our two years together and a nice romantic night.
If we’re talking about pregnancy. A child that is wanted of course it’s going to be seen as a gift! But if you don’t want it for whatever reason, it’s not going to see that way, it’s going to see like a curse.
Does that answer anything or am I just rambling?
Danielle,
Think about this. It’s the same child.
It’s that attitude that different.
Should we kill the child, or work on the attitude?
MK
Work on the attitude of course. Make EVERY child a wanted child. But that’s not going to happen through simply making abortion illegal.
It’s going to come (hopefully) threw educating people about sex. Making more efficient birth control available (which might happen with the male birth control pill).
While Jill likes to paint the pro-choice side as wanting women to get abortions, we don’t. We want to see the numbers go down. And unwanted pregnancy is not something to rejoice (and I mean unwanted, not unplanned. Unplanned pregnancy can turn out to be very wanted).
I see it as if you make abortion illegal in the US, women will either 1.) have illegal abortions here by untrained people and maybe causing the end of two lives or 2.) they’ll go to Canada where it is legal (which is what happens over in Europe. Women go to other countries where it is legal instead.)
John, a gift is something given with the intention of improving the life of someone else. As I said, the people who give me gifts know what I want or need. For example, MK gives daily the gift of her encouragement and prayer, despite the fact that we are at opposite ends of a large debate. Other people who frequent this board give condescending lectures and hypocritical testimony; this is not needed, not welcome, and most certainly not a gift given with the unselfish intention of bettering someone’s life.
Hi Danielle,
The answers you gave are perfect. I have long assumed that the reason for the abortion-fight is not the scientific ‘proof’ of human existence … but on the value of life itself. You have experienced firsthand how really wonderful love can be. You sense you are gifted just to be in your boyfriend’s presence. [Much the same scenario happens via religion.]
there is a whole different slant to this that I experienced a number of years ago. [It still numbs me into silence.]
I had fallen deeply in love with this very pretty lady. Being a much better at writing than speaking, I wrote her a letter explaining how I felt and hoped that she felt the same towards me.
She was shocked and purposely sat me down to hear her-out. She said (direct quote): I had ‘insulted her for ever believing she could be interested in a handicapped man!’ I was so stunned, I really didn’t know what to say. The next day I began to recover a little self esteem. A very good male-friend told me that he agreed with her.
What do you do with such a thought – that you are worse than nothing … only taking up space (a downer/parasite/curse actually? Is my existence that bad?
I have learned many a thing from seeing the world from down-up. One thing I have learned is that there are many, many people who do not see themselves as gift to one another … a child is always a gift, so is the rain, the sunshine, the air we breath … and the presence of the people in our lives. As MK says, we need work on ‘wantedness’. … n’es pas?
John I very much look forward to a world when all babies are wanted. I think that Danielle is right on target when she says that better birth control will contribute greatly to this end. Also, MK is right when she advocates a loving attitude among even those who disagree. And for the record, I personally consider your contributions to this blog to be a gift as they continue to challenge my intellect as well as my soul. Sweet dreams, friend!
ty very much, Samantha
John, I’m sorry the woman you loved didn’t appreciate how beautiful you are on the inside.
Oh for heaven’s sake John,
First Jill has me laughing at giggling babies,
now you’ve got me crying…
You were way too good for that girl.
She sounds more handicapped than you’ll ever be.
That aside, since you have brought it up, and everyone is too polite to ask, what is this mystery handicap?
Tell me to m.y.o.b. if you want. I’m a big girl. I can handle it(I’ll just lie awake all night trying to puzzle it out and then be too tired to go to the clinic tomorrow and probably take it out on the dog and make my husband mad and end up divorced…) But no guilt, no pressure. Don’t tell me if you don’t want to…
If I wasn’t married I go out with you in a heartbeat. I don’t care if your a wheelchair bound, bald midget with bad teeth and a stutter,
with a mind and a heart like yours we could rule the world.
MK
You know,
lately we have all been sharing bits and pieces of our lives. Having an abusive mother, abusing drugs, having a handicap…all challenges, which we have overcome or are overcoming.
But it makes me think…
Everyone has a story.
I fear we have been too hard on HisMan.
I’m sure he has a story too and I’m concerned that we’re turning him into our “whipping boy”.
Yes he can get annoying and yes he throws a lot of scripture at us (which is not a bad thing, but small bites might be better), but you gotta love him.
And I can’t very well be givin’ everyone speeches about respecting each others views and then turn around and attack a guy when I am in the line of fire. Can’t just respect the people that are easy to respect. So, I’m gonna let up on him. Would you guys do the same? I appreciate you sticking up for me, more than I can say. ( I got choked up, never expected it) but he hasn’t been back since we ganged up on him, and , well, geez, I kinda miss him.
MK
John,
“I had ‘insulted her for ever believing she could be interested in a handicapped man!'”
D:
That is one of the most horrible things I’ve ever heard! While I could respect someone’s feelings of not being interested in a person to say that your “insulted” because someone showed interest in you is ludicrous and very unnecessary.
I’m sorry that you had to go threw that. I couldn’t imagine if my boyfriend had denied me because of my horrible depression and social anxiety.
I don’t know what your relationship status is now, but I hope that you will someday find someone to love and support you for who you are as I have. Best of luck!
John, I feel terrible that someone would ever do that to you. That is unwarranted and cruel for anyone to ever think that way.
I hope that you’ll find a woman who will appreciate you for your unique gifts and strengths…not your perceived “weakness”. I don’t believe there’s anything truly weak about you. :)
I’m sorry that woman was so shallow, John. When I hear about people like that I am embarrassed to share a gender, not to mention a race (as in human) with them.
I am also really really really really sorry for what I’m about to do because it is really annoying, but … I’m in France and so I couldn’t help noticing your “n’es pas”. It’s “n’est-ce pas”. I apologize. Your fault is not important … but I have the absolutely uncontrollable urge to correct it.
Ciao. Or as we write it in France–tchao.
Goodness, John, how terrible that anyone would say such a cruel and heartless thing to anyone! MK is right when she said that girl is much more handicapped than you’ll ever be!
Awe thanks gang,
you make me think too. When you folks came to this site en mass, it was a wee overwhelming with everyone touting a pro-choice line almost verbatim – as if you were all at the same computer terminal. But very slowly, thanks to MK and Jill, Momof3 and His Man … you folks began to see that there are real people on the other end of the line … other folks who very much care about you and your dreams.
I can handle quite easily most science stuff, but I am not as schooled in biochem the way some of you seem to be… thanks for the help. I have many problems with the way much science is handled, and I have spent many a year trying to figure out where a mistake was made. [MK this is not your forte – that’s fine, but it is mine!] I also have some theology training … went to a seminary for 3.5 years … so am right at home with much of what is called religious/philosophical thinking. [His Man has a superb understanding of this subject … and even though I very much agree with both Alyssa and MK … gotta say he appeals much more to the male (our thing), than maybe the female.]
A bit about me:
I have a genetic disease called Friedreich’s Ataxia (FA or FRDA). It is a rare disorder that mimes most symptoms of multiple sclerosis. For me it has meant a (demyelination) misfiring of nerve paths of the spinal chord (called the peripheral nerves). So I cannot walk at all and my arms are inaccurate when stretching. My typing skills are … let’s say SLOW … VERY SLOW. And my speech – almost incomprehensible …. even to me!
I’ll be turning 60 in about 1 week …. loves this celebration, because the average age of death for an FA’er is 40. It is a child-multiple sclerosis … beginning often @5 (with a second group @14). [Have lost some very close FA-friends over the years!] So, now I’m experiencing age deterioration packaged with FA deterioration.
If you are more curious … just ask … pretty damn hard to offend me!
Leah,
the grammar lesson is fine: I live in northern Ontario, Canada and more than 1/2 our population is Quebecois-French! Theirs is a slang!
John,
I don’t really know what exactly to ask about your illness- I’d rather like to say, you seem like a very couragous man and God is watching over you, seeing that you have made it so far. We might disagree on certain topics, even strongly disagree- but I am happy you share your thoughts in this blog, because it takes smart pro-lifers like you to make people think.
Cool! I love Canadians!
… though I hear from a (very very very … very) biased source that Alberta is the best province.
:)
God bless
*hug* to you, John. I’m sorry if I’ve offended you previously, or anyone else for that matter….It is a highly charged subject. Have a wonderful weekend. I hope you have many more years ahead of you. :)
John,
Now you listen to me! If you think for one minute you’re going to be checkin’ out anytime soon and leave me here alone (the only Catholic) to fight this battle, your nuts. I’ll come up there to Canada and do a little keister kickin’…HisMan may think I’m all touchy feely, but you die and I’ll dig you up and make you sorry…
eh?
MK
All right,
Fess up you guys…how many of you immediately googled “Friedreichs Ataxia”?
MK
Oh c’mon John,
I just read about FA. Suck it up. It’s not like you’ve got something really serious like chicken pox or somethin’.
Holy Schnikey’s man,
It sounds awful! I just love meeting heroes. And you never lost your faith. You are an inspiration!
(Was that too chicky for you…I tried to use a line from Tommy Boy…sort of “man it up” a bit.
Fat guy in a little coat and all that. Maybe something from Gladiator?
MK
Love you too, MK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
John – Thank you for sharing a little piece of your life’s story with us. You are an inspiration to many. I have only recently found this website and have found myself enjoying your posts. It is because of your courage that many of us here have such a ‘fire’ in our hearts to stop the “I wouldn’t want to live like that so why should we make them” attitude.
MK – There’s another Catholic on here now. ;-)
Valerie,
Yeah!!!!!
John, this is not permission to disappear. You’re still gonna have to stick around for a while….a lllllloooooooonnnnnngggggg while.
MK
*giggles*
You’re forgetting me, MK!!
I’m a Catholic badass though.
Well,
Alyssa, you’re young. There’s time.
Prepare to meet your match:)
I was once a cheeky young thing too.
Look at me now.
A cheeky old thing.
With chin hair.
But, I’ve come full circle home to where I started.
The allies were fun, but this is much more fulfilling. I don’t just like my faith. I LOVE my faith. It is so incredibly deep.
Last week after mass, I told the priest that I believed that should change the words before communion from “Happy are we who are called to His supper”, to “Delirious are we who are called to His supper”
I’m tellin’ you girl, once you get past all the stuff college has stuffed into your brain and start over, you’ll learn things that’ll curl your hair.
Rebel without a cause? Try this. We are in a spiritual battle. HUGE spiritual battle. Quite possibly the final spiritual battle. We need soldiers girl. Trained, armed, brave and ready soldiers. It might get ugly.
You need to start with reading up on the saints, Eucharistic Miracles and the incorruptibles” Good stuff. Puts you in the right frame of mind for the supernatural warfare that’s goin’ on. From there, move on to Fatima (not the stories you heard as a kid), Akita Japan, the Rwandan apparitions, and Medjugorge.
Then get back to me. I’ll point you to the next step.
I almost envy you. The first time is always the best.
MK