To give us a break from the daily grind…
Fox Insider’s Megyn Kelly shares her top 5 list of things not to say to a pregnant woman. Can you add to this list?
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRLM9eX_Jw8[/youtube]
Email LauraLoo with your Lunch Break suggestions.
[HT: Kristina J.]
Violations will be deleted and you may be banned.
Threats will be immediately reported to authorities.
Following these rules will make everyone's experience visiting JillStanek.com better.
Our volunteer moderators make prudent judgment calls to provide an open forum to discuss these issues. They reserve the right to remove any comment for any reason. Jill's decisions on such moderations are final.
Go to gravatar.com to create your avatar.
Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
Am I alone in that I was okay with hearing how “very pregnant” I was?
What bothered me was never what people said but that they totally ignored my personal bubble. My brother-in-law used to joke about getting me one of those, “touch the belly, lose the hand” shirts. XP
I’ve never been pregnant, but based on things I’ve heard people say to pregnant wome and things that I would find offensive if I were pregnant, as far as I’m concerned, pregnancy-related comments should be more or less restricted to the following:
1. “Congratulations!”
2. “How’s it going?”
3. “I got you a shower gift.”
Seriously, I’ve known men with cancer who didn’t get subjected to personal questions about their bodies. A guy has prostate cancer? Let’s just tell him we hope he overcomes it, because, you know, it’s prostate cancer and he might not want to answer questions like, “Are you going to have your prostate removed? Does that make you impotent?” Women get pregnant and suddenly people think it’s open season to ask about weight gain, stretch marks, how they hope to deliver, and – just between you and me, hon – how’s your sex life going now that you’re pregnant? Let’s just hope you don’t have to have an episiotomy!
One of my cousins has been pregnant twice in the last three years and it’s all, “Oh, turn around, let me see how you look from the back – wow, you don’t even look pregnant!” My mom says that when she was pregnant with me no one ever started conversations with her about anything other than her being pregnant and she got really tired of it. If (hopefully when) I get pregnant someday, I’m not even going to tell anyone besides my husband and my parents, who will not be allowed to tell anyone else. I’m going to see how long it takes before someone says something.
I partially blame those [mentally insert expletive here] “body after baby” articles in magazines. Oh, wow, Singer X had a baby two months ago and you can’t even tell by looking at her! Actress Y is having a hard time taking off the pregnancy pounds!
Negative comments about women’s bodies are usually so much more sexually-related than negative comments about men’s bodies. When people don’t like the way a man’s body looks, they say he’s fat, bald, or ugly. The only more sexually-based negative comment about men that people make in public, that I can think of, is that a guy is getting “man boobs”. Well, would you look at that, it goes back to women after all. Women not only get to be called fat and ugly, they get to hear that they have a huge butt, their breasts are all saggy, their breasts are too big, their breasts are too small, their hips are too wide, their thighs are enormous. It has absolutely nothing to do with what anyone wears, before someone offers that excuse.
My addition to the list:
“So, after this baby, are you done”?
Or, “Were you planning on this?”
That’s the big gem I hear all the time – not for me, I’m not pregnant, but for my sister and other friends who are. “Was she planning this?” “Were they planning on having a baby?” It’s like birth control culture has seeped into the weary brains of the entire world. If you’re not “planning” on having a baby and you get pregnant (even within marriage) people still pass judgment on your timing! Ridiculous.
Add to the list,
“Are you having twins?”
My belly gets really really large when I’m pregnant. Everyone I encounter seems to comment on it. This last time, I was hoping for twins just so I could say that yes, I am expecting two babies.
The funniest/ worst comment came from my own husband. While getting romantic one night in my sixth month of carrying our first son, he decided to try out a new term of endearment. But calling me ‘Jumbo’ just got him a mild slap.
And no lovin’s that night.
Eight years later and I still get some guilt mileage out if it, though. :)
One of the worst I have had said to me, “Wow! You look like you’re going to pop!”
Okay I lied. I have run across both John’s comment, “Are you done after this?” and Cat’s “Were you planning on this?” and they both made my blood boil. Oh, and, “How did that happen?”
“You are huge!”
“You are as big as a house!”
“Waddle, waddle, waddle.”
“Looks like you could pop that kid out any minute.”
“You look miserable.”
“When are you due?” (asked 3 weeks after I had a boy)
Also, if a woman does NOT want an abortion, any suggestion that she should have one may upset her. It’s best not to even mention abortion.
Any comment implying that she shouldn’t be having this baby, or that it’s unwise to have the baby, could be upsetting for her, and an act of insensitivity on the part of the commenter.
Even a hint, like asking if it was planned, can be offensive, because of fear that the pressure for an unwanted abortion will ensue if they admit it wasn’t planned.
How about, you look beautiful? Is that ok?
ts,
I was pregnant with a friend and we ALWAYS said to each other, “You look amazing!! You look beautiful!! You are glowing!!”
Kinda took the edge off the stupid comments.
Carla,
Well, I should hope you were pregnant with a friend! :)
I once whispered into my sister’s ear “When is she expecting?” about a visiting friend. Of course, she wasn’t – just a too-tight-dress! If I’d asked that out loud I’d have had to banish myself to an ice floe along with Frankenstein’s monster!
I was pregnant with a friend. ha
And there was a female friend carrying her pregnancy at the same time I was. :)
You live and learn to never ask a woman if she is pregnant until you get that verified with someone else.
Carla: “When are you due?” (asked 3 weeks after I had a boy)
Whew… that was an “ouch.”
I told her “I had my baby boy 3 weeks ago.”
Why lie?
Her expression was priceless and I can only hope she is wiser today.
:)
Just as bad as “Are you done?” is “Don’t you know how that happens?” I have heard both of these a gazillion times since I have seven kids. The last time I heard the later I said “No, why don’t you explain it to me.” The person laughed and I gave him a dirty look and walked away.
If you are the boyfriend or husband, never say, “Are you sure it’s mine?”
“Wow, you really need to ease up on those baked-bean burritos!”