Lunch Break: Teen girl bullied to dress more provocatively – WWYD?
by LauraLoo
UPDATE 9p: ABC has disabled embedding capability. Watch the video here.
Would you confront a teenager bullying his girlfriend at a clothing store, trying to get her to dress more provocatively? ABC’s John Quiñones asks the question, What Would You Do?
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJAbwqrFkKo[/youtube]
Also, a question for our female audience: did you ever experience a man who wanted to control your wardrobe in some way? In my mid 20’s, I thought it strange that the man I was seeing didn’t want me to wear makeup, skirts above my knee, or high-heeled shoes. His preference for me was gym shoes, jeans, and no makeup – anything to detract from my femininity. He also bullied me by controlling conversations until they were discussed to his satisfaction. Fortunately, God entered my life, ended that abusive relationship and, not too long thereafter, I became a Christian.
Email LauraLoo with your Lunch Break suggestions.
Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
eeeewwww is it any wonder? ever see that show where the kids are in beauty pagents and the little girls talk like grown women? and mom is the typical stage mom. its nothing more than kiddie porn and tlc puts it on the air…..shame shame shame on everyone who takes part in that kiddie porn show. the pedophiles are watching. trash and its disgusting
I had a weird experience the other day while walking across my campus. There was a girl wearing a pair of what I can only call denim underwear and a short midriff baring shirt which was see-through and off of her one shoulder, exposing her black bra. The girl was hardly dressed, there was nothing left to the imagination. Right behind her was a girl in a burkha – with full face covering. I was stunned and thought about this juxtaposition. They both are told what to wear by a society, they are both oppressed. One is oppressed to make herself a sexual object and the other is to hide any evidence of sexuality. It just made me think that women are in such a werid state. We’ve lost our clothes but made have not gained any equality.
Reality, your question was deleted. Unless you can rephrase it so you don’t sound like a perv, it’ll stay deleted.
cant speak for LL but i dress the same. it depends on where im going.
In my opinion, anyone who says that certain clothes are “sexier” than others has it all wrong. First off, being sexy isn’t what you wear – it’s how you feel. And secondly, being sexy isn’t exactly earth-shattering in the grand scheme of things.
Seems like everyone’s worried about “being sexy” these days and all the while women continue to be valued only for what they look like and whether they can turn men’s heads. We are worth more than that. It’s unfortunate that more women don’t see themselves past “Do I look sexy today?”
and heck yeah i wear make up. i just make sure i dont look like kinko the clown. i have clothing from victorias secret and goodwill. also some of my friends and i share clothes as we are the same height and weight. give or take a few inches or pounds.
Sorry Kel, that was not my intention at all, ew!
What I meant was what does LauraLoo consider appropriate dress for people now that she has god in her life rather than the control freak she was seeing. I just wondered about the difference between her pre-christian and christian perspectives.
Thank you for deleting my original wording.
LauraLoo, I also had a boyfriend my freshman year of college who did not want me to wear makeup, heels, or skirts. One time that I did, I was walking through campus and a man looked at me and smiled. My then-boyfriend yelled at me, accusing me of trying to entice him.
This man was also verbally and emotionally abusive–he yelled a LOT. In March of 2009, he also raped me and was never charged for it. It took a suicide attempt on my part in order for the relationship to end.
So, it really creeps me out to see a man trying to control what his girlfriend/wife wears, because for me it was a symptom of a larger problem.
Reality, thank you for rephrasing! :)
i know reality i hear you. sometimes i type stuff up and say eh that didnt sound quite right. eeerrrr
So, it really creeps me out to see a man trying to control what his girlfriend/wife wears, because for me it was a symptom of a larger problem.
I agree. It is definitely a symptom of a much larger problem. It’s a red flag for abuse and control issues.
A man with a large need for control probably has a small….
agree with the control freak thing. if you love someone you accept them as is. when someone tries to change your clothes your weight or your hair…./…Ruuuuuuuun!
lol @ reality. im sure you meant mind:) no not all of them. loved the part in the movie mrs doubtfire where robin williams kidds pearse brosnan about his mercedes! roflol
Unfortunately these movie links never work on my cell, so can’t watch the actual situation. I can imagine a situation where I would get involved, but I can just as easly imagine a situation where I wouldn’t get involved.
I’m extremely modest. Like i’d prefer a burka to a pair of pants if I was walking down the street by myself. My personal level of modesty is over and above what I think is generally appropriate (what I’ll let me kid out of the house in someday), but I do think much of what is ‘common’ dress is completely innapropriate. But I babble. If a woman is being forced to dress beyond her comfort level by a man then that is definately a red flag. But if a significant other is trying to convince their girlfriend/wife that they’d really like to see them in *this* outfit, well that’s just normal give and take in a relationship. Everyone has different styles they like. My husband likes big gaudy bracelets on me, in silver. I think they look horrible, and would *never* buy one for myself. But I’ll happily wear one for him. Likewise he’s willing to wear a simple silver necklace in place of one of his heavy wooden or bone ones when we go out. Cuz he knows *I* think he looks better in it.
Accepting the other person as is is, of course, vital to a healthy relationship. But, do you want to look nice to *you* or to the person you love? I’d say in a healthy relationship the other person’s opinion should count more than yours. (But again, not more than your comfort level. If wearing X freaks you out or makes you uncomfortable, someone who loves you isn’t going to ask you to wear it)
I meant level of self-esteem heather ;-)
I believe part of the reason Stephan was such a control freak was because he was divorced and his ex kept trying to make sure he couldn’t see their 8-year-old daughter. His ex would keep moving and not tell him where she and his daughter had moved to. He came from a military family and called “home” a different place for so long – over 30 times by the time I met him.
To Reality, before I was an authentic Christian my life was all about trying to find someone to love me (partner for life) and looking the best I could, always with a slightly provocative edge – just enough to get the dates I was desiring. And though I always believed in God, I didn’t know Him personally. But after this particular relationship ended, I was invited by a friend to go to her Bible-believing church and heard the Gospel over and over for months. I realized quickly that my biggest concern (and new fear) was not the loss of this guy (or another serious relationship I had before him) but did I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would be going to Heaven…and I did not! Once I trusted in Jesus Christ as my LORD and Savior, in His finished work at the cross to pardon my sins, my life was never the same. Even since then, it was no longer if I did or did not have someone in my life or what I could wear to please myself and/or other men, it was getting to know my God, the ways of God, how He works in peoples’ lives, and finding eternal significance and security.
When I see other women dressing and acting inappropriately (too short of skirts, too low-cut of blouses, emotionally empty flirtations, and a subtle flaunting of themselves to get attention, it all comes back to how I used to live during a portion of my 20’s. But through God, His Word and other mentors in my church, I basically had to be reparented so that I could be modest in attire and actions and confident that God would guide me to work all things for good (Romans 8).
To Kate, thank you for sharing your painful background story. To be honest, we were two broken people so there was a lot of yelling at times from both of us – primarily because I had a failed relationship before this one and also my mom passed before I started dating Stephan. And he wanted to be able to see his daughter without all of the game playing and legal hassles that his ex put him through so we were under various forms of stress.
LauraLoo <3
Thanks LauraLoo, I understand. :-)
Okay, LauraLoo, I’m officially worn down. This show does provide food for thought, unlike Punk’d or Candid Camera (I am so old! :( ).
Reality, thanks. :)
Hans, LOL. :D
LL
i’d like to see more modest clothes, however. A lot of times i hear that if a girl wears more than a bikini, then that’s because she’s ashamed of her body and doesn’t want to show it to others. This is so false, yet it is extremely difficult to find a modest yet stylish bathing suit. If you have pictures of demoiselles wearing those, please let me know. i’ve never seen BarlowGirl take a swim. :(
Usually what i do in these situations is politely suggest the bikini-wearing friend i know to either wear her shirt or wear one of my brand-new, never-worn shirts if i have any. So whether or not they accept, at least they know that they don’t have to walk around without being properly covered. It just becomes very difficult for me to look at them at all, because of the distracting emphasis on the chest. :(
LauraLoo, the “skirts above [your] knee” can be dangerous territory for anyone, although that doesn’t excuse people acting rude towards you. Just be careful, because knee-length is ideal, and little to no skin between the hip and knee should be shown. The makeup? Not a problem, just check if it’s healthy and ethical for you. High heels? Same advice as the makeup, but make sure it doesn’t hurt your foot. Don’t be ashamed of your femininity, but at the same time, being reasonable would be appreciated. :)
Thank you Alex – that “season” of dressing was a while ago and my dresses/skirts are always below my knees. LL :)