Being that my father was never in my life, this just makes me want to give her everything I wished my father had given me…. She’s a blessing.
~ Rapper Bow Wow commenting on his newborn daughter, as quoted by US Magazine, July 7
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Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
Wow wow, Big Bow Wow – congratulations to you!
LL :D
While I certainly appreciate his comment, and applaud/encourage his participation in his daughter’s life, I cannot tell if (like so many “celebrities”) if this “baby’s momma” (his words) is Mrs. Wow, or not.
His actions are 100% correct, as far as they go – but we also need to stop praising actions that may only be going halfway, and (intentionally or unintentionally) promote sex and parenting outside of Marriage…
While recognizing the “good” I am hesitant to (appear to) “promote” the incomplete…
Precisely, RSC- So many people I know try to do BETTER by their children but don’t do right by them. My neighbor is pregnant with another child out of wedlock, different dad than her first child. She was raised with nothing and because of the hell she endured, she provides well for her children. But she still did them both a huge, irreparable injustice when she denied them a father by conceiving them with men that weren’t married to her.
http://www.aceshowbiz.com/news/view/00042005.html
Indeed, this rapper is nothing more than a “babby daddy” and not an actual father. He and the baby momma live together- but she left him off the birth certificate because she was angry. People who feel like they control relationships and family based on moods means that this domestic partnership won’t last. Poor kid. She might have a father that will take her to the park and pay child support, but as for a real dad in the home, I sincerely doubt it.
I saw wrong- He flew in to drive the woman he’s not even dating and his daughter to their house:
In the lengthy letter, Bow Wow also shared, “I want her to live with me so bad. Jus us 2. Thats my dream man but fellas yall know how it go. Baby gotta stay with they momma and all dat bull. I hate that! So i have to fly 5 hrs away to see her. I find myself going into my i phone book jus lookn at pix of her. Sometimes i tear up cuz i just cant believe it brotha be emotional.”
So in this scenario he created, it’s only one parent at a time. This is so sad.
@Jacqueline — I agree, but at least he is going to be part of the child’s life. I know it’s not politically correct, but children need a strong male figure, preferably the father, in their lives. In my line of work, I can count on the fingers of one hand the cases I’ve had where the father is in the home.
I read that 30 percent of black families are headed by a single woman, as opposed to 28 percent that are headed by married couples. I’m sorry, I think this is a disaster for the black community. We’ve always been the “canary in the coal mine” for Americans and I bet that soon, in the general population, the situation will be much the same. There are many angry young black men (and females) walking around, and I would say that growing up in a fatherless home is an issue with them. I see it every day.
I guess I’m hardly the one to talk about the sanctity of marriage, since I’m divorced, but my children did have their father in the home while they were growing up (I divorced when the kids were in their teens). I am not trying to degrade single mothers — some of them do very well — but study after study shows that children from two-parent homes do better in school, are less likely to get into trouble with the law, and have better emotional health than children from homes with single mothers.
At least he wants to be involved. Disagree with the way the baby was conceived all you want, but so many men would just take off and send a check every once and a while. Kudos to him for wanting her and loving her.
When did “being involved” become worthy of praise? YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE INVOLVED WITH YOUR KIDS! When we praise behavior that ain’t great, but merely a step-up from a worse alternative, we are supporting bad behavior. The standard has become taking a child to the park on weekends and paying child support makes someone a good father. That’s not a father. The standard should be living with and raising your child with their mother- in a lifetime commitment (i.e. marriage). It’s not about how the baby was conceived- hell, it’s about what they aren’t doing now. He lives 5 hours away (BY PLANE) from his daughter. This is not okay.
There are no kudos to be given for injustice toward a child. It reminds me of praising Sarah Palin for not killing her disabled son. There is no praise for NOT killing someone. It makes it out to be that “killing a child is okay, but not killing that child is merely “better”- Not killing should be the standard. When we praise something that isn’t praiseworthy, we lower the standard. Praising a man for loving his child is ridiculous. Every father SHOULD love his child- and love that child enough to do right by them, before or after conception.
Phillymiss- Don’t concede! We shoot for the ideal and sometimes we miss. In those cases, we do our best to get as close to the ideal about possible. You tried for the ideal and it didn’t work out. That’s far, far different from not even trying to do right by your kids. We can’t concede that because the ideal sometimes doesn’t work “at least” these people are doing something. Once again, that’s not the standard. I guarantee you that because of our American culture, not one of these men not living in the home with their babies even recognizes that damage that does to their children. Instead, they think they are examples of excellence for just being involved. They aren’t. They failed. BIG TIME. And there kids will always suffer for that.
” Praising a man for loving his child is ridiculous. Every father SHOULD love his child- and love that child enough to do right by them, before or after conception.”
So, so many fathers don’t love their children, though. I like to hear about anyone at least attempting to be in their child’s life and caring about them. I would have preferred that my father lived five hours away, honestly. A father in your home doesn’t equal love and caring. The world isn’t going to be perfect, we can encourage better behavior without condemning those who made mistakes.
And seriously, we on the pro-life side want to encourage and support those with “unwanted” pregnancies to keep their child alive and either raise the baby or give him or her up for adoption. The majority of these women are single. Do you think it advances the pro-life cause to vilify single parenthood? Yes, it isn’t preferable. Yes, we should work towards reducing the incidence of out-of-wedlock pregnancy, that’s just common sense. But to place a stigma on single parenthood, telling men they aren’t real fathers if they aren’t married to the mother… that all seems counter-productive to me.
JackBorsch says:
July 11, 2011 at 1:08 pm
At least he wants to be involved. Disagree with the way the baby was conceived all you want, but so many men would just take off and send a check every once and a while. Kudos to him for wanting her and loving her.
________________________________________________________
I agree. MY father didn’t even do THAT much. When he found out I was on the way, he just took off…period.
“And seriously, we on the pro-life side want to encourage and support those with “unwanted” pregnancies to keep their child alive and either raise the baby or give him or her up for adoption.”
See! Exactly my point! Since we have become so depraved that killing a child is an option, now not killing a child becomes noble instead of the standard. Ripping a child apart with forceps is legal, so NOT dismembering a baby is heroic? See how we are devolving? Once when I worked in domestic adoption, a pair of very disappointed parents wanted to talk to their pregnant daughter about not getting in that position again. Her response, “At least I didn’t abort it!” While it’s true that she could have, the idea is that somehow this justifies making a foolish choice to have sex to begin with. It doesn’t. If the movement suggests through incentives and applauding that people should, “Have kids alone without the basic structure kids deserve- just as long as you don’t abort!” I think we are furthering this devolution. The main goal needs to be outlawing these more evil options, but the more we present not killing a child and having children without fathers to be heroic, the harder is will be when abortion is no longer an option to suggest that they are not heroines. I give people credit for not making a wrong choice on top of a wrong choice, especially when the wrong choice is so easy and they are pressured into it- but at some point, someone has to say that something ain’t right when it takes 2 people to make a child and yet only one person raises a child. And irresponsible women blame men when they are each responsible for their own mess but chose not to see it and instead laud themselves are the epitome of responsible parenting. I blame women more than men.
What’s counter-productive is calling evil good simply because a greater evil exists. We could applaud child abusers who stop after beating the child simply because he/she didn’t outright kill them. We could applaud rapists for stopping at rape. We don’t- because child abuse and rape are unacceptable. Luckily, we haven’t devolved in those areas.
I used to be an evangelical and they dedicate babies, not baptize them. Before you could have your child dedicated as a single mother, you had to go through a process with the pastor saying that you’d repented and what you intended to do to get as close to functional as a single-parent household can be, with the full support of the church. The Church does this for the benefit of the mother, child and not to lead people astray as to bless sinful activity that hurts children. Honestly, my first thought was, “She could have killed that baby and avoided this censure.” Who knows how many women, seeing the clear stance on sex out of wedlock, have killed their babies to avoid embarassment. So I see why you say this is counter-productive. Yet I still feel like their is a balance between helping women and children and glorifying bad choices that hurt woman and children.
“See! Exactly my point! Since we have become so depraved that killing a child in an option, now not killing a child becomes noble instead of the standard. Ripping a child apart with forceps is legal, so NOT dismembering a baby is heroic? See how we are devolving? Once when I worked in domestic adoption, a pair of very disappointed parents wanted to talk to their pregnant daughter about not getting in that position again. Her response, “At least I didn’t abort it!” ”
I never said it was heroic, I said it was preferable to abortion or abandonment. Yes, two-parent households are, most of the time, better. It isn’t devolving to rejoice that another child wasn’t killed, that another child is loved.
” If the movement suggests through incentives and applauding that people should, “Have kids alone without the basic structure kids deserve- just as long as you don’t abort!” I think we are furthering this devolution. The main goal needs to be outlawing these more evil options, but the more we present not killing a child and having children without fathers to be heroic, the harder is will be when abortion is no longer an option to suggest that they are not heroines. I give people credit for not making a wrong choice on top of a wrong choice, especially when the wrong choice is so easy and they are pressured into it- but at some point, someone has to say that something ain’t right when it takes 2 people to make a child and yet only one person raises a child. And irresponsible women blame men. I blame women.””
Well, I blame both genders, not just women. They can’t make babies alone. I understand that you feel that we should be strengthening the morals of society and encourage marriage and children. But when a child is already born into a less-than-ideal situation, I can’t see how it is helpful to condemn the parents. The time for those lessons is before pregnancy happens.
“What’s counter-productive is calling evil good simply because a greater evil exists. We could applaud child abusers who stop after beating the child simply because he/she didn’t outright kill them. We could applaud rapists for stopping at rape. We don’t- because child abuse and rape are unacceptable. Luckily, we haven’t devolved in those areas.”
Calling something better than the alternative isn’t necessarily condoning it, there is a gradient of damaging acts. My father was sexually abusive, and my mother was physically abusive. I would have rather lived with my mother if my parents had divorced. Not because beating me half to death was in any way GOOD, it was preferable to being raped. And so, being at least involved in your child’s life isn’t PREFERABLE, but it is better than abandonment or abortion.
“I used to be an evangelical and they dedicate babies, not baptize them. Before you could have your child dedicated as a single mother, you had to go through a process with the pastor saying that you’d repented and what you intended to do to get as close to functional as a single-parent household can be, with the full support of the church. The Church does this for the benefit of the mother, child and not to lead people astray as to bless sinful activity that hurts children. Honestly, my first thought was, “She could have killed that baby and avoided this censure.” Who knows how many women, seeing the clear stance on sex out of wedlock, have killed their babies to avoid embarassment. So I see why you say this is counter-productive. Yet I still feel like their is a balance between helping women and children and glorifying bad choices that hurt woman and children.”
There is a balance, and there should be. In Bow Wow’s own words, he is heartbroken that he cannot live with his daughter. That is a powerful statement. Do you think that it is helpful to his daughter, when she is old enough to understand, that people condemn her parents?
I’m sorry for what you went through as a child, Jack. That’s HORRIFIC.
But you seem to have turned out pretty well ;)
Just because something’s preferable to something worse, doesn’t mean it’s okay. Rape is preferable to murder- that doesn’t make rape okay. You are acting like wronging a child okay because there are worse things out there. You also suggest that married parents would just be “better” – rather than the standard. Anything short of married parents raising their biological children is a sign something is wrong: some problem that merits adoption on the part of the birthparents, infertility, death of a parent, abandonment, divorce, pre-marital sex, etc. This obviously isn’t judgment, because people aren’t guility of anything when they can’t conceive, lose a spouse, etc. but we can’t act like there isn’t pain from all of these problems that cause single parenthood. There is. A child placed for adoption with a wonderful couple will still deal with problems from their adoption. Two people married and raising their children together is right. Anything less is a sign something is wrong. As a woman fighting like hell for custody of my godchildren, I will be the first to admit that me, their non-biological mother raising them in a home without a father (not even their father, any father) is a sign that something is very, very wrong. Am I doing wrong by being their mother? Hell no! Actually, I work from home so I’m pretty much a stay-at-home mother, so I am lucky as far as single mothers go. I am *preferable* to any alternative we can find, but my children were wronged that their father abused them, molested them and then took off- and their mother did the same thing. This is wrong. My adopting them doesn’t change that, fix it or make it go away. I looked for my godchildren a good adoptive home with a Daddy, the closest I could find to what they deserve and sadly, I am the best they can do because of all the variables I can’t control. But even if I placed them with a perfect family, they will always have issues from the injustice done to them. They come from dysfunction (unfit, abusive, incapable parents)- being with me (a single parent with means and ability and support to raise them) is a lesser degree of dysfunction, but not function. I hate that. Now, I think I am a great mother and they could have done worse (they came from worse), but I know that I’m not the standard they deserve. Sadly, life isn’t fair. But I know I did nothing to deny them what they deserve, only help bridge the gap. If I caused their abandonment by having them without a father or marrying a bad guy, I would absolutely blame myself.
All I’m saying is that because something is better than an alternative, doesn’t make it good. Good is good. My kids having the parents they deserve is GOOD. Them having me is preferable to a disgusting alternative, but it’s not what they deserve. I doubt that because I became a single mother in spite of abstinence on my part to ensure that wouldn’t happen- that I will start saying that single mothers are a great thing for kids so I can feel better about a situation I know to be unjust and wrong. My babies got SCREWED. That’s the truth. Now, they ended up in a better situation, but it doesn’t change that they were screwed. Bow Wow’s little girl got screwed too- now, she ended up in a better situation by having a father that wants to be involved, but it doesn’t change that she was screwed. The problem is, people that screw over children don’t see that they are screwing over children. This needs to change, no matter whose feelings get hurt.
Jacqueline, I agree with most of what you are saying. And I think it is wonderful that you are willing to give your goddaughters a loving safe home, I would have killed for that as a kid. You are right that a loving two parent biological family is right, but it will never be a reality for a lot of kids. And I believe in supporting those people who made mistakes. It is really just luck of the draw that I didn’t end up with kids outside of marriage. Anyway, I am not even sure what I am arguing anymore. I think it’s rotten the way the world is. Any steps toward the at least preferable alternatives is a step in the right direction at the very least.
Thank you Pamela. I have my problems, but I do enjoy being living proof to the pro-choice crowd that abused kids deserve a chance at life too.
P.S. My children are the most precious gifts in the world. It amazes me that anyone would be so foolish as to throw them away. It’s an honor to be able to raise them.
I believe in supporting people who make mistakes, too, but the first step is in recognizing what a mistake is- that’s how you remedy it and don’t repeat. If you are supporting people who are making mistakes without helping them make RIGHT choices, you aren’t really helping them. That’s what’s missing for your solution. You are just supporting bad choices because there was something worse- rather than helping people fix their mistakes and not make them again. How much do you want to bet that Mr. Wow will have another child with another woman who he doesn’t marry, since he knows now how much he “loves” kids? When people suggest his is worthy of praise because he is involved in his child’s life, how is he to know that he wronged his first child? He will repeat the cycle and wrong additional children. How about, “If you love your daughter- marry her mother so you can be a father to her everyday! If you can’t, love your future children enough to marry their mother first so your child doesn’t have to be without you and you without them.” People need to say that!
All kids are precious. Im sure I was precious at one point. I agree, I will never understand how anyone could abandon or hurt a child.
I agree with that, Jacqueline. Sorry for being such a bleeding heart. :)
Jack, I am sorry that you got screwed. My best friends- both- were also abused/neglected. My best girlfriend doesn’t know who her father is. She was the oldest of 7, 6 different daddies (the one who fathered two kids only stuck around because he was a child molester)- She raised her siblings, got married and took her baby sister with her. She says that one thing that provides her solace is that she doesn’t have to say, “Yeah, I had it rough as a kid, but it all turned out okay.” She can say, “That was wrong” and leave it at that. She’s a very successful married mother now (the only high school graduate in her family- and she has a master’s degree), but it doesn’t matter how she turned out. Nothing changes the fact that she was wronged. You were wronged. Period. I am glad that you are doing so well for yourself, but no matter what good comes out of something wrong, it’s still wrong. I’m sorry that you were wronged. I’m glad you aren’t using that as an excuse to wrong your children as people often do.
So that’s my girl bestie, who at 11 noticed that having children without a father means poverty, said “This is wrong. I won’t have any babies until I’m married and and I’ll stay in school.” She gets cause and effect and was able to say that he mother made bad choices that she didn’t want to repeat. Now, my boy bestie was the product of an affair between his mother and a married co-worker at a chicken joint. He wanted my friend aborted and his mother didn’t just because she was hoping that he would want her if she had his child. He ran off, of course, and his mom took inaquate care of him. HE took care of HER. He studied hard, got into college on ROTC and has always taken care of her. He has 2 masters degrees now because of Air Force benefits. He can’t bear to acknowledge that maybe his mother didn’t make good choices, because he’s taken care of her his whole life. So he’s concocting a messed-up beleif system around his childhood to say it’s the SYSTEM that made his childhood miserable (although welfare gave him the only food he ever ate, so he fails to see how the system only helped when his mother and father, who are truly to blame, didn’t do their jobs). He doesn’t want to see people ascend to success like he did. He wants to bring successful people down out of bitterness and envy. He doesn’t seem altogether see how he needs to stop the dysfunction and do right by his children, because he’s concocted a belief system that justifies his mother’s bad behavior.
Those are the two main routes wronged children take. A few (you and my girlfriend) take the good route that ends the dysfunction and creates happiness. Most (my best guy friend) chose to blame the wrong thing and create victims of their own.
I am glad you took the right road.
With regard to Bow Wow, I ask myself, “Is the glass half empty or half-full?”
We will never have a perfect world and there will always be at least some men who just cannot be good husbands and fathers. There will always be mothers who just would rather raise their kids on their own and who also would never consider adoption. This is not the ideal situation for children and we as a society should not promote it, but we need to understand that it does happen and it is not a tragedy. We as a society should NEVER shame mothers who bring their children into less than desirable circumstances as it is not only so cruel, but it also encourages the greatest evil of them all: ABORTION!
Do you think it advances the pro-life cause to vilify single parenthood?
@Jack: I am not trying to vilify single parents at all. I just am puzzled at some of the things people do and say. Ive heard young women say about men “I don’t want to be with him, I just want his baby.” So you like the guy enough to have sex with him, go through nine months of pregnancy and delivery but you don’t want him around after that? I just think that’s bizarre.
I do think a strong single parent, of course, is better for a child than two abusive or neglected children. Not all two parent families are perfect.
I’m sorry for the abuse you suffered, Jack. Add me to the list of abused kids. I think I mentioned that my mother was mentally ill and could be violent at times (having a saline abortion that she didn’t want probably didn’t help matters). She actually tried to kill us on more than one occasion by: 1) trying to drive us into the Niagara River; 2) crushing me behind a door; 3) Leaving my younger sister and brother outside in the middle of a freezing winter in Buffalo, NY. The list goes on and on. I vowed never to abuse my kids like that, and I didn’t. When my daughter told me that I was a good mother, I burst into tears.
Yet I still love my mom, but I keep my parents at a distance — I call on holidays and birthdays, but that’s it. and yes, though life hasn’t always been easy for me, I am still glad to be alive!
Jack, I too am so sorry for what you suffered as a child. Praise God that you have found your way as an adult. I hope your father is in jail. And your mother too. God bless you.
Jacqueline, I agree with your premise completely. Our society continues to raise up false idols and calls them praise-worthy. May God bless you and your precious children. You are also a gift to them.
God bless you both.
:-)
To everyone here that is disproving of single parents and separated couples, that is an important issue in society and I understand everyones concern but let’s not lose focus of point of this post. The point is Bow Wow cares about his daughter. Even though he is young, even though he has experienced a fast-paced, hip-hop lifestyle his hearts in the right place and he’s trying to do the right thing. He still has a sense about doing whats right and being a good father, hes on the right track. he may have made mistakes in the past but he still has time to fix things.
Keep in mind, he has been rapping in the music industry since he was a kid. He had to grow up really fast, its a fast lifetstyle so maybe he hasn’t matured enough yet to make the right decisions about relationships but it looks like hes on the right track and understands the importance o being in a child’s life.
Maybe he just needs time to mature and settle down. Eventually he might find a young lady he can raise his child with, who knows?
Eventually he might find a young lady he can raise his child with, who knows?
So that child is denied her biological mother- See, this just doesn’t work.
I do agree with Jacqueline and phillymiss regarding the importance of stable loving father-mother families being the best place for children. Phillymiss I think the percentage of unmarried births in the Black community is now about 72%, (I’m not being nit-picky here). This was not commonplace before the “sexual revolution” when the Black unwed birth rate was about 20% in 1960. The unfortunate thing is our entire American culture has embraced sex outside of marriage, cohabation before marriage which research shows promotes unfaithfulness in marriage because marriage doesn’t mean much and cohabitors are more accepting of divorce and 50% more likely to divorce when they do marry than those who don’t cohabit. Star Parker’s books expose the truth about what is destroying the Black community in Uncle Sam’s Plantation and our entire country from the inside out in White Ghetto.
@Jacqueline,
Are you saying that raising a child without their biological mother in their life but a step-mother instead, just can’t work? Is that true in all scenarios? I’m just trying to understand what you are saying.
By the way, I do understand the importance of having a stable, mother-father family for a child.
Yes. Step-parents are a sign that something is wrong. Either the real parent is dead, divorced, or abandoned the child. Children are meant to be raised by their biological parents, together. Anything short of that is going to have consequences. Sometimes, when we have horrible situations in life (like losing a parent for whatever reason), step-parents are the next best thing. Adoption is the next best thing when parents are unable. But both these scenarios have consequences for the children. No one should create these scenarios by choice- they should be an afterthought to a tragic situation (hopefully one that was unavoidable, not chosen).
This little girl can’t have both parents unless they marry. It’s be with Dad and lose Mom or be with Mom and lose Dad. She’s been put in a horrible situation of only having limited fathering. Suggesting that Dad and a step-mom is a better solution means the trauma of taking this baby from her biological mother. Suggesting a stepdad is negating the role of the biological father. I need my father. Not a father figure. And men are partial towards kids that are “theirs”- My mother has mothered everyone and leaves voicemails that say, “Hey, it’s Mama”- Yet when my father calls, it’s “Hey, baby. This is your Daddy.” Not Daddy. MY Daddy. He makes that clear. :) I am sure he’d say that to me if I were adopted, but men clearly have a bond with their own offspring.
Kids can be raised in many scenarios and still grow into healthy, happy adults. I have friends who were abused as children and become the picture of joy as adults- but just because that “worked” didn’t mean it’s okay. So this child can (and sadly likely will) be raised with step-parents, but that doesn’t remedy the initial injustice. She deserves to have all of her Dad and her Mom. Not stepparents, not commuters parents- a childhood with a Daddy to tuck her in and a mother to kiss her booboos. I had that. I’m the only one of my friends that did. We as a society are really screwing over our kids when most kids don’t have both parents.