Lunch Break: Rihanna and abuser Chris Brown back together
by LauraLoo
ABC News is reporting that controversial singer Rihanna is once again linked (personally and professionally) with former abuser BF Chris Brown.
Three years have passed since that abuse took place.
Has Rihanna become a terrible example by not staying strong and avoiding her former abuser at all costs?
How many other young ladies also repeat the same cycle? How many young ladies need a strong role model to stay away from these types of men for good?
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4P4CHzqRy4[/youtube]
Email LauraLoo with your Lunch Break suggestions.
Feb.24, 2012 12:00 pm |
Video of the day |
Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
What’s that saying about a dog returning to it’s…?
i dont have too much to say except most abusers dont change. she should have just left well enough alone. of course as we age we live and learn. im not a fan of hers but i wish her the best.
If he hit you once he will hit you again . I have family members who dealt with abuse and the broken promises “I won’t do it again, I promise.” Don’t walk away but run away girlfriend. Unless he 1. truly repents, 2. asks for forgiveness, 3. has a spiritual conversion and 4. LOTS of counseling and accountability; the odds are not good that this will turn out well. I am telling you the truth, seen it happen; many times women become pregnant by their abusers.
right PL L i speak from experience. i was backhanded a few times from an abusive boyfriend. i wanted to make excuses for him because his step dad abused him. id say things like ” it may only happen once every six months. everyone gets upset.” ” its not like he gets mad every day. he tried to run me over with his car one day as i ran for my life. that was the end. he went on to catch 2 DV cases with 2 different women after me.
A few years ago my mother, who had endured years of domestic abuse, had only three words of advice for Rhianna: GET OUT NOW!!!!!!
Am I surprised she went back to him? No. Do I expect a repeat of the abuse? Absolutely.
A lot people go back to their abusers. I am not concerned so much about her status as a role model as I am for her safety. I hope she wises up and leaves before she gets hurt again.
I don’t know her or him, but from what I do know something about abusers and women who hook up with them.
1.) Abusers are what they are, and it does take a great deal of work to change that. I agree with the need for genuine spiritual conversion, committed, in depth, long term counseling, and serious accountability. If that is going on with him, she should, imo, take this very slow, and make him regain her trust. If it isn’t, she’s asking for more abuse to go back to him. What’s that definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result?
So much pain, suffering, wasted time, injury and even death could be avoided by following a bit of advice offered by Maya Angelou: “When someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time.”
“How many times will she fall for his lies; should I tell her, or should I be ‘cool’?
And if I tried, I know she’ll say I lied; “Mind your business, don’t hurt her, you fool.”
For some reason, women who hook up with abusers tend to defend to the death the illusion that things aren’t what they are; and will viciously attack anyone who suggests otherwise, and will only leave if they think they will be safer out of the relationship in it.
There are several websites on how to recognize narcissism early on in a relationship, and how to get out of relationships with narcissists (not all narcissists are physically violent, but most abusers are narcissists, psychopaths, sociopaths) safely.
One of them is run by a self-confessed narcissist; I would go more with the others.
I doubt whether this post will help Rihanna, but it may be helpful to others.
And yes, abusers will deliberately impregnate their victims to keep them in thrall. Some women will deliberately get pregnant in an effort to obligate a man to whom she is not married to her. It rarely if ever works…the woman always pays, and so does the child, who is either subjected to the abuse of abortion or living with an abusive, or absent, “father”.
Best in those cases, I think, to give enough support to the mother to safely have the child, and get reestablished away from, and indepently of, the abuser, at least until he proves himself a fit husband and father.
Hi everyone. As you may remember, I posted on here just over a month ago about my situation and getting out of an abusive relationship. I lived at a domestic violence shelter for almost a month, then with family members for two weeks, and now on my own in my own apartment with two companion animals. Through the classes and informational handout sheets at the shelter, I learned about the cycle of abuse and what is called the “honeymoon stage” which is when the abuser treats her well, promises to change and get counseling (and even sometimes does), and asks for forgiveness. However under that guise of kindness is risk of potential abuse again. They say marriage counseling and anger management counseling are not appropriate in the situation of abuse, rather the abuser needs to go through a domestic violence batterer’s program. It definately sounds like the Honeymoon Phase and unless Chris has participated in such a program, there is still a great risk he will abuse again.
Hi JackBorsch,
What is especially sad about this is that she is a woman who could have her pick of men. She has independence, financial security, talent, and beauty. So why is she going back to this thug?
If she would only listen to my 94y/o mother. With age comes great hindsight and wisdom, as well as very hard learned lessons.
Hi Wondering,
He WILL abuse again, I promise you. This is how he is wired. The abuse will always be Rhianna’s fault. Abusers are master manipulators. The only way to guarantee abuse will stop is to take may mother’s advise. GET OUT NOW!!!!!!!!
Though my divorce will be finalized next month, I still struggle at times with wanting to return home to him, however there have been times in which I’ve seen his anger flare and it serves as a reminder as to why I left my abuser in the first place
Hi wondering,
I hear you. As a naive young woman I was drawn back time and again to an emotionally abusive relationship. I could kick myself now. Its such an easy trap to fall into and you are wise to see it and be determined to stay out of it.
Hi jtm,
Outstanding post. Thank you. You hit the nail on the head pointing out the personality disorders common to abusers, and why the only option is to not set yourself up to be a victim, these people do not change.
BTW, it should be pointed out that female narcissists, sociopaths, and borderline personalities can be every bit as dangerous and deadly as their male counterparts.
Betty Broderick and Jean Harris are two examples of just such NPDs. Also, these people are masters at portraying themselves as the “real” victims. Gee, poor Jean Harris was so humiliated about being dumped by Dr.Tarnower, who could blame her?? Unreal.
i am proud of you wondering! do NOT go back!
Let’s be clear: Rihanna is accused of having initiated domestic abuse against Brown by assaulting him in the car that fateful evening. Chris Brown is entitled to self-defense. His actions went far beyond self-defense, of course, as he responded with disproportionate force. We should NOT be treating her as a simple abuse victim, however. She should have been charged with domestic abuse, just as he was.
A real man would take a slap or two without throwing the woman out of a moving car.
Hi bmmg39
Good point, I didn’t know that side of the story. Then yes, she is gulty of abuse.
Really sounds like these two should just quit while they are ahead and stay clear of each other. Someone is going to get killed and I suspect it is her.
Wondering, I am so happy to hear you have left the situation. Stay strong! It takes time to overcome the psychological manipulation, but one day you will be totally free and you’ll wonder how you ever allowed yourself to be in that situation.
You can do this. Stay strong, and stay safe.
yes women now go to jail for DV cases. i believe former sex kitten heavy metal model Tawney Kitean was charged for beating her former hubby Chuck Findley ( and former cleveland indian pitcher ) with her high heel shoe. the model was also married to rock star david coverdale of “deep purple” and “whitesnake.” she and findley divorced and i believe he was awarded custody of their 2 girls.
Hans, don’t even try to bring that “Real Man” garbage in here. People (and, believe it or not, men qualify as people, as angry as that will make some people feel) have the right to self-defense. Once they cross that line — continuing severe force after the threat is over — then we have a different story. But no one should have to “take a slap or two.”
It’s something I ask myself: can an abusive person be rehabilitated? Of course they can. BUT, if two people have a volitile relationship, wouldn’t it be better to avoid each other?
She’s trying to push her “public persona” as being this tough woman who won’t take any bs, and I wonder if she thinks she can “handle” him this time around.
Sometimes, even if you love someone, you should just stay apart for both of your own good.
bmmg39,
I distinctly remember being told to turn the other cheek (actually, I think the context was that slapping the right side was not as disrespectful, thus the victim was insisting on being given a modicum of respect).
Neither of these two are prizes, but the bigger/stronger one has to man up. Chivalry, no matter how infinitestimal, should still be the guide.
I have the feeling where you were told that “turn the other cheek” business, but it’s irrelevant to this story. Obviously “man up” = chivalry = “Real Man” = misandrist nonsense.
Getting back with abusers is all the rage. Just ask Komen.
Well, bmmg39, she is accused, but abusers will say what they want to try to excuse themselves from what they did. I tend to not worry much about Chris’s safety since he bashed her face in. Yes, no one should be excused from hitting anyone, and domestic violence against anyone is a problem, but it isn’t men who are ending up dead or severely injured from intimate partner violence. Personally I think the relationship sounded toxic all around, they would be both better off without it.
Good for you, Wondering! I’m sorry for what you’ve experienced, but you are doing the right thing for yourself. That was a really excellent post you made.
Mary: GET OUT NOW!!!!!!
–Certainly agree with that. Just seems that Rihanna is too young, at this point, to know any better.
A real man would take a slap or two without throwing the woman out of a moving car.
Hans. :) I can see both sides, here, but that made me laugh.
How about Charlie Brown – all those times he was all set to kick the football, and then Lucy snatches it up right before his foot gets there….?
perhaps if none of us hit each other ( including our kids ) wed all be better off. we really shouldnt condone violence….BUT when society legalized abortion we condoned the worst violence ever.
either way im with Mary on this one. it will happen again. i also agree with jack b. and hans youre a sweet guy so i couldnt imagine anyone slapping you;)
Continuing to go back didn’t end well for Whitney Houston. It won’t end well here either. I hope she has the sense to get out and stay gone. Didn’t she just have a baby?
Heather, you yourself were slapped (abused). Were you a “sweet gal” before that happened? I thought one could be a “sweet” person and still end up being abused by another person.
bmmg 39 you got me. nobody deserves it. i thought about that after i wrote it.
Jack, I knew you’d have my back :).
Doug, I think Charlie Brown knew well enough not to tangle with Lucy. She slugged her little brother Linus plenty of times. :)
Look, it doesn’t matter if the woman is a lady wrestler and the guy is a pipsqueak. He should walk away.
Well… There are situations where walking away might not be an option. But honestly, restraining someone isn’t that difficult. Beating a woman like that over a SLAP is never justified. Maybe if she was coming at him with a machete or something, but excluding weapons that kind of thing is not “self-defense”.
And bmmg39, I wouldn’t try to say its okay for women to hit men, it is not, at all. But considering the strength difference and the fact that women are the ones who almost always come out of severe domestic fights severely injured or killed, I think that guys really need to check themselves.
Jack Borsch: “Well… There are situations where walking away might not be an option. But honestly, restraining someone isn’t that difficult. Beating a woman like that over a SLAP is never justified. Maybe if she was coming at him with a machete or something, but excluding weapons that kind of thing is not ‘self-defense.'”
Correct. He went well beyond self-defense. The point is: if he met a slap with a slap, that would be an equal retaliatory gesture.
“And bmmg39, I wouldn’t try to say its okay for women to hit men, it is not, at all. But considering the strength difference and the fact that women are the ones who almost always come out of severe domestic fights severely injured or killed, I think that guys really need to check themselves.”
But, as we know, men are quite often the ones who end up severely injured or dead. There’s nothing like an out-of-control person who believes she won’t face any ill consequences for her actions (retaliation or arrest).
Hans Johnson: “Look, it doesn’t matter if the woman is a lady wrestler and the guy is a pipsqueak. He should walk away.”
Why is it up to him? And what if she stands between him and the only exit (as many abusive women do)? A while ago you were arguing that the “bigger, stronger” person should be the one to walk away (as if “bigger, stronger” people have no rights). Now you’re arguing that the onus is on the man, even if she’s the bigger, stronger one. Which means you’re making it all about who has which genitalia under the britches.
You’re not winning this, Hans.
http://www.safe4all.org
http://www.dahmw.org
Men and women are victimized about equally by domestic violence, bmmg39, but women make up about 90% of the serious injuries. That doesn’t tell you that one gender should be careful about their responses, and encouraging “self-defense” against women might be a tad dangerous? Self defense isn’t about retaliation, it is about getting into a situation where you are not in danger. There are better ways of defending yourself against a violent person who is smaller than you without hurting them and escalating the situation. I do think that the justice system does fail to recognize women as abusers, and it’s a huge problem for men in violent relationships, but encouraging retaliation like that is not the way to fix the inequity.
And honestly, bringing up the problem of women abusing men in this situation, where he honestly beat the heck out of her regardless of whether she hit him or not, it is just not going to do men who are in abusive relationships any favors.
Hi JackBorsch,
I was shocked when my recently divorced brother confided to me that his wife had physically abused him. He showed me the scars where she actually hit him with objects, plus photographs she had torn up in a rage, that fortunately he could salvage. Saddest of all to him was the fact she threw away my father’s paratrooper wings pin, something my brother especially treasured, and he could never retrieve it.
Who would have thought that tiny “Penny”, the perfect wife and mother, would be capable of this? While I’m sure my brother was no joy to live with, I recall he had quite a mean streak and could be very hurtful, I don’t believe he ever retaliated physically against his wife, not that I ever saw anyway, or that his kids ever said anything about. I think like so many men, he hid the abuse. Who was going to believe him, especially since he was a police officer and she was the “perfect” wife and mother?
While an abused woman will generate sympathy and support, a man might be expected to be more “gentlemanly” and say nothing to trash his wife or girlfriend.
Now we are back to taking the ’known’ dog by the ears and how much responisbility he/she bears when she/he gets bit.
Isn’t this another example of being complicit in his/her assault before the fact.
Dose he/she get a pass if the ‘known’ dog rapes her as well as beats her?
For some reason, women who hook up with abusers tend to defend to the death the illusion that things aren’t what they are; and will viciously attack anyone who suggests otherwise, and will only leave if they think they will be safer out of the relationship in it.
I agree that women who end up with abusers end up in some form of denial. A counselor once told me that some women have low self-esteem and some women have high self-esteem when they start dating an abuser. However, when it is said and done, she will always end up with no self-esteem. I think women are more likely to leave and stay away if they have a support network around them.
I strongly disagree that all abused women defend to the death the illusion that all is well and that they will viciously attack anyone who suggests otherwise. Nothing like further blaming victims. Some women go to police, clergy, neighbor and friends but are seen as part of the problem or the main problem. Some of these people they go to for help may be abusers themselves. After awhile, you become accustomed to the chaos and give up and start believing you are the problem. My first meeting in a battered woman’s group, the facilitator said to a group of us women, “How many of you have been choked by your husbands?” Zero hands went up. The group leader then said, “How many of you have had your husband grab you by the neck?” All hands went up. We did not like violent words like choked or strangled because then we would have to admit we were choosing to stay with an abuser. (Just like the proaborts don’t like words like murder or baby because then they hold some responsibility. Our society has downplayed how devastating abortion is to our world).
She might hear: “What did you do first?” “He’s got a short fuse so don’t provoke him” “You should be happy, he’s a great provider.” “I know him and I know he’d never do that.” ”He really loves you but is stressed because of work right now.” “You shouldn’t have said hi to your ex-boyfriend in front of him.” ”Go home and be a good wife.” “Marriage is forever.” “He’ll settle down in a few years.” “That’s just how his family is.” “He had too much to drink.” “He forgot to take his meds.”
The abuse doesn’t usually happen right away. Abusers are very good at what they do and it’s not just physical abuse, it’s the mental and psychological, too. Abusers get family and friends to believe that she is a slut, nut, *itch or witch and he doesn’t know what to do with her and over time she does become crazy because she wasn’t aware of what he was even doing to her. He will mess with the children’s minds and do everything to turn them against her if she tries to leave. Her world becomes smaller and he leads her to believe that she is nothing without. He becomes her self-esteem. He’s addicted to anger. She’s addicted to him. On some level, she feels safer with the devil she knows than the world that has blamed her.
Many abused women believe strongly in family and commitment and try to keep things together. Once you have children, you worry about their well-being while they are with him. At least when you are there, you can take some of the abuse for them and know when his anger is building and you keep them away from him.
There is also a hormone called oxytocin that works as human “superglue.” We need to educate our young people about the consequences of having sexual relations before they have discerned what someone is all about.
Yes, I know men are abused as well. But I don’t believe near to the extent as women are.
Mary, what did your brother do to provoke the abuse? Maybe if he would have just tried a little harder, she would have been a better wife. Why didn’t he just leave his “perfect” wife? You admit he has “quite a mean streak” and could be “very hurtful” but you don’t think he ever hit her? Alrighty then. Maybe he just grabbed her. Around the neck.
Praxedes, I agree one hundred percent with your post except for the last little bit.
“Mary, what did your brother do to provoke the abuse? Maybe if he would have just tried a little harder, she would have been a better wife. Why didn’t he just leave his “perfect” wife? You admit he has “quite a mean streak” and could be “very hurtful” but you don’t think he ever hit her? Alrighty then. Maybe he just grabbed her. Around the neck.”
Come on, now. You know how horrific victim-blaming is, you can’t turn around and do it yourself without some solid evidence that there was something going on other than what Mary has talked about. My wife slapped me once, broke my lip open. I didn’t provoke her, we were arguing, I tried to leave and it made her mad. I am about the least violent person I know, and she wasn’t justified in hitting me. I don’t consider her an abuser, since it was a one time thing where she lost control, and it is absolutely nothing compared to the domestic violence that women suffer all over the place. However, it doesn’t make it right. If someone switched the genders in that paragraph, you would rightfully be furious at someone blaming the victim of violence, yes?
Sorry, Jack. I was being sarcastic and trying to make a point that maybe all wasn’t as it seemed in Mary’s brother and his wife’s relationship and I can see how this could be misconstrued.
Mary admits her brother is mean, hurtful and no joy to live with but give no examples. How was he mean and hurtful? Children don’t always see, remember or are willing to talk about seeing a parent being abused. They might remember mom ripping up a wedding photo (I did this and unfortunately a little one was watching from the top of the steps) but they may not have heard dad calling her a c*nt or seen dad strangling her in the room before that and then refusing to let her call anyone or use the car. I also gave my ex a black eye one time (he was calling me frigid, would not let go of my breast and I hit him and ran out).
There is no gender switching with me. Abuse is wrong no matter who is doing it. It is a fact that sometimes abused persons become abusive themselves or act crazy (ripping and throwing things, hitting back). If your wife slapped you cutting open your lip during an argument without any provocation when you were trying to leave, you are living with an abuser. Since you are the least violent person you know, she is taking advantage of such a passive person. Maybe she didn’t want you to leave because you are her self esteem.
I’m sorry you went through all that, Praxedes, and I certainly agree that children/relatives may not know the whole story in a relationship, and that abusers are GREAT at making the victim seem crazy so no one will believe them about the abuse. It’s really common and part of the reasons that victims are so viciously blamed. I just worry that everyone’s first response is “what did he do?” when they hear about a man getting hit, even if there is no evidence that he is an abuser at all. I understand you were being sarcastic and making a point to Mary, it’s just a sore spot for me. I get upset about anything that sounds blamey to me, it makes it hard to look at things rationally for me.
And Ellie and I are getting counseling to work on our marriage, I think things will be fine and she is way, way more upset about hitting me than I was about getting hit, lol. But I know what you mean, some stuff does need to be worked on and I tend to downplay stuff like that because of the way I was raised.
And Ellie and I are getting counseling to work on our marriage
Great news, Jack!
I wish my ex would have stayed in counseling; I wanted more than anything to keep our marriage together but I was doing it alone and we were being a terrible example to our children.
We went to a few meetings together but when they wanted to separate us to his and hers groups (I think they knew I was downplaying), he refused to stay in. He insisted that I was the only one that needed help and actually said I made him hurt me.
All the best to you and your family.
“He insisted that I was the only one that needed help and actually said I made him hurt me”
Ugh. What a cruel man. I am glad that you aren’t with him anymore. Marriage doesn’t work if only one person cares about improving things, and the other just blames the spouse who actually wants to work on it. :(
Thank you for the well wishes. :)
I am so sorry to hear the stories of abuse, Praxedes and others. My heart and prayers go out to you. I have never experienced abuse but I have dear family members and friends who have, as I posted earlier. Their stories still haunt me. Family members and friends being beaten, cut, tortured and tormented mentally especially when pregnant (that is usually when it was worse during pregnancy).
I know of women who were told to leave by their pastors and counselors but they wouldn’t. I asked one of them why she did not leave and go back home to her parents, she thought about it and then said “Pride, I did not want to admit to them that I was wrong”. Not a good reason but an honest one. Eventually she did come home when she was pregnant because the abuse became even worse.
There is one big elephant in the room today that is not politically correct to talk about. So many women and men do not know that the level of abuse accelerates when they cohabit, (this does not minimize or excuse violence against married women in any way) but facts are facts. The rate of cohabitation has skyrocketed increasing about 700% from the 1970s. The likelihood of “violence for cohabiting couples is at least twice as high and the overall rate for “severe” violence is nearly five times as high for cohabiting couples when compared with married couples”. (The Family Violence Research Project-Univ. of NH) As stated in some of the posts above both women and men are about equally as likely to be vicims of physical violence. The 1994 Justice Dept. report based on the Natl. Crime Victimization Survey shows single and divored women were 4-5 times more likely to be victimized than married women, Another report showed that cohibiting women experience more frequent and more severe assaults than couples who were dating or married. These higher levels of aggression among cohabitors remained consistent even when controls for education, age and occupation were applied.” (Straus and Stets). The most frequently cited relationship between batterer and victim was cohabitation with (48%), the lowest rate was found among couples who were married (19%), The other major group consisted of those divorced and separated (27.3%).(The Journal of Family Violence). Not PC but “the truth will set you free”.
Parents please teach and warn your children. Great new book out by Glenn T. Stanton (2011?) ”The Ring Makes All the Difference”, his previous book “Why Marriage Matters: Reasons to Believe in Marriage in PostModern Society” is good and another book The Case for Marriage by Linda J. Waite and Maggie Gallagher. God help our children and our nation.
Hi Jack and Praxedes,
My brother could be verbally hurtful and mean. Sometimes he just didn’t know when to let up on the “teasing” and criticism. We all have our failings. I know he stayed in an unhappy marriage for years and his wife did not want the divorce, he moved out. Their unhappy marriage was no secret.
My point was that abuse is a two way street and we often laugh off abuse of men or just don’t take it seriously. My brother showed me the torn pictures, which I know he treasured and would not destroy himself. Also, he has always been upset over the loss of my father’s paratrooper wings, a real heirloom.
Abuse of any kind is never justified and it is definitely a two way street. I am sorry for what you both endured. Domestic violence was such a part of my childhood and I know too well its devastation. I well understand both Praxede’s and Jack’s point. All too often victims are blamed.
“Pride, I did not want to admit to them that I was wrong”.
Prolifer, Yes, me too. Lots of Pride. My mom told us we needed to stop “shacking up” and “playing house.” My parents dated for nine months, married as virgins and are still happily married 48 years. The other day my mom said to my dad that she wished she was as nice and slim as he is (she is pleasantly plump and he is a rail). My dad told her she is perfect just the way she is. The rate we are going, older, lifelong happily married couples will be a thing of the past.
My Church told me sex outside of marriage and living together is a sin. But I was going to prove the Church and my parents both wrong. I knew better. I had to learn the hard way. The physical abuse started when I was pregnant with our first child.
My 21 year old is now living with his 17 year old girlfriend and her parents. My son rationalized that her parents are okay with it but I’ve argued they can’t give consent for her to have sex (he buys her things and takes her where she wants to go and this frees them from their responsibilities) and her mom took her to get on the pill.
Needless to say, you know what I think, but I get met with that terrible Pride from them. They see no need for marriage or church in spite of my telling him all along about my terrible mistakes, teaching Theology of the Body and telling him of the stats you list above. My son who has always been prolife is now saying the pill doesn’t count because life begins at implantation and that I need to get with the times. Heartbreaking ):
Some people are not willing to learn from others’ mistakes, I guess. They have to make them themselves. Please pray for my son and his girlfriend.
Praxedes, I am so sorry to hear about your son and his girlfriend. I will indeed be praying for them and you too. You know as well as I that this situation is probably a trainwreck waiting to happen. I know you love him so much and want to spare him from the pain that is to come. You are right “some people do not believe in learning from others mistakes”. We think we know so much more than God and his holy word “it’s an old outdated book of rules”, a marriage license is just a piece of paper” “if we live together, try each other out first and give each other a test drive we will save ourselves from going through a divorce later if it doesn’t work out” You know all of this already because you teach The Theology of the Body but someone who reads this may not know that unfortunately this is flirting with disaster; emotional, mental, financial,and spiritual disaster (not counting odds increase of apregnancy even on b/c). If they do eventually get married, they have increased their risk of divorce to about 75% compared to couples who do not live together before marriage and the risk of cohabiting relationships breaking up is from 60-80% in the first 2 years (depending on which study you read). I will be praying for your family. Maybe someone who reads this will check out the books I recommended and The Theology of the Body that you teach and spare themselves some of the pain. Marriage is a sacred covenant no matter how much we try to discredit it.
JackBorsch: “Men and women are victimized about equally by domestic violence, bmmg39, but women make up about 90% of the serious injuries.”
I’d be interested to read the source of that.
“That doesn’t tell you that one gender should be careful about their responses, and encouraging ‘self-defense’ against women might be a tad dangerous?”
That tells me that one group is stronger than the other; that’s about it. I’m not a very big guy. If I went into a restaurant, saw a famous football player, a 320-lb. lineman, and punched him in the nose, I’d probably not come out well for it. Further, I seriously doubt one person in ten would feel sorry for me; most would say I was not only violent but also stupid for picking a fight with a larger, stronger opponent.
I believe all people have the exact same responsibility to respond with non-violence in the face of conflict. I do not believe that larger, stronger people have some sort of extra onus, because the obvious corrolary would be that smaller, weaker people enjoy less responsibility for their actions.
“I do think that the justice system does fail to recognize women as abusers, and it’s a huge problem for men in violent relationships…”
I know you do, and I appreciate it.
“…but encouraging retaliation like that is not the way to fix the inequity.”
Recall that I was not defending Brown’s actions. Brown went over the top, and beyond mere self-defense. Had it been an eye-for-an-eye situation, I’d have much more of a problem criticizing him.