Author of “Our Bodies, Ourselves”: Post-menopausal pregnancy “irresponsible”
Nancy London finds that she’s in the awkward position of having to reverse herself.
As a co-author of Our Bodies, Ourselves, published in 1973 (the year the U.S. Supreme Court upheld Roe v. Wade), London was among those who argued – convincingly – that biology was not destiny, that women should take control of their lives through birth control and find pleasure and independence in sex.
Her 2001 book Hot Flashes, Warm Bottles attempts to provide empathic guidance to women who find themselves, as she did when she had her daughter at 44, having to deal with small children, elderly parents, and their own menopausal mood swings all at once.
But for London, 50 is too far. She now believes that biology is destiny and that a woman who delays childbearing for decades because she has other priorities isn’t living in reality.
In the seventies, the Second Wave feminists wanted to “have a career, travel, have sexual adventures, whatever we thought freedom meant,” London recalls.
“But then we had to find out that biology is not some patriarchal concept created to keep us barefoot and pregnant. To mother is part of our nature. To toss that out the window and say, ‘Hey, that’s not for me,’ and then at 50 to say, ‘Oops, forgot to have a baby’ – something is not processed in our thinking.”
London has a suggestion. The human body has an organic deadline – menopause, which occurs around age 50 – after which baby-making is no longer possible. Why not respect it?
In our fifties, we take stock, get reflective, move into another phase not so defined by drama and personal drive. We do not, traditionally, mop mashed potatoes off the floor. Choosing to have children at 50 disrupts life’s natural trajectory, causing needless suffering and disharmony for both parent and child. “It’s irresponsible,” London says.
~ Lisa Miller, New York Magazine, October 3 issue
[HT: Laura Loo]
Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
No but artificial conception is always wrong. Accept the life God gave you. If that life is childness, so be it. That is another woman’s child. You are only pretending it is yours by being a growth mediun. A walking Petri dish.
ive seen 53 year old women in better shape then some 30 ear olds. look at madonna~isnt she like 70~ok cheap shot. nancy grace was 47 when she got pregnant with twins. my husband swears his mom was 51 when she had him. my 81 year old mom can run circles around me.
you would think that all the womens libbers would be thrilled. they want us to be like men. tony randall became a dad in his 70s david letterman became a dad at 54 or so. so wouldnt the pro choice crowd be delighted at this. i doubt it but just sayin.:)
I don’t want to be a mother at my age, but why is it wrong for a woman to want to have a child in her fifties when men father children in their fifties, sixties, and even seventies?
im sure plenty of pro deathers are already howling at the moon for this woman to abort. all based on the what ifs……ds cp spina bifida. face it they dont want choice they want death. did anyone see a pro abort congratulate alyssa milano on her new baby? i sure didnt. its because she didnt choose abortion.
So, what now? She’s not pro-choice, she’s anti-motherhood? I realize there are major difficulties involved in being a mother at age fifty or older (aside from all the usual ones, that is), but I fail to see why we must necessarily think that it is a bad thing.
um, there’s a reason for MENOPAUSE….God (Yes, I said GOD!) did not intend for women to be having babies at 60, 70, 80 years old. You’re not as young as you used to be when you’re 50 as when you were 30. most 50 year olds I know (and 60 year olds) are grandparents…they aren’t having more children.
if you’re in your late 40s and delayed childbearing so long that you hit menopause but still want a child….either adopt or foster a child. There are a lot of children who need a foster parent. Be a mentor for a fatherless or motherless child. Don’t go and get artificially pregnant just because you missed out.
The real issue I would have with older motherhood is if it is done via IVF. Now, don’t get me wrong – using fertility drugs can wreak havoc on a woman’s body, even young women. So, there are risks involved in this, especially for older women, as the article states.
But the women listed in this article appear to be using donated eggs – which is a sinister industry all its own – to achieve motherhood.
I say… why not adopt if you’re past menopause?
50 is a grandmother’s age, not a mother’s :P but I’m glad that she is keeping the babies and that she has changed her mind!!
I don’t want to be a mother at my age, but why is it wrong for a woman to want to have a child in her fifties when men father children in their fifties, sixties, and even seventies?
Because, as she says in the quote, that is how our our respective biologies are designed to work. Men are fertile 24/7 from puberty until death in most cases. Women are periodically infertile every month and unable to conceive once menopause hits. That’s just the way our bodies work.
To try and push back the clock by conceiving a child at 50+ (which will, no doubt, require donor eggs, IVF, and/or myriad drugs) is simply denying the biological reality of the situation; that one’s body may be too old to safely conceive and bear a child. The risk of miscarriage in itself is 75% (source), and there are a lot of potential pregnancy complications (source). Sure, there are women over 50 who spontaneously conceive and successfully carry to term, but they’re rare.
Adoption is a great option, but sadly so many adoption agencies place age limits on couples; many won’t allow couples over 45 or even 40 to adopt (I think that’s stupid, personally, as long as the couples in question are in good health).
Nancy London is a bully who tries to force people into behaving as she does. She also wrote huge amounts of mis-information regarding pregnancy into Our Bodies, Ourselves.
I literally do not care how old someone is when they become a mother. I care that they love that child. That’s it. We shame teenagers for having children- beautiful children. We shame twenty-somethings for having children- they should focus on their career! Some people even shame 30 somethings for having children, although supposedly, this single decade is the right decade. Forty-somethings aren’t supposed to- too old- as are fifty- somethings.
All children are signs that birth control didn’t work, and that people were getting naked in some fashion. That’s the stance of shaming. I’m glad gay guys are having kids. Maybe it will keep them from thinking moms are icky, and writing tv shows based on that perspective. Matt Weiner and co are scary, scary, scary to me, in that they are able to show vulnerable people- mothers at home raising small children- as frightening predators on innocent men who ought to divorce them. I hope that screenwriters have children, and pop song composers, and playwrights, so that they can enter that complex, heartbreaking world-opening room called parenthood.
Frankly, I’m glad that we have an industry that can put a price on a child’s head- we can now translate into economic-speak- the value we place on our dearest hopes and loves. They are unbelievably expensive- most of these people’s net worth, and health, and life. I hope it lets people realize that children are more important than anything else they can aquire. Before, we had negative estimates- how much is a child worth in an orphanage- a disposal fee, if you will. Now, we know what a desired child costs— it’s more than any single male economist at the UN had ever guessed.
All I can say is…”DUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhh…YA THINK?!”
Boy, poor-choice-ers really take a long time to get the gist of how this “living as a mammal on planet Earth” thing works…
no. all joking aside she is a bit too old:)
That book (Our Bodies, Our Propoganda) was more popular than the Bible on my college campus. While I feel vindicated by London’s turn-around, it is bittersweet. I have no children, no grandchildren. My family tree looks like it has elm disease.
So many of us listened to the bad advice of women who had zero wisdom… a whole generation of people have killed off a third of their own, many of them would have been our first-born. Let’s hope and pray and work very hard to make sure that no more generations live the way we did. We were wrong. It’s ok to admit it. We were wrong. Let’s make it right.
awww ninek i thought you were a mom. you probably swould have made a great one.
My youngest will be 10 when I am 50.
They keep me young. :)
I think that it is a little late to be asking if she is too old. It’s a done deal.
@Joanna — so do you think that it’s acceptable for men to father children in their late fifties, sixties, seventies? I think that Picasso fathered a child in his nineties! He didn’t even live to see that kid turn ten. I think it’s rather selfish to have kids so late, but as long as these couples in the article (that strike me as a bunch of over-[privileged yuppies who want to do “the kid” thing) can take care of them, I don’t see where it’s anyone’s business.
As for adoption — if you adopt from a private agency, there are often cut-off ages. But if you adopt a child through a public agency or a foster care agency, they are often more lenient. One agency that I work with allows parents to adopt children in their fifties, as long as they have assurance that the child will be cared for by a relative or friend in case the parent or adoptive parent becomes ill or dies.
@Ninek — I agree, that book was very popular. I never was really into the feminist movement because it always appeared to be geared toward upper middle class white women, and when they did speak of women of color and working-class women, it was with a condescending tone, like these “poor women” needed their “help.” I remember Betty Friedan, who was so unhappy with her privileged life, had a black housekeeper. I wonder if she ever thought about “the help’s” life?
I don’t have a problem with this woman’s age but I do have a problem with IVF and using donor eggs, donor sperm etc… This is NOT what God intended!
As I said before, I was almost 42 when I had our daughter, and yes, we’re STILL trying to have another one..the natural way. We’ve checked into adoption. The adoption agency says we’re “too old” to adopt a baby. We can’t really afford thousands of dollars to adopt, anyway.
Yes, I’ve been whispered about by my sister and my niece’s “twenty-something” friends..” She’s still trying to get PREGNANT..at HER age????”
And of course, there’s my “pro-death” aunt who, when she found out (accidently) about my second miscarriage (she has no idea I’ve actually had FIVE) sent me a very nasty and hurtful e-mail telling me “that’s what you get for trying to get pregnant again!”
We’ll keep trying as long as I’m fertile. We’re well aware of the risks, and are prepared to handle them.
phillymiss – I do think it’s a not a good idea for men 50+ to bear children, even though it’s possible fertility-wise. Biologically, there’s a higher risk of birth defects from the sperm of older men. Then there’s the issue of being, well, ALIVE by the time your kids graduate high school, not to mention active enough be there for them during their childhood years. What if your kid is 15 and you’re diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s? You’ll miss two-thirds of his life, essentially.
Or, to put it in one sentence, just because men CAN biologically father children at 50+ doesn’t mean that they SHOULD. There are extenuating circumstances, but I’d say that’s a general rule.
Pamela, she did not! Wow, that’s a stinky thing to do! Many post-abortive women are deep in their internal conflict about mothering and find it hard to relate to anyone else’s mothering.
Heather, you are so sweet!! I live with it day by day.
Yes, there is adoption but I’m already past most of the cut off ages, by my county and state’s standards. It’s not as easy as the feminists told us it was going to be, is it? Did they realize that their campaign against motherhood was going to be so deadly that there would be so few babies to adopt? I certainly didn’t. I thought that “childlessness” would be a lifestyle choice for 10% of the female population, at the most. I totally remember saying that to my parents when I was graduating from college. I completely believed it, though where I came up with 10% I have no idea! I had no idea that the statistics would climb above 50 million dead babies. We all know that number isn’t even close to realistic. It’s probably more like 70-80 million since 1973 in the US.
I wouldn’t line up in front of a younger couple who is waiting to adopt; it just isn’t fair. But when I hear one of my pro-abort friends whine about “all those children out there” I could just scream! There are no children “out there” but there are plenty in our landfills and laboratories. Remember that Sandra Bullock waited 4 years to adopt her son, who is of color. If a woman like that, with her resources, had to wait 4 years what hope is there for ordinary families?
Adoption is a great option, but sadly so many adoption agencies place age limits on couples; many won’t allow couples over 45 or even 40 to adopt (I think that’s stupid, personally, as long as the couples in question are in good health).
Oh, yes, you’re right! I didn’t think of that. What about foster parenting? Is there an age cutoff for that? What about mentoring a child? What about involving oneself in some sort of youth outreach or children’s ministry at church? I know one childless older couple at church who volunteers in the nursery and LOVES it. They were never able to have children of their own. They are such a blessing to the little ones, too.
Or, to put it in one sentence, just because men CAN biologically father children at 50+ doesn’t mean that they SHOULD. There are extenuating circumstances, but I’d say that’s a general rule.
Unless, of course, they’re practicing NFP with their wife who has not yet reached menopause. Right?
And of course, there’s my “pro-death” aunt who, when she found out (accidently) about my second miscarriage (she has no idea I’ve actually had FIVE) sent me a very nasty and hurtful e-mail telling me “that’s what you get for trying to get pregnant again!”
Oh, that’s hideous! :( What an awful and bitter person she must be!
My grandmother had only one surviving child out of 6 – and that child was my father, born to her when she was 40 years old. Sometimes I think of that and marvel at how lucky I am to be here. (I am also my father’s only biological child, conceived just weeks before my mother found out he had been unfaithful in their marriage. Yes, I’m glad to be here….)
i had older parents and i was a mom at 21 22 38 and 40 and im having a ball. well not every day but you know. heck i got married and had my honeymoon in the bedroom and a month later i was pregnant!
my mom was 39 when i was born~i think or 40 and i have 1 younger brother. we were kind of spoiled. my mother always used to tell me “you would break trump.” lol
pamela……you make me want to try again:) i looooooooooved being pregnant. my cravings were boston cream pie and grapefruit with my last one.
Or, to put it in one sentence, just because men CAN biologically father children at 50+ doesn’t mean that they SHOULD. There are extenuating circumstances, but I’d say that’s a general rule.
You are probably right.
I am not sure I understand the whole thing about donor eggs. Yes, you may be the gestational mother, but you really aren’t the child’s biological parent.
Pamela, what a truly awful thing to say.
It’s easier to adopt through foster care. I had a client, who was in her late forties to early fifties, who adopted a baby who had been abandoned at a hospital, so it is possible. Older children and children with disabilities are usually easier to adopt, but that’s not for everyone. And of course, many of the children available through foster care are of color.
Nowadays birth mothers have a great deal of say in who they want their children placed with, and they tend to want married couples in their late twenties to early thirties, and who can really blame them?
Like I said, I couldn’t see having a baby at my age, but I really hope to be a foster parent one day.
no really i think im finished having kids. it is just so sad at what womens lib has done to us women. we ingest poisons to kill our babies. depo provera the pill plan b norplant iuds and when that fails we let some hack rip our babies to shreds. who in their ever loving mind would ever think it? and now we have ru486 get it? ru for 86ing people? aka killing them. liberation means free. thats what satan wants you to believe. however we women are in bondage and we dont stick together. we are tossing beautiful babies into landfill. i see little baby dolls in the store and i want to sob. does that sound weird? kids are garbage to heatless pro deathers.
ninek pastor john hagee tackled abortion the other day. i love him! he gave the same numbers you did about aborted babies and he doesnt mince his words. he said “and we killed them all in the name of choice!!!!!”
Yes – what we have done in the name of liberation…
Today on the sidewalk a woman was coming in to have her IUD removed. Her sister just died about 10 days ago from complications related to her IUD. She left at least 2 underage children – and the family is in shock. When I told that woman that 30 years ago the IUD’s came off the market because they were unsafe – she only said ‘why in the world did they come back?’ A good question indeed.
My grandparents were in their 40s when they had my mother. My mom was an “accident” but she says she’s the best accident they ever had.
While I am SO VERY THANKFUL that my grandparents were good God fearing people who loved children and would never abort – it was very painful for my mother to lose her parents at such a young age.
If an older women got pregnant I would want her keep it – but I wouldn’t want older women to get pregnant on purpose.
That woman looks 80.
wow joy. she died? how awful. i know they made them smaller but still….wow. but should i be this shocked? ive had 2 female gyns try to talk me into an iud. one had one herself and said shed never had any problems with it. i still told them thanks but no thanks. and ive also heard of a death from depo provera and the pill has been known to cause several deaths.
on ewtn the other night they had a great program narrated by alvida king. carol everett once worked in an aborftion mill and had one abortion herself. she told of how awful things were. she said “one girl claimed she was a model and bragged about not wearing any underwear. she hopped up on the table and the abortionist pulled part of her bowel through her vagina. carol was ordered to drive her to the hospital. she said they would avoid calling an ambulance at all costs because it made them look bad. this girl had to undergo 7 hrs. of surgury. the doctors took that baby and disposed of it. they never said if the baby was dead or alive. the girl ended up with a colostomy bag and other health problems. carol explained 10 women required hysterectomies and one woman died. carol said that the worst for her was knowing that she had killed her own baby by abortion.
Carla: I think that it is a little late to be asking if she is too old. It’s a done deal.
I agree – in her case, neither pro-lifers nor pro-choicers are saying, “Don’t have the baby.”
As for things being “unnatural” – it’s natural for our race to change things, manipulate things. What remains is where we “draw the line,” as far as thinking things are acceptable or not.
If a woman doesn’t go through menopause until she is 52, is it somehow “unnatural” for her to get pregnant at age 51? If a woman goes through it at age 45, is it so “bad” for her to adopt a kid at age 46?
Nicole – I clearly don’t know this women BUT if she was partaking in the activities of the time that went along with extreme feminism - all the drugs and alcohol and sleeping around – then that might show why she looks older than 50. Also remember that a lot of women past 50 today dye their hair. Sometimes I forget that my mom does! I always wonder why my dad has more greys then my mom and then he’s like “because my hair didn’t come from a box” haha!
So the woman on the cover really is 50?! Wow. Jane Seymour and Jaclyn Smith are in their sixties, and she looks old enough to be their mother.
I’m a bit late to the conversation but it caught my attention because I have a coworker who’s mother died of a hereditary illness when she was in her 30’s and her daughter was a preteen. In contrast both of my Grandmother’s had children in their late thirties and were independently living and helping to care for grandchildren well into their eighties. I don’t think it’s possible to say “older women should not become new mothers because x, y, and z” because each situation is unique and really, you are only as old as you feel : )
My mother was pregnant with me at 24-25 while studying for the bar exam and her mother, has her 20 while running a fmaily business with my grandfather. My great grandmother had my grandmother at 19 and opened the family business with my greatgrandfather around the same time. Each women from each generation had a college education.
So, for me, I have a hard time listening to feminists tell women to choose either a carer or motherhood. Maybe my mother’s career would have progressed faster, but by the time she was 42, she has 3 kids at least in junior high and her whole life ahead of her, career and all.
Women have so much power. they are the most important person in every man’s life. Yet, feminists look at men as being part of some eveil “patriarchy” rathet then looking at them as partners.
Having a young mother that is now my best friend at 31 is the greatest gift i could ever receive. It saddens me so to see all these grey haired dads and tired looking “career women” in their 40’s with these little toddlers. You see everything in NYC. Except in my 20 years living here I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve seen young, middle class moms.
Ah, the irony….you boomers were taught to live “fulfilling lives” i.e…a euphomism for self absorbed lives, and now you basically stole from your kids life in order to have fun in your own. Instead of dinner parties and traveling etc…when your kids are int heir 20’s and 30’s they will be resonsible for aging parents and stressed out about the inevitable conclusion that their parents will likely die while they are young.
What is overlooked is that typically when a woman have a child late in life, she had older children also who were able to help. My mom grew up with nieces and nephews as her mom was already a grandmother (46 years old) when she was born. I think there is a big difference having your youngest at 40+ as opposed as just starting a family.