My niece is pregnant but her parents don’t know yet and she doesn’t have a lot of money.
Is it a good Christmas present to pay for the abortion myself or should I just pay for it and get her something more traditionally “Christmas-y”?
~ Alex, Yahoo Answers, December 22
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Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
ew.
What a great gift idea. And when your niece has emotional trauma afterwards you can present her with a gift certificate for a year of free counseling! And when she has fertility issues (like happened to two of my friends after their abortions) you can pay for fertility treatments. The possibilities are endless.
How bout instead you help her break the news to her parents and pledge your love and support? How bout you buy her the things she’ll need for the baby like car seat and crib? How bout you offer free babysitting? Killing your sibling’s grandchild behind their back? Merry Christmas!
Better yet, maybe do some research and find her a CPC.
What a warped idea: An abortion for Christmas.
i wonder if she will be at the bedside when shes being treated for breast cancer? sicko!
Ugh. I can find nothing more despicable than using an occassion meant to celebrate the BIRTH of Jesus to give the “gift” of death.
I will say this, though…Yahoo! Answers frequently gets a lot of fake troll posts, so I’m hoping this is just a really sick one of those.
yeah lets not forget the mommy daughter team blythe danner and gwynneth paltrow who raised abortion money for planned barrenhood on MOTHERS DAY! and poooooooor gwennie complains on her goop blog “nobody likes me” wonder why.
I’m sure if I help kill my sister’s grandchild behind her back, it’ll be the best xmas evah!
I am pleased to see that most of those commenting on the yahoo answers post are encouraging “Alex” not to pay for the abortion.
Killing a child on the day we celebrate the birth of Jesus is just disgusting. Well its disgusting everyday, but come on, a Christmas present?
(*sigh*) He might as well ask if it’d be a good Christmas present to have a professional hit-man kill some elderly relative that someone finds annoying; perhaps the assassin will even offer a Christmas discount.
I do think it’s very likely this is a deliberately warped joke.
You know, even if it is a “joke”, the fact that someone would even come up with it really speaks to how little so many people value life. Anyone who values life would never joke about something like abortion so casually.
How about a gold-embossed certificate with verses about Herod killing children, and the daughters of Rachel weeping?
It might even be italicized.
Better yet…
Just send your niece a Christmas card and use the money to pay for a few therapy sessions for yourself.
gn lol!
One of my brothers has loved a girl since she was little. It’s a platonic uncle type of love. He’s always been concerned about her because he thinks her parents are irresponsible. She is now 13 and he has recently learned that she is smoking regular cigarettes, smoking pot, and she has a 15-year-old boyfriend. I can’t recall exactly how, but he believes she and the boyfriend are engaging in partnered sexual activity. They may be using condoms but that’s hardly foolproof.
THIS IS NOT A JOKE BY DENISE NOE! It’s what my brother has told me. This girl is too young to have a baby. She should not have an abortion either. What can or should be done?
Denise,
The potentially biggest victim here is your brother. Just as apples don’t fall far from the tree, neither do nuts, and this kid is her parents waiting to blossom. She may well be seeking love/affirmation in the arms of kids her own age. There is little your brother can do at this point, and there is every danger that he could become the target of suspicions and/or false allegations.
Not having any legal standing, he leaves himself wide open. I would suggest trying to get her involved with a church youth group and let the clergy and lay leadership take things from there.
Gerard Nadal says:
December 26, 2011 at 8:15 pm
Denise,
The potentially biggest victim here is your brother. Just as apples don’t fall far from the tree, neither do nuts, and this kid is her parents waiting to blossom. She may well be seeking love/affirmation in the arms of kids her own age. There is little your brother can do at this point, and there is every danger that he could become the target of suspicions and/or false allegations.
Not having any legal standing, he leaves himself wide open. I would suggest trying to get her involved with a church youth group and let the clergy and lay leadership take things from there.
(Denise) Thank you for your input, Gerard. This is something that had occurred to me and makes me shiver. My brother is not a highly sexed man and I believe his having known her for years before puberty would tend to work against any sexual attraction to her as she enters puberty. I believe his concern is legitimate and based, as I said, on an avuncular type of affection. However, as a middle-aged man who isn’t related to the girl, yes, he could be suspected of another type of interest.
I also mentioned to someone else that it sounds to me like this girl is going down exactly the same path her own Mom and Dad have been on. My brother has called them “irresponsible dopers” and says that Child Protective Services have visited the family on more than one occasion. If this girl gets pregnant — as seems all-too-likely — her child will have a similar or even worse upbringing.
What! Sorry Dr. Nadal, but Denise’s adult brother is NOT the “potentially biggest victim” here. Did you actually call a troubled, at-risk 13 year old a “nut”? Such compassion. “There is little your brother can do at this point.” How about calling DCFS and telling them what he told Denise?
Lrning,
I wish that I had a dollar for every troubled child who bit the hand of a concerned adult who tried to reach into their life and save them. Unfortunately, that’s the rule and not the exception. Anyone who works with troubled children can attest to that.
Children who come from profoundly disturbed and dysfunctional parents lack the requisite skill set to navigate the treacherous waters of adolescence. As they rebel against their parents they may very well not have a positive vision of what it is they are moving toward, and lacking any positive skills instilled at home are rudderless.
Enter into this a well-meaning adult who has known the child. If that adult is acting alone, it will naturally raise suspicions in people, most of all the profoundly dysfunctional parents against whom the child is rebelling. If the child perceives that adult as frustrating and thwarting his/her activities, look out! Acting alone in such a situation is not the way to go.
In the Boy Scouts we practice what is known as “Two-deep Leadership”. That means that no adult is ever alone with a child, or even a group of children. There must always be at least two adults present. When there is a child in crisis, the case is referred up the chain of command to the appropriate level of administrative intervention. That’s a great strength of the scouting program where child protection is concerned. It also protects the adults.
This child is going to need guidance from folks who are trained in adolescent development, and in an environment that is protective not only of the child, but the adults involved as well. Denise’s brother is noble and to be commended. However, prudence is the better part of valor, and the most loving thing to do at this point is to introduce the child to people who will be able to pick up the child from here and help her in moving forward. This is something that most parents do to varying degrees with their children in the best of families.
While I have been my son’s biggest coach and educator in his growth through the worst of autism, I encouraged his involvement in Boy Scouting, in no small part because there would be other men who would be in leadership and mentoring roles with him, so that as he enters adolescence he will be surrounded by good men in a positive environment, men for whom he has developed tremendous respect in only one year. When my son gets to that point where he doesn’t want to hear it from dad, he’ll hear it from his other leaders.
When individual adults position themselves as the sole source of help and influence in a child’s life it both raises suspicions about the adult, and leaves that adult at the mercy of a child who may be more unstable than that adult ever imagined.
“Fools rush in where angels fear to tread,” is an under-appreciated proverb among genuinely good and well-meaning souls.
There is something marginally relevant here. A few years ago, this girl was herself the victim of a false allegation of child molestation. She had spent time with a girl much longer than herself who soon after was found to be profusely bleeding from her vagina! The girl my brother cares about was summoned to the principal’s office and questioned about it. She ended up in tears.
It turned out that the younger girl was going through an unusually premature puberty and had started menstruating.
Urging prudence on the part of Denise’s brother is fine. Failing to recognize that this 13 year old is possibly a victim of parental neglect and/or stupidity and could use some protection from her own destructive behavior – and calling her a “nut”…unacceptable.
Lrning,
Reading the case history as presented, I could fill in all of the missing pieces that would justify the label. Youth services has already been involved, and this child is extremely badly damaged.
Yes, I used the word nut intentionally to convey exactly what Denise’s brother is dealing with. I did this work with teen prostitutes carrying their babies, and did it for seven years. Healthy kids are healthy kids, and sick kids are nuts in a dozen different ways. Growing up in a severely dysfunctional family such as hers, this child will need years of therapy to begin to approach normal.
Yes, many, MANY children are beyond sick, and sometimes the colloquial “nuts” is the best nonclinical term to convey the severity.
As for failing to recognize anything…
read my posts again. I’m the one saying she needs professionals.
Gerard, in our troop we have an autistic boy for whom Boy Scouts is a great environment. My son and he are friends, and although he has tended to shy away from some visible leadership activities, he was just voted patrol leader two weeks ago. God bless you in your journey as a parent, and I am glad to know he is in Scouts.
Thanks, Eric. It’s been wonderful for Joseph. The boys have been so welcoming of him, and he’s learning all of those great social skills in his patrol. This summer he received his Totin’ Chip card, and was so proud of himself when he cut down our Christmas tree at the farm last week! Your son and his fellow scouts are doing more good for that autistic boy than all the therapists in the world! God Bless.
Gerard Nadal says:
As for failing to recognize anything…
read my posts again. I’m the one saying she needs professionals.
*****************************************************
You failed to recognize the child as the victim in your post to Denise. Now you state that she is “extremely badly damaged” yet you said that Denise’s ADULT brother was possibly the biggest victim in this scenario. That is what I take issue with. (As well as you calling her a nut, which shows a lack on compassion in my opinion.) A 13 year old girl damaged by her parents neglect and/or stupidity is by far the most significant victim in this situation.
Lrning says:
December 28, 2011 at 5:22 pm
Gerard Nadal says:
As for failing to recognize anything…
read my posts again. I’m the one saying she needs professionals.
*****************************************************
You failed to recognize the child as the victim in your post to Denise. Now you state that she is “extremely badly damaged” yet you said that Denise’s ADULT brother was possibly the biggest victim in this scenario.
(Denise) My brother has known this girl since she was quite small. He is extremely fond of her. I feel quite confident that he isn’t sexually interested in her. Gerard Nadal has a legitimate interest in that it can be devastating for a man to be unjustly accused of sexual molestation. My brother’s desire to HELP this girl could end up turning on him if that accusation should be made.
While my brother David has always spoken fondly of the child, he has also spoken negatively of her parents, often referring to them as “irresponsible dopers.” He’s told me that both parents have extensive arrest records and have often been kicked out of apartments for failing to pay rent and other reasons.
Again, my brother isn’t sexually interested in this girl. He has no children, no nieces or nephews so he’s kind of become a de facto uncle to her. He’s upset because smoking cigarettes and smoking pot, having partnered sex with a 15-year-old boyfriend, all bode ill for her future. A 13-year-old girl should be doing none of those things and she’s doing all of them.
I understand Denise. However, your brother is not a victim in this situation. The 13 year old girl is. Your brother would be wise to heed Gerard’s advice and avoid any circumstances with her that could lead to him being accused of anything.