Mom confronts stranger who suggests she should have aborted her son
by Kelli
Sometimes I forget, because Gabe is just that — Gabe. When I look at him I don’t see Down syndrome, I see my son, Abi’s brother — a sweet, willful, determined little boy.
Sometimes I forget, and that makes it even harder when someone reminds me in a not so kind way.
Like the cashier who gave me sad eyes and spit poison in a whisper, “I bet you wish you had known before he came out. You know they have a test for that now…”
Shock, horror, hurt and fury coursed through my body. I considered jerking her over the register and beating her senseless. I looked her up and down; I could take her.
Instead I used wit. I smiled a crazy lady smile. “I know right?! It’s so much harder to get rid of them once they come out. Believe me I’ve tried…” Jackpot! Her mouth dropped open, and she stared at me in shock.
I leaned over the register and whispered to her, “What you’re saying is that it’s OK for me to kill him while he’s inside but not outside? In my book there isn’t a difference. For the record, we knew everything about him during my pregnancy. He’s our son now, and he was our son then. There is no way in hell that I would let any harm come to either of my children, including during the time that they’re so ridiculously considered disposable.”
~ Sherry Clair, recounting one unfortunate experience she had when a stranger noticed her son, Gabe (pictured), had Down syndrome, The Mighty, November 7
[HT: Women Speak for Themselves]
Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
Love it!
THE BEST!!!
Great post Kelli!
Way to go Sherry!
We need to pray that some of our pastors get that same righteous indignation and preach about this gross injustice, this genocide that is a curse upon our country.
sock it to ’em sister … I had a good chat with one “medical professional” whilst our son was in utero … “so you’re saying Down’s Syndrome is such a terrible condition that he would be better off dead, and you’re willing to help him out by killing him … interesting… you may be right of course, but surely that would be his choice… so how about this, we’ll let nature take its course, and then he can come back when he’s 18 and if he agrees with you you can kill him then?”
Weirdly enough, turns out he’s happy, loving, loved and full of life. Who’d have guessed?
OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH SNAP!!
Way to go mommabear! Advocate for your precious cub!!
“I looked her up and down. I could take her” my favorite part!! Way to go!!
Just…WHAT gets into people…that they think it’s “OK” to say things like that to a parent (seems like mostly mothers) of a “special needs” child ???!!
CRAZY !!
Hi Pamela,
I think its because our society has such an open and acceptable bias against people with physical and mental challenges, that a stranger feels perfectly justified. Do people like this stranger consider themselves any different than those who relegated black Americans to second class citizenship? Oh, absolutely. Those were bigoted, hateful, narrow minded people. I can well remember when biracial children were viewed as better off dead.
As for the medical profession, history has taught us a few things about them, and not putting our blind trust in them is one.
First: You go momma!!! What a way to deliver a first class verbal smack down to an impetuous little dweeb.
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Second: it is not just the parents of special needs children who confront this crass bigotry from the ‘more than equals’ who wrongly believe, they know better than you.
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My wife and I had five children in seven years. Oh, the disapproving looks and disparaging remarks we would receive when we were all out together. One particularly obnoxious wench had the audacity to ask my wife, “You are not going to have any more…..are you?!?!
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My wife replied as sweetly as she could, “I don’t know….yet.”
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One exceptionally compulsive busy body looked down her long pointed nose and accusatorially asked, ” Don’t you know what causes that?!?!”.
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My wife smiled contentedly and replied,”Yes,…we don’t have a television.”
Hi Ken,
That reminds me of my late friend “Tim”. Blind since birth, we had been friends since high school. He did not suffer fools lightly, as those who thought his blindness gave them permission to make stupid remarks and ask equally stupid and inappropriate questions discovered.
While in therapy for his lung cancer, he was asked by his oncologist what blind people dream.
Tim: What are you my shrink or my oncologist?
Tim was also asked by another oncologist how he has sex?
Tim: Why, do you need some advice?
Rest in peace dear friend. I miss you still.
Good for her!
“Oh, absolutely.”
I just had an officer of the law sit down at my restaurant table while I was having lunch with a friend recently (uninvited and without asking us, btw).
We got talking about special needs students and he told us one of his children works with special needs students. He went on to say how special needs students need to be educated in separate schools.
Sometimes all one can do is just smile, nod, pray and continue the game.
Best. Response. Ever.
“Why, do you need some advice?”
LOL! I can never think that quick.
Ugly is not seen with the eyes.
I had a neighbor who fell down a flight of steps and sustained some brain damage. He had a caregiver because the fall affected his memory and he required help with dressing meal preparation and a few other tasks. His mom was a wealthy retired judge and she’d stop by the house to grocery shop and pay the caregiver. She and I would always chit chat.. wonderful lady. wonder how she would have felt if anyone would have told her that her grown up disabled son would be better off dead. sheesh!
“I looked her up and down. I could take her” my favorite part!! Way to go!! – really?
There’s something about grocery lines that brings out the child evaluator in people. Good for the author for figuring out what took me years to learn: humor and a little verbal jiu-jitsu are invaluable. Carry on.
‘Real-stupid-ity’ is not a misnomer.
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If anything it is an understatement.
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You toil so incessantly at willful ignorance.
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Is it a labor of love, or are you just a kept woman?
What delusional little dimension do you haunt ken?
I don’t care if ‘Real-stupid-ity’ is a misnomer or not, understatement or not. It’s not the moniker I use. You seem to like it though so go ahead and use it, kenthebirther is a bit dated as well as jaded.
Was there an actual comment I made which interests you? Which comment would that be? Why? Do you have anything to say or are you just pointlessly trolling?
Hi Prax,4:34PM
If Tim had gone to a separate school, I would have lost out on a very cherished life long friendship. Even after he died his mother and I remained in contact until she passed away. Maybe I was a way of keeping Tim close to her.
How dare people have the nerve to tell someone that one of their children should not have been born. Whatever happened to good old-fashioned manners? Your mother never taught you that you don’t say anything that comes to your mind? Common sense just ain’t common anymore. This is ridiculous.
I have family members with large families who were never on welfare btw and women they knew some at church (I have never heard of men doing this but maybe they do)actually came up to them unsolicited and said “don’t you know how to stop this”, “oh no, you’re NOT having another one” “how many more babies are you going to have” and to their children”that is just terrible your mom’s having another baby” How dare people say such things. No one asked you lady!!!
I’m aware of those tests, as well. I’ve opted out of them with first pregnancy and with this pregnancy. Someone I know got a false positive on down syndrome and I figure it’s not necessary. I get wanting to be prepared and I respect that. But I prefer to only do tests that are absolutely, one-hundred percent necessary. But if other women want to get that test, that’s their decision. I’m not going to criticize them for it. :-)
On another note, I’m so glad that woman loves her children so much! It’s really sad how unless kid’s perfect we should abort them. I don’t think so!
Ken: Sounds like what my mother went through. I come from a large family and people at stores would ask her “Are they ALL yours?” as if to imply that was something bad. They didn’t follow it up with “How wonderful!” just shock and sometimes they’d say “Don’t you know how this happens?” and my mother always wondered if she should’ve played dumb LOL. When I see a large family I say “How nice! I come from a big family, too. I just loved growing up in one.” I figure they could use the smile and happy story.
Mary: May Tim’s soul rest in the arms of Jesus. He sounds like a good friend. I often wonder what certain things are like for blind people because well I’ve heard some of the senses are heightened with the loss of one. But if he didn’t like the questions, I’d keep my mouth shut especially if it was an inappropriate time/question. (I’d say the oncologist asking about sex was inappropriate!)
Thank you Mother in Texas,
He was indeed a devoted and loyal friend. As an incredibly naive high school girl, my first boyfriend was a narcissistic controller. Unbeknownst to me, out of jealousy and a need to control every aspect of my life he went to Tim to tell him to stay away from me. No doubt he assumed that because of his blindness, Tim would be intimidated.
I can sum up Tim’s response:
1. “I’ll talk to her any time I damned well want to”, and
2. “My friendship with her ends when she tells me it does, and not until then”.
So much for intimidating Tim.
I can tell you Tim was a great one for making fun of his blindness, and friends helped. He would walk around school with empty glasses frames on and would point out mistakes in spelling and punctuation when teachers were writing on the board. Of course with help from his friends who would whisper in his ear.
His favorite retort was, “you did(something)when I wasn’t looking”.
People were so shocked I’d give him so much guff and rib him about things like his facing the lampshade when he was talking. Hey Tim, you’re talking to the lampshade. I just responded that they should hear what he says to me!
Mary,
He sounds like a delight!