Nathan
I used to list my friend Nathan’s pro-life blog on my blogroll. We became email friends first and then met last year at a pro-life event in OR.
We went to dinner and laughed with friends at a great organic restaurant (where I discovered organic beer is even better than beer laden with artificial ingredients and preservatives).
Quirkily, Nathan and I share a love of the scent lavendar. He gave me a bottle of lavendar lotion he made (which is sadly almost gone).
Nathan told me he had emerged from the homosexual community and still battled feelings I couldn’t understand but empathized with.
A few months back, Nathan returned to the homosexual lifestyle. He and I have played phone tag ever since. I wanted him to know I was still his friend.
Yesterday on his blog Nathan answered the question, “Am I still pro-life?” Opening the post, I was afraid I’d be hurt by what he had to say, but I was not. Here is an excerpt…
The issue of homosexuality can change in a snap depending on one’s religious views, for the simple fact that one’s religion generally decides one’s view on it. However, as stated often by pro-lifers, the pro-life position is not solely dependant on religion. It is the fundamental belief that all human life is of value, and that every step should be taken to preserve it. One does not need to be religious to remember that life is sacred and easily–in an instant–snuffed out.
It is really “easy” to kill a 10 week-old fetus. It cannot speak, cannot cry and is less developed than you or I. It is quickly vacuumed out of the uterus, generally doing little damage to the woman and leaving not a trace. Sometimes I ask myself, “Are the early-term babies worth it? Am I wrong on this? Is it really that big of a deal?” Is it possibly true, as many people either advocate or believe, that an early term baby–which admittedly has no self-awareness–is worth anything? I really do ask myself these questions and have my doubts every once in a while. That’s what’s so scary.
When we cannot hear the voices of those whom we are killing, it is easy to go on and say that killing them is morally acceptable. We subconsciously believe that if we cannot hear it, it is not our problem. Because we are gay, it is not our problem. Because we may be men, it is not our problem. Because it is not us doing it, it is not our problem. But it is our problem: it is society’s problem. We create and then destroy human life without discrimination, and while I don’t know if we ever will be punished by a deity angered by our actions, it doesn’t take a lot to see what abortion has done to our society, our children and our women. Abortion is the ultimate, silent, and state-sanctioned method of exploitation and discrimination of people in modern American history.
I appreciate Nathan’s honesty.
Nathan, I would still love you had you changed your position on the life issue, just as I love you although you have changed your position on the homosexual issue. I love you for you – your sensitivity, your enjoyment of people, your vulnerability, your enthusiasm, your sense of humor.
I’m happy though, relieved, that you still uphold the sanctity of life, as much for you as for the movement. It’s a great anchor.
Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
Awesome post…thanks for introducing us to Nathan.
Hold out, Nathan. There is nothing wrong with being homosexual. Keep up the good work fighting for the unborn. Allies are important :)
Yet another check mark for Obama… The clear and concise Republican perspective and gay rights is so sick..I am sickened that my friend had no rights in the hospital to his partner after 35 yrs of being committed… These issues are degrading and sick…
From my end, you have to weigh it out… The persepectives that the the Republicans have are not loving- kind— and Christlike– with the exception of abortion.. For those of us that are so active in the “real” world… I just can’t stand for the inhumanity that J. Mcain and S. Palin will push through… It is causing more pain, death and inhumane effects.
Jill if you don’t understand what it’s like to be homosexual you can’t empathize with it. You can sympathize with it, but empathy means you can you can put yourself in the persons position mentally and emotionally. Empathy is stronger then sympathy and I feel if you actually did empathize with him you would become open and accepting of his sexuality.
One of my gay friends and I were actually talking about this last night. Well I was just saying how much happier he is now that he came out. Before he was always so serious, always frowning. The happiest I ever saw him was when he came out to me. I swear his eyes were sparkling. Anyway he concurred and said that he was much happier now, he feels like he can finally be himself instead of hiding away behind a hard exterior.
By that same standard Jess you must be homosexual as well to be able to empathize and understand your friend.
Actually, Jess, you have it exactly backward. My choice of words was purposeful.
Empathy – intellectual and emotional awareness and understanding of another person’s thoughts, feelings, and behavior even that are distressing
Sympathy – sharing another’s feelings especially in sorrow or trouble through imaginative identification with the other’s situation
I can’t identify with Nathan’s feelings and behavior, but I can express awareness and compassion for his feelings and behavior.
Gee Jill is my face red. I wonder where I heard that was what empathy was, but thanks for the correct definition : )
I’m not gay Carla but I believe in a thing called love.
Jess, thanks for giving me the point…. :)
just curious, why don’t you link to his pro-life blog anymore?
What dictionary are you using, Jill?
These are from Merriam online. The best would be the OED, of course.
empathy:
2: the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner
sympathy
3 a: the act or capacity of entering into or sharing the feelings or interests of another b: the feeling or mental state brought about by such sensitivity
A fuller overview of some online definitions
http://hubpages.com/hub/Sympathy_vs_Empathy
In addition:
The synonym of sympathy as “pity” is key – one doesn’t feel pity with the bereaved, one feels it for them.
Think of the definition of a true empath as one who would feel the pain of a wound on witnessing someone else wounded.
Another way of looking at this difference is to categorize empathy as a faculty and sympathy as an emotion.
Jess: don’t be so hard on yourself or quick to capitulate- I and the dictionaries would say you had it exactly right.
Hannah, Nathan stopped focusing his blog on the pro-life issue.
Nathan,
I’m glad you still support the pro-life cause even though some of those within it have said horrible things about gays. (*NOTE: I did not say ALL OF YOU, but I have heard some pretty terrible things from pro-life people about gays)Anywho, Nathan, I hope you continue on your journey in this life with as much honesty as you have already shown, and I wish you peace with whatever decisions you make. There is nothing wrong with being who you are, as long as you have peach within yourself. Keep standing up for life Nathan!
Part of his reluctance to be involved in pro-life issues now may be because he dared have the courage to stand up to the minority of pro-life groups/advocates who say the rest of us aren’t pro-life if we don’t abide by a certain strategy. It gets a little tiring after a while to hear the handful of skeptics berate you for supposedly not being pro-life and that the candidats/strategy/groups you support aren’t pro-life either.
Hey Nathan– kudos to what Jill said. :)
Jess
That’s very sweet of you to reach out Nathan, Jill.
Hope he reaches back to ya.
Jess you are not helping nathan by encouraging him to continue with his homosexual lifestyle.
Nathan remains in my prayers. And God loves him as we all do.
Nathan,
You’re a good man. And remember, God loves you.
Contrary to what you believe Patricia, encouraging someone to be at peace with themselves IS helping them, even if you don’t agree wit how they do that.
The Bible is clear about the degradation and perversity of homosexuality, so I don’t need to argue that point. If you’re a Christian, you should be against homosexuality. This will be my only comment on this thread because I don’t want to spend a lot of time on a new argument. Besides, this is a pro-life blog, and Nathan has some solid pro-life convictions. Good for him!
Abortion is no less a “religous” topic than homosexuality. In fact, the apostle Paul argued from nature (science) against homosexuality in his letter to the Romans. “For this reason [exchanging the truth of God for a lie] God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural, and in the same also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another…” (1:26-27) So if you’re a human being–a male human being or a female human being–you should be against homosexuality. It’s contrary to nature.
I hate Nathan as a homosexual but love him as a human being. Such contrary emotions and motives are not a contradiction. The Bible (God’s Word) teaches me to view myself likewise. Again, read the apostle Paul’s struggle in the same letter to the Romans (7:14-25). God’s amazing grace saved a wretch like me.
You can see, then, that I might hate homosexual activists even more than I hate homosexuals themselves (to the extent that they are homosexuals). Homosexual activists, who need not themselves be homosexual, actually advocate sin. The homosexual himself, like Nathan, might actually struggle against his perverted passions. The sexual passions themselves are good when directed toward a woman (I’m speaking for Nathan) in marriage, but they are evil when they are not kept in check and enslave Nathan. Unfortunately Nathan seems to have succumbed to false religious teachers, the homosexual activists, who have basically told him to “feel at home with himself and be a homo.” Jesus reserved His harshest words for false teachers (Luke 17:1-3a below, cf. Matt. 23):
Jesus said to his disciples: “Things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to that person through whom they come. It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin. So watch yourselves.”
On this pro-life website, I should conclude by observing that Jesus’ warning applies just as much to “pro-choicers” as it does to homosexual activists. I have far more sympathy for the desperate woman abandoned by her man than I do for the cynical abortionist who violates her. Of course, Mr. Obama as a teacher and leader who has coolly thought through the issue and come out “pro-choice” is equally to be blamed. So is Mr. McCain to a lesser extent. So are pro-lifers to an even lesser extent. After all, we are all sinners, and we can all “understand” sin. It’s still wrong.
From my end, you have to weigh it out… The persepectives that the the Republicans have are not loving- kind— and Christlike– with the exception of abortion.. For those of us that are so active in the “real” world… I just can’t stand for the inhumanity that J. Mcain and S. Palin will push through… It is causing more pain, death and inhumane effects.
Posted by: andrea at October 14, 2008 11:20 AM
Andrea, The same people who are against abortion are the ones working the shelters and the pregnancy centers etc…. It is only natural that if you care about the unborn you care even more about the born. The reason we place so much focus on the unborn is because they are being legally killed daily, 46.000 in Illinois last year alone. Why do you say Republicans are not Christ-like?
I think Nathan is to be applauded for his pro-life beliefs even more so than others due to his sexuality. The homosexual community is largely pro-choice and pro-abortion, so for him to take this pro-life view and still be a member of the gay community can’t be easy for him, but he’s obviously got the guts to do it.
Hopefully, his pro-life attitude and reasoning will influence others in the gay community.
Nathan, if you’re reading this, I truly hope you repent of your homosexuality. It’s a very gross sexual sin and will destroy your life. I have a dear Christian friend that has never had attraction toward women, but knows that doesn’t make it okay to participate in vile homosexual sex. He has lived a celibate lifestyle because he knows that is what is right in God’s eyes. Please repent Nathan and we’ll all be praying for you.
I’ve commented on some of Nathan’s entries on the pro-life community on LiveJournal; he is one tough guy. I’m bisexual (female, engaged to a man, no girlfriend, no desire for one although I’m attracted to both women and men) and it is extremely hard to feel as though the pro-life community doesn’t like you for being GLBT and the GLBT and allies community doesn’t like you for being pro-life. (Jill, I know you really like Nathan, and I’m not questioning that for a second.)
Andrea,
What’s worse – the destruction of 49 million innocent, 100% scientifically validated, human lives or an opposition to gay marriage? Please tell us who the noble, Christ-like people are here, please. The gay marriage debate is an important one, but at least people aren’t getting killed while we figure it out.
Will D I thought your post was gross and vile. No offense.
pip,
Maybe Will D just cares enough about Nathan to let him know that “Will” believes fornication is detrimental to your health.
Personally, sexual orientation is of little concern to me. In fact, I have found gay co-workers far more discreet about their private lives then some of the straight ones. I also respect them as dedicated and hard workers.
I have to wonder how many more GLBT would whole heartedly support the PL cause if they felt they were welcome and not judged.
I also respect gay couples who have taken in children no one else wants, like the lesbian couple who took in a child physically and mentally devastated by her straight parents’ crack addiction. Yet they are judged unfit to raise a child by the people who wouldn’t take these children.
Please, we all have something to offer to the cause of life, let’s not allow prejudices and misconceptions to get in the way.
Mary,
Amen!
Pip,
I agree…I also think this thread is in very poor taste as it just leaves the door open to say stuff that Will has said to Nathan. And why does he need that? He doesn’t..he struggles enough I’m sure on his own, he doesn’t need to read crap from other people about it.
Right on, Mary and Elizabeth.
Nathan’s despair and struggle is worthy of our prayers. His is not an easy road to trod. His faith is stronger than he thinks it is and will ultimately serve him well.