Comparing (not so different) confessions of a pro-life and a pro-choice post-abortive mom
OneNewsNow.com has reviewed the new book, Confessions of an ex-feminist. On her journey there and back author Lorraine Murray had an abortion:
Murray then movingly tells readers the story of the abortion she’d had years before. “No one,” she writes, “had prepared me for the flashbacks, which began about a year after the ‘procedure’…. I would relive the experience…. I started having upsetting reactions to babies…. A question started plaguing me: How old would my baby have been now?”
One night, her husband, Jef, encouraged her to attend an Advent penance service, where confessions would be heard. It had been years since she’d been to confession, but reluctantly, she went. With tears streaming down her face, this former feminist and long-time defender of abortion told the priest what she’d done. He explained that just as Jesus had said on the cross, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34), Jesus would forgive her, too.
Months later, however, Murray was still filled with self-
recrimination about her abortion….
She believed that God had forgiven her, but couldn’t forgive herself. She started meeting regularly with a woman from a group called PATH (Post-Abortion Treatment and Healing), and after many months, began to heal. Years later she came across a quote in The Privilege of Being a Woman which reminded her of how this woman had helped her: “Those who devote their loving attention to [women who have had abortions] know that the wound created in their souls is so deep that only God’s grace can heal it.”
Murray’s “plaguing question” about how old her baby would be immediately reminded me of a post I read just last night on the pro-abort blog, My abortion & related incidents. This was written January 7, 9-1/2 months after eve had her abortion:
Murray described having upsetting reactions to babies. So did eve in this post written about 2 weeks after her abortion:
A couple other confessions from our pro-abort post-abortive friend, all in one paragraph, written 2 days after her abortion. Eve doesn’t realize she’s describing feelings of having been raped, which some post-abortive mothers say they do feel, as well as suspicions about an sexually exploitive and selfish boyfriend:
I fully expected eve to have broken up with her boyfriend by now, because over 90% of post-abortive couples split, but they are still together. I still say it’s a matter of time.
Finally, eve demonstrates the schizophrenia of abortion-minded mothers and with refreshing candor expresses why over 90% of abortions are committed – for me, me, me. This was written last March 19, the day eve found out she was pregnant and almost 3 weeks before aborting:
Abortion is just the saddest thing ever.
Eve’s entire chronicle is an interesting and a fairly quick read. I expect she doesn’t realize she’s experiencing typical manifestations of post-abortion stress syndrome. Eve may stop in here, and I’d like to say welcome, eve. We’re all only here to talk.
Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
That is so tragically sad. Abortion kills one, and wounds the other. No matter how they try to spin it, abortion hurts women!
It amazes me to no end that abortive mothers are so selfish and self-centered, yet they 1) delude themselves into thinking that they are aborting for the benefit of the baby. 2) Scream that pro-lifers have no compassion for anyone. 3) Think they corner the market on sympathy for others when, in fact, they do nothing to help others.
My heart goes out to everyone who buys the lie that this is a cure for them. Post abortive women, where ever they are at in their grief, will always be in my prayers. I have been stopped more than once, in a public place, because someone sees my darling daughter who happens to have Ds. One woman shared her painful story with me, with tears rolling down her cheeks, asking me if she could hold my daughter. Her little boy, who happened to have Down syndrome, would have been 12 at that time. She told me how she believed them when they told her she could not do it. Then her best friend went on to have a baby with Down syndrome, and she realized she could have. She told me to hug my girl tight. I gave her the biggest hug possible. Down syndrome never goes away, even after you abort a child with Down syndrome. We all are moms of children with Down syndrome. Only some of us get to enjoy our children for the time God gives them to us, while others mourn their lives for ever. That woman is a hero to me. I will never forget her, or her little boy. Who would now be 17. If you think that is stuck in my heart forever, imagine his mom’s heart. I can only pray that other women will believe me when I tell them, they can do this. Their child is a gift. Don’t buy the lie. And if you truly do not believe you can handle raising a child, Ds or otherwise, please give your child the gift of life, and a loving family a beautiful child.
I once knew a woman who was very accomplished, very successful, and was shocked that I was prolife, and actually said “no one intelligent is prolife.” I’m an Ivy League grad, but uh, okay. This woman then told me that “all her friends had had abortions,” like it was something like getting their hair highlighted. The PA’s say that abortion is something that women don’t take lightly, but many DO take it quite lightly. I know that we have to be compassionate, understanding, etct., but I’m sorry, this attitude disgusts me.
I’m going to get skewered for saying this, but the rationale for many, many abortions can be summed up in six words: “I don’t want to be bothered.” Yes, it’s all about ME!
Jill,
As I read your article about Lorraine Murray not being able to forgive herself, I was immediately transported back to the Supreme Court steps at the March last week where one mother from Silent No More Awareness shared with us a letter that she wrote to her aborted baby:
“I thought that by hanging on to my guilt and shame I was proving how much I really loved you.”
How true this is for so many post-abortive mothers, and for the rest of us when we have deeply wounded one we love. It really is God’s infinite Love and Mercy that we need to drown our guilt and sorrow in, never to be seen again. It’s the only way out for us if we are ever to regain our ability to love ourselves and others.
And if Eve does stop in here, she’ll no doubt encounter Carla who will lovingly show her the way home.
My heart breaks for Eve and so many like her that are completely confused by their emotions after having an abortion. Of course you think about that baby, your baby. Of course other babies make you cry. OF COURSE. Her pain is all too real for me. Especially feeling her pregnant friend’s belly.
If you do think that those who abort absolutely know what they are doing and why they are doing it and you have a judgment about that, I would ask that you please be mindful of your comments on this thread. These women are still deceived!!! They still bought the lie!! They are still in need of help and compassion!! Condemning them does not help. The self condemnation is quite evident in Eve’s posts.
My post abortive sisters will be won by love. Just as I was. Just as the thousands like me whom God now uses to draw these women to repentance.
I will be praying for all post abortive women today and for all of us who comment here.
She told me how she believed them when they told her she could not do it.
IDSCforlife, everything about the abortion doctrine limits women and their capabilities…. “You CAN’T do that” “You CAN’T take care of a baby AND go to college!” “You CAN’T be happy and have a baby!” “You CAN’T have a baby until your finances are at this level!” “You CAN’T take care of a baby with a disability!”
Sometimes I wonder if pro-abortionists think there is anything women CAN do. Are women really so weak and frail in their eyes?
How about telling women they CAN? Women aren’t weaklings as these supposed “feminists” seem to think they are… with a little encouragement, they are capable of so much more than what they give them credit for!
IDSC for life,
I could have done it too! I know I could have! With a little help and support my daughter Aubrey and I would have been just fine.
The other side wants us to believe that to be strong and successful means you have to kill your own.
As a man reading these posts, my heart breaks.
It breaks for all the harm done to the women who have had abortions and now suffer either knowingly or unknowingly.
I do not feel sorry one bit for the men in their lives that used these women sexually and then either forced or encouraged them to have abortions. In reality they are not men.
Stay away from such men as they are wolves.
Carla, that’s why IDSC for Life and I are here. We are trying to help women BEFORE they are browbeaten into thinking that whatever diagnosis their unborn child had will overwhelm them. We are here to walk with them, cheer them on and be the shoulder to cry on.
I would not be the happy confident mother of my precious seven year old daughter with Down syndrome if I hadn’t spoken to Marge, mother of 10 children, the youngest of whom has Ds. She casually told me that her 20 year old daughter with Ds is happy, working, well-adjusted and loves life. That’s all I needed to know.
Please, if any one knows a mother like Carla, send her to IDSC for Life or my group KIDS Keep Infants with Down Syndrome for support before they are frightened into a decision they will always regret.
Leticia,
When you say a mother like Carla I am wondering what you mean. Please explain. I am forgiven and set free from an abortion 20 years ago. :)
Cristen, You need to watch what you say concerning these wommen! If you don’t feel sorry for these wommen, then I have to ask you the question Do you or have you even experienced the Lord’s grace and mercy in your own life? Carla is a post abortive mom, so after her own abortion, you would have judge her? This talk really angers me, and it makes my blood boil! I have and always stand behind these wommen, because Jesus loves them just as much as he he loves us! You’ve already got me started! RJ
RJ, I think Kristen was referring to unrepentant post abortive women who turn into vicious advocates for abortion. Like Whoopi Goldberg, for instance.
Thats interesting. Never new she had one. Sorry I get what you’re saying Cristen. RJ
A mother starts bonding with her baby the moment that pregnancy test is positive, or in my case, the moment the doctor calls with the bloodwork results.
Abortion providers try to deny this bond but it is as real as gravity, whether you can see it or not. To try and sever that bond with an abortion will of course cause emotional trauma to the mom. My friends who’ve aborted and still claim to be pro-choice will go on and on endlessly like Megan, Ashley etc…about the woman’s rights and its her body…blah blah blah.
But then we’ll be out shopping and they’ll find cute baby clothes and they’ll tear up. Or when they had children later they’ll make little comments about how old the “other” baby would be and if that baby would have been excited to be a big brother or sister. Or sometimes they’ll just flat out cry about how they wish they “didn’t have to do that”.
The pain is so uncomfortable and raw. I can only say THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU to Jesus that He saved me from that path. i cannot imagine living with that kind of intense shameful grief.
Reading stories like Murray’s is sad but hopeful because of the healing she has experienced. Reading stories like Eve’s is heartbreaking because the agony of her heart has not been addressed.
Carla, I think that Leticia is referring to mothers who terminated due to a prenatal diagnosis. She may have mixed your name in there accidentally, not fully aware of your incredible story of healing. You are such a blessing!!
I have to say, we have had many women contact us who have terminated, because they believed someone who told them that Down syndrome would be too hard for them to deal with. These women advocate as hard, if not harder, for our kids, as we do. They do not want another woman to buy the lie. We share with them the resources Lumina and Silent No More. I am honored and priveledged to have them stand with us, as we tell the whole world, that our children are a blessing, and that we believe in the dignity of ALL life.
Oh, God, this is so incredibly depressing. It makes me so grateful that I’ve never gone through any of this.
And if Eve does stop in here, she’ll no doubt encounter Carla who will lovingly show her the way home.
Posted by: Gerard Nadal at January 28, 2010 8:47 AM
******************
I think this sentence is probably the deepest, most loving, tender, profound statement I’ve read in a long, long time.
If you think about it’s implications in a broader sense, I believe Gerard poetically summed up the meaning of life in one sentence.
Thank you Gerard and Carla.
14 For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. 15 And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.
16 So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. 17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19 that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 20 We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. 21 God made him who had no sin to be sin?a? for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
The Holy Bible : New International Version. 1996, c1984 (electronic ed.) (2 Co 5:14-21). Grand Rapids: Zondervan.
Depressing Marauder? What’s being offered here is love, compassion, forgiveness…and HOPE. Hopefully, a post-abortive mother will come across this blog, and stories like these, and realise there is HOPE for her to recover.
Here you go, it reads much nicer without the references:
For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.
So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin?a? for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. 2 Co 5:14-21 NIV
(Mod, you may delete my 10:59 AM post if you wish.)
Not alot of people know about Jill Stanek or Jillstanek.com. I found out through faith 2 action. http://www.f2a.org RJ
I am a proud member of the Jill Stanek.com fan club.
Jill’s heart-felt compassion for babies which is shared by so many of the commenters here makes this the coolest Pro-Life hang-out on the web.
Plus, my bro Ken is hilarious.
Mods..could you delete the double post?
Thanks!
I don’t know where else to post this, but I just have to. If we ever wonder if the White House has dignity for ALL life, wonder no more…. once again, they believe that using words that are intended for people with cognitive delays, are reserved for them to make fun of their enemies. Interesting that they are okay with killing people with disablities, and making fun of them too! http://www.patriciaebauer.com/2010/01/27/shriver-to-emanuel-27340/
Can’t wait to hear the politically correct apology! Sorry to be a cynic.
Reading Lorraine’s and Eve’ stories reminds me of how important it is for me to remember to pray for women in my own community – living within perhaps just miles of me, who are planning to abort their little boy or girl. I get so busy with life that I often forget, but if I could just lift them up once a day, and if others in other communities across our land would do the same, I believe with all my heart that we would see a decline in abortion. And, may the Lord continue to touch the consciences of Americans so that people who have forgotten the lives of unborn boys and girls will have tender hearts toward them. And, may He continue to bring His grace and healing to those who have chosen abortion.
I remember all the mixed emotions I had the day after my baby was lost due to an abortion, even though I was totally numb…accepting of what was being told to me – that was 1) you can’t have a baby and expect any man to want you 2) you can’t have a baby and finish college 3) you would not have been able to have a baby and then give it up for adoption – once you saw it, because you love babies so much, you would not have been able to give it up…(my mother’s words – )
You are right – the “you CAN’Ts” are enormous. I remember repeating all of these reasons over and over and over again for years and years. I remember too, thinking I was a bit nuts, because once in awhile, I would wonder what my child would have looked like…SHOULD have looked like. I remember wondering how old he would have been. I remember wondering (this is weird…) if I would recognize him in a park, playing, for somewhere in my disordered thinking, he was still alive and someone was raising him for me.
Oh Lord … it took so many years to understand that I was not crazy, I was not alone in my very strange, post abortive world. I was so scared to really think about what I had permitted happen to my baby, my baby who had done nothing wrong, except be conceived out of wedlock. Poor wee Matthew –
I felt as though I was on the edge of a cliff and at the bottom of the deep divide, was what I had to look at. I am petrified of heights … there seemed to be many years when I could not breath.
Thanks be to God and His wonderful, loving compassion and mercy, I am healing. I will never be healed from my abortion until I see the face of God…BUT, I know now that I need not be a slave to my abortion. I need not hang on to my guilt, my confusion and my sorrow.
I live today for my children in heaven (one miscarried, one aborted) and for my three adopted sons here on earth. Please remember me in your prayers – – thank you
I love you, Lee. Praying for you on your healing journey. I am walking with you as a post abortive mom who knows amazing grace.
Diane,
No worries. :)
Ed and Gerard,
THANK YOU!!
These women are lied to and deceived by Big Abortion.
However, as human beings we are programmed biologically not to harm each other, especially not our own young. That’s where Post Abortion Syndrome comes in.
Lee, You have my prayers, today, and forthcoming. Thank you so much for your beautiful words. Heroic women like you, are the reason I believe we must continue to stand up and tell the truth. Every woman who says no to the lie, is empowered to live the life free of the shackles that it brings. God bless you. May you continue to feel the healing that God so wonderfully wants for you. Thank you for the honor and privelege of standing with you, and telling the whole world that ALL life is precious!
Oops, just noticed I did not mean to put the info about the white house on this thread. lol Sorry about that. I will copy and paste it on another thread. Sorry mods.
How heart-wrenching!
Praying for peace & healing for Eve, and all post-abortive moms.
There’s far too much pressure to “have it all”… regardless of the consequences.
You can never have that life back, once you abort; there’s no undoing what you’ve done. You can’t have that child 10 years in the future. You can hopefully have another child, but you can never get back what you lose on an abortionist’s table.
And you’ll never know what you missed out on, in your quest to have your life work out to your ‘perfect’ specifications. But you’ll always miss it.
Thank you for your prayers for me and other post abortive moms – let us not forget the dads, too!
Maryrose – you wrote – “And you’ll never know what you missed out on, in your quest to have your life work out to your ‘perfect’ specifications. But you’ll always miss it.”
I am so grateful that I am at a time in my life that I don’t need to have *my* ‘perfect’ specifications. I trust in God and His perfect timing for my life. Although it is a hard thing to write, I do not believe I would be this close to God without the loss of my son, Matthew.
Diane – hugs to you, lady!
Lee….that was beautiful. You made me cry. HUGS!!! Thankyou for sharing.
Lee-
Thank you for your reminder. I do tend to brush over post-abortive dads more than I should.
Sometimes we have to fall in order to find God, it’s true. It’s horribly saddening, though, to think that the fall might include loss of life.
We’re such control freaks about our lives nowadays. We think that we can be secure by our own merits, and it’s just not true. No matter how much you put into your work, you can lose everything in a matter of seconds. I have to constantly remember that the only security in life is through Christ. I think that those who believe the pro-abortion lies have lost sight of where security comes from.
God is good all the time.
http://www.crosswalk.com/spirituallife/men/11625122/
An article about post abortive fathers.
RJ, I think Kristen was referring to unrepentant post abortive women who turn into vicious advocates for abortion. Like Whoopi Goldberg, for instance.
Posted by: bethany at January 28, 2010 9:39 AM
Yes, sorry RJ, I should have been more clear. Carla is absolutely fantastic and does so much good for the cause. I did think about adding a PS after I posted and reread what I wrote. I should have done that.
I believe WE as a SOCIETY have bought the lie of abortion! I have never aborted, but I thought about it! I have fornicated and used birth control. ..A chemical abortion? Perhaps at some point. I also drove a friend to have an abortion back in 1994. I picket that same clinic today! I am sorry for my sins. I am still not perfect. I have a lot of female pals who have aborted. It’s so hard to convey emotion on a site when typing out truth and facts. Carla, women like you are a blessing. I never mean to offend you when speaking my mind about abortion. I have made a lot of new lady pals with the ‘SILENT NO MORE’ group. I treasure them because they have the truth too. Abortion is an act that should anger us all, but that will never happen. Looking back on driving my friend to the clinic that snowy day, I should have said no. She had so many strikes against her at the time. Parents who paid for it, a man who abandoned her, no place to call home and no support. She even had a sister in law who told har that she’d also aborted, and that it was “No big deal.”…..if I only knew then what I know now.
Yes, we should be angry that God’s most precious children are being slaughtered day in and day out – however, that will not do anyone any good.
As a nation, we have certainly been “punked” and there are many who are waking up to this realization.
We must meet those who are coming to the realization that their child was killed by abortion, with compassion and prayers. We must pray for them, that they will be able to honestly look at their sin of abortion without condemnation.
Sometimes, I have found, that is the fear of condemnation of self, that keeps a woman or man from dealing with their abortion/s. We must never use language, such as “you killed your baby” or “you are a murderer” to anyone – especially a post abortive person. We must be open and loving – like Christ told us to be. Let the Holy Spirit work within them, for we are not God and they do not answer to us.
Pray always and thank you for your prayers