Worker: What it’s like holding a mother’s hand during her abortion
Hand holding can be physically challenging. I have come home with scratches on my hands from fingernails, or swollen fingers that were gripped too tightly for too long….
The more challenging part is finding fresh but neutral points of conversation. I want to keep her distracted and entertained but dodge any potentially emotionally triggering topics…
Hand holding can be emotionally draining. On days where this is my role, I usually will go home, eat junk food, and watch either an Tina Fey [sic] or Amy Poehler sitcom to return me to a reasonable level of my emotional equilibrium. I want to watch something funny and silly, but still with a feminist undertone….
If you have the opportunity to hand hold at your clinic, I recommend attempting it at least once. It is not for everyone, but I have definitely learned more in that position than in my entire career of reproductive justice.
Handholding [sic] is like a good Barbara Walters segment, it’s a soft interview and sometimes, the guest cries.
~ Anonymous guest blogger describing her experience as the un-official hand holder at the abortion facility where she works, Abortion Gang, October 19
Photo via Women’s Health In Women’s Hands
Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
“Photo via Women’s Health In Women’s Hands”
That’s funny. The hitman looks like a dude to me. Exploitation of women for fun and profit. Some dude got to get his rocks off and that’s why a woman gets knocked up, and then another takes her money to kill her child and suck it out of her. Because empowerment and stuff.
ew.
I’m surprised they’d recommend a hand-hold. The human touch reminds people that it’s OK to be emotional; that they’re welcome to let go of some of their emotions; that they’re not just getting a tooth pulled here!
I have to agree with Laura’s sentiment.
Are these people just creepy or what?
I can understand that they want to be compassionate to women struggling with an unexpected pregnancy but is ignoring the reality of the unborn baby and then killing the baby the best way to go about helping these mothers? I don’t think so.
This behavior is so over-the-top.
REPRODUCTIVE JUSTICE!!!!!
Let’s call it what it is. The murder of innocent human beings.
No one had to hold my wife’s hand when she had a tooth pulled
No one to hold my hand when I had a wart removed.
I held my 4 year daughters hand when she got stitches, but she tho she did protest, she did not do much crying.
Why all the tears and hand holding when the contents of woman’s uterus are being extracted?
When your momma was pregnant with you what was the species of embryo/fetus was present in her uterus?
I hate this picture. It is all too real and conjures up some memories for me.
BLEH.
This hand holder talks more about how SHE deals with abortion than the woman who will be emotionally and spiritually wounded. No amount of HAND HOLDING can erase that. This false sense of “compassion and care” makes me want to throw up.
I would sincerely like to find my “hand holder” and have a conversation with her about my experience.
I agree with Carla’s comment above… and offer a couple of alternate points of view on hand-holding during an abortion:
My own experience as a former abortion clinic worker, seeing my hands as accessory to murder:
http://jewelsgreen.com/i-want-to-hold-your-hand-my-hands-as-accessory-to-murder/
Abby Johnson: Now using her hands for to further the cause of LIFE http://www.abbyjohnson.org/i-looked-at-my-hands/
Keep her “distracted and entertained” while her baby is killed. SICK. The whole quote is SICK. They can close their eyes against the evil all they want, but it will not go away.
Who holds the baby’s hand??
Jewels
I had read an article of yours a few months back, and I was greatly moved by your experience, the honesty of your writing, and your willingness to share your struggles. I am glad that you are prolife now.
Your story brings hope into the world.
Mama Bear (aka xalisae) I am very curious to see you at an abortion clinic. What do you do when you go? Do you counsel any of the young mothers? (serious questions)
On a different note – I often wonder what the cars of the abortionists would look like if you ever found out what they drove – I am sure they wouldn’t be pretty after you got your claws into them!! I have heard bear claws can do some awful damage to cars (just kidding!).
When I read your comments I am not sure whether to stand-up and cheer or call the police. The one thing I feel bad doing is laughing, because the subject matter is so serious.
xalisae, there is one thing I don’t doubt, your passion to protect life is infectious and comforting to witness.
Hugs to you Jewels.
I remember years ago seeing a documentary on HBO that gave viewers all sides of the abortion issue, the mothers , the clinic workers, and those who were protesting abortion. The camera was there just before one mother’s abortion. There was a “grandmotherly” woman holding her hand while she was lying on the table. She started to cry, and she said to the woman “I bet you get tired of this kind of thing, don’t you?” (Meaning women who get emotional and cry)
The “hand holder” said “Oh, no. I love my job”.
You LOVE your job? You LOVE standing there holding the hand of a woman whose child is being killed while you’re standing there?
What’s to “love” about that????
Interesting wording:
“What it’s like holding a MOTHER’S hand during her abortion”…
How did THAT happen ? If it’s NOT a baby, then she’s NOT a “Mother”. Right ???
A Freudian slip, I guess.
“reproductive justice”? What about the right of the baby to BE reproduced? Is it justice to deny unborn women (and men) THAT right? They just have to play word games to deny what is really going on down there at the end of the table.
Is this “hand holder” going to be there to hold these women’s hands on the due date of the dead child? On the anniversary of the abortion? Who is going to hold the woman’s hand then?
Love you Carla! Love you Jewels!
Why don’t we have people holding our hands for a pap smear?
It must be nice to relax and laugh at comic actresses who have a “feminist undercurrent” after a tough day inflicting reproductive justice on all those baby girls.
Tyler, I don’t get the chance to go much like I would enjoy, and after my fiance went with me the last time, he appreciates me not going. I showed a woman going in a picture of my daughter and told her to please not go in and do that, that she didn’t have to, and that her baby was and is a child just like mine, and held up my picture of my daughter. Her escort, much, MUCH bigger than I, got up in my face and started yelling at me about how I didn’t know what was going on and I better mind my own d- business and what am I going to do for that baby, etc.
Well, I elevated my own voice and explained to her what I had been through with my pregnancy with my daughter and then she started screaming at me about how someone should drive by and shoot us all because that kind of thing happens all the time, and it should happen to me, and at this point she was probably inches away from my face. I didn’t bat an eye. I was waiting for her to hit me. I was hoping she would. But just then, our 40 Days coordinator came up from across the street, and HE is MUCH larger than BOTH of us, and when she saw him coming over my shoulder, she backed off and went inside.
I’ve been beaten by larger folks than her, and I’d be more than willing to take a hit to possibly save a life. Even more than that.
After watching that, my fiance said he didn’t have the heart for that kind of stuff, and when he’s ready to get involved, he’s going to volunteer at the CPC across the street. As soon as election season is over, I can’t wait to get back out there, though. As it stands, I work Saturdays. :(
I’ve been told that my mutant super power is to know instinctively how to agitate any given person, for better or worse.
Play to your strengths.
You have an amazing 40 Days coordinator!!
God bless you and your fiance and Dan Miller for being there!!
I used to go to PP on Saturdays when I was younger. It hurt me so much to see all those young women going in and out. I would get too emotional and start to cry. I just wasn’t cut out for it. I admire those that have been out there for years.
Is this “hand holder” going to be there to hold these women’s hands on the due date of the dead child? On the anniversary of the abortion? Who is going to hold the woman’s hand then?
Are they going to be there if the woman has emotional or physical problems after the abortion? Or turns to drugs or alcohol to ease her pain? We know that this happens to many post-aborted women, as much as the ‘borts and their allies in the media deny it.
I *hearts* Dan. He IS amazing!
Thanks, Carla. :)
Seriously cannot WAIT to get a schedule that will let me go back. And this time Maggie wants to come.
She’s religious, so please pray for her.
Hey Anonymous, did you ever wonder *why* these women were crying? Did it ever occur to you that maybe you could *help* her change her circumstances so that she didn’t have to go through all that? No, I didn’t think so. So much for compassion.
Grrr…..
Well, on a happier note — I remember when I had our daughter, I was in so much pain that I grabbed the sleeve of my husband’s jacket and nearly pulled it off! The poor man was shocked. “Mark, you’ve got to help me,” I pleaded, as if he could really do anything besides sit there and offer encouragement.
Well, Samantha managed to be born, and on June 9, 2013, she is going to be married. It seems like it was just yesterday I was holding her in my arms and marveling at how beautiful she was . . . how time flies!
xalisae, thanks for sharing a bit of your witnessing story. I am glad you kept your cool when the clinic volunteer approached you, and that you were able to stand your ground. Those prochoice volunteers were simply trying to provoke a reaction from you.
The clinic volunteers seem to always say the same thing. I have also been told to mind my own business, and that I didn’t understand what was going on (which is partly true and partly why I am there talking to the Mom [to find out what her needs are]). In the past when a clinic volunteer asked me what am I going to do for the baby I handed them a brochure of the local CPC and told them that the brochure is good science fiction reading (it causes the new ones to pause for a moment).
I am sorry to hear that you have been beaten. No one should have to go through this.
xalisae, have you watched any street counselling videos? I know of some good ones. I don’t think you would have to modify them too much with your technique. Do you know about the L.O.V.E. approach?
Do you find that relaying your personal story and showing a picture of your daughter is good way to break the ice with Moms? Does it help the Moms open up and to feel more comfortable talking with you?
xalisae, it sounds like you did more than agitate – you helped a Mom, and the volunteer inappropriately became agitated. Agitation on the street rarely accomplishes anything.
You may be physically small, but it sounds like you have a big heart for the little ones. It also sounds like you haved inspired a new prolifer with your husband! Excellent. I can understand how difficult it must have been for him to watch someone treat you and the other prolifers so badly, especially since the clinic volunteers are there to facilitate a Mom’s abortion.
tyler,
it wasn’t a clinic escort. After I talked to the mom and told her she didn’t have to do that, she looked upset and turned away and her friend that came with here just about pushed her inside, then stomped over to me and did those things I mentioned earlier. She was a very angry person.
I haven’t heard of the L.O.V.E. approach, but I’ll definitely look into it.
Go Xalisae! You go girl! hugs…
Go xalisae!!! I always knew you were special and a fighter. Like I told you, God has a plan for your life and you continue to be in my prayers.
Phillymiss, glad to hear about your daughter’s engagement. I pray she will have a strong, beautiful marriage. Blessings to you and your family. I am praying for your son as well.
Is it possible the women are squeezing so hard because they are in such excruciating pain? Think about it, the dentist hits a nerve, you grab the armrests and squeeze.
Maybe this charming lady should stop focusing so much on her own swollen fingers and instead focus on the emotional and physical pain of her patients. It will not be alleviated with hand holding.
Mary,
It was the most excruciating pain I ever felt in my life.
There has to be a real cognitive dissonance to avoid acknowledging the physical & emotional pain the woman is in.
Who holds the baby’s hand while he/she’s tortured and murdered for no reason except that “I don’t want to grow up and accept responsibility for my fornication”?
After the abortion, what is said about preventing pregnancy until the girl or woman is ready to carry to term?
I’ve read that both Norplant and Depo-Provera have over 99% effectiveness. These are pretty good odds.
Of course, like most people who read this website, I prefer platonic friendships and abstinence.
If the “birth control” method used is not a true “contra-ception”, it is also an abortifacient. If the egg is fertilized but is prevented from attaching to the wall of the uterus, it is aborted.