Getting married means something to our kids. They want to see it happen….
We’ve had a family; we’ve raised the kids. I am surprised how much [marriage] meant to me once you had that.
~ Actor Brad Pitt on “the next step,” marriage, to actress Angelina Jolie, as quoted by People magazine, December 10 issue.
Together the couple are parents to six children, ages 4 to 11.
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Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
Kids are smart. :)
You are right Carla. Unfortunately, the reseach show that when you cohabit before marriage the rate of divorce doubles when you do marry. You have already made a statement that you are “commitmentphobic” and skeptical of marriage. Although people think that “shacking up” decreases their odds of divorce the opposite is true. People “shack up” to have an easy out for just in case it doesn’t “work out” and to take that test drive, and although they think they will commit more when they get married they take that mindset with them into marriage. It means less commitment not more. Excellent books by Glenn T. Stanton “The Ring Makes All the Difference” and Why Marriage Matters” documents years of research for DON’T SHACK UP BEFORE MARRIAGE and why married people are happier, healthier, wealthier, live longer, less disease, less depression, less suicide, better sex, have sex more often, and their kids are happier healthier and wealthier
I don’t remember the source for this, i think it was an article that was done on Pitt after hurricane Katrina, but he was saying they didn’t want to get married until it was legal for everyone-ie for gay people. It was weird to me that he was putting such a hurdle before it.
It’s nice though, that after the fact, his kids were the ones helping them realize who the mairraige was really for, in a way, and that the ritual union of the 2 parents makes the kids feel a part of something really unique and special to their childhood experience. It was always about the kids, unions are not unions for their own sake, they are for the betterment of the community at large.
There is something about two people of the same sex shaking up that doesn’t ad-up, so to speak, so I am glad they forewent their one vow in exchange for the other.
Marraige isn’t meant to be the end of some fantasy fairytale romance. It’s reality based, and has a specific duty, which is an openess to pro-creation and then raising kids.
It sounds like I should be asking the kids what it means to them, and I would probably get a much simpler smarter answer.
I’ve never agreed with this “It’s just a piece of paper” attitude. No wonder they consider a marriage to be like getting a diploma. Subconsciously they must be thinking, “Okay, that’s done. Now maybe I can move on to something else”.
Marriages should be “the start of something big”. Not the capstone to a relationship.
My opinion, anyway.
“I’ve never agreed with this “It’s just a piece of paper” attitude.”
I didn’t agree with that attitude until I got divorced!
I hope Brad and Angelina do what’s best for them and their family. :) They seem like nice people and good parents, what little I can tell from tabloids lol.
I’ve never agreed with “it’s just a piece of paper”, either. It’s NOT just a piece of paper…it’s the COMMITMENT it represents. That’s why they don’t want it!
I say, if it’s “just” a piece of paper…then why not get it?
All these celebrities too, that have kids, but aren’t married because they don’t want to make a lifetime commitment…
What the heck do they think CHILDREN are???
It is good to know kids pick up some good ideas from time to time out in the world and that society can place beneficial pressure on people still.
“ All these celebrities too, that have kids, but aren’t married because they don’t want to make a lifetime commitment…
What the heck do they think CHILDREN are???”
Well, you are making a lifetime commitment when you have a child, it doesn’t mean that you have to make a lifetime commitment to their mother or father (besides having to communicate with each other for the child’s sake).
But it’s better that way, don’t you think? Even grown children are upset if their parents split. Continuity and security are deeply felt needs all our lives.
Sure it’s not possible in all cases, but I think it’s got to be the goal we shoot for. For the childrens’ sake and ours.
Even though I am divorced I still believe in marriage. My daughter is getting married to a wonderful young man and though I am thrilled for her it makes me a little sad because I realize that she is no longer my baby girl and also that I am getting OLD!
Given how their previous marriages turned out, what would be the point. You are either committed or you aren’t. A piece of paper makes no difference.
“Even grown children are upset if their parents split” – not always, Some think its more a case of ‘about time’.
I love my parents a lot. That’s why I still hope that maybe one of these days, they’ll split. I think they’d both be much happier. I grew up every day of my life praying (back when I still used to pray) that they’d get a divorce.
No, Reality you are wrong marriage makes a GREAT difference, you may never acknowledge it, but years of research backs it up. If you really want to find out read “The Ring Makes All the Difference” by Glenn Stanton with extensive works cited to back up his conclusions. If you really don’t want to know, that’s up to you.
My generation started this “free love” crap with their so-called “sexual revolution”. How many of you know it was NOT “love” and it definitely was NOT “free”? It has cost us everything, our children, our communities and our nation. Promiscuous premarital sex, out of wedlock births nationally at 41% and climbing, abortion on demand (over 50 million dead mutilated babies and counting), STDs at epidemic proportions (over 52,000 new cases every day in the U.S), so called “no-fault divorce” (whoever made up that pack of lies should be hung) and more dysfunctional, unstable families. And they call it “sexual freedom” and gaining “women’s reproductive rights”?
A book by Glenn Stanton, on marriage, gee that won’t be biased, much. Sorry, I usually only read non-fiction books.
“It has cost us everything, our children, our communities and our nation” – you don’t think you’re over-egging the pudding just a little bit?