Can men who wanted abortions become good fathers?
Olympic skier Bode Miller is embroiled in a bitter fight with ex-girlfriend Sara McKenna over the custody of their month-old son, and things are getting ugly. McKenna is telling the world that the gold medalist once pushed her to have an abortion. It’s one of the reasons she says the new papa shouldn’t get custody … one of the silliest reasons, that is.
Sure, abortion is a touchy subject. But you know that babies change people, right? It happens all. The. Time.
~ Jeanne Sager suggesting that it is possible for men who originally wanted to have their children aborted (like Miller, pictured) to become good fathers, The Stir, March 7

This is a tough one for me.
Just months before a man tries to force/coerce a woman to kill their child and now wants to man up? I also wonder about family members(grandparents, aunts etc)that try so hard to convince women to abort.
But of course a baby doesn’t become a baby until that magical trip down the birth canal.
This author’s attitude (shared with some of the commenters) that pushing to have your kid killed is somehow not a big deal is disturbing. Apparently the birth canal not only holds the magical power to turn children into “actual people”, but also can turn abusive loser scumbags into “good dads”.
Sorry. Not buyin’ it. Been there, done that, got the two kids/crappy 7-year marriage/divorce.
The author is creepy indeed. However, we can’t know for sure that he really pressured her to have an abortion. If he admits it, then of course he is scum. But these days if she says she is pregnant and he asks her what she is planning to do, some could twist that into sounding worse than it is. Given that even a married man has no legal rights to protect his child until that child is born, it is pretty hard to do much. Also, it could be that both of these folks are jerks.
Well some mothers who wanted abortions ended up falling in love with their children. This could have happened here as well.
But he wants 100% custody? Nope. 50/50..
If they only become babies after that magical trip down the vagina then what about c section babies ??
I think it’s unfair to assume that just because he initially wanted his baby be aborted that his mind and heart won’t change after seeing him/her.
I am not excusing him of wanting an abortion. However, men are wired differently. They have to “bond” with their child to feel that connection. Where as the pregnant mother has the hormones working for her while her baby is still in utero.
Saying that he can’t change his mind is saying pregnant mothers who initially wanted an abortion can’t change their mind after seeing an ultrasound. Sometimes, you need to see it. It goes both ways. Humans are visual people by nature.
Unfortunately, for some folks, its too late.
It’s a big deal for either a mom or a dad to have considered aborting their baby.
Not sure about the specifics of this case, but 100% custody sure seems weird to me.
I do know this- we prolifers need to be consistent and fair. After a woman has changed her mind she’s brave but when a man changes his mind he’s scum?
Force/Coercion upon a woman by a man to abort their child?
I consider it abusive.
I thought No meant No??
Center Against Forced Abortion
http://thejusticefoundation.org/cafa/
He is changing his mind AFTER THE FACT. If he did indeed try to force/coerce this mother to abort. The baby that he wanted dead is alive.
Meh, it’s a custody battle. It wouldn’t surprise me if she was lying, it wouldn’t be the first time people lied to make themselves look better for custody and their ex look worse. But even if he did ask her to have an abortion in the pregnancy, Mary Ann put it well:
“I do know this- we prolifers need to be consistent and fair. After a woman has changed her mind she’s brave but when a man changes his mind he’s scum?”
We can’t really have all the compassion in the world for women and support them changing their minds about their babies, and then turn around and claim if a guy didn’t want the baby at some point he’s obviously abusive and evil forevah.
Totally disagree with you Jack and Mary Ann.
Apples and oranges.
It is perfectly legal for a woman to abort. It is fine if she changes her mind.
A man cannot legally force/coerce a woman to abort her child.
See the difference??
Maybe she is lying. Is that the issue??
“It is perfectly legal for a woman to abort. It is fine if she changes her mind.
A man cannot legally force/coerce a woman to abort her child.
See the difference??”
Since when has the law been the standard for morality?
Yeah, she could be lying. My ex threatened to claim I was abusing her and the kids if I fought her for custody, it isn’t beyond the realm of possibility that someone is lying in a nasty custody dispute. But if she is telling the truth, I don’t see how it is completely impossible that he has changed his mind and cares about his kid and regrets what we did. And we don’t know how he pushed her, if there was coercion that’s a red flag, if he just freaked out and thought he wasn’t ready and asked her to have an abortion at one point that’s a different thing.
*he did. I can’t type today.
That same crossed my mind also Jack. Charlie Sheen wanted Denise Richards to abort their baby..Denise refused. Not saying Sheen is dad of the year but he is still a part of his 2 daughters lives. He is also the father of countless dead children.
Lol Heather, I don’t think Sheen is a good example for literally anything, except for maybe that drugs are bad.
Sheen wanted boys n when he found out Denise was having a girl he told her…have an abortion. Then when Brooke Mueller had twin boys he beat her up too???
Agree Jack..he just came to my mind. Sex selection abortion anyone??
That’s why in a prior post i recommended Sheen get a vasectomy. He’s not marriage material and it seems to trip his trigger impregnating women and sending to the abortion clinics
I’m going to disagree with you again, Jack. But this is personal, I’m afraid. You know more about it than most anyone here. *hugs*
“I’m going to disagree with you again, Jack. But this is personal, I’m afraid. You know more about it than most anyone here. *hugs*”
*hugs* Yeah I know why you believe why you do. I just see that there’s another side because of my experiences.
I am now six thousand times more relieved that my ex changed her mind about fighting for custody, it seems I would have fought the uphill battle of the century and probably still lost.
I feel sorry for the baby.
From my experience alone:
The man who coerced me to abort is a terrible father. During our marriage, he would say things like, “This isn’t the life I wanted.” He has used the kids as pawns and after the courts agreed to give him half-custody, he basically dropped out of their lives.
Now when someone shows me their true colors, I believe them.
So all women who want to abort their babies (with no coercion) at any point are automatically bad mothers, right?
Of course they aren’t. And neither is every single dude who might not have wanted to be a father a terrible father.
JDC.
I am not speaking of morality here. Abortion is legal through all 9 months of pregnancy. That is truth. It is illegal for ANYONE to force a woman to abort against her will. That is truth.
This is just another fallout of what 40 years of legalized abortion can do.
Mothers DO regret even considering abortion. I have met quite a few and they confess to me they were there at the mill and changed their minds. Happens everyday.
I have no idea if men become crappy or amazing fathers after trying to force or coerce their wives/girlfriends to abort. Do they feel bad? Do they regret doing it? Do they ask for forgiveness? Do they see how very wrong it was? Do they along with other family members ask themselves “Why in the world did I want this beautiful child aborted?”
Or does the cognitive dissonance kick in?
Just thinking…….
I am sorry for those that have personal experience with this.
Breaks my heart for you.
Might not have wanted to be a father(too late for that)
vs
force/coercion are two very different things.
“I have no idea if men become crappy or amazing fathers after trying to force or coerce their wives/girlfriends to abort. Do they feel bad? Do they regret doing it? Do they ask for forgiveness? Do they see how very wrong it was? Do they along with other family members ask themselves “Why in the world did I want this beautiful child aborted?” ”
I’m sure that some do heartily regret it and feel a lot of guilt for it. You must have talked to post-abortive fathers with your post-abortive work. Weren’t a lot of them on board with the abortion at first and realized the damage after the fact?
Like you said, there is a difference between forcing and coercing or asking if she would have an abortion/not wanting a baby. A man who tries to drag his girlfriend to an abortion facility, or threatens to hurt her or himself if she doesn’t abort, he obviously has some terrible issues and she and the baby need to be protected from him, even if he has a supposed change of heart. If I were the judge I would worry for the woman and baby’s safety and probably order supervised visitation. A guy that told his gf he wasn’t ready and asked her to abort? That’s a different thing, and probably not too incredibly uncommon in this culture where abortion is seen as the go-to step if you aren’t ready to parent. I don’t see much of a difference between the second type of guy and a woman who freaks out when she finds out she’s pregnant and calls Planned Parenthood.
And I am uncomfortable with everyone taking allegations made in custody agreements as the golden truth when it’s pretty common for people to drag each other through the mud in disputes like this. If she has text messages, a letter, a witness, etc, then I would definitely have a different view, but I don’t know if she does.
But he wants 100% custody? Nope. 50/50..
I don’t know. He is married, and she is not. Statistically, the child is better off with her biological father and stepmom, than with a single mom. Don’t know if that would be true in this case, but plenty of moms who cheat and get pregnant get to keep their babies with 100% custody because men are not even allowed to sue for paternity in many states.
In this case, neither of them are the good or innocent party. Both are cheaters. So, if I were judge/jury I wouldn’t favor her over him. I would at least consider his interest in having full custody. I certainly wouldn’t think there is any reason that she would be any better than the child living with a dad and his wife instead of a the mother. What evidence is there that he even tried to get her to abort? It would be hard to believe either of them on anything given that they are both cheaters.
” I don’t know. He is married, and she is not. Statistically, the child is better off with her biological father and stepmom, than with a single mom. Don’t know if that would be true in this case, but plenty of moms who cheat and get pregnant get to keep their babies with 100% custody because men are not even allowed to sue for paternity in many states.”
Not actually, kids taken from their biological moms (or dads, if the father is the main caretaker) suffer issues from losing that support, even if they are only infants when it happens. That bonding is pretty powerful in a lot of cases. That needs to be taken into account. She also alleges that he is using drugs, which needs to be considered (random drug testing throughout the trial, if she has witnesses that have seen him using that would help her case). It’s obviously going to be a nasty battle.
So many men do tell their women to “take care of it” that I don’t find the mother difficult to believe. If abortion advocates want this to be just another routine part of women’s ‘reproductive justice’ then asking for an abortion SHOULD affect a later custody dispute.
And 50 50? It is sad to me that children have to shuttle between homes with their belongings in a backpack, always forgetting an article of clothing or favorite toy, never having a room that’s yours, always having to leave it and go somewhere else. It sickens me, in fact. I think it’s too bad that adults aren’t the ones who should have to shuttle from place to place while the kids get to stay in one place. Leave the child with the mother who loves him (or her) and let the unfaithful father inconvenience himself several times a month.
So, should the mother’s who murder their unborn children in the womb be allowed to keep the babies they have subsequently? or, in the form of the above question – “Can mothers who have had abortions become good mothers?” I think we all know the answer. That he wanted her to have an abortion shouldn’t even be considered in the custody dispute, unless he has indicated that he still has murderous intentions toward the child.
Q: Can men who wanted abortions become good fathers?
A: Yes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4foXehDmWs
But it’s far more likely that they won’t.
1) This is another example of children being a commodity to purchase when wanted, discard when unwanted — and fought over, when a couple of angry parents want to hurt each other.
2) We pray constantly for conversion of hearts and healing for those wounded by abortion. We should not be surprised when this prayer gets answered.
I don’t know any details about this couple. I don’t know if either parent is fit or both parents are unfit. I just hope that the trial judge treats the child as a human, deserving of great love and care, and not as just another piece of communal property.
He’s changed? Horse puckey. Can we say controller? He “pushed” her how? Threats? intimidation? Harassment? More likely he wants custody of the baby to get even, she didn’t do as commanded, she defied him, and now she’ll pay the price. I recognize these narcissists a mile away. Ex football player Ray Carruth is an example of one such controller who went so far as to kill the pregnant mother of his child when she defied him by deciding to carry the baby to term.
Sorry but that is what I see here and I wish this woman every success in maintaining custody of the baby, for his sake more than any other.
Hi Mary ..yes i remember that story of Curruth. I guess i can agree with you as well as the others too. I can indeed look at both sides. I know you and I have discussed the movie Fatal Attraction. Remember when Alex told Dan she was pregnant? He softened for a minute and offered to pay for an abortion. She didn’t want one so he said No no you’re not having the baby. When she said indeed she would he replied That’s your decision honey it has nothing to do with me. Case in point…people should always think about pregnancy before sex.
I remember Hollywood playboy Charlie Sheen not even wanting to attend the birth of his second daughter because she was a she but he trotted around proudly when new wife Brooke Mueller was pregnant with twin boys. It was apparent he didn’t care if he had girls or boys. Sad but i think the man preferred abortion. Both wives were mistreated and divorced him.
I given this some thought on and off throughout the day, and I think, ultimately, that yes, men who initially are abortion-minded can become good parents later on. Women who are initially abortion-minded become good mothers.
My emotional, initial, gut reaction was no absolutely not, the scumbag should be totally banned from contact with this child. But as I considered it that really is unfair and–Jack, this bit is for you–kind of misandrist. So I would, in a personal situation, have a lot more trouble giving a man who had done something like this a fair chance to prove he had changed.
The difference between women changing their minds and men changing their minds is that the women actively decided not to abort, so ultimately the women did not want to abort, even if it was a thought or plan for a while. The same cannot be said of the men obviously, though I am absolutely sure that some men know how wrong they were once they see that beautiful baby.
“So many men do tell their women to “take care of it” that I don’t find the mother difficult to believe. ”
I agree. I mean, the guy was cheating on his wife. I would be shocked if he wanted this child to come out alive. I also read he is suing another woman he had a child with for custody. Maybe he should learn to act like an adult and keep his pants on. I will never understand why women choose to sleep with losers like this.
Oh sm i didn’t see that he was married. I can’t explain it either. some women will bed down with these men and get pregnant on purpose in order to get paid or keep the man. Like Rayel Hunter and that guy in politics …their names escape me and I’m sure I’ve misspelled her name. It usually means a big pay day.
I was reading about post abotive mother Rita Moreno and how Marlon Brando pressured and pestered her into an abortion until she finally caved. I felt so bad for her. She did NOT want that abortion!
Robert Blake wanted Bonnie Lee Bakley to have an abortion. Although shed had a prior abortion she refused. Sad how society has turned so violent over this issue.
A man has right to make a woman have an abortion. A woman does not have ANY RIGHT to force someone to be a father with the life time commitment of time and money entailed. A woman that does not respect her husbands wish not to have a child is not a good wife (nor potential mother). To proceed with the pregnancy proves such a woman does not have the common sense required to be a good parent. Nor does she value the family.
The unwanted offspring of such a union usually end up getting pregnant in their teens. Then the parents again would be faced with the question of abortion. Girls get pregnant out of rebellion at their parents. They want to be the boss. They want to be the parent so they can tell their parents what to do. Now instead of a normal 2 parent family, there are 3 parents in the family. And the parents of the immature teen have to do her bidding in regard to rearing her child?? That’s crazy. The real parents have a right to make her have an abortion.
Abortion is legal, and all your weaseling around to try to find as many ways as possible to make it illegal won’t work with the majority of people.
A good wife who doesn’t respect her husband’s choice not to have a child is not a bad wife. She’s a strong woman and a husband choosing abortion for his wife is a coward!!
Abortion is legal…yeah we’ve have millions of dead babies to prove that! That’s why we have so many broken homes because women men and children are being discarded.
Does a man who wanted his child killed use a condom or get a vasectomy? Nah didn’t think so. Hey lady that’s your job ..get to the clinic. and you say pregnant women are submissive hah!
“A man has right to make a woman have an abortion. A woman does not have ANY RIGHT to force someone to be a father with the life time commitment of time and money entailed. A woman that does not respect her husbands wish not to have a child is not a good wife (nor potential mother). To proceed with the pregnancy proves such a woman does not have the common sense required to be a good parent. Nor does she value the family.”
Eh, so much for pro-choice I guess. I think you are trolling because I have honestly never actually heard someone say something like this honestly. If they are arguing for father’s rights in regards to abortion they go off on that “financial abortion” nonsense.
” The unwanted offspring of such a union usually end up getting pregnant in their teens. Then the parents again would be faced with the question of abortion. Girls get pregnant out of rebellion at their parents. They want to be the boss. They want to be the parent so they can tell their parents what to do. Now instead of a normal 2 parent family, there are 3 parents in the family. And the parents of the immature teen have to do her bidding in regard to rearing her child?? That’s crazy. The real parents have a right to make her have an abortion. ”
Again, so much for pro-choice. I suppose body autonomy means absolutely nothing to you when there are undesirables for you to get rid of.
Abortion is legal, but, unfortunately for vaguely eugenic-thinking people like you it’s illegal for anyone to be required to have one.
” My emotional, initial, gut reaction was no absolutely not, the scumbag should be totally banned from contact with this child. But as I considered it that really is unfair and–Jack, this bit is for you–kind of misandrist. So I would, in a personal situation, have a lot more trouble giving a man who had done something like this a fair chance to prove he had changed.”
Lol well that’s all I can ask, is that people give things like this a second thought. I used to be a genuinely bad person, people don’t seem to understand that. I didn’t have much of a conscience about doing bad things. But I changed, people can change. It seems like people sometimes are really quick to assume that because a man has done something bad at one point that he’s always going to be a d-bag, but the same people will accept that women can change for the better. I notice it with the kids at the youth shelter. People treat the girls like victims, that they wouldn’t be doing the stuff that they are doing if someone hadn’t hurt them (that’s usually pretty true), but the same people will call the boys punks and act like they will never get any better (even though they pretty much have the exact same childhoods and abuse histories that the girls do). It’s just a weird double standard. Pro-lifers have an issue with that about women who abort vs the men that want them to abort. Everyone deserves a chance to do better though, not just the women in those situations.
Lol.
I’d rather be a bad wife by bluecloud’s standard than be a killer of my own child.
I’d rather lack common sense in his (her?) opinion than common decency.
I’d rather be seen by them as having no care for “the family” than in reality have no care for the children who make up my family.
I’d rather my ex-husband never contribute a penny of support to our children and never darken our lives with his dysfunctional presence again than “force” him to be a father he never wanted to be.
P.S.
We do not get pregnant all on our own, by the way. “Girls get pregnant out of rebellion at their parents.” HA! Apparently YOUR parents never told you how this whole “human reproduction” thing works, huh?
bluecloud
Sorry. No. You are wrong.
A man cannot force a woman to have an abortion.
It is understood in Roe V Wade that the decision shall be the woman’s and the woman’s alone.
Aren’t you a little ray of sunshine though?? :)
All parents are this and all children will turn out this way and blah blah blah
bluecloud/Magma/Josey/stan/TMBT/thusell,
Pick a name and stick with it.
Or you will be deleted.
“bluecloud/Magma/Josey/stan/TMBT/thusell”
Wow, somehow I just KNEW bluecloud and magma were the same person. Didn’t know about the rest though.
Can unwilling parents turn in to good parents? Sure. But asking for an abortion SHOULD be a factor in a custody dispute, just like earning power is a factor, stability, sobriety, etc. In order for a judge to decide how custody should best be arranged, he or she needs to factor in ALL of the elements that affect a child’s life.
Interesting troll’s theory: prevent teen pregnancy by aborting children before they can grow up to be teens. 0_o ! Hey, maybe Michelle Obama can prevent childhood obesity by killing children too. Gosh, we can create a utopia if only we could kill enough people!! *Whew, sarcasm really takes it out of me…*
By that same rationale, we could prevent elder abuse by killing everyone under the age of 70. We could prevent high school drop-out rates by killing all high school students. And hey, I can prevent all bad habits, crimes, and character flaws simply by killing…everyone!
It seems like people sometimes are really quick to assume that because a man has done something bad at one point that he’s always going to be a d-bag, but the same people will accept that women can change for the better.
This was the thought that changed my mind. I feel like that is a symptom of a deeper root attitude, but I can’t put my finger on it right at the second. But yes, you’re right, my emotional reaction is unfair. I can admit it. But I wanted to tell you so because, I wanted you to know that you’ve made me re-examine my responses. You aren’t just talking to the air. ;) And identifying a problem is the first step to solving it. So…I suppose I have work to do.
Folks,
If a man who wanted the baby aborted can’t change and become a good father, then what of women who actually had their babies aborted?
Of course these men can change and become good dads, just as my post-abortive women friends are terrific mothers. Women don’t have a monopoly on God’s redemptive grace.
Hey ninek..lol..yeah it reminds me of a guy id had a conversation with about a year ago. He said he was pro life but he left in a huff so I doubt it. Somehow we got on the conversation of abortion. He said had Charles Mansons mother aborted him then the 1969 Manson muders would never have happened. I shot back Well what if we’ve aborted the cure for cancer. He wanted to harp on Manson and Bundy….yes lets abort on a what if! Duh!
Gerard..agree! I know some terrific men who are excellent dads. It would be like saying that some women who have had abortions would make terrible mothers. Many of the post abortive women I know regretted a past abortion(s) and did become great mothers. I also do sidewalk counseling with a post abortive dad who still weeps over a baby he paid to have aborted in the 70s. Maturity and wisdom changes people .
Ernie married my former boss..an RN and he will tell you…I paid to have my child murdered. I gave her the money and we agreed it was for the best at that time. Hes a changed man and a far cry from a dirt bag. Hes also a grandfather now.