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Jack Yoest tweeted a link to this photo a couple days go, and it has stayed with me. Upon viewing it mamlovescoffee tweeted, “That has to be one of the saddest, loneliest images of all time.”
I agree.
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Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.
I sense an unspoken implication that promiscuous sex is somehow less harmful or exploitative of men. Men may be the pursuers, but people often pursue things that are harmful to them.
Unless the woman in the photo was raped by dozens of men, her own choices led to her dissatisfaction, not “exploitation” by societal forces.
I think the exploitation comes in with regards to the sheer implication of the picture. Each women is obviously viewed as a conquest. Regardless, society gave a name to the sexual revolution; individuals face the exploitation on a personal level. Each one of those woman are real life human people.. And her choice was made bc of what she thought was “liberated.” :/ sad
The sexual revolution, then and now, has made it ideal to be promiscuous and makes women feel like they are nothing if they aren’t. Yes, it was her choice to be this way, but it was not her choice to be made to feel that she had to be that way in order to be “loved”. While she may not have been physically raped by these men that are on those walls, she has been psychologically and emotionally. My prayers are offered today that both men and women of a promiscuous lifestyle may have the strength and support they need to turn away. To making sexual relations a sacred and holy bond that it was made to be.
Thank you for posting this, Jill. I hope, like a lot of things that you post, provokes thoughts and civil dialoug.
Anyone know who the photographer is? This is a really moving concept and I’d love to see the rest of his/her work, but tracing the photo back, all I get is Tumblr and more Tumblr.
This might be a picture of a dorm room at Georgetown.
Kerry, yes, her own choices did lead to that. But the lies of the culture told her that those choices would be consequence free, that sex is no big deal, and that all those men and their used condoms would bring her fulfillment.
This picture bares the lie. For all the good feelings she may have had in the moment, those men are gone. She has been left alone. We shouldn’t judge her promiscuity, but ache that she wasn’t shown the truth sooner, that she is a causality of the lies of the Father of Lies.
Unless the woman in the photo was raped by dozens of men, her own choices led to her dissatisfaction, not “exploitation” by societal forces.
Kerry – exploit: to use for one’s own advantage.
Let’s have compassion on these people. It’s so easy as Christians to judge those who don’t know better. (I’m guilty of this myself). But really, who is to say we wouldn’t be there if not for His saving grace? Why don’t we, instead of casting our stones and saying, “Well, she chose that path!” extend a forgiving hand to her and point her to the Author of Love?
To me, this picture is convicting. I want to go reach out to those who don’t know what love is, and show it to them. Many, many souls end up here because they are seeking for something that they won’t be able to find outside of Him.
A picture is worth a thousand words. It was in the early 1960’s that “THE PILL” prescribed by medical doctors was expected to be the “Be all, to end all” to prevent unwanted pregnancies. What a joke.!!!!! Handed out like candy on college campuses. SICK!!! I have this theory, that if Roe versus Wade was overturned and the children in the womb were given their equal civil rights and fathers identified through DNA testing that the sexual revolution would be quickly reversed. Then and only then will sex become sacred again. Perhaps then and only then will we regain some sanity in the United States of America.
The sexual revolution, then and now, has made it ideal to be promiscuous and makes women feel like they are nothing if they aren’t.
Agreed. I could never understand the fuss over “Sex and the City.” I didnt think those promiscuous women and their equally promiscuous partners were interesting, admirable, or even very entertaining. If people want to act that way, well, that’s their perogative, but I don’t find that behavior something I want to emulate.
On another note, please pray for my son Isaiah. He was in a motorcycle accident and really messed up his knee. He has a brace, crutches, and has to have surgery. I told him he shouldnt take such risks now that he has a son, but of course he doesn’t listen.
Look closely at the photo above. In every instance, the woman in the image (presumably sexually active) has taken a picture of the man with whom she has had intercourse. In some instances, the man is even asleep. And, there is the obvious fact of the condom hung beneath image (to represent her conquests?) She was obviously aware of consequences and in control of these situations. Is she regretful? Is that implied in the image? Perhaps she is reminiscing about what an awesome summer she had? She was certainly not a rape victim, although we can’t be certain the same can be said for the males in the photographs. The overall picture is not self evident either. We don’t know that the women in the picture is the same women who had sex with these men. (Neither do we know the age of this person -she could be a minor or an adult sexual abuser?) This could be a sister grieving for her sister who is living a dangerous lifestyle of debauchery. It could of course be entirely staged (which is entirely possible and probably likely). To suggest that this image is by default some documentation of the sexual exploitation of women generated by the sexual revolution is rather thoughtless, careless and reactionary. Pro-lifers would do well not to automatically pick this image up and use it as some kind of pro-life banner.
I have 4 daughters.
That photo is my worst nightmare….
Brian, don’t you have a final to study for?
Actually I’m 39 years old. No finals for me.
Brian, I’m pretty sure this is intended as art. IE it’s a representation of a point the photograph is trying to make.
We are not suggesting “by default” that it’s “some documentation” of exploitation. We are looking at a piece of art and saying, wow, this is what this could represent.
You seem quite literal and narrow in your interpretation of art. Don’t you realize that humans bring their own thoughts and backgrounds when encountering art forms (whether it is literature, photography, painting, sculpture, etc.)? Truly great art will speak in different ways to different people.
Oh my heart.
All I see is the loneliness, the emptiness. The brokenness of a woman who bought the lies of her culture.
I see me.
And P.S., Brian, we’re not using the picture as a banner. This blog is about examining life-related trends in the culture. So we are discussing this picture. Is that so wrong? Isn’t discussion what enlightens and enlivens our lives?
Yeah, maybe this picture does mean something else. But don’t criticize us for taking a different interpretation. :)
I love you, Carla. *hug*
I love you too, LB.
Actually, I didn’t interpret or view the image as art at all. I find nothing artistic about it. In fact, it looks more like propaganda of some kind for a rather obscure viewpoint. If a clear message was intended by an artist, the artist clearly failed in that regard. I do see some good old fashioned man hating going on here though. The image is of one women in a room full of images of men she has had sex with and people conclude that she is “exploited”. If the image were of a man in a room full of images of women he had had sex with, would people say that he were exploited? I doubt they would. Until we get over these victim complexes and aimless claims that this person or that person is exploited and make people accountable for their own choices, abortion and the prevalence of premarital sex and the breakup of the family are only going to continue. Children can be exploited. Adults are only exploited if they choose to be.
If a clear message was intended by an artist, the artist clearly failed in that regard.
Who says that a clear message was intended by this artist? That’s a big “if.” Should works of art which don’t portray a clear message just not be talked about? Because that’s all people are doing here.
Is the Mona Lisa smiling? If so, what about? Is that work meant to be clear? If not, is it meant to never be debated or discussed?
I did not say that a clear message was a requirement for art. I simply stated that if a clear message was intended for this particular image, the artist failed.
Brian, what is your definition of art, then?
And wow, propaganda? That’s an interesting thought – do you even know who took this photograph? Who posted it on the internet? What the intention was?
And yes, if the genders were reversed, I would still say that the man is exploited by the very same means that this woman is exploited – the culture, not the people they had sex with. In all likelihood, all those encounters were consensual, fun. What I’m taking from this picture is the emptiness that comes from the aftermath from those encounters. It *is* showing the consequence (or, one of the myriad consequences) of multiple sexual partners – loneliness, heartache. This picture, to me, calls out for people to be warned that there is a lie in this culture that multiple partners is fine, thrilling, desirable. It’s not. It’ll leave you lonely more often than not. It’ll leave with regret and disease.
We aren’t saying the woman is a victim, per say. Rather, that it is a sad hallmark of what the culture is advocating. Because, Brian, the truth is, that lie is pushed so so hard on young people, men and women alike. We are told that the more partners we have, the better off we’ll be. We need to explore our sexuality, we need to have fun and crazy awesome casual sex with all the hottt people out there! Life is fun when you’re young! there are no consequences. The more sex you have, the more fulfilled you will become. Not fulfilled? have more sex! That’s what we’re told, not only by TV shows, movies, advertisements, music, but also friends, and sadly, even family. For men, the manliness is asserted when they conquer multiple partners. For women, they are asserting their “rights” by seducing men.
Each one of those men in those photographs probably have an their own empty bed surrounded by the pictures of girls whom they’ve shared that most intimate human contact with…. but are now gone. And they are probably equally alone as this girl here.
Brian, I’m curious, are you a Christian?
Ok, so I am going to say something very controversial. I know, surprise.
Men and women are really different when it comes to sex, and they often (notice I did not say ALways) have sex for different reasons.
Casual sex and multiple partners for a woman will always be a lose-lose arrangement. This is what this picture perfectly encapsulates.
I am 39 years old, I am a confirmed Catholic, have never been married and have not had sex with a woman. No, I don’t know who took the picture although I have tried to find out. It’s my own pinion that the exact nature and context of this image should have been determined before it was published on such a public page. So while this might be art, this might also not be art. It could in fact be some kind of self portrait founded in a person’s real experience. I find that possibility disturbing. Being an artist, photographer and poet myself, I think that I have a little to say about what I think is art or is or is not effective. I am well aware of the problems we have as a sexualized and pornographic society and the messages that are conveyed to young and old alike. While the kids are looking now at sexy ads telling them to just do it, we also have to contend with the prescription med companies telling older people they are not too old to do it. It’s all quite disgusting actually.
Okay, I was just wondering who I was talking to and where you’re coming from. :)
I’m 22, married, and redeemed by the Blood of the Lamb, and daily trying to follow my Shepherd and Lord. :)
Absolutely! If it is not intended as art, this picture is disturbing. But that doesn’t preclude it from being discussed. And are you saying that we shouldn’t discuss a picture if don’t know exactly where it came from? Because, it’s out there. Someone (you?) mentioned it went back to tumblr after tumblr. So evidently, more than one person has found this photograph worthy of discussion and sharing, for some reason or another. I just don’t see why you’re so against discussing this photo. You do bring up interesting points.
What if it’s not staged? What are the implications? Either way, staged or spontaneous, the picture certainly renders much discussion, don’t you think? ;)
Oh that’s awesome! I’m a novelist, writer, artist, and consumer of the arts as well. most of my friends are photographers, but I just never got the knack for it. Haha
Kelsey, I traced the photo back, but it linked to two sites filled with porn, which is why I didn’t post attribution.
I am not against discussing the image, just opposed to making iron clad conclusions about it.
http://brianfrancishudon.blogspot.com/ Here is my poetry site, if I may be permitted some shameless self promotion.
Who made ironclad conclusions about it?
Also I’m curious about your comment: “I sense a lot of old fashioned man-hating going on.” Man-hating here or in the picture?
Cause most of us here love men. ;)
Kelsey, I traced the photo back, but it linked to two sites filled with porn, which is why I didn’t post attribution.
Oh. Well, that’s unfortunate. You think a maybe pornographer took this picture, then? That would indicate that the artist either has a lot of self-awareness, or zero…
About man hating, I just perceive that when we necessarily conclude that the women is the one being exploited, or at least the only sex being exploited. Look to what is expected of men in our society. The image of men as these strong, muscular, sexually dominant persons who naturally attract females for sexual conquest. It’s unrealistic and it’s dangerous. I personally am of the opinion that men are natural protectors of women and woman’s virtues and should naturally be leaders in example of virtues. The man can always say no. The fight against abortion for one, is a man’s fight. A man can say no to abortion in many ways. I have posted the following on my Facebook page from time to time: “Men can stop abortion. Men can stop abortion by loving women authentically and waiting until marriage before sharing that most beautiful act of procreative love. Men can stop abortion by welcoming and celebrating new life in the womb of the woman they love. Premarital abstinence and authentic procreative human love, always open to the gift of human life -are powerful weapons against abortion.”
I state it and I believe it. I live it in every way I can.
I, for one, love men. I have loved too many men. That’s why I get this picture so well.
I admit… A tear rolled down my cheek as my eyes searched this picture. That WAS me. I have been in that lonely corner. The irony is that the room is in my mind, and I have it locked. I go there from time to time. I thought that having all these “hook ups” would make me feel beautiful and loved. Now it only disgusts me. I know there is no condemnation for me
Absolutely brilliant. This is the kind of simple, but unforgettable commentary on the culture that makes a clear, unambiguous statement about the real consequences of the sexual revolution.
I counted 138 photos (3 rows of 40 + 18 photos)
I’m guessing it’s roughly 40 partners per year…not unusual in the 1980s.
If each of her partners had 138 other partners…and each of those had 138 other partners… that would be…
138 ^ 3 = 2,628,072 lonely people.
The actual epidemiology is a curve, but still a shocking, thought provoking commentary.
Hm. Those are all good points and I agree with you. Men do need to stand up and love women authentically and defend their virtues (I was blessed to find one such male). The culture absolutely degrades men as well as women. How many times have men been portrayed as mindless sexual machines that, as soon as some female skin is shown, lost control over their own bodies? That’s a lie. And the church actually perpetuates that lie. Men and boys need to be taught that their desires can be controlled and should be controlled, that they are not a slave to their sexual desire. (and for a few women, sexuality and sexual desire can be a struggle as well).
But there are two sides to this coin. Women often go behind their men’s backs and ignore their men’s “no” to abortion. Sin affects both genders. Women can become exploitative with their seduction and men can become predatory with theirs. It works both ways. Girls learn that they can often control boys with how they dress and act, ignoring the fact that the boys are hurt by being teased and chased. It’s a vicious cycle and while there is man-hating, there is woman-hating as well.
But I support men. I think God designed them to protect, as you say, and to love. And I believe that if that were encouraged in them, they would rise to the occasion. I do not envy men in this world. They are beaten down all the time, even in the church. So many depreciating jokes about how men have to submit to their overbearing wives, how they have no real power, how they’re just big oafs – it must be demoralizing and I get so angry at shows and movies that depict men as stupid and needing to be taken care of by the hot, strong, independent female. So I agree with you and keep on keeping on. :)
Thanks to Brian for sharing his thoughts. As a mother of two wonderful sons your age, I appreciate what you have written.
Cherish,
Amen. There is no condemnation in those who are in Jesus Christ. And we all have SO MUCH that would condemn us. Isn’t that the beauty of grace? :)
PRAYING FOR ISAIAH!!!
Cherish, Courtnay, Carla … me, too. me, too…
My heart breaks when I recognize the damage I did to myself all in the name of being “with it” and carefree.
One miscarriage, one abortion, one physically and emotionally abusive husband … still married … he is out of the house after 26 years.
It does not matter whether this is art or not art. It’s image evokes emotion – .
Praying for all of us who felt we needed to debase ourselves because society said it was good.
Thank God for His Mercy, His Love and HIS GOODNESS!
Hugs to all of us who have been there … HE had/s a better plan for us – God bless
powerful
I don’t understand. Why does she want to remember all these boys?
Kerry Soileau: “I sense an unspoken implication that promiscuous sex is somehow less harmful or exploitative of men.”
What Kerry said. If I had that many empty sexual flings, I’d feel lonely and broken, too. I often feel lonely, of course, but sexual experiences, whether in or out of a romantic relationship, are the the prescription.
phillymiss: “On another note, please pray for my son Isaiah. He was in a motorcycle accident and really messed up his knee. He has a brace, crutches, and has to have surgery.”
Done. Best wishes.
Brian F Hudon: “The man can always say no.”
The man can say “no,” true, but as you’ve pointed out, sometime’s it’s the woman who doesn’t respect that “no” and violates him.
Thank you Lee…
Late teens early 20’s I could walk into a bar and get ANY guy in there. I knew it. I could get online and find men in a chatroom. I could find men in a grocery store, at work, at the bank… I’ve been with dr’s, lawyers, married men. I didn’t know they were married till after the fact… Something gave it away… Dropped their wedding ring as they struggled to put it in their pocket, refused to bring to their house, only called me after 1 or 2 am… Couldn’t see me on weekend… I was seeking their attention, and I got it. But it did not fill the “NEED” I really had.
We men on the board (if I may be so brash as to speak for them all) thank you for loving us! :)
(I’m adding my prayers for Isaiah, as well, Phillymiss!)
Cranky Catholic says:
May 9, 2012 at 9:27 am
This might be a picture of a dorm room at Georgetown.
CC – Thanks. I couldn’t stop laughing. But the picture IS very sad….
Oh my, did you just refer to Cranky Catholic as CC, Kristen?
Praying for Isaiah!!
Thank you to those who know that emptiness, loneliness and brokenness that ultimately led us to the Only One who could heal, forgive and redeem!! Thank you Lord for saving me from myself and my choices that led to darkness.
Phillymiss, your son is in my thoughts.
This picture brings to mind lyrics by Seth Avett in his song “Black, blue”: ”now all my choices are spent, and the men that I’ve known,they don’t know what I meant, and Cupid’s arrow is backwards and bent,when it’s flying for me…”
Oh, fussbudget.
bmmg39: “I often feel lonely, of course, but sexual experiences, whether in or out of a romantic relationship, are not the the prescription.”
Fixed. [sigh]
I should have included the first part of that verse, “I know a woman who said, ‘ oh if I could only just turn back the clock, when I was still scared, and my hair was still dark, and my hands were clean,”. And then the part above. So heartbreaking.
The condoms could be symbolic of the differing methods we employ to shield us from the risks of intimacy with another person, but in the end it is an exercise doomed to fail.
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”
So I am not alone in my observation. The photos on the wall are all images of males.
The condoms combined with the photos were like souvenirs to remind someone of the common denominator of each fruitless encounter.
The bed, is another common denominator. The person sitting on the bed is a female.
The female could be a sex worker who is forced into service.
She could be a wounded soul who is using sex in a vain quest to be loved.
Not sure if it was intended to be art or just social commentary.
You can be a willing participant and still be exploited.
I did not realize condoms came in so many different sizes. [I am latex intolerant so my experience with the ‘midnite trampolines’ is limited.
I understand they come in different colors, and flavors and some even glow in the dark.
I remember see those vending machines in the men’s room at the drive in theatre.
They make great water bombs. I had a lot more fun using them that way than the purpose for which they were intended.
Reminds me of a Ronald Reagan ‘Russian’ joke.
The punch line was something like, ”Ship them only extra large ones, stamp them ’Made in America’ and mark them all ‘Medium’.
Phillymiss I will be praying for your son.
Very sad photo. Sex does not =love. Having sex does not =making love. Sex does not =intimacy (IN-TO-ME-U-SEE). Sex does not =a solution to loneliness, hurts or problems. This young woman settled for a counterfeit, the consequences of promiscuity are devastating emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. “Condoms don’t protect the heart.” God help us,
I’m glad someone brought up that this could be a sex worker. That was my first impression. Women involved in sex trafficking are used as objects and end up thinking they are objects. I really think this is pictorial representation of the emptiness and false liberation (the condoms) of the acceptance of sex trafficking since the sexual revolution. It made us all into whores. But that is only my perspective and that unique personal reaction is the powerful thing about art.
I also thought this might be a picture of a prostitute. Maybe it’s supposed to convey the idea of men being her objects? Like notches on a bed? That it was found on a site connected to porn would make sense.
My impression is one of using people and emptiness all the way around.
There is definately a sad and empty reality within this photo. Having volunteered at a pregnancy center and having counseled young teens I’ve witnessed in conversation and within the eyes of young teens the darkness of regret and lonliness within the walls of this photo, within our society, within the culture of death. Many are raised and surrounded by those who support such and they’re truly lost as to where it all began and how to change a miserable past. Let us continue to be there for those in need, those with regret and with time, prayer and truly caring for each other will positive change take place within our society.
There are valid reasons why women who have been promiscuous are regarded as “exploited” and men similarly active as “exploiters.” The men are essentially tossing seed around. Take a handful of seeds and scatter them. Male sexuality largely operates on a similar principle. The seeds will usually not grow but they will land in some wombs in which they will grow and be nourished.
The female alone risks getting pregnant which is always an intense and often a traumatic experience.
All I see is a lot of assumptions that women should or do not enjoy sex as much as their male counterparts..sorry, that is your religious propaganda speaking for all women and I’m not buying it. To portray women as victims when they had the right of choice, is demeaning to women as a whole and assumes we are less than equal. Grown women should be viewed as an equal partner in relationships and to make us look like victims, reduces us to subjective status…we may as well be children. Low self-esteem knows no gender and I would guess there are many males who, in reality, feel just as bad about having many partners as females. After all, when one looks at the thing objectively, it may mean a failure on your part to be able to keep a lover. This, to me, would be a sad thing for either gender.
For Denise Noe, this assumes that the male has no feeling for his offspring and to me is an offensive way to view the male of our species.
Having been a troubled, promiscuous young woman, that photo made me feel that old familiar shame. It reminded me of tragically alone we all are in a world full of sex and one night stands. It reminds me also why I don’t go to bars anymore. The world seems so empty when you’re sleeping around. I’d been molested and raped as a kid. It took me years to recover from all of that and figure out that my life was empty and meaningless.
But I won’t forget how miserable and suicidal I was. There are a LOT of girls like this out there. It’s depressing.
Melissa, Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It takes women like you with courage to tell your story so that others can learn. I pray for your complete healing of mind and spirit and that you will continue to be a blessing to others.